Giving Up On "Love"

I honestly didn't know when it even started. These feelings. They're not right. In fact, it's wrong. And you know what's even more painful than these unwanted needs? It's the fact that this particular person, that somehow manages to drive me off the edge, is already taken.

"Oppa, I'm hungry...make me food," she had this obnoxious pout on her lips. When I didn't respond to her wines, she started poking my face.
*poke*

"Make," poke, "me," poke, "food."

Oh my god.

I looked up from the book I was currently reading, which I was definitely enjoying before she came along, and gave her the deadliest glare I could manage, "No."

"But I'm hungry, please?" then another pout. "Buing buing."

Dear god. I hate aegyo. And she knows it, "Please stop JiSun."

"Meanie," she stuck out her tongue and I averted my attention back to 'The Diary of a Wimpy Kid'. That's right. Don't judge me.

"Why can't you ask Luhan hyung?" I asked without moving from the childish cartoons on the page.

"He left to get something from our apartment, he'll be back soon," she informed.

"I see."

"...”

“FOOODDD," JiSun flailed her arms around and somehow ended up on the carpeted floor. I had enough of her nonsense.

"What do you want?" I asked regretfully setting my book to the side.

"Kogi," she said with much enthusiasm, all the pain on her face two seconds ago was gone.

"No."

"Dukboki?"

“…”

I let out a sigh and walked to the nearby kitchen. Opening the fridge, I scanned its contents before grabbing a packet of instant dukbok, fish cakes, and chili paste.

"Make enough for Luhan oppa too. He just texted me," I felt a familiar little pang in my chest, but quickly shook it off. Boiling some water in a pot, then throwing in a couple handfuls of dukbok and fish cake. I waited until it slightly softens before adding a big spoonful of chili paste and a packet of my favorite ramen flavoring. The delicious aroma took over my whole house within seconds. Yum.

"That smells good," JiSun complemented from the couch. Apparently, she stole 'Cabin Fever', soon became so engrossed with it that she didn't even notice Luhan enter. Of course, I did and gave him a friendly wave before returning to my boiling dukboki.
In the corner of my eye, I could see him sneaking up behind JiSun. He swiftly poked her sides, causing her to jump and scream from the sudden pain, dropping my precious book on the floor.

"LUHAN OPPA!!!" JiSun shouted on the top her lungs, slapped his arm, and gave him an angry look, crossing her arms.

"Surprise?” he rubbed the abused area, “Oh my gosh...you should have seen your face, yebo," I hear the dreadful word roll off his lips and began to block out the couple's little chit chat and giggles. I wonder when I get to call someone that.

On the bright side, the dukboki's done; I took a small taste test and approved my hard work. "JiSun, Hyung," I called them out. In a few moments, we were all situated on my dark wood dinner table, eating away the scrumptious rice cake.

"This is really good Sehun," Luhan hyung complimented. JiSun nodded in response, "I know, right?"At that moment, I really did think my heart stopped for a second. Even just for a little compliment.

A month passed, before I knew it, the familiar couple arrived at my door step once more.

"Hey, JiSun, hyung. What are you doing here?" I asked.

"We'd tell you," JiSun shrugged, "as soon as you let us in."

I side stepped to allow the two to enter and we all get comfortable on my white leather couch. I have a thing for black and white furniture...

"So, let's have it," I started, signaling to either of them.

"Well, we wanted to tell everyone at once," JiSun began but was cut off abruptly from Luhan hyung. "-but we wanted to make the important announcement to you first," he finished with a toothy smile.

I could already feel my hands get clammy as I clasped them tightly together while my heart beat increases to an unhealthy speed. I nodded and urged them to continue.

"Luhan..." JiSun looked at him with the most loving look. Holding my breath, I listened to what JiSun had to say. "Luhan...he proposed to me last night."

What...

Luhan looked at JiSun, lightly squeezing her hand.

"We're getting married."

"Congratulations, I'm really happy for you guys."

