You slumped over your table, the grains digging into the sensitive inside skin of your arm. Your memory plunged you into a recollection in which Himchan reached across the table and thumbed the back of your hand. He smiled assuredly and whispered endearments. His smile was always the last image to leave your brain. A sigh blew past your lips. You still weren’t over his presence in your life.

“Why haven’t I seen you here before?” Himchan had posed a simple enough question in the middle of the bookstore.

“Probably because I’ve never been here,” You murmured back, still stuck between the words on the page before you.

“You moved into the neighbourhood?” Himchan pursued a conversation with you still.

“I’m in 324 Woodland Crescent,” Your address floated between the two of you, a new fact released on the world.

“I’m 325,” Himchan beamed, happy to learn about his new neighbour. “Looks like I’ll live across from you.”

You nodded briefly. You opened your mouth, posed for the heroine in your book to declare her love for the antagonist but Himchan placed a hand obnoxiously over the words you were eager to absorb. “I should bring over something to celebrate your arrival.”

His eyes became hidden as his smile deepened. The glee still shone from them. He always seemed to wear his emotions on his face like it was an easy concept. You sighed again. This guy just never took a hint. “Will you allow me to read the rest of this if I say yes?”

Himchan’s hand disappeared. He hugged himself and your eyes widened. You drank him in completely, your book-world forgotten. Blonde hair cut to barely fall before his eyes, but frame his face well. His eyes were one of his nicer features: a straight nose and perfect bowed lips. A comfy sweater and jeans completed his home-body look. Who was he? What did he do? He was cute, in an obvious way. “You’ve already said yes. I’ll bring wine.”

The one visit turned into a habit. Himchan would burst in, unannounced, declaring he found that movie that the two of you had talked about. You had never seen it, but he found it to be simply wonderful. The late night movies turned into later night conversations. At first, his thoughts came across as simple and unfettered but actually his outlook was complex and you were constantly asking him questions, trying to understand his point of view.

You fell asleep one evening. You blamed Himchan turning the heat up and insisting he tuck a blanket around you. You woke up as he cooed your name, the credits of the movie rolling behind him. His face was so close to you, you forgot to breathe. “Do you want me to shut the movie off? I can put the food away too.” It became accustomed to sophisticatedly eating cheese and wine.

You pouted and whined and Himchan smiled angelically. “You become needy when you’re tired.”

You pushed at him grumpily and struggled to uncurl yourself from your position. Himchan’s eyes moved downwards, almost swiping at your lips. Once again, without asking, he stole a kiss from your lips this time around. You were too shocked to react and Himchan took this as an opportunity to kiss you again.  This time instead of a peck, he nudged his lips between your own and made it more personal.

You pushed at his chest again and he eased up. “What are you doing?” You asked. Your mind was hovering between dream and reality.

“Just making sure you enjoyed the movie,” Himchan said mysteriously.

You frowned, not sure if your sleep was messing with your brain cells, “What?”

“You must have enjoyed the movie if you slept. I thought it would be perfect if I kissed you after the movie. That way you don’t get melancholy about the happy ending. Remember, you told me that happens?”

“Himchan,” I breathed out his name.

That one kiss lead to more and soon enough Himchan had made himself at home in your bed as well. Your brain didn’t even bother to snap energy between its synopses when you were snuggled into his chest. He even made these precious noises while he was sleeping. Because of him, you always fell asleep with a smile on your lips.

You sat up at your table. The kitchen was dark. Himchan wasn’t here to turn the light on for you. He wasn’t here to insist you stuff your face on your favorite food while he had to hold back and diet. He wasn’t here to make sure you brushed your teeth and didn’t fall asleep with your hair still in its messy bun. He wasn’t here to rub your temples when you had a long day. He wasn’t here any longer, thanks to your own horrid self.

“You just wormed your way into my life. I didn’t even get a say!” You said one evening, Himchan having made a comment in front of your friends that made you uneasy.

His face fell at your harsh words and you instantly wished you could shove them back into your mouth and eat them. He smiled, but this one was wistful and full of hurt. “I just thought I was being a good neighbour. I’ll leave you alone.”

You swished the wine in your cup, taking a deep drink. The fruity flavour had left with Himchan’s bright face and it only left a bitter taste in your mouth. Himchan was a kind soul. He was a bit weird and very stubborn and he had caused you to forget that he was sensitive. You should have known that spewing out angry thoughts would cause a rift between you two.

You slumped back onto the table. Ghost-memory-Himchan bent over your back and kissed your cheek. “Don’t stay up too late. I’ll dream about you!”

“Go away,” You muttered darkly.

“I can’t,” He whispered back.

You were done with this reminiscing and moping around. Himchan was gone. He decided to leave after only a few words were exchanged. You missed him but this was getting ridiculous. You had to move past this. If he was okay with giving up after a tiny hiccup then you were okay with moving on.

Unfortunately, fate wasn’t going to let it be that easy. You would see random glances of Himchan in the obvious places: outside checking for mail, at the grocery store picking up items, and finally at the bookstore where this all started. Himchan would smile for you, but the sentiment in his eyes weighed heavy on your heart.

“How is work?” he asked one day as you pondered the shelves of the bookstore.

“It ,” You gave short answers. You didn’t trust your tongue to not burst out in apologises.

Himchan’s smile was a ghost of its past. It wasn’t as big and it certainly wasn’t as happy as it used to be. “I’ll leave you be then.”

You couldn’t do this. It still seemed unfinished to you. You weren’t one to just leave ties frayed apart. “I miss you.” Those treacherous words you hadn’t wanted to say were pushed out anyways.

“You…you miss me?” Himchan repeated your words, hope ringing with every syllable.

“When I cut up food, I put the knife down so I don’t jab myself with it in case you come barreling through my front door, scaring me half to death,” You admitted. The words weren’t hard to say. They had been tumbling around in your consciousness for a while now. “I sleep on one side of the bed because I’m used to curling up to your back. The coffeemaker is still set to make your bazillion cups of coffee. The house is empty without you now.”

Himchan didn’t say anything. For once, you had no idea what he was thinking. He face was blank and his eyes were void of any emotion. You laughed bitterly when you saw that you had found the book that you had been attempting to read when he first interrupted you. What you wouldn’t give to go back to that time and slap your own self in the face. This man deserved a nice girl without a harpy’s tongue. Maybe you shouldn’t have said anything at all.

“I’ve been buying movies. I can’t help it. There’s a few that you’ve recommended but I can’t find the time to watch them without you. Can you come over to my place this time? I promise I won’t barge in on you anymore. You’re free to visit me at any time. There’s no pressure.”

You looked at Himchan. He was offering safe ground. This wasn’t a commitment like you had been working on. He was hurt and wasn’t ready to plunge headfirst like he had previously. But this was still a proposal that both of you could work on. You tried to hold onto the sniffles you felt coming on. “You have popcorn, right?”

“I have everything you could need or want,” Himchan said seriously and there were his emotions, back on the sleeve of himself, free for you to interpret. My heart skipped a beat. Himchan’s word resonated with you like nothing ever had.

“I think you’re the one thing I need,” You said softly.

Himchan smiled gently, not being able to keep out the excitement in his eyes. “That’s my line.”

You stood on your toes to kiss him like he had kissed you on the couch, with sleep still in your eyes. “It’s time you received some love too.”