“Hey guys, what’s…”

                Baekhyun’s face promptly smashed itself into his keyboard.

                “…up?”

                “Clearly not Baekhyun’s mood,” Luhan snickers.

                Sehun’s lips curl into a frown. “I don’t get it. Did I do something wrong?”

                “It’s not you. He’s just distressing cause he and Chanyeol have to create a separate website for the club, since we had the major name change and all.”

                “What’s gonna be on it?”

                “So far, just a general information page, an upcoming events page and a members’ page. As in we’ll eventually have to have our pictures taken to be posted on the site.”

                “Kris wants to make it really official and , too,” Jongdae says, picking at a nail disinterestedly. “Like, with professional photography and all that crap.”

                “Which shouldn’t be too difficult if we wager with the photography club,” Kris points out. “We’re all Asians here.”

                “Hey guys, what’s…”

                Baekhyun let out a loud groan, muffled by the keyboard against his mouth.

                “…up?”

                Luhan spins around slowly in his chair to face the newest arrival. “You, Jongin,” he says seriously. “That’s what’s up.”

                Jongin looks around the room, and Luhan smirks, “Kyungsoo isn’t here. This is between you and me, my friend. Mano e mano.”

                “Actually, it’s mano e manos since I’m kind of interested in where this goes,” Jongdae corrects him.

                “…Whatever. Anyways—”

                “Guys, quickly,” Tao says, his head suddenly popping into the clubroom. “Campus survey, which body part do you consider the most ual? As in what turns you on?”

                A chorus of “” and “” chimed in the air from the people in the room.

                “…Wow, okay. I’m gonna need hands, who voted for s?”

                Kris, Yixing and Jongdae raised their hands.

                “And who voted ?”

                Kris, Baekhyun, Sehun and Luhan raised their hands.

                “Did you just vote for both?” Jongdae asks, staring at Kris.

                “No worries, Kris, we all know you’ll anything that moves—”

                “Shut the up before I kick your balls in, Tao.”

                Tao stares at Jongin. “You didn’t vote.”

                “Uh—”

                “Hey guys,” Kyungsoo says cheerfully as he manoeuvres around Tao to get into the room while Luhan curses his missed opportunity under his breath.

                “, is it two already? I gotta dip,” Kris says, jumping up from his desk, and Yixing followed suit as the two of them left the room—although not without Kris bumping shoulders with Jongin and lifting his eyebrows suggestively, pointing at Kyungsoo behind his back, and Yixing’s amused snort could be heard faintly as the two of them disappear down the hall.

                “Kyungsoo, which body part turns you on?” Tao asks casually.

                Kyungsoo mulls over this for a moment. “Necks,” he answers.

                Point taken, Jongin thought gratefully.

                “Nice to see we have some variety around here,” Tao says, before turning to Jongin. “What about you? You kind of strike me as an person.”

                Jongdae and Luhan both swallow a giggle.

                “Um…” Jongin clears his throat, all too conscious of Kyungsoo’s gaze on his face, “it’s lips, actually.”

                Tao’s eyebrows shoot up. “Well well well well well well well,” he says slowly, before backing out of the room without another word.

                “How come he only gave me a hard time about my answer?” Jongin mutters.

                “Cause you’re too easy,” Luhan replies, trying to pull his legs up into a yoga position from his chair. “Minseok turned into a hard little over the summer so he’s no fun anymore. You, on the other hand, have this miraculous ability to continuously set yourself up for this kind of treatment.”

                “Gee, thanks.”

                “Don’t take it personally,” Kyungsoo says, patting Jongin’s arm reassuringly. “They’ll eventually shut up if you don’t respond—”

                “DAMMIT, KYUNGSOO!”

                “—so don’t let them get to you too much. Anyways, I was just stopping by to pick up my containers, assuming you’ve finished off all of the kimchi spaghetti already.”

                “You’re leaving again?” Jongin asks, trying to keep the disappointment from his voice.

