Luhan...

I’m walking trough the door... the door where a moment ago was yours and mine... I am looking back to see you, but you are not there. I’m walking out, walking slowly hopes you will hold me to not go anywhere, but you are not. I said that it was ok, that it was not your fault, but I can’t smile; I can’t breathe, I can’t face it, it is too much for me.

Am I a fool?

Am I that bad for you?

Am I deserves it?

Am I nothing for you?

I’m crying on the corner of my room, I hold my head hard so it won’t crashing, I’m crying with as hard as I can, screaming till my throat hurt. How can a sweet boy turn to evil when the demon coming? How an angel cans become so harm to another man? How can love turn to tears? How could you do this? How can you kill me this?

I’m walking to the bathroom; I see my reflection trough the mirror. I’m smiling in bitter, I realize what he has and I’m not. He is perfect, and I’m not. I’m just a baby face boy; he is manly man with manly feature. I’m too weak for you, you always there to protect me, but I know you tired of it. He was not like me, he strong enough to protect you and himself, I know… I know it may be killing me now. The way you see him, the way you touch him, I know there is something, but as naïve I’m, I tried to closed my eyes, I tried to cover my ears so I can still love you. Then it was all over, you left and I am here crying so bad for you, for your love.

…

It was in the summer day, I’m coming to your house to help you for your grade. Your parent asked me to, I met you and you smile to me. You always listened to my explanations, you always did my assignment in perfect ways and you always made me happy with your smile.

It was in the fall day, I’m waiting for you out off my campus. You coming with wide smile and smooth touched on my hand. I love it. You asked me to a date one day, shyly I said “yes” and you kissed me for the first time.

When the winter coming, you asked me out, you know how happy I am? I’m crying in joy, you smiling and hold my hand thigh and kissed my forehead. You tread me like a fragile creature, you loved me in a good way, and I’m so please with your love.

When the spring came’s. Your parent asked me to move with you, because you will be alone, they have to go abroad and do some business. You were so happy, you hugged me all day and giggling through my ears.

2 years, I love you. My love for you grow bigger than the first time I met you, I love you with no words, I love you from the top to toe, I love you from the first time I opened my eyes in the morning till I closed my eyes to slept at night. I love you for everything I have.

However, happiness always has it own way to end. You start you collages lives, and I start to become an employer for a music agency. You are to busy with your assignment *that was the words you always said*, I missed you in every second in my life, I missed you in each breath that I take, I miss you like I crying in the silent night in your bed alone. You barely said that words ever again, “I Love You” you always scream at me, for my little mistake, but I take that with a smile, you hit me often when you feel irritated with something, I’m still smiled like nothing happened. You never look at my eyes when I talked to you. I know, you ought to leave me some day but I tried to love you with the same way everyday. Hope you would love me like yesterday.

You brought him home and introduced him as your best friend. I am still smiling as I know nothing, you hug him in front of me, you cuddling with him happily, you laugh again but it was not with me. You stepped away from me slowly, and I am crying in silent.

It was too fast, I hate that day, the day you told me about your feeling. You looked at my eyes with no hesitated, and I am still smile tough my heart so much in pain. Hold my tears so will not felt sorry for me…

“Luhan” you called my name and sat beside me, “I have something to say” I am smiling and tried to tell my self that everything will be okay.

“hemm? What?” I tried to sound cheerful

“I… I’m so sorry, i… I love you, you know it right?” he said and holds my hand. I missed it, his smooth hand on mine, but I know it will be the end “I know” I said in low sound, “you know that my parent love you too right?” he lowered his head and tighter his grips on mine. “yes Sehun, I know” I patted his head and he looked up at my eyes.

It was an awkward silent for a few second; he just stared at me without a word… “I… I am…” he sighed hardly, I gulped know what would he say, “I think… I am falling for some one else” he sees through my eyes, make sure I know what he meant, “I’m so sorry,” he said and a single tears falling from my eye “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry” he tried to touch my cheek but I’m standing “Luhan” he called my name when I rushed to the bathroom.

I can’t do anything, I know. Therefore, I decide to lose from him. i said to him that I will be okay, I said that it was not his fault, I said that I am happy for him, I’m a big liar.

I know, I’m died that time.

…

1 year later

It is so cold out side, Korea always has the coldest day in the winter, but I have to go to work. I am running to the bus stop, because I won’t be late. My boss a bit strict for time, when I see the bus coming I am rushing to come inside and sit beside the window.

I hold my phone to text my friend yixing, he is my bestfriend from my college. I still need friend to hold on until that day, I still love him. Sometimes I think, do he still remember me, do still waiting for me, but then I tried to slap my self and tried to not thinking about it. And I still refuse to smile.

Then I feel someone sit beside me, he smile to me and stretch his hand, I look at his hand in confuse “hi…” he say smile widely, I reach his hand “hi…” I say “my name is minseok, kim minseok” he shakes my hand and still smile. He is so bright, that what I told to my self, his smile brighter than the sunlight I think, he still waiting for my response “your name  miss…??” miss?? I see him with wide eyes, but he giggling and laugh a little. He jokes I know, his smooth sound pull my lips to a small smile “Luhan” and I found my self smile again in a very strange way.