Forbidden Love - Dedicated to Nana-Kudo
Oneshot Series: Super Junior + M [CLOSED]
Welcome to the second oneshot of my oneshot series (:
I apologise for taking so long (see blog) ~
Please forgive me!
Anyway, this one's dedicated to Nana-Kudo
Thanks for being so friendly! (:
And for talking to me ^^
I hope you enjoy this oneshot ~
Anyway, go and read! ^_^
P.S. It contains a couple of bad words :/
Please forgive me!
The REALLY bad word is censored, so don't worry (:
“Kang Sun Ah.” he said, looking deeply into my eyes. “Are you ready?”
I nodded, unable to speak.
Then, he took my hand, and led me through the door. The tension was almost unbearable, and my stomach was eating away at itself. As I entered the room, I felt 12 different sets of eyes swivel directly to me. Nervous, I looked up at Kibum who gave me a comforting look, and squeezed my hand, reassuring me that everything was going to be just fine.
Kibum coughed audibly before speaking.
“This is my girlfriend, Kang Sun Ah.”
His voice was strong, and proud. Kibum let go of my hand, and wrapped his arm tightly around my waist instead.
“Wow...she’s so pretty.” murmured one of Super Junior, in awe.
I reddened, not used to the compliments.
“I’m Ryeowook by the way.” he said, smiling at me, reaching out to shake my hand.
“Nice to meet you Ryeowook-shi.” I said, smiling back.
“Call me oppa.” Ryeowook said kindly.
Another man stepped forward, introducing himself. I vaguely recognised his face.
“It’s good to meet you at last! Kibum’s been talking non-stop about you. Oh, and I’m Leeteuk.” he said warmly, pulling me into a hug.
Chuckling, I shot a look to Kibum, who flushed.
“What did he say about me?” I said playfully.
“Oh, just about how you’re the most important person in his life, how he loves you so much and so on.” laughed Leeteuk.
“Ah, I see.” I said cheerfully, not bothering to cover up the fact that what Leeteuk had just said had boosted my ego immensely. It felt good to hear you were important in someone’s life, and that they loved you very, very much.
One by one, the rest of Super Junior introduced themselves, and I found that I had trouble memorising all the names. My memory is definitely not my best attribute.
“Wow...someone’s almost as pretty as me. That’s a first.” said yet another man haughtily, with a shocked expression. He was quite feminine in looks.
“I’m Heechul, or Heenim to you. Also known as Cinderella.” he said happily.
I mentally laughed. This Heechul was quite a funny character.
“Nice to meet you Heenim.” I replied, trying to hold in my laughter.
“What? You think I’m funny?” he said, looking offended. “How am I funny? How can the almighty Heenim be funny? Huh?”
“Ya. Stop your whinging Cinderella.” said Kibum, rolling his eyes.
Although each and every member was ridiculously good looking, the last one caught my eye. He was tall, handsome, and well, damn hot.
“Hi. I’m Siwon.” he said, smiling, and extending his hand so I could shake it. I tried to make my heart to stop accelerating, but my heart just wouldn’t listen to me.
I’m in a relationship, damn it. Why don’t you just return to your normal pace...and everything will be good. Got that, heart?
“Nice to meet you, Siwon-shi.” I said, smiling back.
I was extremely grateful that all of Super Junior had welcomed me ever so graciously. I had been afraid that they would hate me for stealing their Kibum.
Kibum was relieved too, smiling greatly at me.
“Well, why don’t we all go for a welcoming dinner?” suggested Leeteuk.
“Yeah...then you guys can get to know Sun Ah better.” Kibum said, looking lovingly at me.
I smiled back, and hugged him. Kibum kissed the top of my head, and chuckled, motioning at me to sit down. Thankfully, Super Junior returned to their rooms, while I retreated to the comfort of Kibum’s strong arms, laughing, and in love.
