Taemin 6

 

My Mom always told me to not crying if my friends were being meanie to me and because of her words, I always tried my best to keep a straight face every time they call me names. But this time I couldn’t find the way to fight them back. They didn’t attack me with their scary hands, they didn’t mock me for being too white for a boy or too skinny or too pretty--what they said today was worse than that it made me ran home crying. 

 

Once the door of my home opened, I hugged the first person I saw and cried harder than before. My mom lifted me and hugged me tightly, asking what happened. I couldn’t stop the sobs so I didn’t say anything. My mom brought me to her room and kept holding me tightly and my hair till I stopped crying. Once I calmed down, she once again asked me what happened at school.

 

“I hate them. They are not my friends,” I said in between hiccups.  My mom’s hand still my hair softly and it actually made me kind of sleepy, not to mention I already feel exhausted from crying. 

 

“Did they hit you?” she asked and I shook my head. 

 

“They said that you’re not my real mom,” with this I started to cry again. It’s too much for me to handle. I was afraid what they said were true. “They said no one would ever love me because my real parents don’t want me,” sometimes I hate myself for being a cry baby but I love my mother so much, I don’t like to hear something like this from my friends. I don’t want my mom to throw me away. I want my mom to love me like I love her. “Umma loves me right?” I faced my mother and hoping she’ll say that my friends were wrong.

 

But my mom only closed her eyes and let out a long sigh. I bit my lips to prevent myself from crying even harder.

 

“Taemin-ah, here,” she smiled to me and pat her lap.  I immediately felt ease and it felt like all the worried disappeared in 1 second. I crawled to her lap and settled there before I planted a kiss on her cheek, telling her how much I love her.  From the drawer of her small table beside the bed, she pulled out a big blue book. There were cartoons characters I didn’t know the names on top of it and it really caught my attention. My sobs died down as she opened the book. There were photos of a baby and my eyes went wide excitedly. 

 

“It’s Taeminnie!” I pointed to that little baby and my mom chuckled, kissing the top of my head. “That’s right, it’s Taeminnie. You were so tiny and cute when I saw you for the first time. I fell in love with you at the first sight, you know,” I smiled and nodded. We spent hours looking at those photos and I could see how happy my mom looked in those photos. Sometimes there were photos of the both of us but most were only me in the pictures. From that moment, I knew that my mom really loves me and that she would love me forever.

 

Few years later my mom told me that I was adopted but I didn’t care. For me it’s not important anymore if I was her adopted son as long as she loved me as much as I loved her.

 

 

 

Taemin 10 

 

 

 

It was a nice weather outside and it’s weekend, my mother didn’t have to go to work and Minho hyung was usually free. I ran to my room and took my soccer ball from under my bed. My mom was really good at playing soccer, she was the one who taught me to play soccer. I walked to my mom’s room and found the door was almost completely closed. I peeked inside from the thin space and I could see my mom standing in front of her dresser. On her hand there was a small red velvet box and from afar, i could see that it looked like ring, a couple of rings. I looked up to her face and shocked to see how sad her expression was. I didn’t like to see her sad.

 

“Umma?” I called out for her and pushed open the door a little. My mom was hurriedly put the box back inside the drawer. When she faced me, I couldn’t see the sad expression I saw earlier so I thought maybe I was just imagining things. My mom smiled at when she saw a soccer ball on my hand. “Want to play with Minho too?” I nodded excitedly at her suggestion. 

 

--

 

I liked pretty things and my mom knew it. She usually always showed me all pretty jewelry or shoes or dresses she had, that’s why when my mom hadn’t showed me her pretty rings, I thought it’s unfair. When my mother was cooking at the kitchen one day, I sneaked inside her room and walked straight to the place where my mother put her rings. 

 

I found it there, hadn’t been moved at all by my mom. I lifted the red velvet box and opened it. There were two silver rings and there were really pretty. I took one and examined the ring, wondering why she never saw her mom wearing it and why she owned two same rings.  I saw something engraved on the inside and I brought the ring close to my eyes to see it clearly. 

