It's been weeks since the ball, and I'd been in frequent contact with Doojoon on the pretext of "work. We'd even met up a couple of times with the rest of the group. 

Ah, don't get me started on the group. I almost convulsed and died, while trying to hold composure throughout our Samgyupsal dinner session.

Well, for one, I'm vegetarian - I HATE the sight of meat, or the smell of it being cooked. Call me crazy, but everytime I see meat, I actually see dead animal. (Trust me, it helps with my dieting, too! So many things these days are made with meat or meat by-products. It makes me skip a lot of snacks because there's Beef gelatine or some sort of Chicken essence in it. Yay, diet!)

And for another reason, I have had a major crush on Gikwang since forever, and he's seated next to me.

It's not exactly the first time I've met them. I did train at Cube Entertainment for about a year and a half before I was whisked away to my current company. (Guess I'm not Cube material. Sigh.) I had gotten the chance to watch them in concert a few times, met them backstage while they gave us prep talks about being trainees, and the occassional brush with them while going for training, and they've just had practice. 

I'd even gone to their concerts way before I started out as a trainee. I'd bought the highest category tickets and had met them back stage for photos. (I keep the polaroid in my wallet. I hope they don't find it and think I'm weird or something.) 

I have all their DVDs and Albums and lightsticks, and memorabillias - even those pillows with their faces on them.  -- But they're all tucked safely in my room at my parents' house in Daejeon. 

No, it definitely wasn't my first time meeting them - but it was my first time having dinner with them in such close proximity and with such personal conversation. My inner fangirl was laying on the floor, convulsing and foaming at . But I had to keep my back straight and speak in as "actress-like" manner as possible.

I got to know that they're a very much stressed up group - they work really hard all day and night not just for their own good, but to make sure that they give their fans what they want - and that they keep their family happy with whatever earnings they brought home.

They're just a bunch of 20-somethings with a knack for getting into some crazy partying once in a while, but they don't get that opportunity much.

I felt so much closer to them - not just as a fan, but also as a friend.

We'd been to their new apartment a couple of times too, because Yoseob wanted me to see his collections that he'd nicely arranged so that he can admire, and also once because Hyunseung ate something bad, and threw up on my shoes while I was helping him vomit into the grass patch.

We're.. I'd like to say... friends now.

But they don't really know how much of a crazed fan I am was. Shh!

**

It was finally the day of the script-reading, where the main characters had to sit in a huge hall and read out lines from the script together to see where the dynamics needed some changing - or just to see if the story works.

Dong Seop oppa brought the car to the front of my apartment (which I share with the new girl group from my company that debuted last month) building and came up to our apartment. He punched the code and walked in, nagging at me, saying I'd make us late again.

See, I'm dressed up - I even did my basic make up myself early in the morning. I just, couldn't find my lucky ring. I was frantically searching all over. 

"Oppa, call Seo Hyun's manager please? Check if she borrowed my ring again? Please? I can't do this without it. I'm a nervous wreck." Then I collapsed on the floor and started sobbing. 

Oh no. I'm a mess. How am I supposed to do this? My mom gave me that ring when I first started auditioning. It gave me strength - it reminded me of her. And i've never not worn it for any script-readings, castings, and auditions. I once forgot to wear it to an audition, and my nose started to bleed. I also passed out due to shock.

I need my ring.

Dong Seop oppa didn't move. He stood, looming over me and rubbed the top of my head reassuringly. "You'll be great. Don't worry about the ring - just remember your mom's in your heart.. not in a ring. Just.. call her and tell her to wish you luck." He said while passing me my vibrating phone.

Who the hell is calling me at such a time? I moaned in protest, and looked at my phone and immediately stopped sobbing. I picked it up. "Doojoon ah. *sniff* I'll be there soon. What's up?"

"Nothing, I was going to your favourite cafe - want anything?"

"I'll need a strong coffee. Give me an Americano - no sugar. Thank you. I wish you were here though."

"Huh? Why? I'll see you soon, anyway! What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm kidding" I fibbed, "I'll see you later. Thanks for the coffee, Doodoo!" I hung up.

Wow, I felt better already.

I tapped on my favourite call list and called my mom. I told her what happened, and surprisingly, I didn't even shed a tear. I felt good. My mom even cheered me on. She told me that I was going to win myself a Daesang that year as Best New Actress.

Okay, that part's a little over the top - I'm probably going to be in a total of 15 minutes worth of scenes and 8 of those minutes as a dead mistress just laying flat on the ground. If you win Best New Actress for being a corpse, I might be able to wing it! But let's be real.. It's a small break for a little Daejeon girl like me.

Dong Seop oppa pushed a tissue box in front of me and told me to "Get my head screwed on right, clean my mucky face and hurry the heck up," before disappearing back out to go back to the car. Probably to smoke another 2 sticks of cigarettes. Tsk - such an unhealthy habit.

I got up, blew my snot, splashed my face with water and cleaned myself up. I smiled at myself in the mirror. Though, I don't think you'd want to see how I looked like. My eyes were puffy and red and my lips were a little swollen from all the crying. Smiling through that look makes me look like a murderer.

**

We got to the huge warehouse building that housed CJ E&M - the company that's producing the movie, and I double-stepped through the doors, grabbed a fresh copy of the script, and plonked myself in the chair that had my name marked on it.

I breathed out a huge sigh.

"What in the world happened to your eyes? Were you crying?"

I looked up - it was DooJoon. "Here's your coffee. What's wrong? What happened? Is everything alright?" 

"I'm fine, Doodoo. And thank you. I really needed this. I just ... had another Hye Ri moment. That's all."

He empathetically gave me a side-hug. 

Then, the script-reading began.

**

After what seemed like hours, it was finally my part. I said my lines with such emotion. I didn't know where I was getting the muse. I just kept going. The scenes I was in were emotionally-driven. I was the mistress that he loved so dearly - he wanted the world for me. But I was fighting with his woman. She was frinding ways and means to stay with him, no matter how much he'd wanted to leave her. She was tricking him, swindling his money, and puting all the blame on me. 

It was one of those I-don't-like-a-house-wrecker-but-omg-she's-so-pitiful movies.

And then, there were the kissing scene, where he confesses his undying love for me.

And in the next few scenes, I'm tied up and... BAM. I'm dead.

Everything seemed really good. I was happy. Super happy.

I might be playing a corpse most of the show, but I'm pretty sure the other scenes with Doojoon will be fun to shoot.

 

I'm looking forward to the kissing scene. I can only imagine how soft his lips will feel against mine...