But, I just couldn’t get Siwon out of my head. I felt guilty though, since Kibum was already my boyfriend...but there was something about Siwon that intrigued me. I don’t know what it was, but I was surely going to find out.
A few weeks passed since I had first met Super Junior, and Kibum had insisted I spend quality time with each person, so I could get to know them better, and vice-versa. Staying at their dorm, I got to experience awesome things. I made dinner for Super Junior with Ryeowook; and he’s a surprisingly good cook. I also tried to learning the steps to the dance of ‘No Other’, but even Eunhyuk’s expert teaching couldn’t cure my two left feet. I even tried out Siwon’s bible group, and it was quite interesting.
Each time I see him, my heart jumps, and then I feel guilty. Why is my heart doing this to me? Why? I was happily in love with Kibum, and then, my heart decided to fall for Siwon.
How pathetic.
I’m going to have to confess at some stage, otherwise, I’ll never be able to live with myself.
But, I don’t know if this is for real. What if it’s just a little crush?
It has to be a little crush; I’ve been in love with Kibum for so long, nothing’s going to come between us. Hopefully.
[Siwon’s POV]
Sun Ah’s perfect for me; she’s beautiful, kind, and glorified in God’s light...But she’s Kibum’s.
I think I’ll just stay quiet until this yearning fades away. I’ve only known her for a few weeks, so that shouldn’t mean anything too serious...right? I sincerely hope so; I wouldn’t want to hurt Kibum like that. I would never want to hurt anyone like that.
I’ve never felt like this; it’s like I physically can’t breathe...even if it’s just thinking about her. I know my heart craves for her, and so, I’ll try my best to fight against this forbidden love.
[Sun Ah’s POV]
Why does he have to be so damn perfect?
Well, doesn’t my life . It’s all fun and games, until Siwon walks in, then, it’s a great big disaster, and everything that I’ve built comes crashing down. Oh what fun!
I figured that if I spent more time around Siwon, then I wouldn’t crave for him too much; like a drug, frequent doses should keep me satisfied.
Sadly, I was wrong.
Apparently, the more frequent the dose, the more obsessed I become. It came to the stage of me literally thinking of him every second of the day, which included having unrealistic dreams of Siwon and I frolicking happily down a yellow meadow...without Kibum.
I can’t do this to Kibum. He doesn’t deserve it; it would kill him.
Kibum noticed.
Every time we pulled together for a kiss, he could feel me hesitating. Every time he told me that he loved me, he could hear me hesitating to answer back. Every time he looked into my eyes, he could see that I was hiding something.
Finally, he could stand it no longer.
“Sun Ah, please answer honestly.” he said, seriously, holding my hands. “What’s wrong?”
I decided to play dumb.
“Eh?” I said innocently. “There’s something wrong?”
“Please don’t lie to me.” he replied, staring deeply into my eyes. “I’ve known you for 10 years, I can tell when you’re lying and when you’re not.”
Nervous, you bit your bottom lip.
What do I say?
“I just don’t want to talk about it.” you replied, with a slightly edgy tone.
And just like that, that topic was never brought up again.
[Kibum’s POV]
“What’s wrong? You seem a little down.” said Leeteuk, with a worried expression, sitting opposite me at the table.
“Oh, it’s nothing...” I said, playing with my breakfast. All the others had finished eating, and had all dispersed according to their schedules.
Yeah right...it’s way more than nothing. I’m worrying my off wondering what’s wrong. And, what makes it worse is that Sun Ah’s not telling me anything.
But Leeteuk didn’t take any of my crap.
“I’m sure it’s more than nothing. You seem really upset.” he said. “Care to let me know?”
At that point, I was tossing up whether I should tell him or not. Begrudgingly, I did.
“Sun Ah’s been acting really weird recently.” I said, with a sigh.
“Is that so?” said Leeteuk, with a sad look. “Have you tried talking to her yet?”
“Yup.” I replied, forlorn.
“Ah. What did she say?”
“She said she didn’t want to talk about it.” I replied.