 

T&M.

 

I tilted my head to the side, what is T&M means? But before I could think more about it, my mom room’s door opened. She looked surprised to see me inside her room with her wedding ring. But instead of scolding me, she smiled and took the rings from my hand and put it back to its place. “Let’s eat Taemin, dinner is ready,” she said with her soft voice and led me out of her room to have dinner together.

 

It was the last time I ever saw the red box again even though i already searched for it in every possible place i can reach.  

 

 

 

Taemin 13 

 

 

 

“Hyung,”

 

We were just coming home from school and made ourselves comfortable at the kitchen, eating ice cream. Minho hyung had a chocolate flavor, the same flavor as mine because the vanilla one was my mom’s. Minho hyung hummed and looked at my direction with his big eyes. I liked his eyes so much. 

 

“When I was little—“

 

“You still are Taeminnie~”

 

I kicked his shin and grinned in satisfaction at the hiss sound he produced. 

 

“I found a box of two rings inside the drawer in my mom’s room,” I put a spoonful of ice cream inside my mouth and Minho did the same. “Alright, and?” I let out a sigh, “and it disappeared the next day. I think my mom tried to hide it from me I don’t know why. I remember there was T&M words craved on each ring.”

 

Minho fell silent and I knew he was thinking. But when he didn’t say anything yet, I tried to voice my opinion, the most logical thing I could think at that time. 

 

“Maybe it’s a name initials?”

 

Minho hyung nodded in agreement and it gave me confidence to continue to voice what’s on my mind. 

 

“M is for Minjung, my mom’s name and T is of course for me, Taemin!” I smiled widely and full of confidence but then it turned into a pout as I saw Minho raised one of his eyebrow. “Taemin I think it’s a wedding or engagement rings and there was no way your mom would crave your initial next to hers. It would be !” 

 

He then laughed at me, he laughed so hard at me and when I swung my leg again to kick him, I couldn’t find it. I peeked under the table and found that he tucked his legs away from mine. I glared at his grinning face. “Maybe it’s for Minho and Taemin?” my face reddened at it now and unconsciously I turned my face away from his face, hiding my red face. “I prefer to be with my mom,” I mumbled and I could hear Minho hyung chuckled at it and ruffled my hair. 

 

But then again I thought, if it was really my mom’s engagement or wedding rings, why she had two? And I never saw him dating someone. She was always taking care of me and worked hard. Was it really for me and Minho?

 

I cursed myself for being stupid.

 

 

 

Taemin 14.

 

 

 

The thing I liked besides making a small paper stars when I was bored or angry was looking at the photos on my photo albums. I have 3 photo albums and most were filled with my mom and my photo and me and Minho hyung photos.  I have few photos of me and my classmates and teacher too of course but they were not my favorite. I hope Minho hyung was in the same school as me and that he was at my age because then I could have more photos of us to be put in these photo albums.

 

I pulled out a blue photo album, it was the one filled with me and my mom’s photos. My mom was really a beautiful woman when she’s young though she was still beautiful right now. The tiredness on her face back then didn’t really show up like right now. I wish I could make her always smiling and happy because I didn’t like to see her sad.

 

After I was done looking at them I just realized one thing, we don’t have a picture of her and a man since I was a baby. I frowned and looked at them once again from the photo of a baby me until the newest one. It’s been 14 years and my mom hadn’t had boyfriend at all? It kind of sound impossible to me. Or maybe the one who took all the photos of me and my mom was her boyfriend? Out of curiosity I will myself to stay awake after I finished my homework and waited for her in the living room. 

 

I knew I would fall asleep while waiting for her but the question never leave my head once so when my mom woke me up and brought me to my room so I could continue to sleep there, I asked her.

