Something's wrong with her.  I can tell.  We've been doing this for three years and even though she's an actress, she can't hide anything from me.  I can read her like a book.  

As soon as filming is over she rushes over to her car.  She didn't come with her manager today.  I worry for her, so I follow her.  

She drives past her house and past all the major studios.  I can't figure out where she's going.  She's not going to work and she's not going home.  She must be going to meet someone.  It feels wrong following her so I don't try very hard.  Eventually, I lose her.  I'm okay with that.  I know, I'm very passive but the truth is I really don't know how to act around women.  Whenever I'm with them, it gets very awkward.  The only way I can be around them comfortably is when I treat them no differently than with guys.  People think I'm a womanizer but it's just not true.  

I don't see her for a week.  Filming starts and I can see that something is still bothering her.  She's trying to hide it, but it is clear as day.  I try to look out for her but eventually we separate.  She gets eliminated early.  I can tell her heart is not in it.  

This time, her manager is there to take her home.  I know because I made up an excuse to follow her there.  I told my manager that I needed to pick up something at a convenience store near her home.  He looks at me weirdly but he doesn't know anything.  I haven't told him yet.  The way things are, I probably wont ever tell him.  

As I leave the store with some protein powder and milk (I need to buy something since I told my manager I needed to shop here) I see her stealthily leave her house.  She's covering up with a heavy jacket and a beanie style hat, but I can still discern her slim figure.  Curious.  I want to know where she's going.  What is going on.  But today is not going to be that day.  I go back to my car and go home.

I don't know what is going on with her.  But she's definitely not the same.  Her smile, once so vibrant, stays hidden for the most part.  Her spirit is down, even when she pretends to be excited.  Maybe the others are fooled but not me.  I see past the mask, beyond the walls she puts up.  

She no longer mopes openly and it seems like she's back but she's not.  Whatever it was that was bothering her still is.  But she's come to accept it.  That look on her face is resignation.  She thinks there's nothing she can do about it.  So she's trying to do her best.  But she's not happy.  There's no joy in what she does.  Her eyes don't have that twinkle in them.  

I follow her to a bar.  She goes in as I watch from across the street.  I wait there for hours but she still doesn't come out.  It is freezing cold but I wait.  The bar closes and people start to leave.  I watch as a waiter brings her outside and calls for a taxi.  She's passed out, drunk. Seeing her like this makes me mad.  What happened to you to make you drink like that?

I stay and chat with the cast and crew after filming.  She takes off immediately.  She used to hang out with us but lately she leaves as soon as the PD yells "cut."  I stay and chat for a while but I'm thinking about her.  She worries me.  I drive over to the bar and I see her car parked down the street.  Seriously what is wrong with this woman.  

I walk into the bar and hide my face.  I don't want people to recognize me.  She's slumped over in the corner.  There are two empty soju bottles in front of her already.  I take a seat further down and order a drink.  I take a sip.  It's pretty bad.  I watch her, taking a sip every once in a while to avoid suspicion. 

Her head suddenly jerks up and I almost spill my drink all over myself in surprise.  She calls over the bartender and asks for another drink.  He gives it to her.  She ignores the shot glass in front of her and just chugs straight from the bottle.  I'm absolutely shocked.  People start to notice.  They start cheering. The liquid rapidly drains from the bottle down into .  It hurts me to watch.  The other patrons are chanting.  She finishes and waves the empty bottle over her head.  The crowd screams.  She has a drunken smile plastered on her face.  

After a while, the other people get back to what they were doing.  She sits there, playing with the empty bottles.  Her tongue keeps coming out, her lips and she slobbers all over her chin.  Her movements are jerky and uncoordinated.  She's clearly plastered.  

A man walks over the spot next to her and orders a drink from the bartender.  She looks up at him.  Something catches her eye because she sits up straight.  "OpppppAaaaahhh" she slurs.  He ignores her and walks back to his table.  This upsets her.  "Yah" she screams after him.  She grabs an empty soju bottle and flings it in his direction.  It shatters on the floor.  Suddenly, the bartender and a waiter are grabbing her by the arms and escorting her out as she screams at the man.  "You Jerk" she screams.  They take her outside. When they come back in, I toss some money on the table to cover my tab and walk out.  

She's sitting on the sidewalk.  Her face is buried in her knees and I can her sniffling.  She's crying.  I quietly sit down next to her.  We sit there for a while. I can hear her labored breathing.  I pull out a tissue from my jacket pocket.  I offer it to her.  She looks up, eyes glistening with tears.  "Oppaaaaa" she cries.  Her voice is still shaky.  She's still drunk.  I give her the tissue.  She blows her nose and tosses the tissue at the garbage can.  It misses.  Not even close.  I want to put it in the garbage but she grabs my arm and leans against me.  

"Oppa why don't you like me?" she asks.  I try to resist and pull away but she wont let go.  "Tell me.  What do I have to do to make you like me?  Am I not a woman in your eyes?  Why can't you look at me the way I want you to look at me?"  She cries into my shoulder and I feel her arms go slack.  She's losing consciousness.  Soon, she's snoring, arms still wrapped around my arm but her head has slipped off my shoulder and is resting on my knee.  

Seeing her like this hurts my heart.  It also makes me mad.  I want to find this man she pines over and tell him how lucky he would be to have someone like her. I want her to be happy.  I want more than anything to be the man that could make her happy.  But I'm not.  Today, I'm the man who drives her home and tucks her into bed.  I'm the guy who walks back into the bar and apologizes and pays for her tab.  I'm the guy in the shadows, watching over her but unable to get any closer.  One day, I won't be that guy.  One day, I'll be able to tell you how I feel.  One day, Ji Hyo yah, I'll be there, in the light, with you instead of watching you.  One day...