“Well, give it some time. Time helps fix everything.” Leeteuk said, gently.
“I know.” I responded. “But I’m so scared about our relationship. What if it falls apart because of this? We’ve been together for so long, and I wouldn’t be able to bare breaking up with her.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Leeteuk said with a smile. “I’m sure you’ll be able to be strong and survive through all this.”
He stood up, and patted me on the back before heading to his room.
“Thanks hyung.” I said, smiling.
It was always good having a hyung like Leeteuk around. He was especially good at penetrating through false masks of smiles, and his gentle words could comfort everyone. And, he cared for anybody, and everybody.
[Sun Ah’s POV]
I don’t think I can stand this any longer. Keeping this from Kibum is hurting him even more, I can tell. I think I’ll just tell him.
I’ll have to tell him.
“Oppa, we need to talk.” I said.
Although I tried to sound as untroubled and normal as I could, my words still came out extremely intimidating.
Noticeably nervous, Kibum followed me into an empty room. Taking his sweaty hands into mine, I began talking.
Except that talking was not what I was doing. The words just wouldn’t come out of my mouth. Stuck at the base of my tongue, they didn’t seem they wanted to be spoken.
“I-I-I-I-I...” I spluttered.
Kibum looked at me curiously, urging for me to continue.
“I-I-I-I-I-I-I...”
“Take your time.” he said kindly.
I smiled back, regretting what I was about to say.
“I think I love Siwon.” I blurted out.
“What?” he asked, in disbelief.
“I’m sorry, oppa.” I said sincerely. “I really don’t know how it happened. I’m so scared what was going to happen between the two of us. What do I...”
“Don’t worry about it.” he cut me off, forcing a smile.
“What do you mean ‘don’t worry about it’?” I said, distressed. “Don’t you know what this means for both of us?”
“Of course I do.” he said, his voice wavering, as if he was on the verge of tears.
I bit my lips, guilty.
I hated making people upset, especially those who were the closest to me.
“We’ll still be friends...” I assured.
I wasn’t sure who I was assuring; me or him.
Kang Sun Ah: You will definitely still remain strong with Kibum. He’ll just not be yours anymore...he’ll belong to someone else.
I gritted my teeth, and somehow, tears flowed down, one by one.
“Sun Ah, don’t cry.” Kibum said, cradling my face.
“I’m...so...sorry...oppa...”I managed to say between sobs. “It’s...all...my...fault...”
“Hush...” he said, pulling me into a hug, and rubbing my back in comfort.
[Leeteuk’s POV]
When Kibum told me that he and Sun Ah had broken up, I was shocked. They had been together for so long, and as far as I could see, nothing had gotten into their way before. I was even more shocked at the reason: she confessed to having fallen into the deathly traps of Siwon.
I felt bad for him, and seeing him hurt made my heart ache as well. Knowing that your long-term girlfriend had spontaneously fallen in love with another man you call hyung is extremely depressing. Jealousy would have to be dealt with, not to mention a broken heart, especially if you still love her.
Although he looked composed and cheerful on the outside, it was obvious that he was crying in agony on the inside. I admired his courage and resilience; to stand up after such a great fall is an impressive feat.
[Kibum’s POV]
I’ve never felt so much anguish in my life; breaking an arm doesn’t even compare to the pain of a broken heart. Infact, I’d rather break both my arms, than have to experience this. But, I have to be strong.
For Sun Ah, for Super Junior, and for all its fans, I will be strong.
I will.
[Sun Ah’s POV]
For the next few weeks, most of Super Junior had detested me, as if I was an annoying fly that kept buzzing in their faces. They knew how I had hurt Kibum. I knew how I hurt Kibum, and I had to live with that torture. Guilt was always entangled in my emotions; it just wouldn’t let me be happy. I had thought that confessing would help, but it only made everything worse. I felt downtrodden, inferior, and a b****.
Leeteuk seemed to be the only one who understood.
“You do know you hurt Kibum a lot, right?” asked Leeteuk.
