A blonde girl was preoccupied doodling on her sketchbook. This is just one of the things that make her relaxed after their hectic schedules. She loved what she’s doing right now. She got to live her dream along with eight girls that she owned like her sisters. She believes that she has nothing more to wish for.

As she kept her eyes on her task at hand, she heard the door opened and closed. She didn’t even bother looking up, thinking that the “intruder” might just want to check on her and leave. But her assumptions were wrong; instead, the person sat on the edge of the bed and eventually lay down.

“Manager oppa told me that you’re going to form a sub-unit with Tiff and Seobaby.” A soft voice said.

She looked up from her sketchbook and saw another blonde haired girl, looking back at her. It’s Jessica.

She just nodded and looked down at her sketchbook.

“I-i guess that y-you’re going to enjoy doing the promotions with her.” Jessica emphasized the word with jealousy in her voice.

The girl caught up that tone and started defending that certain her.

“Hey, it’s not like i’m just doing the promotions with her. I’m with maknae, too.”

Jessica went silent from that. What more she can say? She’s just hurting herself because she knew that Taeyeon is just going to defend Tiffany whenever they have this argument. Taeyeon loves Tiffany. Jessica is nothing but a friend for both of them.

Taeyeon looked as Jessica tried stand up from the bed. She knew that she hurt the girl again. It hurts her for doing this to Jessica, the girl never deserves to be treated that way despite people labelling her as “Ice Princess.” For Taeyeon, Jessica is never an ice princess, she’s an angel.

“W-why are you doing this, Shika?” Taeyeon asked.

She knew that the girl has feelings for her. Jessica admitted it to her, but Taeyeon is being so in love with Tiffany that she could nothing but to reject the girl. Jessica, being a nice girl, promised Taeyeon that she’ll wait for her, even if it takes forever.

Jessica kept her back towards Taeyeon to hide the traitor tears from coming. Suddenly she felt someone held her shoulders and made her turn. Taeyeon saw the tears on Jessica’s eyes and she suddenly felt the guilt, she caused those tears.

“Shika, how many times do i have to tell you this?” Taeyeon heave a sigh. “You’re a very nice gir—“

“Stop! I know what you’re going to say. So please stop.” Jessica cried. She sat back on Taeyeon’s bed and covered her crying face.

“I know that i’m stubborn. You keep on telling me to move on because you obviously love Tiffany. I can’t. I just can’t because i know there’s a tiny part of you that loved me.”

Taeyeon did not know what to do but to sit beside the crying girl.

“Shika, of course i love you because you’re my sister.” The kid leader immediately regrets the words that came out of . She hurt her once again.

Jessica looked at her with tearful eyes and laughed bitterly. That’s all she ever is for Taeyeon,

A sister.

“Well, there’s nothing i could do to change your mind right? You’re probably annoyed with me because we kept on being like this over and over again. “ Jessica looked down on her lap as she knotted her fingers together, a habit that she has whenever she’s having a hard time expressing herself fully. Taeyeon perfectly knew it.

“I promised you before that i’ll wait for you, i said to myself, i could do it. If i could hide my feelings for you for that long then waiting for you is easy.” Jessica paused for a while to wipe her tears as she continued looking down.

“But i guess, Yuri was right, heck everybody was right, everything has its own ending. I’m just to stubborn not to believe it.” She looked up and met the worried eyes of their kid leader.

“Shika—“ Taeyeon interrupted. She’s scared what Jessica might say. Jessica is also important to her.

“No, Tae, as hard as it may seems, i’m going to try. I-i’m letting you go, now.”

Those words felt like cold water poured on Taeyeon’s head. She shouldn’t be hurt this way but why she does?

“Shika—“ she tried again.

Jessica tried to smile as she wiped her tears but those tears keep on saying to her how much it hurts.

“I hope i made you happy, Tae. You deserve to be happy.” Jessica stood up and ran towards the door before Taeyeon could stop her.

The kid leader left there, dumbfounded from what just happened. She let herself fall into her bed and stare at the ceiling. Jessica, her best friend is letting her go. The girl whose been there for her, the girl who did everything for her is letting her go. They maybe both quiet type and Jessica has a cold aura around her but she’s the only person that cares for her no matter what.

She’s letting her go now.

She scoffed at how babo her bestfriend is. She tried to shrugged it off, maybe Jessica just watched some drama, maybe Jessica tried to prank her, that girl is always with their prankster friends. Jessica wouldn’t leave her, Jessica couldn’t, she shouldn’t.

Taeyeon’s head were filled with couldn’t and shouldn’t, she didn’t even noticed the tears falling freely from her eyes. It’s too late for her to stop herself from crying because she already is.

