Sungjae, why are you making me feel like this? My heart is beating against my chest so hard right now, with you looking so dazzling when you’re so focused on the teacher’s lecture. I took my time to stare at you all day, but it never feels like enough. I go to school just to see you. I never get tired of your smile you hold every single day, whether it was a good or a bad day for you. You’re so smart; you answer every question correct when the teacher calls on you. I’m the complete opposite of you—ugly and unintelligent.

Then suddenly, I realize I’m being called on when the teacher whips a ruler loudly on my desk. I jumped back a little in surprise, my desk making a loud, creaky squeak on the floor. “Are you listening to me?”

I scanned around the room and saw that everyone was looking at me. Even Sungjae. I wished he didn’t notice me.

I blushed in shame.

“I apologize, teacher,” I said, though I was not sorry at all.

“Come see me after school,” the teacher said, making me sigh. Surprisingly, she pointed to Sungjae and added, “You too, Yook Sungjae.”

I stared at her wide eyed when she picked up her stick and turned to the class again. She must be kidding me.

 

My fist was tightly clenched around my back pack straps while I waited eagerly. I was really nervous and partially lonely (since I was alone in the classroom). I had never been called after school before, so I came to the conclusion that I must have committed a really bad transgression. I ruffled my unneat hair that became more untidy than ever. But it was fine with me, because I wasn’t trying to impress anyone.

“Seonsaeng nim?” Sungjae’s head peeked through the door.  “Is he here?” he asked me. He talked to me! He’s never talked to me individually before.

I blushed at the thought, and then shook my head.

He shrugged coolly and made himself comfortable in the back row. It kind of surprised me, since I thought he was a really good student who would only choose a front seat. His bad side made my heart beat faster.

“So,” he started awkwardly, and then asked to confirm my name. “Did I get the right name?”

I smiled nervously as a yes. He actually knew my name.

“Well then, nice to meet you! I’m Yook Sungjae.” He added quickly, “If you don’t know me.”

Of course I know you! You’re the one I dream about all day…

 

The clocks started ticking loudly. I haven’t noticed them ever being so loud before.

He broke the silence and wondered out loud, “I wonder where the teacher is?”

I shrugged, and he mirrored my action and shrugged too.

 

 

Aigoo, Yook Sungjae. Why are you making this so awkward? I feel so nervous, so tense! Why can’t I loosen up in front of you, instead of act like an idiot? Pabo, pabo, pabo, Sungjae yah!

I tried to get you to talk to me before, but you always just brush me off like an annoying bug. You’re so cool; I can’t even get you to say a single word to me. I tried to make small talks in the hallways, in which you act as if I’m talking to the lockers. Then at other times I pretend to “run into you,” and you just pass by me and walk another direction like I’m a statue blocking your way without uttering a word.

“I really like you,” I blurted, hoping that it would get her to respond with something other than an action.

It took a long time for you to respond. Your face was really blank so I couldn’t tell what you were thinking. To my surprise, you said in a small voice, “’When?”

“Sixth grade. I’ve liked you since sixth grade,” I told you with confidence.

“So?” you asked with a voice slightly raised.

I said the words I dreamed I would say to you since the first day I saw you. “I want you to be mine.”

Your usual face color broke into a pretty pink. You looked downward in embarrassment. I’ve never seen a girl look so cute when she was embarrassed before. You unconsciously began to twiddle with your fingers and furrowed your eyebrows. I waited for an answer.

Finally, you said, “It’s not Valentine’s Day. Or April Fools.”

Your reply took me by surprise. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t kid around with me.”

“Huh?”

“I know you don’t like me. I’m not the one for you.”

I felt like I was about to cry. I just confessed to you and you pushed me away like this.