Cold.

 

That's how Taeyeon saw her father.

 

Cold and bitter.

 

She saw him like this not because he was a bad father, not because he hurt her – physically that is – or because he was the indifferent kind.

Kim Jonghyun was a loving and caring father, he has always done everything in his power to make his daughter happy, even more after her mother's death nine years ago. He would always give her what she wanted, making sure he imposed limits to what she could have or not. He'd always comfort her when she was upset or scold her when she did something wrong. Jonghyun knew exactly how to act around her, he knew all her antics and always made sure she had everything that made her happy. However, he changed completely when Taeyeon tried to talk to him about her dream.

 

Those were the moments she saw her father differently.

 

Kim Jonghyun became harsh with his words, repeating over and over her dreams were useless and that she'd better start thinking of a real future to pursue. A real goal to reach.

He kept on saying that dreaming about useless things as becoming a singer wouldn't bring her anywhere. That what she needed in her life was stability.

Every time, their discussions would end up by an argument and she had already gotten tired of these things. She was tired of always trying to explain her point to him, only for Jonghyun to find hundreds of arguments to show her otherwise.

 

Thus, she always let him win.

 

Taeyeon had started dreaming of music when she was only seven, she dreamt of the spotlights shining upon her, of the cheers of millions of fans calling out her name, she dreamt of showing the vocal abilities she had discovered during the music classes her mother had made her take; but most of all, she wanted to show her father she was able to astonish him, that he was wrong for saying her dream would bring nothing to her.

Her mother had always been supportive of it, she was the one who had brought her to the audition SM Entertainment held every year, if not for her mother, Taeyeon would've never reached her dream like she had today.

 

Now, everyone knew who Kim Taeyeon was. Everyone knew how beautiful her voice was, how amazing her vocals were. Everyone had acknowledged the talent the twenty year-old had. Everyone but the one who really mattered.

 

Because it had been his wife's last wish, Jonghyun had let Taeyeon pursue that silly dream of hers, he had let her keep the training at SM, he had let her free to choose what she wanted, always making sure though, that she didn't forget how he disapproved of it. He had never attended one of her performances, or one of her concerts. He hadn't even bothered to listen to her songs.

 

Kim Jonghyun was just that stubborn.

 

So, when she got involved in that scandal about plagiarism, Jonghyun seized the opportunity to try to convince her to stop her career.

 

“See?” he asked, when she came home after one more interview to try to clear the misunderstandings. “I told you that life is not worth your efforts.”

 

“Please daddy, not now.”

 

Taeyeon was exhausted and the last thing she wanted at the moment was to get into one more argument with her father.

 

“But can't you see Taeyeon?” Jonghyun tried once again. “These fans of yours jumped on the first opportunity to bring you down. Is that what you wanted?”

 

“They didn't try to bring me down.” she retorted. “You know my fans have nothing to do with it, these guys are just trying to extort money from the company. My manager assured me they're already taking care of it.”

 

“Oh really? How? Buying their silence?”

 

“What are you trying to say?”

 

Taeyeon looked at her father, her eyes mimicking the man's angered ones.

 

“Are you implying we- no wait, I have something to do with that plagiarism?”

 

“What? No! Baby listen to me-”

 

“No dad,” she cut it. “I won't listen to your ranting about how my choices are wrong and how my career isn't worth my efforts.”

 

“Tae-”

 

Taeyeon didn't want to hear a thing coming from her father any more. All she wanted was to forget the past days' events and arguing with her father about her career wouldn't help.

 

“I'm tired dad, tired of you always trying to find ways to convince me to give up on my dreams. You never believed in me, in my talent. Everyone did, but you never even paid attention to what I can do.”

 

That was it, her silence chains had been broken.

 

“And now...you're even accusing me of plagiarism? Is that a way you found to tell me I'm an incapable? For your information, I was the one who composed that song father, and I can assure I didn't copy anyone's.”

 

“Taeyeon please...”

 

Jonghyun was so surprised. He had never seen his daughter like this, anger filling her eyes, chest heaving with sharp angry breaths. His little princess seemed to be breaking down and he had no clue how to stop it.

 

“Mum once told me not be harsh on you,” she said, the simple memory of her mother filling her eyes with tears. “because you would end up one day acknowledging my talent, but you know what? I'm tired of waiting for that day to come. I've been holding back for too long now, and it doesn't matter any more whether you accept what I do or not, my happiness has been depending for too long on you.”