*

Days  went by for the girls, they kept themselves busy. TaeTiSeo debuted, others has their own projects while Jessica decided to go back home to US for a while. The others thought that maybe Jessica needed to prepare for her role for Legally Blonde again by going back to the US, this was not the first time she did this. She’s always doing this everytime she’s getting ready for the role but Taeyeon thought otherwise.

Jessica went back home to try to move on. Jessica DID left her. She never felt so lost in her life.

Taeyeon tried to take her mind off Jessica by keeping herself busy with the TaeTiSeo promotions. Sure she’s happy that she could do it with Tiffany on her side as well as the maknae but she felt like there’s always something missing in her heart.

She shook her head to keep her game face on as the three of them will perform a song for their fans.

“Taetae are you okay?” Tiffany asked as she put her hands on her shoulder. Seohyun looked at her unnie worriedly.

Taeyeon looked at the two and smiled sadly. “I’m fine, maybe i’m just tired.”

“Aaww, don’t work so hard on yourself, Taetae.” Tiffany said as she hugged her. Taeyeon’s heart should skip a beat. It should be.

“Maybe unnie is just getting the feeling of the song. She’s always like this whenever we sing the song.” Seohyun said.

Taeyeon looked at the maknae over Tiffany’s shoulder and smiled sadly at her. Seohyun is very observant. She maybe timid but she knows everything. She knew that Taeyeon’s behaviour changed when her Jessica unnie left. She don’t know why but she wanted to ask her unnie but she chose not to meddle. For years that she’s with her unnies, she learned that she must let her unnies figure out what they think is right. The maknae should just be there to guide them.

“Y-yeah, Seobaby is right. I’m just getting the feeling of the song.” Taeyeon said as she pulled away from Tiffany.

“Aaaww, my Taetae. C’mon let’s go up there and sing the song.” Tiffany smiled her beautiful eye smile that never fail to make Taeyeon’s heart skipped a beat but this time, it wouldn’t.

The three went up to the stage to sing the song that always pierced her heart. She never wanted to sing the song, heck she didn’t even want to record the song just because it always made her feel some certain feeling she never felt before.

Hence, it made her think of that certain someone.

My scrunched up feelings keep seeping out oh
I try to hide and cover it but it all comes out oh

As I see you, who I can't touch
I hide because my small shadow might be seen

Oh, with trembling steps, I carefully approach you
Oh, the closer I get to you
Somehow the more I'm afraid that you'll get farther away...

Days went weeks, weeks went months. Everybody has been busy over the course of that period. Taeyeon tried to laugh, fake a smile and attempt to work but no one seemed to noticed that ever smile she faked is a heart that yearning for someone. She shouldn’t miss her, she already let her go but why does she kept on wishing for her to come back?

Is she selfish to wish that she wants Jessica to come back in her life? She knows how much hurt she did to the girl for not returning her feelings towards her but she doesn’t want Jessica to disappear in her life.

Does she love Jessica?

How about Tiffany?

She just sighed for the answer.

She opened the door of their dorm after an exhausting day at the recording studio. She was chosen to sing for an OST again and as much as she wants to reject the offer because of the type of song they made her sing, she couldn’t. She needs to work.

“Taetae!” She looked up as she removed her shoes and saw Tiffany welcoming her with a hug.

“How was your day, huh?” Tiffany smiled her eye smile at her as she pulled away from the hug.

“Draining but it was fun.” She mumbled as they made their way towards the living room.

“I said LET GO, CHOI SOOYOUNG!” Sunny growled as she fight a CD from the tall shikshin, Sooyoung.

“No, LEE SOON KYU! YOU LET GO!” Sooyoung retorted.

“Yah! Why don’t you two just share it?” Hyoyeon sighed at the two as she took a picture of her new sneakers.

“NO!” the two shouted.

“AS A DIRECTIONER, WE MUST POSSESS THIS THING BECAUSE IT’S THE CONNECTION WE HAVE TO THEM! THEIR AUTOGRAPHS!” Sooyoung defended.

“SHUT UP!” Sunny yelled. The two were playing tag with a notebook. If they wouldn’t be careful, it will tear into half. Good thing Hyoyeon had it, and decided to snatch the notebook from the two.

“Jinja? You were fighting because of these...bunch of gays?” Hyoyeon said as she skim through the notebook.

“Yah! don’t you dare call these handsome guys, gay okay? They are so hot!” Sooyoung said dreamily.

Hyoyeon looked at her weirdly and turned towards Seohyun whose been busy with her new huge Keroro plushies.

“Yah, maknae!” Hyoyeon called out.

“Ne, unnie?” Seohyun turned towards her.

“Do you think these guys hot?” Hyoyeon said as she showed Seohyun photos of five good looking Brits.