                “Yeah, I’ve got class in a few minutes. That’s the perks of studying environmental geoscience,” Kyungsoo jokes, grabbing his things. “But I’ll see you later, yeah?”

                “Yeah, definitely,” Jongin says, waving Kyungsoo off as he leaves.

                “Hey Jongin,” Luhan his lips and puckers them out, “do my lips look like Kyungsoo’s yet?”

                “Shut up Luhan.”

                “Hey Baekhyun,” Sehun says curiously, looking up from his magazine, “if you and Chanyeol are both computer science majors then how come I never see you both here at the same time? Aren’t you taking all of the same classes?”

                “Only the ones that count towards our program,” Baekhyun answers, finally resurfacing from his keyboard. “I’m doing a minor in lit and film studies while Chanyeol’s pursuing a minor in art history. But we show up together once in a while. Actually, he should be done class now, so—”

                “Hey,” Chanyeol booms in his deep baritone as he leans into the room. “Baek, you ready?”

                “Yep. See you later, guys,” Baekhyun said, quickly grabbing his things and making a dash for the door.

                Chanyeol grins widely and wraps an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders to pull him into a hug before running a hand through his hair. “You look good today, babe,” he says as the two of them disappear down the hall.

                “They’re pretty close,” Jongin observes.

                “Yeah, cause they’re kind of an item,” Jongdae says, going back to his nails.

                “Wait, they are?”

                “Yeah, they’ve been dating since like high school graduation or something. They were really gross at first, I mean not in the sense that they were gay but more in the sense that they wouldn’t stop trying to eat each other’s face—Luhan what are you doing?” Jongdae trails off as he watches Luhan, crossed-legged in his chair now and twisting back and forth on his hips while pumping his arms.

                “I’m trying to move the chair without using my hands,” Luhan replied, pushing the chair a few inches every couple of seconds by shifting his weight.

                Jongdae stares for a second before shaking his head. “Whatever, anyways, yeah, they were pretty annoying for a while, but now that they’re acting like a normal couple it’s actually making me kind of jealous.”

                “But you like being single,” Luhan points out, at this point flailing spontaneously in an attempt to move the chair forward.

                “Yeah, I like being single, but that doesn’t mean I like being lonely.”

                Luhan stops and looks at Jongdae. “That was deep, man,” he says, almost in awe.

                “…Thanks?”

                Sehun raises his hand from his beanbag chair. “Can you overdose on vitamins?”

                “Where did that come from?”

                “My mom bought me those gummy bear vitamins from Costco or whatever and the bottle says to take only two a day.”

                “If it says take two then why are you asking me this? Actually, no, why are you eating children’s gummy bear vitamins for?”

                Luhan leans forward a little too far in his chair and promptly falls off, smacking face-first into the ground while the chair rolls away a few feet.

                “, you okay?” Jongin asks, moving forward to help Luhan up as he groans.

                “I think I broke my face.”

                “Did you really?” Sehun’s eyes go wide.

                “No, you stupid , I was just—”

                “Oh. Anyways, so the bottle said to only take two but there’s six different flavours inside.”

                Jongdae frowns. “I still don’t get your point.”

                Sehun slaps his magazine shut in his hands and sits up in his beanbag. “I can’t just eat two flavours,” he says, his face completely deadpan. “Because then I’ll have to keep track of which two flavours I eat all the time and make sure I’ve got a set rotation of all six flavours. Otherwise certain flavours will run out faster than others and if I’m not careful I’ll be stuck trying to finish the bottle with my two least favourite flavours. So my question is, will I overdose if I eat all six flavours a day?”

                 Everyone stares. “Sometimes the thought of the kind of that goes on in your head scares the hell out of me,” Jongdae says seriously.

                 “Putting that aside, I don’t think the company bothers counting to make sure they have equal amounts of all six flavours in one bottle,” Jongin points out. “You’ll probably end up with a bunch of one or two flavours in the end anyway.”

                 “That’s different. At least then I can say that I measured my flavours properly.”

                 “Well, I used to eat those by the handfuls when I was a kid, so I’m pretty sure you’re not going to overdose.” Luhan rubs his chin painfully. “, I think this is gonna bruise.”

                 “Jesus Christ, someone call the fire department.”

                 Luhan swipes an eraser and chucks it in Sehun’s face.

—∞—

                After spending a few weeks lounging around in the clubroom during his spare time, Jongin discovered that the dynamics of the group conversation was best represented by math.

                The formula for “how-to-flush-your-sanity-down-the-toilet” had four parts. There was the A variable, which represented the members who got a kick out of fanning the embers when the opportunity presented itself and usually consisted of Tao and Luhan.

                Then there was the B variable, which represented the members who actually made the situation worse by using common sense to point out how weird the situation was in the first place, and this variable always had different members in it but Minseok and Jongdae were the most consistent.

                There was the C variable, representing the members who kept out of the conversations most of the time but had extraordinary power and influence whenever they did join in, consisting solely of Yixing, Joonmyun and Kyungsoo.

                And then there was the highly unstable D variable, the members who just spat out whatever random flew through their brains because apparently their filters were broken, and they were the ones who got the ball rolling every single time. This variable could at any point in time represent none of them, the worst of them, or all of them.

                Basically, [a – (c + b)] + d = how much swearing, screaming and just plain old bat-crazy stuff you’ll be expected to hear on a typical day.

                “So you’d never do it?” Jongin hears Sehun say as he approaches the clubroom from down the hall.

                “, look, I’m telling you, it’s not gonna happen. Don’t get me wrong, are great and everything, but I’d rather not know what it feels like to have one shoved up my .”

                Jongin steps into the room right then and kind of freezes halfway to his beanbag chair at this last statement. “What?” he blurts out, confused.

                “Oh, hey Jongin.”

                Jongin’s heart flutters a bit when he hears the familiar voice calling his name, and he looks over to see Kyungsoo sitting on his own in the circle of beanbag chairs, Sehun having claimed Luhan’s vacated office space. The short owl-eyed boy is sitting with a textbook in his lap and a notebook propped on top of that, his handwriting neat despite the awkward sitting position.

                “Hey.” Jongin drops his backpack and plops into the beanbag across from Kyungsoo. “So what’s going on?”

                “Well…”

                “What if you were like, completely and totally wasted and this guy just grabs you?” Sehun asks.

                “I still wouldn’t do it,” Jongdae says, shaking his head. “I’ve kissed a guy before, but that’s it.”

                “That’s where you draw the line?”

                “That’s where I draw the line.”

                “But what if he was good? Like really really really good?” Sehun insists.

                Jongdae looks up at the ceiling in thought. “Maybe if it was Johnny Depp.”

                “Agreed,” Tao jumps in, balancing a chopstick on the bridge of his nose. “I would totally spread peanut butter on Johnny Depp and him clean.”

                “For lack of a better word, that’s so gay,” Jongdae replies, wrinkling his nose. “No offense, guys,” he adds towards Chanyeol and Baekhyun.

                They both wave him off from their computer screens dismissively, completely absorbed in writing code for the new club website. “None taken,” Chanyeol says. “Although that sounded pretty hot to me.”

                “No, that just sounded really weird.”

                “Would you do it?” Tao demands, dropping his chopstick and turning on Jongdae. “Would you spread peanut butter on Johnny Depp and him clean?”

                “No—”

                “Then you don’t get Johnny Depp.”

                Jongin turns back to Kyungsoo. “Okay, I think I get it now. Are their conversations always like this?”

                “Sometimes. But it’s been particularly crazy ever since Sehun joined. He comes up with the strangest questions.”

                “He can be like that,” Jongin rolls his eyes.

                “You knew him from high school?”