 

Those were the words she had been seeking for, for so long. She didn't want to depend on what her father thought of her any more. She needed to free herself from his hold.

 

“Princess, I didn't know you cared so much about...” Jonghyun's voice trailed off as he tried to find his words.

 

“About your opinion?” she completed for him. “I do...well I did. I won't care any more.”

 

And with these words she took her handbag, put her sunglasses on and left, leaving behind her a completely dumbfounded Jonghyun.

 

Though, for the moment, she didn't care. She was exhausted, both physically and morally. Hopping inside her car, she drove off to the only person that would be able to give her the comfort her father was unable to.

 

“I'm so tired of his grumpiness!” she complained as her aunt her hair.

 

She was on the couch at her father's older sister's house and had her head laying on her lap, a pout on her face. Her aunt had always been able to calm her nerves down; to Taeyeon, Songdam was like a second mother and she was glad she at least had her for support.

 

“Did you argue again?” Songdam asked, a little sigh escaping her lips.

 

She didn't really need Taeyeon to tell her, she knew it was the case, her niece was never one to complain about her beloved father if they hadn't had one of their usual bickers.

It would be a lie to say that she wasn't bothered by these conflicts going on between her baby brother and his daughter for the past years. She didn't understand why Jonghyun kept on trying to get on his daughter's way. Though, she knew that deep inside, Jonghyun was just hurt and scared his little princess would be deceived by whatever “danger” he idealized in the entertainment world.

 

“He practically said I was at fault in that whole plagiarism scandal that's going on right now.” Taeyeon said, feeling her anger start to boil again.

 

“What?! He said that?”

 

“Not directly...but he implied it.”

 

Songdam sighed once again, Jonghyun was taking things too far.

 

“I'm sure he didn't mean it.” she tried to defend nonetheless.

 

“Either way he said it,” Taeyeon raged, regaining a sitting position. “and it hurt auntie. You know me, I would never do this, I worked hard to get where I am, I wouldn't put it to waste doing this kind of stuff.”

 

She laid her head on her aunt's shoulder.

 

“Daddy just can't understand that.”

 

Songdam couldn't help the small smile that crept on her face as she heard her niece. No matter what happened, she never stopped seeking for her father's recognition. Everything she did was to reach that goal.

 

It kind of reminded her of a dreamy boy she had known years back. A boy that, unfortunately, hadn't been able to achieve his real dreams.

 

“He loves you very much,” she informed her niece. “he's just awkwardly trying to protect you.”

 

Taeyeon raised her head to look at her aunt and frowned.

 

“Protect me? Protect me from what? I'm a grown up, you know, he doesn't need to protect me from the world any more.”

 

“He's trying hard to protect you from being disappointed, just like he was.”

 

The statement only added more to Taeyeon's confusion.

 

“What are you saying auntie?”

 

Songdam sighed once again.

 

“I have a little story to tell you Tae,” she said. “a story that may make your father seem a little hypocritical, but try to understand his side before judging okay?”

 

Taeyeon nodded, shooting at her aunt a quizzical look. What was Songdam talking about?

 

“When we were younger, I think your father was fifteen or something, he started acting very secretive, and his allowance money seemed to disappear faster then it was given to him. Our mum had started to worry about him and asked me to try to figure out what was happening since we've always been very close.”

 

Songdam smiled to herself as the memories started to flow back into her mind.

 

“He didn't tell me anything when I asked, and didn't open up even when I used my tricks to make him talk, so I followed him one day. I was really worried too, since Jjong had never hidden things from me...”

 

“What was he doing?” Taeyeon asked, curiosity washing all over her face.

 

“He was in a band he had formed with Jinki and three other friends. He was the bassist, that's where all his allowance money went to: buying his bass guitar.” Songdam said, remembering her brother's surprised expression when she revealed him she knew about his activities.

 

“I was truly surprised, I had never imagined him doing this kind of stuff. However, he asked me to keep the secret, because he was afraid our parents disapproved of it. I noticed he saw it as more then just a hobby, so I did as he asked. He couldn't hide it for long though, some kind of 'talent scout' saw one of their performances at a birthday party.

