Ok, I think I can do this! I can confess my love to him! I’m gonna do it right now! Or... not. Probably not now, nor any time soon, and probably NEVER! Sometimes I want to go and dig inside of his brain and see what and who he thinks of. Probably not me.

 Ok lets rewind this a little bit. I’m in love with my (not really my) leader. I had a crush on him for a long time now but come on he is WEIRD! I don’t know why I have a crush on him. Well maybe because he cares about me and always looks out for me, but I’m sure he only thinks of me as a brother or a good friend.

 So we are driving back home from practice, just me and him. He sings when he drives, which makes me scared cuz he is not really looking at the road.

“Eunkwang hyung!” he stopped singing.

“What?” he turned to look at me.

“Eyes on the road please” I said trying to sound nice. For some reason when its just me and him alone, I want to be mean and be like a cool I-don’t-care person.

“Sorry,honey.” honey? Where did he get that from?

“Did you just called me honey?”

“Yeah. You don’t like it?”

“No, its not that I don’t like it. Its just... Why?”

“Its because I am the appa and you are the umma. And plus I like calling you that.” I’m speechless. What is wrong with him? Ok, I will just brush it off like nothing happened. I turn my head to look at him... and oh god!
“Why are you grinning, stupid?”

“You look cute when you are weirded out or annoyed.” Aish, this guy is really something!

“So you try to be as weird and annoying as you possibly can?”
“Yes!”

“Oh, just shut it!”

Finally we are at home. Can’t wait till I can just shut down from today. And as we walk into the living room, we see something really, really unexpected. Ilhoon and Hyunsik on the floor, making out. Oh god, spazz attack!!! I just have to keep it calm.

“Uhm!” I heard Eunkwang disturb their precious time, “What are you two doing?” Is he kidding or something, does he wants to get punched? Oh, no. They do not look happy.

“Uh, I don’t know Eunkwang hyung. Looking for treasure that was buried here by the pirates long-long time ago.” Can’t Hyunsik come up with something better than that!? I can’t anymore, they are too cute. I just need to keep it inside... oh it!

“OMG! You guys are so CUTE!!!” I sound like a crazy out of mind fangirl, well I don’t care anymore. I think we should leave them ,I tugged gently on Eunkwang’s sleeve.

“Eunkwangie, lets go tell the kids not to come back home for at least two hours. Is two hours enough for you guys?” Two hours really? That’s not enough! Even the adorablest couple in the world seem not so happy with two hours. What’s up with my brain today? I need to correct myself “What!? Three hours?” yep thats better,I need to stop being stupid. “well okay then! See ya in three hours!”  

I look at Eunkwang as we close the front door, “Where now?”

“ I don’t know. How about taking the kids out to eat?” OMG! That’s the perfect opportunity to go back home!

“Be right back!” I tell him as I run to the door and swing it open. Buuuuuuuut, I think that was a wrong time but hey, this is hot, cute, and adorable! I close the door a little bit and ask them,

“We will be going out to eat. Do you guys want us to bring you something?”

“Get the out of here, hyung!” I am not surprised they yelled at me “please?”

“Sorry guys. Bye! See you later! I’m going now!” I closed the door behind me and I see Eunkwang looking at me questionably.

“What was that?”

“Nothing. I’m just being a good umma. Asking if they want something to eat. You know what I mean by that?”

“No, no I don’t know what you mean.”

“Oh come on! Stop being such a meanie !”

“How am I a meanie ?”

“I don’t know. I just wanted to say that.” he looked at me like I was crazy or something.

“Tell me the truth, why did you really go back inside?”

“Well...”

“Well what?”

“They were so cute, that I couldn’t resist going back inside.”

“So it’s better to disturb them?”

“Well... Stop looking at me like that!”

 I’m jealous, like super jealous. I mean I’m happy for HyunSik and Ilhoon, but I want me and Eunkwang to be like that. Soon, soon we will be happy together... or not. I don’t feel like eating, it feels like something is just got stuck in my throat and no matter what I seem like I can’t get it out. I wonder if anyone noticed, probably not, they are just too busy eating.

 “Hyung~,” I hear someone say, I look up and see Peniel with worry written on his face, “ are you ok?” at least someone noticed, but not that “someone” I was hoping for.

I lie, “Y-yeah. I’m just not so hungry, right now.” I feel a hand on mine, I look to my left and see Eunkwang looking at me with concern in his eyes.

“We need to talk.” he whispers to me, “NOW!” Why now and not later?

“OK.” I say, trying not to be stubborn. We get up from the table, telling the others that we are going to the restroom.

As we get outside, behind the restaurant, Eunkwang grabs me by shoulders to make sure I am looking at him, “Spill it!”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb with me!” this is the first time I’ve seen him this angry, it scares me...a lot.

“I really don’t know what you mean.”

“I mean, why are you acting like you’re ok but I can see it in your face that you are not?” is he like mental? Can’t he see that I don’t want to talk about it.

“Its nothing. Really.”

“That’s not going to pass with me. Just tell me.”

“No. Why do you want to know so badly?”

“Because I care about you.”  he looked at me, eyes beaming with affection, “you were fine, until

we got back to the car after going to our dorm.” I look straight into his eyes, deciding if I should tell him the truth or not. Silence fell upon us, for like a minute.

“So?”

“I got jealous! Ok!?” I saw him sigh in relief.

“Why?”

“Because... I’m jealous that I can’t be like Hyunsik and Ilhoon,with the person I love.”

“Who do you love?”

“Well... you see... its...”

“Who? Just tell me, I’m not going to tell anyone.”

“Its you.” ohhh how much i regret saying that, I should just leave.

“Oh...”

“Sorry. I should just leave.” as I turn around he pulls me back and hugs me.

“D-d-don’t le-ave. I love y-you too.” I could see little tears of happiness forming in his eyes, he smiles at me, trying to hide his tears. I want to cry too, but I try to hold it. He kisses me real slowly, and I feel like I’m in heaven. I really wish that this would last forever. He pulls back and wipes of my tears that I did not notice. He hugs me tightly, and whispers “Don’t cry, babo.”

“Well I’m not the only one that is crying.” I say as I wipe my own tears.

He lightly laughs, “Shut up.”

I look up at him, “We should go back. We have been here for too long. They might be worried.”

“Fine.” he pecked my lips.

“Not in public, someone might see us.” he just took my hand and lead me back inside the restaurant.

                                                     Well we are happy.

                                                    Four of us are happy.

                                                    I wonder who is next?