I still hear our song on the radio, but you know it don’t sound the same to me unlike before. I remember when the day that we are officially together you are really cute because the first thing you ask me is what will be our theme song? I said to you that we don’t need that kind of thing. I saw you pouting. Ow you don’t how much I want to kiss you because of your cuteness. Minutes passed of walking together I notice how the silence ruled between us. I decided to talk to you and ask you “Baby why so silent? Is there anything wrong?” while cupping your both cheeks. We look to each other eyes. I started to get nervous because I saw your eyes started to get teary. You don’t know how I started to curse myself at that time. I was like ‘owh owh hyuk if you don’t want to be single again just do anything’. And then you started sobbing and said “but we need it. Every person that I know in a relationship they have song to each other even my fishes I gave song to them. Why you don’t like us to have also?” You said while you keep sobbing. I don’t how am I going to react that time ‘cause even I don’t want to laugh on how childish you are I still can’t you are really cute hae. You saw me smiling and then you started to shout “Yah! Why are you laughing huh? You don’t love me” you cried harder. Ow how I’m thankful that there’s no so much people in the area that we are in. I hugged you and said “Of course that’s not true I love you so much. Do you think one year of courting you is just for fun huh?” ‘I’m laughing because my boyfriend is like a 5 year old kid’ and then I kissed your hair and smile. Its 12 A.M now and ready to sleep and then I heard my phone ringing and saw your name on the screen I pick it up and then said “Hello?” but I raised my eyebrows because all I can hear is a song , It’s Grow Old With You by Adam Sandler  ‘I want to make you smile whenever your sad .. Carry you when your arthritis is bad …..’ I listen to the song until it ends ‘… I wanna grow old with you’. After the song ended you speak and asked me if I love the song. I said in a simple “Yes”. You said “Good then because that will be our officially themed song. So goodnight because I need to search another theme song of my love fishes”. I still didn’t know what’s with the fish but I’m so sleepy to think to it so I also said my goodnight and I love you. “I….I..love you…too  bye” You said with a shy tone.I know you are really shy because you cut the line really faster after you said it. I’m happy because that was our first I love you to each other. I sleep with a gummy smile on my face.

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When our friends talk about you all that it does is just tear me down. It really hurt hearing people talking about you as if I’m not there. Yes I know it’s my fault because I told them that I already moved on and I don’t have feelings to you anymore that's why they really comfortable  saying your name in front of me. You know hae deep inside my heart breaks a little when I hear your name. But this is right to happen to me. A stupid person like me is deserves this kind of pain.

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We’ve been together for almost 8 years. That time I started to work at my family’s own company. While you in our house doing the things like a real house wife do even we’re not even married. Even waiting for me to get home. I remember every time I get home you always welcome me with your warm embrace and kisses. But now it’s different I miss it so much. At first everything is going ok and happy. Months passed and it started to have problem between us. But I know to myself that I am the only who started to change. I easily get pissed and annoyed every time you talk so much or cling to me. I remember when it’s our 9 years anniversary . When I get home I saw you still awake even it’s 1: AM. You come to with still a smile in your face even you look like a zombie and said “ Baby your finally here. Are you hungry? Come I cooked your favourite food and also I bought your favourite strawberry cake.” While holding my hands. But because I’m stupid instead of appreciating your effort I shout to you “Yah! I Do you think I didn’t eat while I’m in office of course I am. So stop wasting money and time doing this from now on ok!”  I saw how you keep your tears to fall and the only word you say is “I’m sorry”. “Aisht I’m tired hae. I want to sleep so stop your drama and go sleep too” I leave you alone with crying eyes. I’m the most jerk person right?. Remembering that , I know it’s too late, too dumb to realize that I should have bought you flowers and held your hand at that time and told you ‘how much I love you’. Too late to realize too that I should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance.

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Years passed and now I saw you again. It was one of our friends party. Seriously you become more handsome than before. You changed so much. I was like ‘I can bet all my money if there’s a person who can  can explain how much I missed you hae’’My baby fish’. After finding a confidence, I decided to go where you are to try my best to apologize. But when I’m about to approach you I heard you introduce someone to our friends. I don’t know how to react at that time when I heard you said “ Guys  I want you to meet my fiancée Siwon” showing your best smile. I don’t know but upon hearing that I started to get dizzy and didn’t know that i broke the wine glass with my own hands. All I can hear and see is the gasp and worried face of our friends and other visitor. They are like “hyuk are you ok?” “What happened?”.I walk without explanation and go to one of the rooms with my friend kyuhyun and because he’s a doctor he heals the wound. He asked me what really happened. I didn’t answer his question and keep enduring the pain. It’s done and while kyuhyun fixing his things he said “ Hyung I know you . It’s because of that fiancée of hae hyung right?”. I want to say ‘yes kyu yes’  but instead of saying it I remain silent and pretend not hearing his question. But because kyuhyun is really stubborn he talk again “Hyung why you don’t tell him everything. I’m sure he will change his mind and leave that siwon”. When I heard it I suddenly shout to him and said “No Kyu. No kyu ! I can’t do it” and lowered my head. “ If you can’t do it then I will be the one to say it to him.” Kyuhyun said and about to leave the room but I hold his wrist fast and said with a teary and pleading eye “No kyuhyun please. I don’t want to interfere again to his life. You also saw it how happy he was when he introduced siwon to you and to everyone. Everything  what’s happening now is all my fault. I love him so I want him to be happy.” Kyuhyun hold my hand and loosen it from his wrist. He hold my both shoulders and said “ Ok hyung I’m not going to tell him but please don’t ever said it again that it’s your fault. This is all just misunderstanding and you just didn’t do it right. Ok so fix yourself and be a man.” He taps my head like a kid and walks to the room. After kyu leaves I whisper “No kyu. It’s my entire fault, I’ll be the first to say that I was really wrong” and I started remembering what happens before we broke up.

