I've been in a relationship with Kim Jonghyun for two and a half years now, and I shouldn't have been surprised when he asked for a break up but I was, nonetheless. I had expected this day to come, but when the blond haired charmer requested to talk the moment he stepped into our newly furnished love nest, drenched from head to toe, I panicked. 

"It's Key." he blurted, those two words obviously the pathetic result of his countless practices day after day, all in preparation for the right moment to confess. It wouldn't have made any sense, if not for the fact that I had secretly known from the day he clumsily introduced me to his best friend, claiming that I was The One. I remember faking a smile for the diva then, ignoring the hint of his shoulders falling slightly and his eyes widening like a deer caught in headlights. 'So this is he' , I thought to myself, making a mental note to differentiate myself from the fair skinned flower boy in every way possible. Because I was the girlfriend, and he had to stay the best friend for as long as I was around.

But the phrase 'best friend' hung by Kim Jonghyun's lips so loosely, he had forgotten to think deeper into how those two words served to mask what he really felt. The phone calls that lasted for hours without a need for spoken conversation, the foolish grins he tried to contain whenever he received a childish 'whatcha doin' text, the exchange of their traditional awkward 'greeting' whenever they got together … The pair was practically inseparable. There was a special bond between the two that no one could deny. Something both Kim Jonghyun and Kim Kibum couldn't find the right title for, thus mutually agreeing on the all too shallow label of 'best friends'. The other three guys knew that all too well. That was why the sudden intrusion of a girl turned Kibum into the constant subject of worry. Even I could see how the life of our conversations always hung on a loose thread and only Kibum could save them with his clueless act and feigned laughter. 

Kim Jonghyun had made a mistake that everyone but him could see. And I chose to let it slip by, in hopes of turning things around some way or another. But first love never dies, they say. And Kim Kibum was Kim Jonghyun's first love, except he never knew. 

"I know. It's okay."

Just like him, the scene of his heartfelt apology had been replaying itself in my head every night. And those words were the summary of all I had planned to say when the time finally came. 

'I knew long before you did that you and Kibum were made for each other. I'm glad you see it now, Jonghyun. Don't feel bad, though. I understand completely. I just want you to be happy. And I'm so proud of you for admitting to your feelings. I'm so happy for you. I really am.' 

I was no Shakespeare, but I had a few better versions than the abrupt closure I ended up giving. But then again, what reason did I have to comfort the man who robbed me of almost 4 years, including the childish phase of push and pull before he decided to end the mess he had created by impulsively asking me out? Still, I went on to do what I had grown so accustomed to doing. I let myself drown in those brown orbs and smiled.

"Maybe you got your feelings a little wrong, but that's ok." I reassured, reaching out to push aside the strands of hair that stuck to his forehead thanks to the pouring rain he apparently ran through. It seemed to have washed away all traces of the self-righteous and carefree man I had fallen in love with, revealing all the regret that had been so deeply buried in these 2 and a half years by a confused child. 

I wasn't going to ask why he came home in this state, or what had happened before this that triggered him to finally come clean. None of that mattered anymore. He was no longer mine to care for. To be exact, he never had been. All I wanted right then was for Kim Jonghyun to vanish from my sight, at least for now. I had wasted too much of my youth on him and vice-versa. Besides, no amount of my comforting could make him feel less guilty. What he really needed was Kim Kibum. Just one word from the man and he'd be perfect again. I should know better than anyone, that Kim Jonghyun was a man who didn't need any forgiving or approval from anyone to proceed with what his heart (or his head, in some cases) told him was right. 

That was how he broke Kim Kibum's heart before, and now that's how he'll break mine.