this is how an angel cries

 

 

 

 

 

"Now remember," his mother whispers softly as she ties the ribbon around the bottom of Tao's braided hair, "you're a girl." 

 

Tao nods his head curtly, eyes looking strongly into the mirror in front of him without wavering even for a second, he remembers how this all happened, a messenger from the palace 8 months ago forcing him to wake up before the crack of dawn as his father was chopping wood for the fire so they wouldn't be cold -- because it was the dead of winter, and his little baby brother, Mulan, would go cold. 

 

Tao had been woken up way too early, and if he wasn't so kind to his mother he might've snapped and told her to go away. That is, until she spoke. "Prince Kris from the Fire Kingdom wishes to marry you," she had said, voice wavering as droplets of water fell onto Tao's face, he had brushed off the tears from her cheeks before warily asking why. 

 

He's heard of cases like this, boys being taken away from their families to pretend to be wives to the rich gay men. He just never thought that he'd become apart of such a dirty business; a slave practically, he's becoming a slave. Though it will be under the contract of marriage. 

 

Letting out a shaky breath, Tao sweeps his long black bangs out of his eyes, surprised just how much he looks like a girl after spending a good 8 months growing out his hair and slowly being trained to act like a woman, talk like a woman, dress like a woman, walk like a woman -- and it's all so very complicated. 

 

"You'll be fourteen in a month," his father says, never holding eye-contact with his eldest son anymore. Tao understands, his father must feel a burning shame. "You'll be brought to the castle then." 

 

"I don't understand how this'll work" Tao says daintily, remembering that his voice has to be a bit higher, before he crosses his legs and daintily places his manicured fingers onto his knee's, "I can't give him children."

 

"Yes, well," his father says with down turned lips, "prince Kris will have to think of that on his own." 

 

 

♚

 

 

A month comes quickly, Tao realizes as his bags are packed into a car, men dressed in striking red to show they belong to the palace throwing his bags in without much care. 

 

His mother isn't even out to see him off, too busy wallowing in grief because her eldest son is leaving her and her youngest, Mulan, had died last week. All if left is Sekky and Jookli, the middle children whom were born as fraternal twins. 

 

"I don't see why the prince wants to marry this one," one of the palace men whisper haughtily under his breath as he places the last bag in, Tao flinches from his seat inside the car, looking out towards Sekky whom is wrapped around his fathers leg, and Jookli who's crying. "She isn't that beautiful."

 

Because I'm not a girl, Tao thinks miserably, eyes looking away from the heart-breaking scene of leaving his family, he remembers a time when people called him the most handsome little boy instead of a beautiful girl about to be wedded to royalty. He knows that he can merely act like a witch and make the prince hate him -- but the palace had offered money, and right now, money is what his poor family needs. 

 

Taking in a deep breath he tries to imagine all the things that can go right.

 

(He, however, only thinks about everything that can go wrong.) 

 

♚

 

 

"You must be exhausted from your trip" a maid chrips happily, tucking in some of Tao's luggage into a corner of the furnished room. Sweeping off her blue gown, the maid waddles towards the bed to fluff the pillows, "poor dear, rest well tonight and in the morning we'll bring you to meet the prince, he's quite excited over your arrival. Very kind, don't worry dear, prince Kris will treat you right." 

 

Tao gives her a half-smile, not really believing a single word she's sprouting because if the prince is so, so kind he could've just married the man he loves and forced him to wear a dress. Not him, not Tao, if Tao hadn't been picked by prince Kris he could've been at home, with short hair and in a pair of clapped out shorts, helping his father cut wood and paint the house, and then when that is done he could've helped his mother make food for the twins, who are only 3. The maid is staring at him, and Tao touches his cheek softly, fresh tears already making their trails down his face. 

 

He had wanted to protect his family, and in the end, all he has done is abandoned them. 

 

"Oh dear," the maid says softly, lips pulled down into a frown as she tugs out a face-cloth and wipes away Tao's tears. "A princess does not show fear, lovely." 

 

A princess isn't male, either. He thinks to himself, closing his eyes and willing himself to stop. "I know." He says finally, a fake smile gracing his lips, "it's fine, I'll be fine, please leave, I'll see... I'll see the prince in the morning." 

 

 

♚

 

 

Five maids greet him that morning, Tao merely curls his fingers into his bed sheets and manages to convince them that he can change himself. More so, he doesn't understand why Kris wants him to be changed by his slaves when he knows that Tao isn't a woman, and rumours travel too quickly for Tao want to break the secret so soon. 

 

When he has basic clothes on, he let's them do their handy work on him, merely sealing his lips and holding back tired yawns. When his face is covered in powder that covers all that is wrong, they dot his upper lids with black liquid and usher him to the dining hall to greet Kris. 

 

"Make sure to bow, M'lady" the blond maid behind him offers helpfully, "seem polite and very generous. Smile." 

 

Tao nods, a smile instantly gracing his lips as he holds his hands in front of him, fingers interlocked as he gracefully walks across the halls in high heels. 

 

They reach the dining hall, and he realizes he doesn't need to wait, standing in painful bonds as he awaits for his prince; the prince is already awaiting for him, hands held behind him in balled fist and Tao idly wonders if he's already managed to make him mad. 

 

"Oh," Kris says blinking in surprise when Tao bows towards him, "Tao?" 

 

Tao nods, a small smile on his lips as he pulls out the sides of his dress, making sure to bow again but this time more like a lady. Kris frowns at him, "you don't need to bow to me, you... you're wearing a dress." 

 

Tao tilts his head at this, realizing with a sunken stomach that the maids had already scurried off leaving them alone together. "What else would I be wearing," he chokes down his pride, "my prince?" 