 

“Who took the photos of us, umma?” I asked groggily and letting her to tuck me into my bed. At first she didn’t answer and looking at me confusedly. But after I explained to her that I was looking at the photos from my album photos, she understood and kissed me on my forehead. “Uncle Minseok took most of the photos of us. You still remember him right?”

 

Uncle Minseok, he was my mom’s brother and of course I still remember him. He was the nicest uncle I’ve ever had! 

 

“I miss uncle Minseok,”I yawn and my eyes started to drop. 

 

“Let’s visit him on weekend okay? Goodnight Taemininie.”

 

“Goodnight, umma,” I closed my eyes and smiled when I felt my mom’s lips on my cheek.

 

 

 

 

Taemin 15.

 

 

 

I didn’t like the feelings that crept up inside me everytime I looked at Minho hyung. It made me doing many stupid things around him and I was spacing out a lot too. Minho hyung thought that I looked so cute like that but I really didn’t like it. I didn’t like to see him laughing and smiling softly everytime he looked at me, I didn’t like the way he ruffled my hair and pinched my cheek. I didn’t like the familiar and comforting smell of his body and the warmth of his body when he hugged me. I didn’t like how every single thing he did affected me. 

 

If it wasn’t Minho hyung maybe I wouldn’t be so stress out like this. If it’s not a guy for that matter maybe I wouldn’t deny the feelings that started to grow inside me.

 

I turned up the volume of the music inside my room and danced. I danced until I couldn’t think anymore, until I can forget about how handsome Minho hyung was and how I missed him so much right now. I danced until I feel so exhausted and the only thing i could do was lying on the floor.  I couldn’t move a single muscle on my body. After one hour being idle on the floor I forced myself to stand up and opened the door of my bedroom to get a drink. 

 

“Hey Taeminnie..”

 

I shut the door closed as soon as I saw Minho hyung was standing there, smiling handsomely and making me wanted to puke rainbow. 

 

I told Minho hyung that I didn’t feel good and wanted to take a rest. 

 

--

It’s been a week since the last time I met Minho hyung and it drove me crazy. The more I avoided him the more it made me miss him. I was so confused and afraid. I didn’t want anyone to know about the feeling I developed for Minho. I didn’t want my mom to find out that her son, her only son couldn’t love a girl like any normal guys out there. I didn’t like to make my mom disappointed. The scariest thing was what if Minho hyung knew about my feelings for him? 

 

What if it disgusted him?

 

So I stayed with my plan. I didn’t pick up the phone when he’s calling, I didn’t spend much time at home anymore and busying myself making a small paper star in the library, far from home and went to sleep early.  I spent summer holiday at my uncle Minseok’s and it finally calmed me down. I didn’t think about Minho hyung as much as before and I thought that my silly crush for my hyung was finally over until I came back at home to find Minho was already waiting in my room.

 

I felt like running again from and angry at my mom for telling Minho that I come back today but it’s all disappeared once the familiar scent and warmth engulfed me.

 

“I won’t let you run away again this time Taeminnie. I can’t live without you.”

 

Just like that, Minho hyung was really success at having me back. I gave up immediately and I hugged him back, apologized for being stupid and told him how much I missed him.

 

 

 

Taemin 16.

 

 

 

It was on my 16th birthday when I finally lost my first kiss. 

 

It happened when I, Minho hyung and my mom was celebrating a small party at our house in the evening. We were playing Wii in a living room and me and Minho hyung was having a dance battle. When my mom went to the kitchen to receive a call, Minho hyung suddenly cup my face with his hand and pressed our lips together softly. I widened my eyes and before I can react, he pulled away from my face and excused himself to the bathroom. 

 

“Where’s Minho?” My mom was back from the kitchen and confused when she didn’t see Minho hyung. I only sat on the couch, looking at our paused soccer game on the screen. I pointed to the bathroom, “he’s in there.” Somehow I couldn’t look into my mom’s eyes. I was afraid that if I did, she’ll be able to see what was happening to me earlier. I was afraid that she’ll be able to see inside my heart that I still felt the butterfly having a party inside my stomach from the kiss earlier.