 

“He was so excited about it, the guy had asked them if they were willing to take part in the audition the company he worked for was organizing. He kept on saying he would finally fulfil his dream. Though, to attend the audition, he needed our parents approval, he wasn't legal yet so...

He asked me to help him convince our parents. Since mum was the most comprehensive one, we turned to her first and she was so shocked by the revelation, I swear she stopped breathing for a few seconds. But then, she hugged him and agreed to him taking part in the audition, stating she would deal with our father once he came back from his business trip.

 

“They would perform one of their self-composed songs at the audition, but turns out what the jury wanted, was to watch them individually. Jjong looked so pale when they told them that, as if he had seen a ghost or something. He hadn't prepared anything, neither did his band-mates. Two of them dropped out without even trying, Jinki though, as the vocalist, pulled it off perfectly, another didn't do that well... I was afraid your father wouldn't make it, I hadn't seen him do anything more then just playing the guitar...so when he started singing–”

 

“You saw his audition?”

 

“They recorded it and gave him a copy.” Songdam answered. “When I watched it, I was so amazed! Your father had, well, has, a beautiful voice. It's so sweet and... Tae, you took after him, that's all I can tell you.”

 

Taeyeon didn't know what to think at the moment, was she supposed to be happy she had inherited her father's talent or was she supposed to reproach him for being against her dream when he had had the same one and fought for it as well?

 

She decided for both.

 

“He made it and he was so happy!” Songdam smiled.

 

“So he became a trainee?” Taeyeon asked, unable to hold her curiosity back.

 

“They put him directly into a group they were planning the debut of. It was a surprise but well... I have to admit he had the potential.”

 

Taeyeon observed as her aunt's face turned from happiness to a darker expression almost instantly.

 

“Our father didn't approve of it though, and he made clear that if Jonghyun kept with, quote: 'that idiotic delusion' he would no longer consider him as his son. You know your father saw Dad as a role-model, don't you?”

 

Taeyeon nodded, knowing perfectly how her father must have felt, this only adding to her anger for him being against her.

 

“Well, he admired Dad very much, but I guess he really wanted to become an Idol because for the first time in my whole life, I saw him holding on to his ground against our father. They had a pretty bad argument, and dad even told him to get out of our house if he would continue with that silly idea of his.

 

“And that's what he did, under our mother's and my pleads, Jjong took his clothes and belonging and left to the dormitory the company had prepared for the group to live in. Never once our father looked back at his decision, he just let Jonghyun head out the door as if he was just a stranger leaving our house. Honestly, I don't know why he was so against your father's dream, but stubborn as your grandfather was, something tells me he didn't really have a reason to, he was just against it.”

 

Taeyeon bit the inside of her cheek, unable not to imagine herself on her father's shoes. She knew the feeling or so she thought; not once her father had mentioned kicking her out or disinheriting her. Maybe he wasn't that bad after all.

 

“So...” she began. “he stayed in the group? He debuted as an idol?”

 

Songdam shook her head, another sigh leaving her lips.

 

“The company went bankrupt two months before the group's debut. Turns out they weren't doing so well for a while as some of their best artists had decided to change roots. They lost a lot of money and couldn't afford the expenses a rookie group required.”

 

Songdam pursed her lips, she could still see the disappointment and sadness on her brother's face. It had been so heartbreaking to see him watch his dream being shattered apart.

 

Taeyeon bit her bottom lip, feeling bad. That was what her aunt was talking about when she had mentioned her father protecting her from disappointment.

 

“Can you imagine how hard it was on him? After that, he had nowhere to go to. He had been living in the lodging for almost two years, after dad kicked him out. He had nothing and our father had won. It was yet another surprise when dad came home one day with Jjong trailing behind him, head hanging low. After that day, not once he questioned our father's decisions. He did everything dad wanted, like some sort of robot. I guess he kind of convinced himself his dream was just an illusion and whatever father said was law. He let go of his dreams and took off the family business, just like daddy wanted.

 

“After he came back, he never once mentioned his dream, he avoided any talk about it, turned the TV off every time a show mentioned an idol. He criticized them, for pursuing something as futile as becoming famous, something that could never last long. He completely shut himself. I've never heard him sing since, not live that is. Just in some of the recordings Jinki keeps to remember the old times Jjong and him were in the band.”