“Yes...” I said timidly.
He suddenly hugged me, and without me realising, I began to cry.
I needed to let it all out; I needed to cry my pain out.
“It’ll all work out...maybe you two just weren’t meant to be.” he said.
Hearing that made my tears gush out.
“I know you two have been together for a long time, but maybe it’s time for you to move on; continue your journey to find your true soul mate.”
“B-B-B-B-But...I j-j-j-ust fe-ee-l so guil-t-t-ty.” I sobbed.
“It’s not your fault. You can’t control who you love; your heart does.” Leeteuk comforted.
“THEN WHY DOESN’T MY HEART WORK PROPERLY? WHY DOESN’T IT LOVE WHO I WANT IT TO LOVE? WHY DOESN’T IT LOVE WHO IT’S SUPPOSED TO LOVE?” I wailed pitifully.
"Because it’s not how fate decided it should be." Leeteuk replied gently, wiping away my tears.
Kibum didn’t talk to me for quite a while; until he announced that he had something to say. With all of Super Junior gathered into the living room, he said what he had to say.
“I’m leaving Super Junior.” he announced, forcing each and every word.
WHAT?! Since when? I bet he’s leaving because of me.
Please forgive me, Super Junior. I just made you lose a precious member.
I’m so sorry Kibum.
I still love you.
Just not in the same way.
“Kibum...?” I whispered in shock.
“What?!” said Ryeowook, eyes wide, and surprised.
“Ya, Teukkie. Did you know of this?” said Eunhyuk.
“Yes...” Leeteuk replied sheepishly.
“Then why didn’t you tell us?” asked Yesung.
“Well, I thought it’ll be too hard on you guys. And plus, it’s Kibum’s responsibility to tell you.”
“But where are you going hyung?” asked Kyuhyun curiously.
“I’m off to try my luck again in the acting world.” Kibum replied.
“Well, good luck.” said Siwon cheerfully, trying to lighten up the mood, stepping forward to hug Kibum. “When are you leaving?”
“Next week.” was Kibum’s short reply.
“EH?” exclaimed Sungmin, stunned.
“That’s so close.” complained Heechul.
“I’m really sorry guys. I’ll keep you all updated, and I’ll make sure to call you at least once a week.” said Kibum, in attempt to cheer everyone up.
Despite his efforts, everybody seemed extremely sad. Uncomfortable, his eyes wandered around, until they met mine.
On the day on which Kibum was supposed to leave, I woke up early, and slipped a note under Kibum’s door:
Kibum oppa,
I know I have hurt you very very much, no matter how strong you appear to be from the outside. I know your heart is absolutely trashed at the moment, and I am sincerely sorry. I know I have no right to be apologising after doing such a dreadful thing, but I’m sorry.
There’s only me to blame, so please don’t blame yourself.
Before you leave, I’d like to say a proper goodbye, and apologise formally.
Meet me under the tree at the park across the road.
I’d be lucky if you just as much glanced in my direction.
If you don’t come, I’ll understand.
I’ll be waiting.
From,
Sun Ah.
I quickly ate breakfast, and slipped away to the park, hoping that Kibum would arrive soon.
[Kibum’s POV]
Today was the day when I’d be leaving Super Junior. Today was also the day when I’d be leaving Sun Ah. Although my heart still ached, I yearned for a fresh start.
I got changed, and was ready to step out the door, when I saw a white flash out of the corner of my eye. Curious, I knelt to the ground, only to find a letter addressed to me. My heart thumped audibly as I opened the letter.
After I read the letter, I sprinted out of the house, and to the park.
[Sun Ah’s POV]
I thought that he would never come; I was just about to leave when I saw a figure in the distance. That figure grew bigger, as it drew closer to me.
“Kibum…you came.” I whispered.
[Kibum’s POV]
How do I act towards her? Cold? Friendly? Pretend that nothing’s wrong?
