Taemin's POV

I sighed as I looked in the mirror. My eyes were red and I was completley tired. Obviously I haen't sleeping well lately. Actually, I haven't been sleeping properly for exactly three months. Its only half of a year. I fixed my collar on my shirt and headed out of my room. I purposely wore all black today. As I walked into the hall towards the front door, I saw Onew come out of his room. 

"Taemin, you're leaving already?" he asked me. I nodded my head. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"Its okay hyung. Enjoy your day off today. I'll be fine," I answered softly. 

"Alright. Just call if you need anything."

"Thanks hyung." As I reached for the doorknob, the door had already swung open and before me I saw Jonghyun and Key, who wre finally done with their grocery shopping for the day. 

"You're leaving now?" asked Jonghyun. Again, I nodded my head. 

"But we just got home. We wanted to go too, but we have to put the groceries away," Key complained. 

"Its oaky hyung. You guys have gone plenty of times already. I just want to go by myself today if that's okay." Jonghyun gave me a sad smile and patted my head. 

"Sure. Just let me go get you an umbrella. Its pouring outside." Jonghyun set the groceries down on the table and went inside his room. Key also set some bags down, then looked at me. 

"Are you sure you're going to be okay? This is the first time you're going to see him in six months by yourself." Key was totally concerned about me. 

"Don't worry. If I need you, I'll just call." I put on my best fake smile to show that I was going to be okay. He gave me a sad smile and hugged me. 

"This is why I love you so much. You're such a strong kid." I didn't say anything. I just kept silent and hugged him back. ANd I knew that Onew was smileing as well. When Key let go of me, Jonghyun came back with a black umbrella in his hand. 

"Here. Be careful. Okay?" He handed me the umbrella and I nodded my head. When I walkeed halfway out the door, the sound of Onew's voice stopped me. 

"Taemin," he paused for a second, "say hi to Minho for us, okay?" I nodded my head again, waved goodbye to them, and closed the door. When I got outside, I opened the umbrella and walked quitely in the rain on the sidewalk. I kept my head down the whole time and looked at my feet while I walked. Where am I going you might ask? Well, its really no where special, but at least, to me, it is. I'm going to see Minho. I haven't seen him in six months. Onew, Jonghyun, and Key visit him almost everyday. They always ask me if I wanted to go with them, but I always refused. And now, I finally desiced to go see him myself this time.

I finally looked up a little to see a rock in front of me. I took a big gulp and crouched down. "Hyung...I came to see you," I said to it. It was beautifully carved and had the name "Choi Minho" on it. This rock was in place of him, otherwise known as his grave. You heard me right. I'm at a cemetary. Choi Minho, my best friend, my hyung, my one-and-only first love, is dead. 

I crouched down in  front of his grave, still holding the umbrella in my hand. "Its been six months hyung. This is the longest we've ever gone without talking to each other." I''ve known Minho ever since we were trainees. Ever since the first day I met him up until now, I've loved him more than anything in the world. He loved me too. He's always loved. The only bad thing about this is that he told me he loved me right before he died and he never knew how I felt about him. I never got the chance to tell him. 

"Hyung, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I've never visited you from the day you wre cremated. I just couldn't find the courage to see you again, knowing that you'll never be the same again. I couldn't bear with it, until I finally realized that I miss you so much, that I just had to see you."

Minho was always over protective of me. He looked at me like I was just a little dongseng to him, but inside, I knew I meant something more to him. He was that kind of person who never got mad. He was so cheerful everyday, because he was with me. Everytime he would see me, a huge smile would form across his face. He used to hug me randomly behind my back, and I would always get that butterfly feeling I used to love so much. 

"I'm sorry about everything I've done that might've hurt you. You wre always so happy to be with me all the time that I couldn't tell how you felt inside." He never expressed his feelings very well. He barely talked with the other members, but we would talk non-stop. But even I couldn't tell how he really felt inside. 

"Most of all hyung, I'm sorry that..." I paused. A single tear escaped from my eye. I let go of the umbrella, letting the rain fall on my head, and fell to my knees. 

"I'm sorry that I got you killed hyung." 

....

You heard me right. I'm the reason why Minho got killed. The reason why he's here now. It's all my fault. Six months ago, Minho and I got into a fight. Well, sort of. Minho just kept quiet while the fight was just between me, my stupid mouth, and my jealousy. I jump to conclusions a lot, so the reason why we were "fighting" was because I thought he loved somebody else. We weren't even together, and I let my jealousy get the best of him. I yelled at him for a while, then when I was finished, I left. I walked outside, away from him, and he came running after me, telling me it wasn't true. He stopped chasing me when we were on different sides of the road. As I looked at him from across the street, tears were pouring down my face. I saw a tear escape from his eye as well. When I was about to run again, only three words came out of his mouth. Just three words coming from him made me feel like an idiot when I was yelling at him. "I love you." He told me he loved me. Ever since the day we first met, he's loved me for so long and he never told me. 

