There's a picture in a frame sitting on top of Youngjae's dresser. It showcases him and Jongup, their arms wrapped around each other and smiling at the camera so, so happily. Their teeth are showing and they're pressed close to each other and Youngjae thinks that the picture in the frame is the epitome of happiness.

            Every morning, he stares at that framed pictured and wonders why things had to change.

            He would give anything, anything in the world, to have Jongup back in his arms, smiling as happily as he was in that picture. He would give anything to be that happy again, but Jongup doesn't love him anymore. Jongup has a new boyfriend. 

            A new boyfriend. Youngjae scowls at the smallest thought of Daehyun. He's a cheater, a liar, and everybody knows - Everybody except for Jongup. Jongup always tries to see the best in people. Very rarely does he insult anybody and he always has a good first impression of people. Daehyun’s case no different and Jongup fell for Daehyun. He fell hard.

            All of Youngjae and Jongup’s friends know that Daehyun cheats. He's cheated countless times before and Youngjae is completely sure that he's cheating on Jongup, too. He doesn't want to believe it but there's a voice in the back of his mind telling him not to lie to himself, that it won't do anybody any good.

            The voice in the back of his head spits out a haughty "I told you so" when Youngjae's downtown and he sees Daehyun with his arm wrapped around a girl.

I didn't want to believe it,
but my hunch turned out right.

            Youngjae froze in place, earning a few insults from passerby's in a rush who shoved past him. Daehyun froze too, and the girl he was clinging to looked painfully confused.

            "Hey," Daehyun greets him, and Youngjae  swears that Daehyun has no shame whatsoever. It makes his stomach churn and his hands ball up into fists.

            Youngjae just nods in response because words are failing him. Daehyun and his girl, who still has no clue what's going on, are about to walk past him when Youngjae's eyes fall to Daehyun's hand. They freeze again.

He's not wearing that ring you gave him.
There's another girl by his side.

            Daehyun bursts into laughter and it gets Youngjae's blood boiling. "What the ?" Youngjae asks, his voice wavering just the slightest despite his attempt to sound tough and dangerous.

            "Say whatever you want to Jongup. He won't believe you," Daehyun says before he walks off, smirking and bringing the girl closer to his side.

            It wouldn’t hurt to try, right?

I don't wanna hurt you.

            Youngjae goes to Jongup's house the next day with trembling hands and a dry mouth. He knows that what he's doing is right and he should definitely be standing in front of a lost Jongup at the front door, but the voice in the back of his mind is now telling him that this is all going to end terribly.

            "I saw him with another girl." Jongup's eyes widen as Youngjae almost stumbles over his words. "He wasn't wearing the ring, either. You have to trust me, Jongup, he-"

            The words get caught in Youngjae’s throat as he watches Jongup burst into tears.

You say, "He's definitely not
that kind of person."

            He always thought Jongup's innocence was adorable but now he completely, utterly hates it.

            "Why would you even say anything like that?" Jongup asks, shaking his head as if he's ashamed of Youngjae - And he is, Youngjae knows, but he has no reason to be. He’s just trying to help, he wants to protect Jongup, he wants to get back together with him and- "Are you trying to win me back?"

            Youngjae's mouth opens, then closes, then opens again, but he can't speak. Whoever said that words can’t hurt people was a liar, Youngjae thinks. 

            "You can't win me back, Youngjae. I'm never, ever going back to you."

I reply that I probably got it wrong.
See? I lied for you.

            "You're right. I'm sorry. I was just trying to get you back. It was stupid of me. I’ll go now. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry."

            Youngjae leaves with tears in his eyes and an even heavier heart than he arrived with.

I hate that you don't understand me.
I hate all this waiting.
Let go of his hand.
Break it off with him.
When you're sad, I feel like I'm dying.

            For the rest of that night, Youngjae is filled with hatred. Hatred for Daehyun, hatred for Jongup - But mostly hatred for himself for doing that, for hurting Jongup like that. No matter how much he tries to convince himself that what he did was right, he can't believe it. It just ended with both of them being hurt. That night, he decides that he should listen to the voice in the back of his mind more often. That night, he cries himself to sleep for the hundredth time.

That motherer, what does he have that I don't?
Why can't I have you?
That motherer doesn't love you.
How much longer are you going to cry yourself silly?

            Jongup is always crying because of Daehyun. Youngjae knows this because Jongup has called him in the middle of the night many times, telling him through choked sobs that Daehyun said something again, that they got into yet another argument. Youngjae wants nothing more than to run to Jongup's house and engulf him in a comforting hug, but he knows too well that he can't.

            He can't help but compare himself to Daehyun. Jongup had to leave him for a reason, right? What exactly was he lacking? What does Daehyun have that makes him so much more special?

            Youngjae asks himself those questions throughout the entire following week, but he can't seem to come up with a good, logical answer. Sure, he isn’t the best looking guy out there. He isn’t afraid to admit that. But he’s kinder than Daehyun ever could be and he would definitely never cheat on Jongup. Ever.