 

Upon hearing that Taeyeon couldn't help but feel guilty for judging her father without knowing his real reasons to be against her choices, not that she was at fault in his failed dream, but she couldn't help feeling bad for him.

 

“Can I listen to the recordings?” she asked, curious to know how good her father really was.

 

Songdam chuckled.

 

“Ask your uncle. He's very protective of his memories.”

 

“I can make an exception this time,” Jinki appeared out of nowhere behind them, smiling. “you just have to promise not to laugh at me.”

 

 

 

 

Mute.

 

That was how we could qualify Kim Jonghyun's long forgotten dream.

 

He was one of the most successful businessman of the country, he had a huge influence and his opinion was one of the most respected ones, so he didn't hesitate on making himself be heard.

 

Yet he did have no voice to express the deep pain he felt.

 

Kim Jonghyun's beautiful voice was useless when it came to utter out simple words that would, certainly, help figure out what that stirring feeling in his chest was.

 

He had accomplished so much in his life, personally and professionally. Both by his father's side and by himself, he had been able to make his company grow, become more important, respected. He had found love, married and had a beautiful daughter he loved and cherished.

 

But he didn't feel the satisfaction these fulfilments should bring. He didn't feel achieved. Not even a bit.

 

There always was that little voice in the back of his mind telling him he was a failure. Reminding him of that dream he had given up on so easily.

 

When the company he worked under announced his group would have to disband because they didn't have the means to make them debut, and when he found himself with nowhere to go after his quarrel with his father; he was way too depressed, too disappointed to keep on fighting for his dreams.

Thus, when his father appeared at the lodging claiming he wanted to talk to him, he didn't have the strength to push the man back.

Mr. Kim then, proceeded on rubbing his failures on his face, telling him how had been an idiot for thinking he could be one of these 'superficial idols' with a unstable future ahead of them. After a while of lecturing, his father told him to come back home, but imposed his own rules.

 

No silly dreams. No disobeying again. Taking the family business after him. Again, Jonghyun had found no strength to fight back so he just hang his head low and agreed to his father's demands.

 

When his daughter had come up with the same silly wish of becoming famous when she was seven, he hadn't taken her seriously. Thinking it would change with time, just like it happened to every kid, so he had thought nothing of it when his wife had started to pay her music and dance classes; for him it was just a way to get Taeyeon entertained when she didn't have school. However, he didn't agree when Sekyung came up with the idea of letting their little girl pass the auditions SM Entertainment was holding.

He didn't want his princess to go through what he had experienced. Though he couldn't do anything as his ten year-old daughter's big brown eyes had looked at him, pleading for him to give her that chance.

 

Jonghyun felt bitter, angered even, when his daughter told him she would be debuting in a group called Girl's Generation as their leader.

He hadn't had the courage to attend their showcase, or listen to their songs; afraid to see how his daughter's efforts had paid off, how the efforts he hadn't put in his own purchase would've resulted in what he wanted to most.

 

Jealous.

 

Jealous of his own daughter, that's how he felt.

 

Yet, somehow, in the bottom of his heart, in a tiny little part of it, he felt proud of her. Proud she had accomplished what he had been unable to. Proud his delicate little princess was able to stand on stage and show what she was able to. He didn't need to hear her singing or watch her dancing to know she did it perfectly. But he would never admit it.

He was too proud, too stubborn to come back on his word, so he kept on saying things he didn't really mean to show his discontent over Taeyeon's career. He knew it hurt her, but couldn't help it.

 

 

 

 

Days passed after the incident.

 

The plagiarism scandal had been resolved and forgotten.

 

Though Jonghyun didn't rest one bit. Taeyeon hadn't come home since, and didn't answer his calls. He was afraid he had finally ended up screwing up everything. He didn't want his little girl to avoid him, to get distant and yet she seemed exactly to be doing so.

 

A knock on his office's door pulled him out of his thoughts.

 

“Come in.” he said.

 

Again, his voice had that monotonous tone he had mastered for years. That was what his once sweet and expressive vocals had become.

 

The door opened, revealing his older sister and her husband.

 

“Jjongie~”

 

“Hi noona, hyung...” he greeted, a look of confusion on his face.

 

His sister never came to the company apart from when she had to attend one of these boring meetings the chair-holders had to be present in.

 

“Hi Jonghyun.” Jinki smiled at him.