I tried making myself look presentable. But staring at myself in front of a mirror for half an hour doesn't really help. I actually made an effort in fixing my hair and going out to buy a new suit and tie. All tidied up but I couldn't feel like it wasn't good enough. The frustration bundled up inside of me and is very close to exploding. I ran my hand through the styled hair, ruining the twenty minute work. Trying to calm down, I drank a glass of water then went straight to the bathroom to fix my stupid excuse of hair.

Adjusting my sleek black tie, I headed to the appointed destination with keys, wallet, and phone, in hand.

I arrived shortly and soon saw myself in the midst of a grand room; with rows of nicely decorated chairs, chandeliers, and pink flower bouquets. JiSun's favorite color. I wanted to at least feel a little grateful for the to-be-weds and think positively. But it's easier said than done.

Walking back to the hallway that leads to the glorious room, I bumped into the one and only, JiSun. She, of course, had her dress and veil on, looking as beautiful as ever.

"Oppa, you’re finally here! Why were you so late?" She questioned.

"Sorry, JiSun. I'm here now right?" I answered with a soft laugh.

"Pftt…anyways, do I look okay? Pretty?" She asks twirling around.

"You look perfect."

"Aww...you're too nice, Oppa."

"I'm supposed to be nice, today," that comment then received a quick slap to the arm.

"Oww..." She stuck out her tongue and left to get ready.

I shrugged and headed back to the chair filled room, when I met Luhan, greeting guests at the entrance. He was in a black suit as well, but with a silver undertone. JiSun forced him to go to the salon with her to get their hair and makeup done. And might I saw, those people did a very good job on the couple.

"Hyung," I waved to him.

"Sehun, you look great. Seeing you in something other than a t-shirt is very new to me," he commented with a friendly smile.

"Thanks, you look great too."

"Come on, you should get in your seat, the ceremony's starting soon."

I sat next to Luhan's parents and bowed to show my respects. Once everyone was in their seats and quieted down, the music started and Luhan and the officiant got in place.

One by one, the pairs of braids maids and their man walked up the aisle, followed by an adorable flower girl and ring barrier, Luhan's older sister's children. Then the lovely JiSun came down, her train dragging on the floor. Still beautiful. Every person in that hall held their breath for the bride.

Once everyone got in their correct place, the music faded and people averted their attention to the officiant, or, my older brother, Suho.

"Thank you everybody for coming down to celebrate the special bonding of two people on this special day. The handsome groom, Lu Han, and the beautiful bride, Oh JiSun, will now recite their own unique vows," very nicely done, hyung...

"I, Lu Han," he announced with a strong voice, "will take Oh JiSun, as my lawfully wedded wife, my bestest friend, my beautiful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of our family and friends, I offer you a promise to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you with all my heart, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live. No...I will still love you even after we both pass," Luhan said every single word perfectly and ended with a perfect smile. Suho hyung signaled to JiSun.

"I, Oh JiSun," tears already started to gather in her eyes, I couldn't help but to look away, "will take L-Lu Han, as my lawfully wedded h-husband, my bestest friend, my charming partner and my true l-love from this day forward. In the presence of our f-family and friends... I offer you a promise to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad...and in joy as well as in sorrow. I-I promise to love you with all my heart..." she continued with tears running down her cheeks but the words didn't get to me anymore. Instead, I concentrated on NOT crying in front of two hundred people. That would be embarrassing. Trying to find interest in my black leather shoes when the vows are finally done. I looked up just after Suho announced it was official and that, "The groom may kiss the bride." I shouldn't have looked up because as soon as their lips touched, the first droplet escaped my right eye. Everyone cheered so they didn't notice my state. Woooo...lucky me...
Wiping away all traces of tears, I stood up along with the crowd and clapped as loud as I can.

I'm happy for you...

The ceremony was done and everyone was getting ready for pictures. The bride and groom stood at the pedestal and posed with their special guest as the cameraman flashed his professional Canon. First it was with the parents, and then family. I left to the balcony to get some fresh air and clear up my mind. I was really deep in thought when I felt someone tap my shoulders. Apparently, Luhan saw me leave the scene.