I cried a little more as he came to cross the street towards me. He reached his hand out to touch my face, but before he did, in a blink of an eye, a drunk driver crashed into him. I was too surprised to move at first, then when I finally looked at him, I ran to him quickly and fell on my knees. I put his head on my lap, cried out his name multiple times, and cried my eyes out. I heard someone from across the street call an ambulance. Minho never opened his eyes the whole time I was screaming his name. WHen I heard the ambulance at a far distance, he finally opened his eyes. He turned his head to look at me and looked straight into my eyes. He smiled, raised his hand up, and wiped away my tears with his trembling hand. He told me not to worry about him, and that he'll be fine. He used to last bit of his energy to sit up a little and kiss me. He told me he'd love me forever, and then after that, he closed his eyes again, and layed his head back down on my lap. That's when I knew that he wasn't breathing anymore. When the ambulance came, it was already too late. Minho was already gone. He left me. 

"Hyung, do you know what's been bothering me?" I asked. The rain mixed in with the tears flowing down my face. "You didn't even give me the chance to tell you that I love you. I've always wanted to tell you that, ever since the first day that I met you. I wanted to tell you that I loved ho w how you would always look out for me, how you would always treat me more than just your dongseng and make me feel so special. How you would do everything for me, but mostly, I just wanted to tell you that I've always loved you. I didn't want to tell you anytihng more important than that. You couldn't even wait for me to say it. Right after you told me you loved me, you left me. How could you hyung? It's not fair!" I was practically yelling by now. I covered my face with my hands and cried as loud as I could. Loud enough as if Minho could hear me. But I know he can't. He can't hear me at all. I won't be able to feel his comfort anymore when I cry. I won't be able to see his smile and hear him tell me that everything is going to be okay anymore. He's not here anymore. He's...gone. 

....

Suddenly, I didn't feel any rain pour onto me anymore. At first I thought the rain had stepped, but I still heard it. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I picked up my face from my hands and slowly turned around, thinking it could somehow possibly be Minho. But I knew it couldn't. Instead, I saw Key kneeling in front me, holding an umbrella over my head. I also saw Jonghyun and Onew come up from behind him. 

"Are you okay?" he asked. I didn't answer him. At first I just stared at him, then I let my emotions get the best of me and cried in arms. 

"He's gone. He's gone hyung! He's not here anymore! He left me without telling me. He's not coming back. He lied to me. He said everything was going to be okay. Why did he lie hyung? I want him back! I need him back! Please! Hyung, please bring him back. I can't live without him!" I've lost it. I've totally lost it now. This is it for me. I'm done. Just then, Key pulled me into a tight hug and rubbed my back. 

"Shh, shh, its okay Taemin. Calm down now," he said gently. I tried my best to calm down and breathe normally. "Taemin, he's not gone. He's never gonna leave you. He's always going to stay by your side. In fact, he's here with you right now."

"But hyung he's not-!"

"Having someone aways be there for you doesn't mean they have to be there physically. He's always going to be around. Right there next to you. Minho is never going to leave your side. Because I know that he loved you."

"How did you know?"

"He told me everyday. All those times when he wished he could've told you, he told me instead. And wished you'd tell him how you felt about him."

"Hyung, he knew that I loved him?" My tears had finally stopped flowing. He smiled and nodded his head.

"He's always known. He didn't say anything because he wanted you to tell him how you felt about him first. He's loved you ever since sicne you started to love him. He knew all along. And I'm pretty certain that he still loves you now. I'm certain that he's sitting right next to you hearing you talk right now. And he wishes he could hold you because he knows that I'm terrible at comforting you when you cry. You know he hates it when you cry." Key patted my head and gave me a small smile. I took a deep breath and looked back at Minho's grave. Key was right. Minho has always been with me. He's been with me the whole entire time. I just didn't realize it. Now that I know he's with me, its like I can actually see him right in front of me. Smileing at me and trying to reach out for my hand. I feel like he's so close to me, that I can hear hear his sweet voice, one last time. 

"Taemin, there’s no need to cry anymore. Hyung is here. I’ve always been here. I’m always going to stay by your side, no matter what. I meant it when I said this and I’m going to say it again. I love you. I truly, deeply, sincerely love you. And I always will. There’s nothing more I could ever love than you. You got to believe me. I would never lie to you. I’m sorry about everything I’ve done that might’ve hurt you. The last thing I wanted was to make you cry. I’m sorry I never told you about how I felt about you sooner.  Just know that I’ll love you forever. Now what I want you to do is to always smile for me. Everyday. Promise? I love you so much Taemin. Always and forever."

I started tearing again. If he's so close to me that I could actually har his voice, then that just makes me happy. It could be my imagination, or it couldn't be. Either way, I'm just so happy to hear his voice.

"I think we should go home now. It's getting late and I'm getting sick," I whispered. Key nodded his head and helped me stand up. Just then, Jonghyun walked towards us.

"Here," he said as he wrapped a blanket around me.

"Thanks hyung." Onew then came by and set down a boquet of flowers near Minho's grave.

"We'll see you later buddy," he laughed. Key and Jonghyun also said they're goodbyes to Minho, then the four of us started walking.

"You sure you're going to be okay Taemin?" Key asked. I nodded my head.

"I'll be just fine with Minho right beside me. And I know I'm gonna see him soon. We'll be together again just like we used to. Where nothing could ever change." Key smiled and hugged me again. I stopped walking for a second and looked back at Minho's grave.

"I love you. Goodbye hyung. See you soon."

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A/N: Please don't hate me for making a sad story again T^T But how was it? I put it a lot of thought while writing this, so I hope it was okay :) Thanks for reading!! Please comment <333