Omo…what do I say…
In fact, why the heck did I even come in the first place?
Why must I be so pathetic?
[Sun Ah’s POV]
I smiled, glad that he had come. Then I returned to a serious face, remembering all that had happened.
Aish, now he’s going to think I don’t care about what happened.
WHY DID I SMILE?
I hope he didn’t see that…
Soon, we were face to face. I motioned for him to sit on the thick grass.
“Ah…so you came.” I said.
“Yes.” he replied.
I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I didn’t. Instead, I concentrated on the ripping apart pieces of grass, and listening hard for bird chirps.
Kibum broke the silence.
“Why did you ask me to be here?” he asked.
“I don’t know actually.” I said.
Silence took over again. And this time, I was the one to break it.
“Kibum, I am sorry.” I said, tears suddenly welling up.
Don’t cry…
Hold the tears in, hold them in…
“What for?” he asked, looking away.
“For hurting you. For acting so selfish. For not being who you wanted me to be.” I said, holding back my tears.
“It’s not your fault.” he answered, sounding hurt.
“Yes it is.” I said firmly. “If only my heart hadn’t been torn away from you…If only it hadn’t fallen for someone else.”
“Then it’s not your fault.” he said. “It’s your heart’s fault, and you have no control over who you love and don’t love.”
“But, I still love you.” I said, tears rolling down. “Just not in the same way.”
There was no answer.
“It’s like the way I would love a brother.”
There was still no answer.
“Kibum…” I said.
Kibum cut me short.
“Don’t worry about me, Sun Ah.” he replied, and as soon as he realised that I was crying, he hugged me tight. “Everything will be ok, dongsaeng.”
I hugged him back, glad that he had accepted our new relationship.
“Here.” I said, handing over my old teddy bear.
I had decided that Kibum would need it more than I would.
“Sun Ah…” he said, taking the bear gently in his hands. “Are you sure you want to give this to me?”
“Yes.” I said confidently. “He would support you in times of great need. Oppa, please look after him.”
“I will.” he smiled. “And thank you.”
“Just remember that if you’re ever alone, you’ll always have teddy to talk to.”
Kibum smiled at me, and thanked me again.
“And good luck.” I said enthusiastically.
“Thanks. And good luck with Siwon.” he said, smiling weakly.
[Kibum’s POV]
The truth hurts sometimes.
And when the truth does hurt, it hurts A LOT.
I just hoped that I’ll get over her someday…
From then, she’ll just become my dongsaeng; a dongsaeng that needs looking after.
[Sun Ah’s POV]
I knew that our time had come to an end. As much as I wanted to cling onto it, I hoped for a new start for Kibum. I hoped that he would find a girl better than me; one that was as kind-hearted as she was pretty; one that he deserved.
The day passed, with many goodbyes. Each and every member was sad to see their brother go, yet happy for him to be experiencing a new career. Finally his bags were packed, and it was time for the final goodbyes. One by one, they each bade Kibum farewell, and hugged him one last time.
“Goodbye and good luck!” said Kangin, pulling Kibum into a manly hug.
“I hope you succeed in your acting career!” said Hangeng enthusiastically.
“Good luck bro!” said Eunhyuk warmly.
“It was nice knowing you, hyung.” said Kyuhyun. “Good luck!”
“Thanks for letting me go, everyone.” Kibum replied, with tears in his eyes. “I won’t forget you guys. Ever.”
I stepped forward, and said goodbye. Surprisingly, no tears were shed.
Just before he left, he quickly whispered something into Siwon’s ear.
[Siwon’s POV]
“Take good care of Sun Ah for me.” whispered Kibum.
I nodded, slightly confused.
As if he could read my mind, he whispered to me again.
“She’s yours.”
He knows I love Sun Ah?
But I haven’t told anyone…
And before I could say another word, Kibum patted me on the back with a faint smile.
“Don’t worry about hurting me, hyung. There’s no point in feeling guilty, really.” he said.