Seohyun thinks that those guys were younger than her so she just see them as a regular guys. So, she just shrugged.

“See, they’re gays.” Hyoyeon said as she continued to scan through the notebook.

“Aaiisshh, nothing’s hotter for Seobaby than for guys.” Sunny rolled her eyes.

“Mwo?” Sooyoung asked.

“Ban Ki Moon, Johnny Depp, Keroro and Jung Yonghwa.”

“Unnie~!” Seohyun yelled at her unnies.

As Hyoyeon looked through the notebook and one particular page caught her attention.

“Well, girls, who among these ga—i mean guys do you like?” she asked.

“Zayn Malik!” the two yelled and then glared at each other.

“Hhmmm, okay. It seems like This Zayn guy is into gay couple as well.” Hyoyeon said as he looked through it. “But this Liam Payne has great taste, huh? I like him.”

“Mwo?” The two asked as they snatched the notebook from Hyoyeon and they saw what Hyoyeon is talking about.

“What?! Zayn likes Yoona and Yuri?!” the two yelled.

The said couple on the other hand, looked at the two as they were taking selca on Yuri’s phone.

“Mwo?” Yuri asked as she stood up from Yoona’s lap and walked over to the bickering girls.

“Sorry guys, it seems like Zayn is a Twin Trooper. At least Louis likes Sooyoung and Liam likes me like you, Sunny.” Hyoyeon said as she put her arms around Sunny.

Tiffany giggled at the bickering girls in front of them while Taeyeon could only watch.

“What is happening?” Taeyeon asked the girl beside her.

Tiffany turned towards her and said, “Oh sorry i completely forgot. She’s —“

“WHY ARE YOU SO LOUD?! I’M TRYING TO SLEEP!” Taeyeon’s heart beat faster upon hearing that voice.

One, Two, my heart
Three, Four, my breath
Five, Six, my entire body walks, only seeing you
 

‘She’s here!’ Taeyeon said to herself and turned abruptly to the owner of the voice. She gasps when she saw Jessica in her pyjamas. She’s still beautiful from the last time she saw her. Jessica has always been beautiful.

The more I cover up my two eyes
I see you clearer (It's you, it's you)
The more I block my ears,
I hear you all day
 

“Shika.” Taeyeon mumbled. As if Jessica heard her, looked towards her and smiled briefly before Yoona and Yuri dragged the ice princess at the living room while Tiffany grabbed Taeyeon’s hand to follow the three.

“Aigoo~! You bought so many things, Shika, thank you!” Sooyoung said as she hugged the girl.

“It’s nothing, its just some of the things i randomly bought when i stayed in the US. You know how umma loves shopping.” Jessica smiled which made Taeyeon’s heart skipped a beat.

“How was US, Jessi?” Tiffany asked as she laid her head on Taeyeon’s shoulder. The kid leader stiffen when Jessica looked at the two of them and smiled sadly.

It's so hard to read your eyes
All day I'm cautious around you...

 

“Same. I thought some things changed but i guess i was wrong. It’s as if i never left.” Taeyeon felt the coldness in Jessica’s tone so she just pulled away from Tiffany but the eye smile girl grabbed Taeyeon’s hand.

Oh, with trembling steps, I carefully approach you again
Oh, please come closer so you can see my love...
 

“Well, i’m tired, i better get back to bed.” Jessica mumbled as Taeyeon’s gaze followed her as she went to her and Sooyoung’s room.

“Hey! Let’s prank manager oppa with these party toys!” Yoona said as she played the whoopee cushion while grabbing Yuri’s waist to sit on her lap again.

Taeyeon watched the YoonYul couple flirt with each other as Yoona tried to steal a kiss from her girlfriend. She always envied the couple. Their love story is never easy but she felt that destiny is in favour with them. They were best friends turned lovers and they never felt happier for these two.

‘Why can it be as easy as with what Yoona and Yuri has?’ Taeyeon said to herself and stood up, letting go of Tiffany’s hand.

“Where are you going Taetae?” Tiffany pouted.

“I’m tired, i’m going to sleep.” She replied simply. She bid the other girls, good night and went to her room.

As she closed the door of her and Sunny’s room, she sighed. What will happen now that she’s back? But atleast she could finally get at least a peaceful sleep knowing that Jessica is here.

When she was about to lay down, she was surprised to see a huge dookong plushie on her bed. The dookong was so big that it took almost half of her bed. She smiled at the thought of the person who gave this to her. Before she reached the plushie, she noticed the note attached to it. She opened it and saw a familiar handwriting.

I hope this could keep you warm when nobody else can.

JJ
xoxo

She hugged the dookong as hard as she can and cried herself to sleep.