            It doesn't take Youngjae long to stop hating Jongup. He knows that he could never truly hate him. He was just angry, hurt. Instead, he hates himself twice as much. It isn’t Jongup’s fault, he thinks, it’s his own. He ignores the voice in the back of his mind trying to tell him different.

When you speak of him,
you look so happy.
It's good that you can be this happy.

            Youngjae hates himself just a little bit more when he sees the look in Jongup's eyes when he's talking about Daehyun. He could go on and on about how Daehyun did this, about how Daehyun did that, and he would never get tired of saying his name. As much as Jongup falls for Daehyun, Youngjae hates him.

            Youngjae wonders how Jongup can speak of his new boyfriend so carelessly when it's so obvious that Youngjae is still in love with him. He assumes that Jongup just doesn't care. Maybe he did before, in the past – But it’s no longer about Youngjae. It’s about Daehyun. It’s always about Daehyun in Jongup’s eyes.

You say you really love him,
want to be with him forever.
You trust him completely.

            Jongup is the most innocent person Youngjae has ever come to known. He decides this when one day, Jongup tells him that he believes every word Daehyun says, that he would never make him out to be a liar, that Daehyun is so, so perfect in his eyes. Youngjae wants to take Jongup by the shoulders and shake him until he releases just how innocent he is.

They say love is blind. Oh baby, you're so blind.

            A few days after Youngjae tells Jongup about Daehyun being with that girl, he sees Jongup sticking to Daehyun's side on their school's campus. They share laughs and kisses and dreamy stares and Youngjae wonders how Jongup can even see Daehyun because he's just so ing blind.

He smiles like a hypocrite with you,
brushing your face and hair,
but he's thinking of another woman for sure.

            The next time Youngjae sees the couple, he's at a party with a group of his friends, and they're whispering in each other's ear across the way. Youngjae watches Daehyun slowly run his fingers through Jongup's hair. For a split second, he remembers how soft Jongup's hair was and how he loved to play with it in the mornings when they were first waking up together. 

            Youngjae leaves the party a few minutes later. He doesn’t want to socialize anymore. Instead, he wants to curl up in his bed and sob.

The amount of tears you've cried,
I want to make you happy by the same amount.

            Youngjae remembers very, very clearly that Jongup never cried when they were together. He made Jongup the happiest he had ever seen him, although Jongup always swears that he's so happy with Daehyun now. Youngjae loved Jongup’s smile and every time it was shot in his direction, he felt his stomach do flips. He doesn’t think that Daehyun has ever felt like that when Jongup smiles at him. He pushes back the thought that maybe Jongup smiles even brighter at Daehyun now.

            It physically and mentally hurts Youngjae to hear Jongup crying to him over the phone late at night. It hurt Youngjae even more to see Jongup crying before his very eyes - Not over Daehyun, but over him. Every day he regrets going to Jongup’s house more and more. He regrets trying to get through to Jongup. He would much rather suffer on his own than watch Jongup suffer because of him.

Why are you the only one who doesn't know?

            Youngjae ends up telling his friend from school, Junhong, about what happened between him and Daehyun downtown. Junhong believes him, unlike Jongup. Junhong feels sorry for him, unlike Jongup. Junhong cares about him, unlike Jongup. But Youngjae still wishes it was Jongup feeling all of those things for him.

            Junhong ends up telling his friend, Yongguk, about the incident, who tells his friend, Himchan, who tells all of his friends (basically the entire school, because Himchan is just that popular). The news spreads like wildfire and it reaches Jongup, just as Youngjae assumed it would, even if he wished it wouldn’t. He definitely didn't want it to happen but he knew it was inevitable with the way gossip is talked about on campus.

            Jongup finds Youngjae after school the day he hears Youngjae’s story again and tells him off, screams at him so loudly that his voice goes hoarse. Youngjae simply stands there and takes the verbal abuse because he knows that he deserves it. The voice in the back of his mind tells him that he should have never told Jongup about Daehyun cheating on him. Youngjae agrees. 

            They never talked after that day. In fact, Youngjae is pretty sure that Jongup is avoiding him. It's fine with him. Yes, he's still in love with Jongup, and yes, he does wish he could see Jongup again - even if he only receives bitter glares - but Youngjae decides that it's what he deserves. He deserves to be completely thrown away. It’s almost worse than getting dumped but he accepts his fate.

            Youngjae misses the late night calls (even if Jongup crying breaks his heart into pieces), the endless talks of Daehyun (even if he does hate the cheating bastard’s guts), and the smiles they would give each other (even if Youngjae's is fake and Jongup's isn't for him anymore). Youngjae feels emptier than he did the day Jongup left him. He didn’t really think that was possible.

            But Youngjae is still in love with Jongup. No matter how hard he tries to forget about what they used to have, he looks at the picture framed on top of his dresser and he falls in love with Jongup all over again.

            He can't bring himself to throw out the picture. He'll never be able to, even if it is a form of torture for him. And that's fine, because it's what he deserves.