With a turn of his heel, he took his luggage in hand, and departed through the door, where his manager was waiting.
“Thanks Kibum.” I whispered, smiling gratefully.
Those words were what I wanted to hear the most. I will definitely not hold back anymore.
[Sun Ah’s POV]
I suppose it’s time for me to leave Super Junior. Staying here is just causing everyone more trouble, and after what I did, I definitely do not want them to go through more strife.
And so, I announced that I would be leaving as well.
“NO.” objected Ryeowook immediately.
“Please stay. None of us could bare it if another left us.” said Leeteuk.
“But, I’m not even one of you…” I said, surprised.
“Yes you are!” said Eunhyuk. “Well, now you are.” he added.
“But…” I said.
“No buts!” said Kangin, dragging my packed luggage back to my room. “You’re staying, and that’s that.”
“But…” I started
[Siwon’s POV]
I realised this would be my chance. I would confess, and persuade her into staying.
“Sun Ah…?” I suddenly said.
“Y-Y-Yes?” she replied.
Ah. Isn’t she so cute?
“Can I talk to you for a moment?” I asked, trying not to sound too scary.
Everyone else goggled incredulously after me, wondering what I had to say to her. Despite the stares, Sun Ah followed me into an empty room.
[Sun Ah’s POV]
What has he got to tell me?
Maybe I should just take this chance before I leave to confess.
Siwon led me into the room, and made sure the door was locked before proceeding. Shuffling noises made it evident that the rest of Super Junior were eavesdropping outside the door.
Siwon heard, and chuckled.
“Typical.”
“What was it that you wanted to say?” I asked.
He turned his attention to me. My heart paused, as my eyes took in what I was seeing; an angel. I quickly got a hold of myself, and told myself not to stare at him too much.
“This is going to be hard to say…” he said.
“It doesn’t matter.” I replied, curious.
“Well…” he said.
“Well…?” I said, encouraging him to continue.
Siwon finally mustered enough courage to tell me.
“I’m in love with you.”
That caught me off guard. I was busy daydreaming unrealistic dreams, when those words floated into my ears.
“Eh?” I responded.
“I…love you.” he repeated, slightly embarrassed.
“How can you love me?” I replied, suspicious. “After everything I’ve done to Kibum.”
He shrugged.
“Blame this little guy.” he said, pointing to his heart.
“Me too.” I replied.
“Huh?” he replied, confused.
“I mean, I thought I was the only one.” I explained. “That’s why Kibum and I broke up.”
“I’m sorry.” apologised Siwon, guilty.
“For what?” I asked, wide-eyed.
“For ruining your relationship.” he replied.
“That was my fault.” I said.
Siwon argued, continuing to take the blame.
“Anyhow…” I interrupted. “At least that’s off my chest - one less thing to worry about.”
Siwon agreed, explaining that he was forced to hide his feelings as he didn’t want to destroy Kibum’s relationship.
“Wait…” said Siwon, guiding me to the wall, his face facing mine, and pinning me to the wall with his strong arms. “Let me try something…”
My heart pounded rapidly; blood rushing to my cheeks. His eyes stared into mine, making me dizzy. And without warning, he closed in on me, his lips touching mine. Feeling that I wasn’t responding, Siwon broke apart, anxious.
“I’m sorry if that…” started Siwon. “I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be.” I replied, and brought Siwon’s face closer to mine, until my lips met his.
“You’re not leaving anymore are you?” Siwon asked. “You can’t leave me. Not now.” he said, almost babyishly.
“I won’t.” I replied, and went on my tippy-toes to kiss him again.
[Siwon’s POV]
Who knew that forbidden love could be so sweet?
DID YOU LIKE IT? ^^
Please comment below ~
I will get around to writing the next oneshot soon as it's holidays at the moment :D
But I need to start the next chapter of my Kyuhyun fanfic >_>
Or my readers will kill me D;
Anyways,
I really hope you liked this oneshot~
Peace&Love;
Megggg (:
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