Special

You came to my life without knocking. You took my hands without my consent. I let you in. The way you brushed my hair away from my face, the warm touches that still lingered on my skin. Your fingers traced along my skin as it made its way to my lips, slightly brushed across them and as I closed my eyes enjoying the sensation, your lips touched mine. Touch after touch, kiss after kiss and hugs after hugs, you are a drug that seeped into my whole being. The rapid heartbeat and butterflies in my stomach, I like it. The way you leaned against me and whispered I love you, I froze every time.

At times where I would be kneeling down and cried out of failure, you would walk in and wiped those tears away. Magical peck on both eyes, it dried up and my eyes became crystal clear. You taught me how to live; you led me the way to success and did what you promised. These were the times I could never in my life express how much I appreciate your existent. Words were not enough and even if giving you the world would convey how much I love you, I’m willing to do it and if it’s possible, I would find something bigger.

When I ran towards the toilet and throwing out everything, you followed me in, tied my hair in a messy bun and rubbed my back, at least to ease the nauseous in me. When I slept on the couch, you would carry me in and found myself in my bed. When I was having my period and could not even walk due to stomach cramps, I called you at 2 in the morning to buy me a sanitary pad. Despite the hour, you left your comfortable bed and did what I told you to.

Those were the little moments I remembered and be thankful for. From those little actions, I knew you loved me so dearly. I knew I was special to you. I knew you needed me in your life.

But on the day we fought, it became serious. I threw all the stuff that was at my sight and you managed to avoid them. Scream after scream, stomp after stomp, you tried so hard to fix the broken relationship. You were the one insisting and I was the one resisting. Every night, you would call but I ignore those calls. You knocked on my door but I shooed you away. You slipped in a note through the openings of my door and left without saying anything. I picked them. Paper coloured in pink – my colour and the fragrance from it – you remembered my favourite perfume. I opened it and read them.

As I read them, I cried. I cried so much I have no idea why. A person like you should never exist. Even if the world needed a person like you, you should never exist. Fragrance and tears stained on the paper. I would never think that the 3 words could hit me like how a rock would hit me in the head. As I recalled your rough hands and the scars on your face, you were that kind of person. Leaving them open and never hide them away.

I am sorry…

You should never say sorry. Even if I am wrong, you would be the one kneeling before me. If a man hit you, you would be the one apologizing. If a kid stole your wallet, you would forgive them instantly. You were too soft-hearted. You don’t deserve such a person like me.

I crushed the paper that was on my grip and rushed out. I ran faster as if losing you would be meant losing my soul. I saw you from a far and you were about to enter the elevator. You held your head down like you were at fault. At the sight of you, my pace fastened. I stopped the door and it automatically open. You stared right into my orbs and I did the same. You were clueless and I know you froze at your spot. I smiled at how much I knew you. Still you stayed rooted. I made small steps and closing our gap to nil. Touching your face and graced across your scars on your cheek, I kissed on it.

“Never to leave me again.”

I spoke for the first time after the fight. You smiled and I could barely see your eyes. You then pulled me in and embrace me. I had never felt this warm. I had never been this nervous and I could tell that this is going to be fine as long as you are with me. As you broke the hug, you faced me and assured and promised something that I knew you would never break.

“I will never leave you. Not in a million years.”

And from that on, I knew you loved me and I don’t need a time machine. Memories are meant to be kept and to be learnt. Reminiscing is enough for me to make me smile and cry at the same time.

I love you Moon Jongup…

I truly love you…