Title: 2/5

Right from the get-go, your story is sounding a bit too cliche and common for my tastes. I can tell that your story is romance related, but other than that the title really gives no hints to anything else. Plus, standing alone it sounds like an extremely cheesy Valentine's day love confession and for the record, can probably be found on Hallmark cards. Relevant to the fic? Extremely. Eye-catching and creative? Not so much. If I had seen this title while searching for a fanfic to read, I honestly wouldn't have given it a second glance.

Description & Foreword: 1/5

Hooooo boy. Not only do you need to improve upon your mechanics (see mechanics section of this review), I think I'll give you a brief lesson of how and how not to create a good description and foreword, because I think you need it. (I'm aware that you requested an average aka a not-super-nice-but-not-super-mean review, and am just letting you know that this is an average review, not a harsh review, though you may think otherwise.)

Tips 101: Descriptions & Forewords

• In AFF, the description is what other people will be seeing when they search for fics to read on the site. You want you description to do just that, describe without letting out too much information, kind of like a summary on the back of a book (or the inside flap, depending on what book you're reading and where the author decided to put the summary, but back to the point). Putting the huge words "Prologue" and then a bunch of spaces will appear nice in the fic, but the way that AFF is layed out, when people are searching for fics to read, the description will probably look similar to this:

              Prologue                                                                                                                                                                 

text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text

What you want people to see is actually something like this:

text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text texttext text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text texttext text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text texttext text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text texttext text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text texttext text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text texttext text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text

And that is why you should keep the description nice and simple, enough to lure readers in but not something that will become cut off or not seen at all. Too many stories have accidental empty or cut off descriptions because the author has decided to make their descriptions look aesthetically pleasing.

• Always keep the description and foreword short enough to keep the reader interested. Also, a good tip is to make it so that the description and foreward is shorter than the first chapter.
• Listing your previous stories in a story is ....eh. People have different views on it. I think that advertising one or two stories is okay, any more than that is just a bit ridiculous.
• I'm not so sure that the color scheme of hot pink, purple and lilac is such a good idea. It's a bit hard on the eyes, softer tones or two soft tones and one bright tone is a better choice. Or you can go with contrasting colors to balance it out a bit. Here's a good place to look for color themes and palettes, many people here use it for shops and fics.
• Character charts/lists are a bit annoying when they get out of hand. First off, you shouldn't need such a complicated chart that shows their complete personality and such. Just a simple name-picture-age-role listing is fine. Your readers should be able to tell what personalities your characters have by reading your fic.

Aaand that'll be it for my little mini-lesson. c:

Plot: 15/20

Though your fic is lacking in ways, your story plot stays steady and true throughout. It doesn't contain too many filler chapters or random plot holes, or any weird chapters where your plot just totally dies and changes completely. You have the basic elements of a good plot, but your writing and grammar can be improved. Although the plot isn't all too original or exciting, it's not wacky or completely crazy. Some more originality can boost your stories and improve your writing! Woot woot~

Flow: 7/15

Your plot is stable, but the way you write isn't very fluid. It feels very cut off and awkward, and very forced. The way that the characters speak and interact with each other can be a lot more natural than they currently are, and sometimes the conversations can be difficult to follow because they don't flow as nicely as they could. Your story was organized well chronologically, but could've used more sentence variation. Also, there aren't many transitions used. One thing that really irks me is that you've made every single little sentence into a new paragraph. With the dialogues this is okay, but otherwise, try to write in paragraphs. Your story also feels rushed at some parts, especially when the characters are in class. Class doesn't last for five minutes, try to make it more lengthy and detailed, or go through a time skip. Also, something that really messes up the flow of your story is when you insert random Korean phrases into the middle of your story/dialogue. It's a bit awkward and takes away from the story rather than adding to it. I know your story includes Koreans and takes place in Korea, but AFF is a mainly English site, and you chose your story to be English, so it's better to stay away from the Korean phrases added into your story.

Characterization: 5/15

I feel like all of your characters are very similar and aren't developed fully. Also, the ice queen thing is much too commonly used, especially for Jessica. I don't really mind the Queenka/Kingka thing, but keep in mind that not all types of people are black and white, they're usually a mixture of in-betweens. If your character is a Queenka, she doesn't have to be ty or a ice queen like all the other Queenkas on this site. Also, she doesn't have to be rich. I just feel like your writing is very cliche and not original at all--see originality section for more info. The way your characters act and speak are also very bland, try using more descriptive words or giving each character a personality that stands out more. For example, you can use foils--characters that harbor contrasting personalities--to give your story more emotion and feeling. I also can't really connect with the characters, because you don't give much background information on them, or really go into their individual personalities/situations. Also, if you want to have a y/ty character like Hyuna, you need to make her more extreme. Simply hooking up with some guy at a club doesn't equal a . Simply dumping a guy also doesn't make her a .

