>Flashback<

 "Why do you always look at others with so much affection?" Sehun mumbled to himself quietly as Luhan isolated him in his spot to run over to Xiumin. Again.  

 He heard a small sigh beside him, making him jump a little bit at the spot where he stood. "

 I think you should confront him about this... Sehun, if you let him keep doing this to you, he's going to think it's fine. He'll then repeat and repeat it until he won't even remember that your his boyfriend." Baekhyun whispered, putting a hand on his dongsaeng's shoulder.   

 Sehun just nodded.

>Flashback over<

Sehun knew he should've listened to his hyung that day, but he didn't. He just wanted to be the perfect boyfriend, and he didn't want to lose Luhan by being jealous. That's why ke kept it all to himself.

Those efforts went to nothing.

 Sehun kept a diary. He had one ever since their training days, to write in what happens in the life of THE Oh Sehun from EXO and  difference between the life of fame and his normal life.

 When one mentions that he writes everything in that diary, they are correct. Sehun has his thoughts, secrets, photos and some doodles here and there.

 Whenever he opens the maroon-coloured hardback cover to the front page which is of a picture of his family, he feels like he's in his own world. This 'world' of his was described and written with the thin, sticker-decorated biro that Luhan personally gave him.

 Ah, Luhan.

 To say that he writes 'a bit' about Luhan in his diary would be an understatement. Half of his diary entries were about the 'dreamy, doe-eyes knight in shining armour'. And how much euphoria he felt when Luhan confessed his love to him.

 As the weeks passed, Sehun realised that Luhan can't and won't stop looking at other people, the words in the diary entries slowly went from positively happy, to numb, dull, and full of pain.

 All the members knew about his diary, and knew how important it was to him, so they left him and his diary alone. And Sehun appreciates that, but Luhan just can't do that, can he? Sehun smiled bitterly to himself, as he remembered that day when everything fell apart.

>Flashback<

 The noise of someone stomping down the carpeted stairs masked the noise coming from the television. Sehun looked over to see the source of the sound, only to be met by a fuming, red-faced Luhan.

 Sehun frowned and stood up, about to walk over to the Chinese member when Luhan beat him to it, by trudging over to where Sehun stood.

 To say Sehun was shocked, would be the biggest understatement in the century. He pushed himself up to a sitting position with his skinny forearms, and wincing as he reached up to touch his now bleeding, and possibly broken nose. For an innocent-looking angel, Luhan sure can throw a punch.

 "What the hell is your problem?!" the Chinese shouted down at him. Sehun looked up at him, still puzzled as to why his Luhan was acting like this.  His questions were answered when Luhan pulled out Sehun's diary from his back. Sehun's eyes widened, almost to the point where his eyes looked like it was about to pop out of their sockets.

 Luhan read his diary.

 "So, I can't look at other people anymore?! You don't even own me Oh Sehun!" Luhan continued on, oblivious to the fact that Sehun was looking at him with slight anger in his eyes.  Sehun's anger (from the fact that Luhan had read his diary without his permission) increased more as those horrible words fell out so easily from Luhan's lips.

 Sehun scrambled up to his feet, and glared at Luhan, who was panting slightly from his sudden outburst, and was clutching Sehun's diary tightly in his left hand.

 "So, now I can't be a bit protective over my boyfriend?" Sehun retaliated, his piercing glare making Luhan flinch a bit. His heart broke even more when Luhan's confused look appeared at the word 'boyfriend'.

 "...repeat and repeat it until he won't even remember that your his boyfriend."  

 Sehun felt his eyes sting with unshed and held back tears as he remembered his hyung's warnings. Warnings that he didn't listen to and ignored.  He looked away, not wanting Luhan to see him in such a fragile state. He doesn't like feeling so pathetic.

 "Read page 84." he said simply, mentally cursing himself for letting his voice crack at the end as he kept his eyes glued to the patterned carpet with a coke stain that his Kyungsoo hyung probably spent hours crying over, and a sheepish looking Chanyeol trying to apologise to no avail.

 His thoughts were interrupted when he heard Luhan's small gasp. He took that as a cue to leave.  And he did, but not before he grabbed the diary from Luhan's now-trembling hands, and he continued to walk forward, but a small hand tugged on his sleeve. Sehun sighed, his breath still uneven, and shaky. He wiped away the dripping blood that was growing thick on his cupid's bow, tasting a bit of copper-like fluid, as he reluctantly turned to Luhan, whose eyes were already b with tears.

