‘Yeoboseyo…’ Heechul mumbled into his cell phone, not bothering to read the caller ID and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

‘Morning, beautiful,’ came a familiar voice from the receiver, accent thicker with sleep and the long time spent in his hometown, ‘did I wake you?’

‘No Sherlock it’s 3am, why are you calling me so early?’ He whined, too tired to give a crap about how long it’d been since they’d last spoken.

‘I was awake, and I miss you,’ spoke the soft voice, muffled as if the speaker had his head buried in his pillow.

‘Miss me later, then.’ Heechul snarked, now fully awake - and not at all pleased about it.

‘Chul-ah, don’t be so cold, you used to wake me up in the morning all the time back in the dorms.’

‘You hugged too tight, it got hot.’

‘You were the one hugging me!’ He laughed down the phone, ‘How many times have you kicked me out of bed at 4am to make you breakfast, only to fall back to sleep when I return?’ The voice chuckled, letting out a sigh and whispering, ‘I really miss you, Chul.’

‘It’s your own fault.’ Heechul grumbled, feeling the need to pay the man back for disturbing his sleep. ‘You could’ve stayed. You could’ve come back.’

‘No. I couldn’t, you know that, everyone knows that. Can we not talk about this every time I call you?’

‘Whenever we approach the topic you try and change the subject, we’ve never actually talked about it. It’s about time we did.’ Heechul whispered, losing the snarky tone to his voice. ‘I’m lonely, Geng.’

‘And you think I’m not? I’ve been in Korea for five years, even my home feels alien to me. You have the members. You have Heebum and Baengshin. I have nothing, no-one, yet I still don’t miss Korea one bit, Chul, I only miss you.’

‘The members don’t understand!’ spat Heechul, raising his voice a little. He heard Jungsu mumble next door, telling him to keep his voice down. ‘Not ‘Su, not Siwonnie, not anyone.’

‘You think Teukie-hyung doesn’t understand? Heechul, I think he understands more than you think. Youngwoon is in the army now, think of how alone Teuk-hyung must feel, not even being able to call him for two whole years. But he still smiles, he still goes to his schedules, he still pleads to manager-hyung to give you time-off from your schedules. I love you, but you can be painfully selfish sometimes.’ 
 
 Heechul felt every word stab at him like a thousand needles. He didn’t want the truth, he wanted comfort. He wanted Hankyung to laugh and say that he understood, and that he’d come back. He knew it was petty, that it was naïve to think he could just stroll back into his dorm and kiss him ‘til everything felt better, but he couldn’t help it. Kim Heechul always got what he wanted.

‘Chul?’ Geng whispered, breaking the long silence that was stretching between them.

‘I love you, Geng.’ Came his choked whisper, words getting stuck in his throat as he fought back a sob.

‘I know. But I’m still here, I’m still thinking about you, it’s not like we’ll never see each other again.’ He paused. ‘Is it?’

‘I’m leaving for my mandatory army service at the end of the year,’ He mumbled, ‘with Jungsu.’

‘Why so soon? You won’t last a day without your hair products.’ Geng laughed half-heartedly. 

‘Will you still love me when I come back?’ Heechul choked out, ignoring Geng’s last comment, gripping his pillow for comfort, a substitute for the lean, warm chest of the beds previous owner. He'd always climb into his bed at night, the smell of him still clung to the sheets. It was the only way he got to sleep. 

‘Of course. I’ll send you so many letters while you’re in there, they’ll start sending them back.’ Heechul could hear the smile in his voice, finding comfort in how easy he found it to believe him.

‘Even with the muscles?’

‘Even with the muscles.’

'They'll look at me in the showers.'

'Just don't pick up the soap.'