“Baby where are you going?” Donghae asked me with a sweet voice.

“The company is having a party and I need to be there.” I answered him while fixing the suits I’m going to wear.

“Party? So there will be dancing there. Can I go please?” Hae with a pleading eye.

“No hae. You can’t ,stop that dancing thingy. it’s not a club it’s a company party.” I said with a cold voice.

“But ..  But..  I really wanted to go with you please”Donghae keep insisting.

I shouted to him “ Yah! You really pisses me off. Will you please stop being stubborn. You’re so irritating!! Get out!! ” After that I get my car key and leave him.

I know that time will come that you will decided to leave me. And it haunts me every time I close my eyes.

If not because of my stupidity, my pride, my ego, my needs and my selfish ways caused a good strong man like you to walk out my life. I will take you to every party because I know all you wanted to do was dance. I know I’m probably much too late.  I’m happy because I can see how happy you are while dancing, but you’re dancing with another man  now. Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made. Although it hurts to see you’re happy with him I will be happy too. I go outside the garden to have a fresh air. I didn’t realize that the person who is the reason of my heartbreak for so long is in my side now. I was shocked to know the person who poked my cheeks and said “Hello there. Are you ok?”.

“Of course I’m ok. It’s just bad luck is really loves me so this happens to me” I said with a fake smile of course.

“Ow. Really? It’s good to know that you’re ok. You know hyuk even we’re not together now still, you will always have a special space in my heart and still worried about you” Hae said to me with a serious tone.

“I’m sorry” the only word I said to him.

“Sorry for what?” Hae asked with a confused face.

“Sorry for everything” ‘Sorry for not telling you the reason why I became mean to you. I need to do it because I don’t want you to know that I am going to have a heart surgery’ I said but still the other words is still kept for myself.

“I think I just more thankful because I found my fiancée now right?” He said with a slight smile.

Seriously I was hurt when I heard it to him. So I decided to leave. But I still able to tell to him what I want to say.

“But I just want you to know hae” I paused while back facing him.

“What hyuk?” he answered back.

“….that I hope he buys you flowers, I hope he holds your hand,Give you all his hours when he has the chance.Take you to every party cause I remember how much you loved to dance. And …. and do all the things I should have done when I was your man“ And started walking and leaving the place.

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Months passed and it started to have problem between us. But I know to myself that I am the only who started to change. I easily get pissed and annoyed every time you talk so much or cling to me.

-          The day when kyu told me that I have heart problem. And I was so dumbfounded when I heard I about it. I love you and I don’t want you to sacrifice your happiness so I decided to do my stupid plan.  To hurt so you can leave me.

I remember when it’s our 9 years anniversary . When I get home I saw you still awake even it’s 1: AM. You come to with still a smile in your face even you look like a zombie and said “ Baby your finally here. Are you hungry? Come I cooked your favourite food and also I bought your favourite strawberry cake.” While holding my hands. But because I’m stupid instead of appreciating your effort I shout to you “Yah! I Do you think I didn’t eat while I’m in office of course I am. So stop wasting money and time doing this from now on ok!”  I saw how you keep your tears to fall and the only word you say is “I’m sorry”. “Aisht I’m tired hae. I want to sleep so stop your drama and go sleep too” I leave you alone with crying eyes.

--Seriously baby I have a plan on our anniversary and to feel you that I felt sorry about my changes and want you to feel that I really love you. But this facking heart starting to get hurt so much and so I decided to go to kyu because he’s my personal doctor and friend. He said that my problem is getting serious. That is why I came late.He said I need to undergo a surgery as soon as possible. I’m really sorry for making you cry hae sorry

“ Yah! You really piss me off. Will you please stop being stubborn. You’re so irritating!! Get out!!” After that I get my car key and leave him.

-          I want to take back what I said and hug you hae  but my heart is starting  to get hurt. And my medicine that kyu gave is on my car. And I think this is the right time to leave me. Im sorry baby. But  I did it because I’m not sure if the surgery is will be successful or not. I only want you to leave me and to start move on.

 

The End …

 

Sorry for wasting your time reading this lame story. But still thanks if you read this <3

Actually this idea is based on Bruno Mars song When i was your man.

And I'm really sad cos my baby hyuk is the one hurting here and being so stupid huhu Sorry Loves >.<

Image from tumblr ..