 Sehun wiped away his own tears, before taking a deep breath, and saying the words he thought he would never ever in his life say.

 "Luhan-hyung, we're over."

>Flashback over< 

 The only thing that make it worse, was that Luhan didn't even fight for his 'love' for Sehun. He only repeatedly knocked on Sehun' door and apologised through the wooden board that's keeping them apart. It gave Sehun some hope, but those hopes vanished completely, when Luhan stopped knocking after the second day.

 And the most painful thing? Luhan moved on. He found himself another girlfriend, whose name was JaeHee, exactly three months after HunHan was finished. Just like that.

 Sehun is still ever so grateful to the EXO-K and EXO-M (minus 1) members for taking care of him. Especially Baekhyun and Chanyeol, who stayed with him through sleepless nights, and endless tears.

 It's hard enough just to see the LuHee couple from images and videos on the Internet, yet he still has to see them up front.   He really wanted to move on, so badly, to ease the pain that stabs him in the heart every time Luhan and JaeHee share happy laughter and smiles.   

 That should've been him. 

 He still writes in his diary, only this time, it's filled with words of pain, heartbreak, loss, and misplaced trust. He's only ever showed his diary willingly to Baekhyun once, before he started writing these types of things.

 When he showed his hyung the diary, he was surprised when Baekhyun bursts into tears and wrapped Sehun into a warm, caring, brotherly hug.

 "I'll always be here for you Sehun-ah." 

  One day, he finally snaps. He was so tired. Tired of the fake smiles. Tired of pretending to be happy. Tired of trying. Tired of everything.  

 The other members were all at a meeting, and their manager insisted that Sehun would stay and rest, since he's been looking sickly thin, and ghastly pale. It made Sehun laugh bitterly to himself, when he saw Luhan looking at him with concern from the corner of his eyes.  

 The moment the front door closed, Sehun breathed out a sigh of relief, and waited in his bed for a bit more until he heard the slight slamming of the van (a car obviously won't fit all members into one) door.

 He crouched over next to his bedside table, and felt under it, until he felt the familiar texture on his fingers, and he slowly removed it, making sure the tape doesn't remove a piece of it.  Sehun flicked through the pages, stopping to read some entries,

 Jan, 9, 2011: Wah~ another day of training and dancing today!! Aish~~ I'm so tired T.T I'll be going to buy bubble tea with Luhannie later (^.^) yayyy!! Luhannie is so nice... He's so cute,too!-- Aish, Oh Sehun, what the heck are you thinking(-.-)

 April, 1, 2011: Today was so fun! It's April Fool's today, and let's just say... If you have 11 other best friends and a manager. You will tend to have a great April Fools day. Okay, I will list out how they all got pranked:

-Kyungsoo: he nearly had a heart attack when he found out first thing in the morning that his cooking utensils were missing. All of them xD

-Kai: his reaction was so hilarious when he put his shoes on, only to find all of them filled with leftovers last night blended into veggie shoe soup

-Jeongdae Xiumin and JeonMyoon was pranked together and all we did was the classic 'bucket over the door' only instead of water, we filled it with rotten milk. Everyone avoided them because of the smell kekeke

-Yixing: We all (except Xing) decided it would be funny if we all were frozen in his room, when he woke up. Omg, he was so freaked out because we didn't even blink once!!

-Baekhyun: it was a bit of money wasting, but we bought packets of bacon in advance and tied him to a chair as we fed the bacon to the neighbourhood dogs. He spent the whole day in his room mourning over the loss of his brothers and threatening to sue us for murder. 

-Chanyeol: It was so hilarious!!!! What's even more hilarious, what that we caught it on tape kekeke~ we made him play the Scary Mice Game xD

-Kris: Let's just say... He was not amused at all. Well, who would be? After waking up to see your face drawn on, and your hair dyed pink with temporary hairspray. Oh, and he kept getting hit by Tao.. You'll find out why.

-Tao: we told him that the Gucci bag Kris bought for him was fake. He was threatening the frightened leader by saying he was going to shove his wushu stick up his xD xD kekeke

-Luhan: we were a bit stuck with him, but once Chanyeol exclaimed that Santa wasn't real, Luhan spent the day sulking in his room.

-Manager-hyung: we might have 'accidentally' put wasabi into his ice cream.

I had a lot of fun, but you can't really trust anyone on April fools day without getting pranked yourself. They put a fake bug on my spoon, even though Chanyeol almost punched the next person beside him, in fear.