“Hey, Hyung,” I greeted with a smile. All of the depressing thoughts would just vanish.

“What are you doing out here for, Sehun? Come on. Let’s go inside to take one picture. JiSun’s waiting for us,” he urged. Before I could answer, Luhan hyung already got a hold of my wrist. Stopping all signs of protest. “L-Luhan hyung…”

Soon enough, I found myself standing on the pedestal, linked arms with JiSun, her other arm with Luhan’s. “Smile,” she reminded me.

I took a small glance at her then to hyung. A small smile/smirk appeared on my face as I hesitantly looked at the camera. On the side, JiSun leaned her head softly on hyung’s shoulder. The pain’s back.

Snap!

I locked myself in my own car. I thought driving around in circles for an hour or two would help me. But it didn’t. Now I’m utterly lost, and the thoughts are killing me. I merged onto the sidelines and stopped. I sat there emotionless, staring at the road for who knows how long. Then my attention went to the perfect picture Luhan handed me just hours ago, still tucked safely in my pocket. Taking it out, I stared at how perfect Luhan and JiSun looked. Then there’s me. I ruined the picture. I ruined the perfection that was them. All the confusion, the anxiety, the unwanted feelings came rushing out all at once.

I screamed at the top of my lungs. Yelling out incoherent words. I was a mess. Crying…like the pathetic man I am. I’ve never felt so meaningless in my life. The perfect picture by now was ruined, crumpled.

I looked at it once more. Because of me, it was imperfect. But that one special person on the piece of paper still looked beautiful.

“…ring…ring…ring…” I picked up my phone with shaky hands, not bothering to look at the number before picking up, “H-Hello?”

“Hi, Sehun. It’s me, Luhan,” my heart aches so much already. Why did you call me? Why now?

“…” I didn’t answer, too busy wiping away the disgusting trails and snot.

“Umm…I saw that you left early today. You missed the strawberry cake. So I saved some for you…are you okay? JiSun’s-“ I just couldn’t stop crying, I didn’t want Luhan to hear me. I wanted him to know I was fine.

“Hello? Sehun? Are you there?”

“Y-yeaah, sorry hyung, it’s n-nothing, I’m fine. Just busy. W-we’ll talk later okay?”

“Wait-“

I hung up before he could say another word and was back to the lifeless state again. The wrinkled picture was still in my hand, now ripped on the sides since I held it so tightly when we talked. Trying to smooth it out like an idiot, I brought it up to my face just to rip the thing in half.

Drip. Drop. On to the two halves.

I wished, I wished so hard that we could be together. Maybe bringing two halves in a way so it looks like we’re next to each other on the picture might give me some comfort. Some imagination of a world where I could love whoever I wanted to. Be with whoever I loved. But that’s impossible.

Drip. Drop. On both of our faces. How pathetic.

It's sad. Seeing, knowing that they're together and that there's nothing in this world to separate them. It's depressing. That loving look on their faces, that smile that only they share with each other. It's...uncontrollable pain. It's excruciating to know that the only person he'll ever look, smile, and feel that certain way, is to her, and not me.
When he asks me, "Are you alright? What's wrong," with that worrisome expression of his,
I'd answer, "Nothing," because I know he'll never be mine. And he'll never think of me the way he thinks of my own sister. Because he's in love with her. Because I'm in love with him, but he'll never know of it. Because we're just friends. Because I'm the character in a love story that doesn't end up with the one he truly wants to be with. Because...that's life. And sometimes, life isn't fair. You'd just have to deal with it. Even if that means giving up on love.
Even if that means giving up on Lu Han.

A/N: did you guys expect that ending? that sehun's actually in love with luhan? yea? okay...i failed at making this like K. Will's Please Don't. which is where this oneshot came from. couldn't really capture the suprise ending...or the sadness of the overall story...poo~but this was definately my best works. 2,400 words yo. so please comment and check out my muiltichapter fanfic: