Near you really makes my live shortened. My heart keeps skip beats. My lung seems heavier and it’s really hard to breath. Seeing you just like a drug, once never enough, I keep want more and I can’t escape. Met your gaze just like a thunder shot into my eyes and make my heart jumped out of my chest. Sensed your presence made me had goose bumps. And, smelling your body scents- which likely a place full of flowers and sunrays, I really like sunrays’ scent- make me go wild, out of my mind.

Every day is killing me but I can’t let you go of my sight nor I can ignore you, pretend that you never exist. Every day I study your expression, your smile, your eyes, and especially your face. You don’t know how much time I spend just to imagine you. Most likely you and I. and I desperately want you to be mine.

How much I want to hold your hands, gaze in to your eyes, smile to you when you shot me your confuse glare, pat your head lightly, hug you tight, whisper into your ears, feeling your giggles against my shoulder, feeling your warm hug, never let you go, and most important, tell you again and again that I love you. I really do.

But here I am, stuck in my hopeless mind, freeze in the cold reality. You already had someone special to you. Though I am not sure he is really the one for you. I want to believe that I am the one for you, only me and no one else. How it sounds really possessive but I don’t really care, I am all possessive just with you. I don’t even like seeing you with another person, whether a girl or a boy. But, I had to stop it all because I know you don’t like it.

Is it me who feeling that you want to seduce me every day or it just you who really want to do it? You show up in the classroom every morning with a new you. A new hair style, a new smile, or a new bag and  stuffs. No, I don’t mean that you gone under plastic surgery or something like that, it’s just.. you look different and prettier day by day. Even with a new addition like a hair pin or a hairband you already make me flustered.

Do you want to know something? I really like your backside. I am not a ert, okay? I like it just because I like it. And beside I can’t stare into your eyes, or even your face. It’s like my heart is going to explode if I get caught by your eyes. My heart has a time bomb whenever near you.

Hey, I desperately need you in my life, even if I just being your slave or best friend. But hearing you always disappeared and seems like stay away from me really pained my heart. Do you hate me or do you dislike me? Am I doing something wrong? I know I’m afraid to touch you if I beside you, and I know I can’t control my mind if you slightly touch my body, but I can’t even breath if you disappear like that. I want to hug you like I hug others. Maybe you think I don’t like you because I keep a distance towards you. One thing you should know that I really like you, so if I don’t keep a distance, i most likely will something we will both regret. Well, something I will regret.

You know what? I always imagine kissing you if I stare your lips for too long, so I kinda afraid if I go near you. I’m afraid I would grab you and kiss you, and I can’t control my body anymore, so I will backed out and rest my hand uncomfortable behind my back. Maybe you will think the other ways, but I don’t really mind though, since I am the one who start to keep distance towards you, but please don’t hate me. I just.. I just think that you’re too precious. Too precious to be mine. I don’t know, it’s confusing.

One time I really want you to be mine but another time I really don’t want you to be mine. I’m afraid I’ll hurt you somehow, without me even knowing. I’m afraid if I treat you bad then you will disappear forever from my life. I’m fine with not having you as my lover, as my girlfriend, but I can’t live without you by my side. I just need you to be here by my side, not matter what status we have, lovers, friends, bestfriends, acquaintances, colleagues, coworkers, partners, strangers, whatever, I just need you in my life.

I know I sound so desperate here. I am, truthfully. I feel this for so long and I don’t know how to not feel this way again. It’s becoming a habit, desperate for you. Sigh.

Just.. just don’t disappear from me.

I love you.

I don’t need you to know that. I don’t need you to feel the same way. And I don’t need you to acknowledge my presence. Just don’t go away too far from me. Even if you already have your future-husband in your hand that you loved so much.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

Tiffany.

I love you.

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a/n : hey. another oneshot. i got a bunch of untitled and title story on my computer, but they never finished. so i kinda force myself to finish this one, but the ending was kinda messed up cus i really sleepy and i dont know what i was thinking anymore.

please leave me some love if you can :)