 

When finally Minho hyung came out of the bathroom, we suddenly felt awkward to each other. My mom kept asking us what happened and we told her that we’re okay. And none of us ever brought up that topic anymore.

 

 

 

Taemin 20.

 

 

 

The news that came from the phone broke me and my mother’s heart. Good thing that my mom was already home from work and that I didn’t have a dance practice that night so we could go to hospital as soon as we hang up the phone. My mom let me drove the car because she couldn’t stop crying and praying for my uncle. I prayed too, I didn’t want uncle Minseok to leave us just yet. He’s the only family member that close to me and my mom. My grandparents seemed to hate my mom for something I didn’t know because no one had told me about that including mom. Uncle Minseok was the only person who will still be there for her and I didn’t want him to leave her alone.

 

We met with his wife and his son and daughter. They told us that uncle had a heart attack and he hadn’t woken up until now.  Well actually he would never wake up anymore. 

 

“Taemin-ah,” a soft voice broke my thoughts and I looked up to see my uncle’s wife standing in front of me. I smiled at her and pat the seat next to me, letting her to take a sit beside me. People with black suit were already left my uncle’s grave, there were only my mom in front of it. She still couldn’t stop her tears since yesterday night. He even asked me to sleep with her that night. 

 

I felt my aunt sat down beside me and handed me a medium sized box, “the day before he had a heart attack, he told me that he was going to visit you and gave this box to you.” The way she smiles broke my heart and i unconsciously hugged her tightly before accepted the box and thanked her. She then took her leave and gave me chance to examine the box in my hand. 

 

“What’s that?”

 

I smiled at the voice and stood up. Minho hyung who was now 22 years old and looked so handsome in a black suit sat beside me and I could feel that warm feeling building inside me as my love for him never ceased once. 

 

“I think it’s my uncle possession. He wanted me to have it,” I answer and Minho didn’t question anymore. He just took my hand and held it tight. With that simple gesture I felt the tears I held back since I heard the news about my uncle’s death rolled down and I cried like a baby in his embrace. Minho soothed my back and kissed top of my head. “Let’s get your mom home okay?” 

 

On the way back home, none of us let a sound except for my mom’s quite sobs.

 

It took days until I got a chance to open the wooden box I got from my uncle. There were various things inside but mostly were letters and pictures. But there was one thing that caught my interest –it’s actually two things—one of them was the rings I found years ago. I picked up the rings and I could see the T&M engraved on inside. I furrowed my brows, ‘why the rings are here?’

 

I put the rings back and picked up a letter, the paper is still white and it means it’s still new. When I unfolded it, there was my name on top of it. I recognized the writings, it definitely my uncle’s writing and I needed to hold back my tears so I could read it properly. It’s not a long letter, uncle only told me to not letting my mom know that I had these things. He told me that it hers and she told him to burn all of them years ago but my uncle didn’t do it. He said he knew that deep inside her heart, my Mom still wanted to keep all of these letters and pictures. My uncle already knew that he wouldn’t live long in this world and he wanted me to be the next keeper of my mom’s possession.

 

‘Or maybe you can help her.’

 

 

Was what he wrote in the end of the letter.

 

 

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Hi guys! Uhm i don't usually write an author note like this >< But since it's the first time i write again since about almost 2 years (or less then 2 years? xD) i feel kinda...uhm nervous? So yeah, actually i wrote it a year ago..can you believe that? xD And now i'm working on the ending. I have no beta reader so you might find a lots of grammatical errors, and i apologize for that ><

 

I'm in needed a beta reader actually. So if anyone willing to help me, message me neh. I will really appreciate it <3

 

So, i hope you enjoy ^^

 

and i hope you don't mind to comment also. I really need your feedback about this story and my writings. Because maybe because of your feedbacks, i can get my muse back and write more of SHINee fics ^^ (bc we're lacking of SHINee fics now huhu)

 

so see you soon ^^