~Bitter Lemon~

[8am].

I read somewhere that the word emotion is derived off the French word émotion, which means “moving”.

Trickles of sunlight are seeping in through the cracks, bouncing around the room. The window isn’t completely ajar but slightly open, allowing the wind to blow in, and the Sun’s rays to flood light into the dark of the room.

I guess the French are referring to the fact that our thoughts and feelings are always in constant motion, bouncing around. Tao. Tao? My mind’s buzzing today. Ahha! See! Everything’s bouncing around and barricading through my mind like sunshine, or a freight train full of puppies…or something.

I drop my gaze to my boyfriend, still sound asleep. I feel warm at the sight of him.

Ew, I shudder, annoyed at the butterflies fluttering in my throat, in my heart, in my belly. They’re everywhere. I frown.

“Digest those butterflies”, I order myself.

“Good morning to you too”, he says, his half smile lighting up his stupid, beautiful face.

The last thing he needs is an ego boost.

“Shut up, Tao”.

[2pm].

We’re laying intertwined in each other like the last two missing pieces of a puzzle, staring at each other, daring the other to make the first move, but no one does.

We just stubbornly lay, in each other’s arms, lips inches away from each other, bodies less than three layers apart, engaged in our silent little game.

“So what do you want?” he asks, breaking the silence.

“A star”.

“I can give you one on your cheek yeah. What do you want?”

“World peace”.

“Babe-“

“A solid ending to Victorious”.

“Okay, whats Victorious?”

“It’s this teen show I watched when I was a little girl. It just randomly ended one day. Tears were given”, I feign tears. “Closure was not”.

“Lei-“

“Brownies”.

“Wang Lei-“

“And you”.

“I’ll just order pizza”, he rolls his eyes and rolls out of bed.

Grinning, I roll over to my side of the bed and into the arms of my true lovers, Néné (Renée) and Neko (Sekyung) vibrating away. I don’t mean this in a literal sense. I’m talking about my phone. Don’t be weird.

I open the chat head to a typical post social activity Néné. A “yes”, a “no”, a “maybe”, a “should I though”, a “should I not though”. You name it.

Her last text reads:

“Do I have to come?”

She’s referring to the homecoming we’re throwing today. Tao had invited his closest friends, and I had invited mine – those two and Lay.

I guess I understand her? A) Social settings. B) New people. C) Tao. To say Renée wasn’t a big fan of my boyfriend (or anyone I date, really) would be the understatement of the century.

And to make things worse, she was my old roommate.

…So this party technically passes as a celebration of her abandonment doesn’t it?

I’m a horrible friend.

I’ve left her cold. And alone. Granted, she’s not homeless, but still. It’s cruel to replace your friend with a .

A .

I’ve replaced my friend with a .

“Why don’t you want to come?”

Oh, I don’t know Lei, maybe because you replaced her with a ?

“Because I have nothing to wear”.

My guilt melts away.

This is such a Renée excuse. Knowing Renée, I feel I am qualified enough to distinguish between when she’s making excuses and when she’s actually going into hermit mode, this being a former case.

“Get your lazy up and over here. Stop making excuses. You are not getting out of this.”

I can just imagine this cutie laid atop her mountain-sized heap of clothes. She usually doesn’t even bother much with what she wears. Exhibit A. Her closet: 90% business attire, 5% jeans and cotton shirts, the others being t-shirts and track…wait there’s also that one dress I bought her! Ha!

“And wear the dress”. “Yes I am talking about that dress”.

I think I’ve made my point clear. But just in case, I text Lay to make sure Renée comes.

Laying my phone down, I end the conversation there and haul myself out of bed so I can get everything ready, only to be stopped midway by a surprise attack of kisses all over my face and neck.

“I ordered”, he whispers in my ear. “Pineapple pizza”.

Son of a .

[8pm]

By the time I’m dressed, over the pizza disaster and done setting everything up, I’m alone.

Everything’s changing again.

It’s fine Lei, that’s exactly why we’re throwing the housewarming in the first place!

Still. Look at this mess. Really. No one wants a housewarming in this mess. It can wait. I mean, seriously I can make a list of reasons why it can wait. Wanna hear?

Yay, lists! I love lists!

Oh my god, shut up.

One: we don’t have a dining table.

But hey, nah, no big deal. Dining tables to a dinner party are about as useful as training bras to pythons, or electric blankets in hell.

Two: LOOK AT THIS DUMP.

Wrappers, bubble wrappers, boxes. Boxes. Everywhere.

How inviting, Lei! How lovely!

Three: a sofa for two, and an armchair can hardly suffice 7 people.

So who cares? Oh my god, Wang you worry too much! We can have a campfire! Well without the marshmallows, and the fire, and the magical night sky, and anything that makes a campfire a campfire, but yeah…

FOUR.

Four: you don’t have wine glasses, you don’t have plates-

This is a mess.

Five: you’re a mess.

Don’t be a bitter lemon! Your friends won’t care about these little things! This is totally fine!

No. All of this is just ridiculous.

Listen to your feelings, and shut up. Follow your heart.

But that is ridiculously irrational. Emotions are just temporary chemicals.

So let them run their course!

But there is nothing to be gained from this situation. It isn’t going to work. It’s a futile pursuit. What are you talking about now?

Love is never a futile pursuit!

It’s. Not. Love.

Fine. Pursuing “temporary chemicals” is not a futile pursuit.

Using a euphemism doesn’t change its falsity.

OH MY GOD. WHATEVER. I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY WHEN YOU BECOME THE LONELY, CRAZY CAT LADY DOWN THE STREET BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO AFRAID TO BE HUMAN- I love cats!-

Oh my god.

The bell rings.

Yay! Yay.

~ Pooh Bear ~

Laid out on my bed, my arms and legs are flailing, kicking the air in annoyance.

Urgh! Stupid Lei!

Why does she have to do this? It’s not like I was causing them any trouble. I mean for the last couple of months it was as if Juan had been literally