 

Remember, you are a girl. Placing his hands gracefully in front of him, manicured hands holding each other as he flickers his eyelashes a bit and raises his chin. 

 

"Well," Kris laughs, holding out a hand for Tao to grab. "I guess I was expecting you to be wearing normal clothes, like those shorts you had on when I first met you." 

 

"To marry you I must be a girl" Tao says, almost as if he's brainwashed himself to believe such a lie. 

 

"Is that so?" Kris hums, pushing down Tao's shoulders to seat him in the seat far across from the other side of the table, instead of going to the other chair placed opposite and far away from Tao's, he pulls up a chair and sits beside Tao. "Well, you only need to pretend you're a girl when you're outside the palace, inside the palace, everyone here knows you're a boy." 

 

Tao's eyes flicker at that, "so I don't have to wear these hideous dresses all the time?"

 

To this, Kris merely laughs, "unless you want too." 

 

♚

 

 

"The marriage will be made official next week, Tuesday morning." A lady wearing glasses and a large ribbon shirt says in an ice-cold tone, hair braided behind her and her chin seems a bit sharp for a woman, but Tao nods his head in a mannerist way, anyway. Kris beside him doesn't look very interested in the affairs of their marriage that'll be occurring next week, however. 

 

"And who will be conducting this?" Kris finally asks with a long winded sigh. Tao straightens his back and smoothens out his dress with his long painted nails pressing creases into the light blue material. 

 

The Royal Marriage Consulter (so Tao has dubbed her) merely rolls her eyes and grabs a pile of documents, tapping them once against an expensive looking mahogany table, "I would believe Yixing is left to things like this."

 

Kris frowns, "Yixing? He can't even organize his own room, a marriage is something very serious Lady Lee." 

 

"Yes, well," Lady Lee says with an exasperated tone that sounds like 'I'm late and you're taking too much time', "if he's bad at it, fire him and post-pone the wedding. You're the Prince, you may do things like that." With that she stands, pulling out the sides of her long skirt before bowing, "well if that is all, I will be off." 

 

Kris merely curtly nods at her, legs crossing as he leans back into the couch. "Kyungsoo, enter." He calls out loudly, and Tao let's out a rough sigh, crossing his own legs and uncomfortably squiggling a bit to make himself more comfortable, Kris had made a list of people Tao is allowed to be comfortable around, and Kyungsoo, is luckily one of those people. 

 

"Your next appointment is for the King and Queen to meet your choosen bride, should we bring um... Lady Tao to the make-up room?" Kyungsoo offers, voice a bit squeaky and Tao's been wondering since the moment he's laid eyes on Kyungsoo how old the man really is, Kris had said 22, but he sure doesn't act or seem like it. 

 

Kris seems displeased, Tao realizes when he eyes Kris from the corner of his eye. "Really? So soon?"

 

Kyungsoo looks to the side nervously, "I think they caught word of the maids gossiping about uhhh... Lady Tao and now..."

 

"So? I told them I was going to marry a man." Kris says in this dismissive tone that leaves Tao wondering who really does hold the power in this castle; shifting uncomfortably, Tao looks up towards Kyungsoo, hands folded in his lap as he flutters his eyelashes in a girlish way. "They just want to reject Tao as soon as possible, go tell them no, and that I won't see them until after the wedding." 

 

Kyungsoo looks absolute terrified at that suggestion, "me?" He asks pointing to himself, "Prince I don't think that's a good idea..." 

 

"I said," the prince says in an authoritive tone, "go tell them no." 

 

Kyungsoo gurgles a bit in distaste, face contorting into something rather ugly looking before he scurries off muttering profanities under his breath about spoiled princes, Kris seemingly un-bothered about the lack of respect merely turns his sharp gaze onto Tao. "Are you uncomfortable?"

 

"A bit" Tao admits shyly, head tilted to the side as he cracks his neck before straightening it back and raising his posture to be sitting up properly, like a lady. "But I'm used too it." 

 

"This must be a big shock" Kris laughs softly, shaking his head a bit, "you only got here yesterday and everyone is already throwing around our wedding plans." 

 

I was actually starting to think we'd be married the day I got here, Tao bites his tongue and offers a proper smile, something he had practiced in the mirror for weeks on end before he could pull it up on will, and properly. "It's okay" before, "it's a great honour to marry you." 

 

Kris frowns, "you know, I've been wondering why does everything you say sound rehearsed." 

 

Tao blinks, the words slipping out before he can stop them, "because they are." 

 

"Just talk freely when it's just us" Kris scoffs out, "I don't like people who sound and act like robots."

 

"I'm not a girl" Tao reminds him, his last warning before he actually does start to act like his normal self, even though he's not even sure what that is anymore. 

 

"I know" Kris says monotonously, "and good thing too, I don't like girls." 

 

Tao let's out a loud frustrated sigh, "you realize you're a prince, right? I'm a boy, I can't have kids, nor can I look like this forever, eventually I will grow up and..." 

 

The frustrating prince merely smiles coyly, his finger tips touching Tao's shoulder lightly as he looks the poor boy dead in the eye. "You only have to be a girl for our wedding, after that, you may grow up. People outside the castle will never see you, and royalty and rich people don't care very much what my uality is."

 

"And for an heir?" Tao asks with narrowed annoyed eyes. 

 

Kris shrugs. "Well, we'll see." 

 

 

 

 

 

first part yeah! pwp

Uh... uh... uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Idk. /starting yet again another multi-chaptered fic, hahahahahaha

this was supposed to be a one-shot (shocker) but I decided it should be a multi-chap thing. Because. You never ask me why.