Mechanics—grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc.: 3/10

As for mechanics, your spelling and punctuations is in check. But holy cakes, the grammar is a mess. Even in just the first chapter & the description and foreword, I can see a bunch of errors. I'm going to direct you to this site, more specifically this article for more help with your grammar. I think your problem is that you don't understand how to write in POV, and you jump around from 1st person to 3rd person and even 2nd person a lot. (It is strongly advised not to use 2nd person in story writing). You should probably get a beta or someone to check up on your chapters before you post them. You should write your stories in Word first (and not just straight into the AFF chapter posting thing) in order to fix up your grammar with their grammar check. If you don't have Word/office, don't download an imitation copy of Word, just use Google Docs/Drive, which uses a cloud-ish saving system so it's more convenient than Word. Here are a few examples where your grammar is awry:

• He love her but now he's keeping it. (Prologue)

What does he love about her? What is he keeping? This sentence is incomplete, and should be something along the lines of, "He loves her, but now he's keeping [insert whatever he's keeping here].

• I look at the time, it's 7:30 (Chapter 1)

You keep switching around from past to present tense, and this sentence is present tense while the previous sentence is in the past tense. Stick to one tense, and in the past tense, this sentence should be "I looked at the time, it was 7:30."

I also think you're missing a few commas here and there, but that should be simple enough for you to figure out on your own. You might also want to take a look into Oxford commas. I think you're missing a few periods and puncuation marks here and there, too. Just do a little check-up on your commas because you have tons of incomplete/run-on sentences.

Originality: 4/10

To be honest, your story isn't all that original. I've seen way too many fics that cover the same thing: Queenkas, Kingkas, relationships, troubles, romance, drama, friendship, boys, s, es, playboys, etc. The playboy loving someone is also extremely cliche, and you usually want to avoid anything that's too cliche. I kind of feel like you're not really writing with your own unique style, but just following the styles and borrowing some parts of your plot from some of the authors here on AFF. Another thing is your characters--their personalities aren't original and unique. The ice queen? Too common. There are ways to make an ice queen character unique, but that didn't happen within your story. I feel like you just typed things out then submitted them, and didn't really edit or care about symbolism or any deep meanings/rich backstories that could be added into your story.

Writing Style & Voice: 5/10

Writing style and voice is naturally a hard thing to judge, as everyone has their own preferences and comfort zones with style and voice. I personally prefer a more detailed and thorough writing style instead of a dialogue-based writing style like the one that you showcased with your story, so I'm going to have to say that I didn't really like or enjoy your style and voice. It needs to be more emotional and detailed, instead of bland with one-line paragraphs. Your voice could use some improvement, you're telling a story, and as of now your voice feels bland rather than emotional. Using more descriptive writing can definitely boost the quality of your writing. More adjectives and such are also helpful, and can paint a very vivid imagery for the reader. For example:

• "They sat on the nearest bench and started to eat." (Chapter 7)

You could be more descriptive and turn this rather Plain Jane sentence into: "The two walked into the garden, relishing in the fresh air and cool breeze after being stuck in the stuffy school building for half of the day. The crisp chirping of birds and the laughing of friends could be heard in the distance as they headed for the nearest ivy-covered bench, walking along the worn stone pathway and careful not to drop or spill any of their lunch. They sat on the bench, and then started to eat."

You see? Descriptive writing really ups the quality of the story, and also your overall writing.

Overall Enjoyment: 1/5

Meh, I didn't really find your story very interesting or to my tastes. Lots of parts were really cliche, such as Jessica and Myungsoo bumping into each other at the jewelry shop, kingkas and queenkas, and such. I think the main reason why I didn't really enjoy your story as much as I could have is because your characterization isn't very well-developed, and everybody kind of feels very bland and boring. Also, your grammar can use some improvement. However, despite these facts, your plotline stays simple, and doesn't get too confusing like many other stories out there. When reading a story, I like to feel like I'm the character, and be able to experience everything as the character does. However, your story just didn't do that for me.

Total: 43/100