Rain was pouring outside, making me feel even more down. It was a cloudy night where you can't even see one star. I feel hopeless... I laid in bed wide awake even though I have work tomorrow, it's been like this since he left me. I turned to the clock.
4 o'clock in the morning. I should get some rest...
Closing my eyes, I slowly counted. Hopefully I'll get bored and fall asleep. One sheep, two sheeps, three... Ha, like this will even work. Maybe I should just take a shower to clear my head, maybe I'll even feel like sleeping... Who am I kidding? I got up from the bed we used to share, where we used to cuddle for what seems for ever... Now, it just seems like a distant memory, yet I know it will never fade.
No! Stop thinking of this! I ruffled my already messy bedhead and headed to the bathroom. After stripping bare, I stepped into the shower and tried to enjoy the warm water. It feels like he's embracing me... My eyes fluttered shut, only to open seconds later. Why? Why do you have to do this to me? I hurried out of the shower and dried my hair. When my hair was slightly damp, I couldn't be bothered and just wrapped the towel around my hips instead. The night breeze entered the open window, giving me goosebumps on my bare chest. I quickly changed into a new set of pajamas and remembered his warmth at the back of my head.
"Stop thinking of him. He left you all alone Yang Yoseob, just let him go." I couldn't help but say it aloud, hoping to psyche myself. Laying back on the bed, I stared blankly at the ceiling. Something was appearing on the ceiling, slowly but surely. I furrowed my eyebrows and tried to make it out. It's his face, his handsome face with his charming grin... I really hate my mind at times like this. I closed my eyes and tried drown myself in sleep. I thought it actually worked so I started drifting off from reality.
However, the memories I made with you flash one by one, like a video compilation. Tears unconsciously start rolling down my cheeks, drop by drop, then it just became two streams of overwhelming sadness and loneliness. unbelievable. You left me alone in the dark here, yet your laughter and smiles are still stuck in my head. I started punching the bolster next to me, trying to vent out all my anger. Somehow I was trying to get rid of my love for you too... The hits eventually got and weaker due to the lack of sleep, and everything started to flow back...
-FLASHBACK STARTS-
"I'm so glad we finally can go on a date! It seems that both of us are so busy this days, finally we can spend a day together!" I practically gushed out upon seeing him. I was clinging to his arms like a koala bear and I'm sure I looked hella silly but I didn't care. We were finally out on a date after so long! I was getting kind of worried about us but then he finally asked me out! I felt like such a lovelorn school girl with her boyfriend so I tried to calm down. I then realised that he did not say a single word, not even a slightest grin was to be see on his face.
He felt so... Cold.
It was like the person in front if me was just a stranger, not the man that I wholly loved with all my heart. I felt concerned and asked, "Hey, are you alright? If not we can always change this to another day, your health is more important than our dat-"
"Let's break up."
Those three words felt like three bullets shot at my heart, each one penetrating the same spot over and over... "... Haha you're so silly! April Fool's was last month, but you did had me for a moment ther-"
"I mean it. Let's go our separate ways." Everything stopped for a second. My mind was just a blank. My eyes watered, everything looked so blurry. "No, no, you don't mean it right? Why? Can I at least know why? I thought everything was working out. Weren't we happy together? Can't I have another chance? Please..."
My pleas fell on deaf ears. He did not respond. In fact, I saw a tinge of disgust and disappointment on his face. Then he left. He just left without looking at me, as if he finally got rid of a burden, and I was that burden...
I stumbled back home and instinctively made an Americano. He always loved drinking mine in the morning. However, it wasn't easy like it used to be. I spilled grounded beans on the counter, almost scalded myself with boiling hot water, all while my tears were mixed with the Americano. I took a sip. It was bitter. I couldn't help but laughed bitterly as well. Is this why he liked drinking this? Because spending time with me was a tiring matter?
-FLASHBACK ENDS-
Here I am, lying in bed, lifeless. Completely tired out but still unable to fall asleep. It feels so horrible, I feel horrible. I drifted into unconsciousness, not the sleep I hoped for, but it's good enough for now...
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