This is just a short one shot from me... you know... one of those. Haha!

But I hope you guys enjoy this.  I enjoyed writing this in just an hour.  I couldn't believe I actually finished something today. xD

PENDULUM 

(TaengSic)

From afar, she looked me in the eyes and then beamed a smile at me. I awkwardly smiled in return, and familiar feelings came rushing back. I knew I shouldn’t be feeling this, I couldn’t let myself, and yet I was in this deep conundrum - a war I was having against myself that I thought I had already won. I couldn’t believe that a simple smile could bring me so much happiness. One smile. I didn’t understand what it was, but every time she flashed me those smiles, it made things inside me twirl into ribbons. It made things inside me tingle - things I didn’t even know existed. The same questions popped the moment I met her: how could things happen; how was this possible; how was she able to control my feelings to such an extent; how could a simple smile affect me so much?

Her smile, that was all it took to melt me. To break down all the walls I thought I had built. For the whole summer break, I thought I was fine. I thought that I had moved on from her. From someone like her - an undeserving person. Taeyeon then, after smiling at me, went back to what she was doing - what she did best - mingling with her peer. It was as though after paying me with her smile, she expected everything between us to go back to normal. As though a smile would cure everything she had done to me. She played with my heart, and she thought a smile was sufficient enough to magically glue back the pieces of what she shattered? If only life was that convenient, I wouldn’t be this affected  by something so petty. A smile.

And the worst part was that smile was all it took for my feelings - the ones I tried to bottle up and kept locked in a box, inside a box, inside a box inside a safety box, which I threw the key somewhere I couldn’t reach. And yet, one thing from her made those feelings gush out, as though it overflew.The sad reality of my life.

She didn’t even say anything. She simply passed by, saw me, threw a smile at my direction, then left. It was as easy as that. But why was it so hard for me? Why were my feet plastered to this floor? Why couldn’t I turn around, pretend I didn’t see anything, then forget I even knew she went to same university as I did. Why did her presence still affect me so much up to now?

If only those questions were easily answered, I wouldn’t be pretending to be fine. To be fair, I did think I was when her presence was not around. I was fooled. How amazing was that to have the ability to fool even myself? Well, not very amazing I admit. I mean, look at me still suffering.

Jessica, you don’t need her!

Was what I told myself over and over again. Even my friends seemed like broken records as they repeated it to me. I knew that. She was no good to me. Not at all. Now if only my heart would listen. But how could something broken - like my heart - would listen? Wasn’t it broken and not meant to comprehend? Was that why people still suffered from a love that was never meant to be? Was it really because of a broken heart, which could never learn? Maybe so.

I would like to think my heart was the only thing that was wrong with me. It was the only one always beating so fast whenever I see that stupid smile.I always wanted to say how stupid it was to still feel something for someone like Taeyeon, and yet here I was, like a pendulum, swaying back and forth between what my broken heart wanted and what my logical brain wanted. If only I could stay on what my brain wanted, I wouldn’t be in so much agony. But she smiled at me. Me. Truly, that still meant something, right? But if it did, wouldn’t my brain tell me it did? Was my broken heart taking over everything me? Was my logic clouded by strong feelings I had for her? Maybe so.

However, every bit of my logical cell told me that she was not someone meant to be loved truly. That someone like her who was indifferent to my professions of love -  who was expert in coating her words with sweet deceit, who made promises written on passing wind, who believed in happy endings but did nothing to make it come true, who waited for things to be served in a golden platter, who wanted to only receive and never give - could still expect love from someone like me.

I watched her walk away, as though she was bringing along our past memories. It played in my head like a recurring nightmare - something I never wanted to experience again. Shouldn’t nightmares have endings? However, it seemed like mine would never have one.

How do you completely move on from someone? Do you simply place back the pieces of your heart together, or do you simply wait for your brain to be numb enough?

I needed an answer.

I really hoped you like this.