June 15, 2013

Sunggyu was at work, eating the lunch that Seul-ki had packed up for him. She had made him bibimbap, and anchovy's soup which tasted heavenly in his mouth. A colleague came up and asked who cooked him the food and without even hesitating, he answered, "My wife."

"Are you dreaming?" His colleague asked, laughing at him but Sunggyu didn't really care. What he knew was he was eating good food and his wife was waiting at home for him. Sunggyu took the subway home and was singing happily when he rang the bell and Seul-ki greeted him with a wide smile on her face.

"You're home."

"I'm home."

Then she took his coat and his bag and put them away and after shower, they had dinner together and Sunggyu kept on talking about how his colleague was talking about his lunch box.

"So he asked me who cooked it for me." Sunggyu said, munching his meat. Seul-ki stopped eating, looking at him with anticipating eyes. "And I said 'my wife'." He watched as Seul-ki's face brightened and she smiled sheepishly while she ate her rice. "So I was thinking. Perhaps we should do the reception to announce that we're married."

"Should we?"

"Yeah, we have to at least let people know we are married." He said, nodding to himself.

"Hm." She nodded as well. "Kim Sunggyu-sshi?"

"What is it?"

"How's Nam Woohyun-sshi?"

Sunggyu frowned a bit. "That kid's fine. Don't worry he's tougher than what he looks like. Only his stomach is weak."

"His stomach is weak?"

"Yeah. Try feeding him spicy food and he'll suffer for days." Sunggyu said, laughing and Seul-ki smiled guiltily, still not able to forgive herself for beating him up.

Sunggyu skipped his usual dose of drama and was doing his work instead. Seul-ki watched the TV quietly, but she kept on glancing at Sunggyu who was straining his eyes to read something. Somehow it was not fun at all to watch TV alone and she was barely concentrating. She looked over to Sunggyu again, somehow feeling strange to think that Sunggyu was actually earning money for her and she felt sorry for him and wondered if she could at least help him with something.

When it was time for bed, Sunggyu called out for her. "Go to sleep first. I'm going to finish this first."

She nodded and went to their room hesitatingly and lay down awkwardly. She was used to having Sunggyu sleeping beside her then that it felt weird when she was lying down alone. She tried sleeping but ended up feeling too lonely that she got down the bed and peeked at Sunggyu who was still typing into his notebook. He looked up when he noticed her.

"Lee Seul-ki? What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "Hm-hm."

"Don't wait up for me." He said, smiling and asked her to go back inside. He watched as Seul-ki shut the door quietly. He rushed to do his work then, knowing well that Seul-ki was probably waiting for him. He took another half an hour before putting together the papers on the table, shut down his notebook and went inside the room to find Seul-ki lying on her side, facing the wall. He felt a bit disappointed as he watched her back and went to brush his teeth and lay down carefully on the bed so that he won't wake her up. He was looking up the ceiling before he turned to watch her back and heard a faint sob.

"Lee Seul-ki?" He got up and peered over her torso to look at her face. "Yah, are you crying?"

"I'm not." She said, but her voice definitely made her words a total lie.

"Yah." He pulled her waist again, and she jumped and covered her face with another pillow.

"I'm fine!"

"Why are you crying?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

"It's nothing." She said, but Sunggyu rolled her over to him and he took the pillow from her face and furrowed when he saw her red eyes. "I'm just emoshinki-ing!"

"What?" He frowned. "What is that?"

"Well... it's... Um, I was watching old videos of TVXQ and..." She said, sniffing.

"And you cried?"

"Because I miss them as five!" She said, loudly and pouted.

Sunggyu ruffled his hair in frustration. "Just because of that?"

"It's very important to me." She said, angrily.

"I don't like you crying over another man." He said, threateningly and made Seul-ki quiet.

"But... TVXQ is important to me..."

"How so?" He said, sceptical.

She went quiet and smiled sadly. "When I'm sad because I'm reminded of bad memories, their songs would always make me happy again."

"Bad memories?"

"Um." She nodded, her eyes brooding. "Like when... I waited for eomma to come home that night but she never did..." Her voice sounded down.