                “Yeah. He used to dance with me for a little while too.”

                “You’re really good, by the way,” Kyungsoo says enthusiastically. “At dancing, I mean. I didn’t get to tell you last time. It’s incredible to watch. I don’t think I’ve ever been so mesmerised watching someone dance before.”

                The unexpected praise sends Jongin’s heart rate up, and he swallows hard. Suddenly the room was way too hot. “Thanks,” he replies, trying to keep his tone casual.

                “Have you ever considered pursuing it professionally?”

                Jongin shakes his head.

                “That’s too bad, you look like you’d be a good teacher too. You should teach me a few moves sometime,” Kyungsoo says, giving him the crescent-moon eye smile again.

                Okay, now the room was really too hot. “Yeah, sure, cool, definitely. I mean yes,” Jongin stammers.

                 Just then Minseok abruptly falls out of his chair with his arms stretched towards the fridge. “Guys. I’m dying.”

                “Of hunger?” Sehun asks, cocking his head.

                “No, dip, I’m dying of ing hepatitis, yes of—”

                “You have hepatitis?” Yixing suddenly swirls in his chair, horror etched into his clear skin-commercial face.

                “No I do not have hepatitis! You are such a hypochondriac, of all the things to hear out of the crazy that comes out of everyone’s mouths—”

                “You could have hepatitis and not know it yet, though,” Sehun interrupts. “You can get it by eating ice.”

                “You mean contaminated ice.”

                “No, I mean ice.”

                Minseok drops his head to the floor. “I’m so done with you people.”

                “You could get hepatitis by the floor, too,” Sehun continues, as if he hadn’t heard him, and doesn’t notice the way Yixing lifts his feet up from the floor onto his chair.

                “I’m not gonna the floor—”

                “Or AIDS. You could get AIDS if someone bled on the floor and then you it.”

                “Gross,” Jongin scrunches his nose up. “What the , Sehun.”

                “Or the ceiling. I heard once that if someone cut themselves and got blood on the ceiling and someone else it they could get AIDS.”

                “Okay, I’m gonna stop you right there,” Jongdae says, pinching his nose bridge and squeezing his eyes shut, “because I don’t know how the hell someone could bleed on the ceiling unless they were cut with a chainsaw.”

                “I’m a little more concerned as to why someone managed to think up that scenario in the first place,” Minseok says, picking himself up off the ground and dusting himself off. “Or whether the possibility of that actually happening is realistic.”

                “You know, Minseok,” Kyungsoo clears his throat then, “if you’re hungry there’s some leftover cake in the fridge that I brought from—”

                Six pairs of feet make a mad dash for the fridge and a shoving match quickly ensues as the fridge door is wrung open.

                “Stop elbowing me, Baozi!”

                “I told you not to ever ing call me that! Is that supposed to make me want to cooperate with you?!”

                “OW! Chanyeol, you frigging beast, you stepped on my foot!”

                “What the hell, douchebag! Don’t just insult Chanyeol like that in front of me!”

                “Yeah, I—wait, what do you mean in front of you? He’s allowed to insult me when you’re not around?!”

                “Put a lid on it, Baekhyun, before you mess up your ing eyeliner—”

                “What the—WHAT THE ! You guys, Sehun just ran off with the ing cake!”

                “Well don’t just stand there, go after him!”

                “You’re the wushu master!”

                “You’re the ing giraffe here!”

                “What the hell is going on? Where is Joonmyun? Why is Joonmyun never here?”

A/N

Sehun casually trying to convert Jongdae to the dark side

I'm not sorry

Although I do apologize for all you Baekyeol shippers out there cause I realize that their unveiling was totally anti-climatic but I might do a bonus chapter or a one-shot that details how they became a couple I dunno still contemplating 

Also I'm at math and I totally pulled that formula out of my I have no idea if it makes any logical sense

Anywayyyyyyyys you guys have been awesome so far please keep up the support ^_^