[ATTENTION]   Its highly recomended for you you ,, to listen to this while reading ... in order to get into the mood ..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll65KrgWrbc

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just as a thought of him crossed your mind a call came .. you looked at your phone screen and smiled warmly ...  it was him ... you answered happily : yeobosayoooooooh !! ~  ... ......................... no answer !! you frowned and stopped at the hall way u were walking at !! u titled your head "oppa !! you there ?..." there was a little pause then a deep sigh came afterwards. u looked weirdly at your phone and brought it back to your ears !! "baby ~ !! you okay ?!??"   .............

  "   .......he is gone!!"  !! u never heard his voice this way before !!u felt unease something in ur heart told u this is not one of his pranks something was really wrong  "whose gone ?? joonah what is going on  !! your scaring me "                            : " my dad .. he is....dead?!!!!"  .........  a sting feeling like knife went into your  heart u stood there n the hall way with a fear look on your face  what ?? how?? what happened ?? !!  you took a breath which almost looked like a gasp !! " ho mah god " ...

you rushed on the stairs so hard that you felt your lungs were burning ... the rain was pouring outside and u could see the lightning from the stairs windows all you could think of was him !! *oh god please let him be okay* .. ... arriving  to the level u rushed to the door startling some passers ..running towards the apartment down the hall .." ...  as soon as u reached the door  u scanned  the key .. as soon as you opened the door  !! everything Paused !! at that second u felt  the time just stopped!!  u stared at him  !! standing there n the middle of the room .. his pale face ! his zombie like figure ! his eyes was so far away !! his mind was already in another world !!   "oppa .. " u whispered  ....  his eyes left  the ground to meet  your eyes !! your heart shattered  eyes teared up !! u walked to him slowly  feeling  your heart breaking at every step !! u gabbed as u reached for his face and looked him in the eyes !! " the emptiness !! the pain  !! the sadness !! the tears that painted his cheeks without him knowing!! u soundly burst in tears and hugged him so hard u couldn't believe this was happening to him u tightened your hug more when u didn't feel him response !! you wished this all just a nightmare you sobbed and sobbed for what looked like forever until u felt his hands go around u slowly he hugged u back with small force ! he was dazing until it hit him bad and he ended up sobbing along with you !!! he was breathing so fast . u just sobbed holding him so hard and both of you kneeled holding each other " I'm sorry ,,im sorry .. oh god im so sorry" u  both cried harder ..

after a while ~ ..

the sky was still pouring hard like they were grieving on what's happened ...

you guys calmed down ! still sitting on the ground  his head laying on your thighs as you caressed his hair and staring at his face with pain ..  *my sweet baby .. im so sorry*  ..you leaned and kissed the side of this head and his cheeks ,, his eyes was closed but you can sense that he was still awake ..  u didn't know what to do ! your not that emotional person that knows what to say in these situations ,, you were scared of every word that will come out of your mouth !! but u wanted him to speak !! to say it !! even though he cried a little  you wanted to share the pain with him ! his burdens, u didn't wanted to think not for a second that he is alone !! u leaned again and whispered in his ears " im here for you " and u kissed his head again.. that what all your brain managed to combine together in that moment .. but maybe it was all it needed.

  u went to do him some tea to try make him feel better and worm in this cold weather .. !!  u went back to the living room he was sitting on the couch staring at the table still in his status... u sat next to him with the cup   " here ..it will make u ease up a bit .." u said with a soft voice almost like whisper ..........   

.".."   ...

u began to tear again .. your heart was just n so much pain seeing him hurting like this ..at this moment he wasn't the doojoon u knew  things wasn't usually like this you were the cold part in this relationship  !! and he was the one whom his presence made the room become a life and laughter filled the place ...this reversed situation was eating you up inside and it made u so scared ,, u wanted to know what was he thinking No! u needed to know !!his feelings !!u can't understand why he is being so stubborn !! u couldn't let him bottle it all in u  just couldn't !! " yoon doojoon " u whined !!!  he just sighed and but his head n his hand ....u didn't know what to do .. u wished this all go away .. u wished nothing of this to be real !! ... u  put the tea away .. and reached your hand to his face .. u turned it to ur way and tried too hard into his eyes for a moment  !!  " talk to me .. or cry .. scream .. shout for god sake ..!!! .. just don't..   don't dare hold it in .. don't dare to look strong in front of me  " u said angrily  his eyes was lost but at that moment it was like he actually heard you ..

 u sobbed saying " do u hear me ??? I'm here for you ... im here now  .."  u said not able to hold the tears from running down your cheeks ..

he just stared at your face ... you surrounded your arms around him and hold him tight  .. u just wished this phase to past by fast !! you couldn't stand him like this u didn't know what to do more ! u wanted him back !.  

"please ..." u said desperately and then he closed his eyes as a tear dropped !! he hugged your waste . the memory of his father went by his brain ..  !! he couldn't believe it !!" my father is really gone ... he is gone  .. i wasn't the best son .. i didn't thank him ! i didn't even tell him that ..... that i  love ... something in him just exploded !!and he just whaled so painfully, his body shivered and started to shake achingly in your arms  u hold him with all strength u had while he emptied his heart out and u said "I'm so sorry ..baby I'm so sorry I don’t know what to do to take this pain away"  and you hugged him as hard as you could ...... and he whispered between his heavy sobs " stay.... just stay with me..............

..  the lightning was flashing and the rain was even harder !!! and it all was grey everything  was lifeless !!as if this day could actually feel that sadness.