Sunggyu watched twitching as she tried to smile but her tears were threatening to fall again. "Can I ask you what happened to her? But if you don't want to tell me, then..."

"No it's okay. It's been a while now... So, I think I can tell Sunggyu-sshi about it." She said, smiling sadly. "Eomma and I live together in that small apartment just outside the town. She was always busy so by the time I was only 5, I learned to do all the things myself, like going to school on my own and ironing my own clothes." She smiled. "But Eomma would always come home and cooked for me without fail. Her cooking was the best." She stopped and her smile disappeared. "I never had a father, so Eomma was my dad and my mum and it was all that I could wish for..."

It was raining that night. Seul-ki glanced nervously at the window and heard some thunders rumbling outside. She pulled her jumper tighter and stared at the door, waiting for her mother who would usually come in anytime soon. She had just ironed her clothes nicely before the drama started and hung them carefully at the usual place. She turned to the television when someone in the drama shouted something and widened her eyes at the television. It's not as if she understood everything that was going on in the drama but it was important since she needed to tell her mother when she comes back home. Seul-ki watched the drama intently, and when she saw the credits then she realised that her mother still hadn't come back home. She shut off the television and walked towards the entrance so that she could straight away greet her when she appears.

And there she waited until it was cold, and she pulled her jumper tighter around her. She was just staring at the door, at the doorknob, waiting patiently for it to be turned. The sound of thunder roared loudly and she pulled her knees up and buried her face and closed her ears with her palms; her voice softly calling for her mother.

She fall asleep and woke up the next morning to find herself still at the front door, and she got up and searched the house. She opened the doors to all the room, calling 'eomma' with a loud voice. But the house was empty. So she sat at the front door again, watching the doorknob still.

Seul-ki, who was only five, went on sitting in front of the front door, looking up at the door, waiting for her mother without knowing she won't ever come through that door again. She was unrelenting as she sat there, hugging her knees, without eating or drinking anything.

On the door that the door was finally opened, Seul-ki who was lying on her side, looked up at the door with her sunken eyes, and smiled but when her eyes adjusted to the light coming from outside, she saw that it wasn't her mother. She stopped smiling and watched as Halmeoni came rushing to her and picked her up, hauling her out of the house which she never return to after that.

Seul-ki was severely dehydrated and had a high fever and Halmeoni had thought that she had lost her when she saw her lying limply on the floor, with her eyes that didn't even have gleams in them. She regretted over the fact that she was too busy mourning over the death of her daughter that she completely forgot about Seul-ki who waited alone for 4 days, for her mother.

Seul-ki buried her face into the pillow she was hugging, soaking her tears and sobbed terribly. Sunggyu watched with his own eyes teary as he her head gently.

"I kept on waiting... But she never appeared..." She sobbed.

"It's okay. It's okay, Lee Seul-ki. Shhh." He comforted her and lay down, and pulled her head closer to his torso where she cried even more. "I'm sorry that I'm making you remember bad things."

She tugged his shirt a little and shook her head in his embrace. Sunggyu kept on her head, trying to imagine five-year-old Seul-ki waiting at the door for days without anyone remembering that she even existed. He felt his heart becoming even heavy and heavier as he kissed the top of her head, asking himself how Seul-ki could still put up a smile after experiencing such thing. He sighed, blaming himself for asking such question and making her sad. He patted her back softly until her tears ceased and she fell asleep in his embrace, with occasional hiccups before she fell into a deep sleep.

Sunggyu woke up earlier again, to find Seul-ki still in his arms and he looked at her gently, pushing her fringe aside to have a better look of her face. He thought of how Seul-ki had been living without her parents from she was little, and then she was forced to marry him and he counted how many times he had made her cry ever since he first met her.

He then promised himself that he would never make her cry again as he kissed her forehead gently for a long time. He smiled to himself when he pulled away, watching her sleeping face before holding her tighter and closes his eyes again.

Seul-ki woke up feeling a bit suffocated as she found herself being in Sunggyu's tight embrace. Her eyes immediately went big as she loses her focus and unsure of what to do. She remembered clearly that Sunggyu had pulled her into his embrace when she cri