I Really Don't Need You Right Now
When....
"Jess! Listen to me please!!"
I can hear Donghae's heavy footsteps and breathing as he slammed his car door a few minutes after I parked my car in the parking basement of my apartment complex. He finally caught up with me and as he panted and grabbed my arm at the same time. I weakly shook him off.
"What do you want Donghae!?"
There. We met eyes. If this is the old me I would've just forgiven him right away.
"Jess please listen to me! I thought it'll be best to give you space while I sort things out with Tiffany--"
"Sort things out with Tiffany? Is that why I didn't hear from you over the last month? All I needed was that tiny hope that you're still mine. All I wanted was for you to show me that you still cared about me so I wouldn't have all these nasty things in my head! But Hae, you made me stand on my feet for too long! You know how I was! I can't just stay still without thinking all the negative possibilities that could've or would've happen! Hae, that's all I did this whole time. If you ever just asked how was I doing, I'd probably crawl back to you right away. But no, I've thought about how easy I was when it comes to you, how dependent I am to you, that I was once nothing without you. But now Hae I think I can stand up on my own. Not as well as how I was with you next to me, but definitely better on my both feet now. I was very insecure and introverted. Seeing you with Tiffany made me realise that I really am a piece of for depending all to you, even my happiness..."
"Jess---"
No tears fell. For the first time I feel like my heart was less burdered. My entire body has calmed down, my heart beats in a normal rhythm, not too slow or too fast.
"Jess, look...I have realised a lot of things over the past month. What good would it be if I have that piece of land, get that house we designed together but there's no YOU? Jess I can't even imagine that!"
His tears trickled down his face. I felt a pang of guilt when I saw him shed tears but I was very hurt too.
"Hae, it's not fair for me to just forgive you. We're both hurt but you cheated, I can't do anything for you when at this point I can barely do anything for myself. I really don't want you back right now Hae. I need some space."
I calmly turned my back against him after I softly slid his hand off that was tightly holding on to my arm again. I slowly walked to the elevator, pressed my floor number and I could him from the distance. His gaze is not stop following me until the elevator doors shut fully. I was confused, hurt and guilty. He sounded so sincere but here I am buried with all the nasty negative things that I could not even stop thinking about even after that confrontation. I love him, there's no doubt. But all these time I realised I depend on him too much for so long that standing back on my own feet is like learning how to walk. As much as I wanted to run to him and cry 'I'm sorry', my senses told me not to do so. Because if I do so, the pride that has awoken in me would be hurt too.
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Expect more chapters I guess?
- your forgotten writer :)
ps i edited the chapter covers, about 500x500 but idk why it's automatically resizing everytime i upload it online
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