Bestfriends... it's possible to have more than one, each serving their own purpose in your life.  There's the bestfriends from your childhood, your middle school life, your highschool, often they're one and the same.  They're there to ground you when no one else can.  To offer a comforting hand or the one phrase that can comfort you no matter the situation.

Then there's the newer friends, they're no less important, in fact they may be even more so.  They've been there for you discovering yourself, your awakening if you'd call it that.  The late night fic readings and watchings and the discussions you'd never dream of having with your lifelong friends because it would be too embarassing.  It's a new start you think.  You can become anyone if you only make the effort.

College always seems like this oasis of freedom and openness.  If only you can make it that far in your educational career then you've made it.  It's the end game.  The place where you become your true self.  If only it were that easy.

College begins and ends in the same kindof blur you experienced in high school... you make great friends and lose them.  You find yourself again and again, but still the doubt lingers.  Is this who you're meant to be???  Is this it? The end game you've been searching for your entire life? No! You can't let it end like this! You begin to fight against each instance that reminds you of your childhood's impending doom.  Graduate? You? I think not.  But then it happens...

a friend, a dear friend who's been there with you from the start of this hell hole that is your upper level of education, that turns out to be at once more freeing and more consticting than your high school ever thought of being,. who breaks you.

As they hold onto your neck and your senses are filled with their warmth, the smell of alchol, intoxicating, wafting off you both, and you almost begin to cry.  It's our last Monday they say, I don't want to cry.  And you realize at some point they've become irreplaceable.  As much a part of your self as you are, impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. 

It's a swiftly opening void you can't fill.

And as they wander off to find some semblance of fun with a former friend you know is no good for them you can't stop them.  It's not your place anymore.  You're leaving them, just as much as they're leaving you.

That sense of being left behind is one you can't take.

They may not have been your lover, your boyfriend, your significant other... but they were your friend.  And despite what everyone thinks friendships are relationships too.  They end without warning or true want.  They just end.  Friendships may come and go but that doesn't make them any less important.

For those of us who have no true loves in our hearts the loss of friendships leave the deepest scars that last the longest.

But that can't keep us from loving. We can't help ourselves.

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Sorry for randomly posting this instead of working on my Heungsoo story.  I'm graduating in a few days and I'm a bit tipsy and very sad over the friend's I

m leaving behind in less than a month.  One of my friends almost brought both of us to tears in a bar tonight, and I'm not the type of person that cries often, so I thought I'd attempt to get that sensation off my chest.

So I'l also apologize for how horrendous I think this is.  It hasn't been spell checked or edited at all and for that I'm so sorry.