Sehun had a small smile on his face as he reminisces on that day, but he coughed to himself and continued flicking through the almost worn out pages of the diary.

Feb, 14, 2012: ohMyGOd. This is literally the best day ever! *jumps all over the place* Luhan asked me to be his boyfriend (>^.^<) And it's Valentine's day todAy!!!! I really caN't tell if it was a dream or not. *pinches self* ow. (•_•)

 Sehun bit his lip, and ran his fingers on the page, a tear falling on the sheet, and smudging the ink all over.   He flicked to the very current page, his last entry being about his reluctance in the decision he was about to make.

 Sehun's fingers were tight around the piece of plastic that was almost running out of ink. 

 How coincidental, Sehun thought.

 April 8, 2013: I made up my mind. And I have the most reasonable reasons to do what I'm going to be doing.

 Lately, I'm being a burden to everyone, especially Baekhyun and Chanyeol. No one has to put up with my pathetic self. They're only tiring themselves out.

 And for the rest of EXO who reads this, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for disappointing you with the reckless decisions I made. I am such a pabo,neh?

 Luhan, I still love you. There is no doubt about that. Please don't blame yourself for this, even though I have a slight impression that you won't care at all.  I see you're happy with JaeHee. I hope she takes care of you. I hope you guys stay together for a long time.   I'm just so tired of it all, that's why I'm doing this. I'm tired of trying, but at least you guys will be much happier without an annoying brat like me. 

 I love you all so much. Please don't forget me.

 Baekhyun-hyung... 감사함니다. I owe you guys a lot.

-Your maknae, Sehun.

 A sob fell from his lips as He placed a picture of the whole group, and individual pictures of him and each members. He really does hope they don't forget him.

 He staggered up, and trudged down the stairs, and placed the diary in the kitchen counter. The others would find it straight away.

 Sehun glanced at the clock, and his eyes widened. It's been half an hour already?! The rest would back in five minutes!

 Panic and fear rose up in Sehun's stomach and he quickly sprinted to the bathroom beside his bedroom to get random pill bottles, before running into his room and burying himself in his blankets, not before grabbing the bottle of water that settled itself on top his bedside table.  He twisted open the white caps, and kept piling the pills up until it was a hill of drugs that are varied in colour and sizes.

 Sehun took a deep breath, and grabbed a handful of pills, forcing them down his throat with water. And he kept repeating and repeating the process.

 As soon as the last handful of pills were swallowed down, the front door was opened, and voices could be heard, but to Sehun, it was only noise that was all distorted and his sight was getting hazy.  Sehun's fingers tightened around the small container that was emptied out, and fell back against the pillow, just when a hand threw the sheets off him. The arm he had the container in, fell limp near the edge of the bed, and he lost grip of it, letting it fall to the ground and roll over somewhere. 

 Everyone's eyes focused on the orange container with tears slowly building in their eyes, and Luhan, who grabbed the sheet of Sehun's body, fell down on his knees, breath stuck in throat.

 "N-No..." Luhan breathed out, looking at the unconscious body before him. 

 Their manager rushed downstairs and called the ambulance. Baekhyun would've fallen to the ground as well if it weren't for Chanyeol catching him and leading him out the room with his own tears evident.

 "S-Sehun, don't d-do this to me!" Luhan cried out, his tears continuously running down his face, as he furiously wiped them away, his make up fading as it revealed dark circles under his eyes. 

"I'm sorry!! I'm s-so s-sorry. Sehun, I love you so much... Don't you know how p-painful the past year was w-without you?" Luhan sobbed as he gripped Sehun's cold lifeless hand in his.

 "I p-paid JaeHee to be my g-girlfriend. I didn't kn-know what I was d-doing!! F-Forgive me, Sehun! Just... Jebal ileona. God, I'm so ing sorry." sobs took over Luhan's body, as he clutched Sehun's hand in his like his life depended on it.

 "He didn't make it."   That single sentence made Luhan lose it. He screamed, kicked, and cried. He fell on his knees and cried like everything is over. Well, for him, it felt like it.

 Baekhyun, who stood up as soon as the doctor came out, fainted at the news, and Chanyeol caught him, while crying out loud as well. The rest of the member looked so upset and let silent tears fall, but they had to be strong. Not when everything is falling apart.

The doctor left the scene, with a sympathetic look on his face. He walked back into the room, making sure the door was closed before opening his mouth to talk. "I told them."

"Thank you." Sehun's low voice whispered out, playing with his fingers.

AN: Sequel, or no sequel? :)