 

“Jjongie, pack your things, we are taking you somewhere.” Songdam said, flashing her brother their twin smile.

 

“What?!”

 

“You heard me.”

 

Jonghyun looked at his brother-in-law for an answer, but the elder just shrugged his trend-mark smile stretching his lips.

 

“I'm working if you haven't noticed.” he told them as a matter of fact. “I can't just leave it-”

 

“Yes you can, come on, we don't have time for this.” Songdam cut it, using the same tone.

 

“But-”

 

“Do as you're told Jjong, she's being serious.” Jinki said, arms crossed before his chest.

 

“Can I at least know where we are going?”

 

“No.”

 

Songdam walked over to her brother and messed with his hair, just like she did when they were kids.

 

“It's a surprise puppy-saurus.”

 

Jinki laughed at the nickname as Jonghyun shot a glare at his sister.

 

 

In less time then he thought, he was awkwardly sitting in concert hall, surrounded by screaming fans holding all sorts of posters with his daughter and her band-mates on them. He had the impression he was just a little bacteria lost in a enraged pink ocean.

 

How had he ended up there?

 

Simple, his sister had made her husband and son force him in. Literally.

 

“You have to stop being a stubborn jerk and watch at least once Taeyeon on stage.” she had told him. “Then, if you really don't like it, at least you can say you gave it a try. Do that for her, she's been waiting for that moment to come for too long.”

 

He sighed. He didn't want to be there. He didn't feel able yet, to watch his little girl do what he had for so long yearned to.

But it was too late, the lights went off, and the huge screens shone. Jonghyun's heart started racing in his chest as his daughter's image appeared. He didn't recognize her at first.

 

She looked so fierce, charismatic.

 

When the VCR ended and the nine girls appeared on stage, Jonghyun held his breath in, his eyes searching desperately for his little princess. But she wasn't there. Instead, he saw a confident woman with a voice that could seem too powerful to actually fit in that little body of hers.

 

His little girl was there, fulfilling the dream she had inherited from him. The dream they shared. The one she had won the fight he had long ago started for.

 

As the songs went on, one after the other, Jonghyun found himself cheering for his baby. He found some sort of inner fan-boy that seemed to have been just waiting for that moment to come.

 

Maybe, that tiny little part of his heart that was proud of her wasn't that small after all.

 

And then came her solo.

 

The same song that had been in the center of everyone's attention the past weeks, the one Taeyeon had been accused of plagiarism for, filled the space of the concert hall.

It was so beautiful, each line of it showed his daughter's talent and Jonghyun felt guilty for having – unintentionally – agreed with the people who were pointing fingers at his little princess and questioning her skills.

 

“Thank you.” Taeyeon said, when the song ended, her voice dominating the loud cheers of her fans. “Thank you for being here.”

 

She bowed and Jonghyun smiled, being able to see once again his little princess instead of the charismatic singer.

 

“I... I have something to say and...I'm not sure about it but...”

 

Taeyeon bit her lower lip, eyeing the crowd before her. They were all there to cheer for her and the girls. They were there to prove her dream had come true.

 

After a few moments the crowd fell silent and she smiled.

 

“For so long, I have dreamt of standing here, before you guys and I'm so thankful you are all here.”

 

She swallowed the lump on , feeling the tears threatening to fall.

 

“I'm sure you all know how hard it is to reach that step, how hard it is not to give up because we're tired of waiting, of training, when we're not even sure one day we'll be able to show the world what we've worked hard for. I'm glad to say I had my family's support all the way, well...not actually my whole family. Unfortunately, my father wasn't, isn't, really accepting of it...”

 

Jonghyun felt his heart clench.

 

“All these years, we've quarrelled because of my choices. I've never understood why he was so against it. Today I know, and I'm so thankful, because he was – awkwardly that's for sure – trying to protect me from the disappointments he himself went through when he was younger.”

 

Jonghyun's eyes widened and he flinched when a spotlight was directed to him. Instantly, he felt millions of eyes looking at him, but only the ones of his daughter mattered.

 

“Daddy,” Taeyeon said. “thank you for trying so hard, but I'm a grown up now. And can't you see? I did it.”

 

Jonghyun felt a lump form in his throat as his gaze locked to Taeyeon's. Slowly, a small smile stretched his lips and he gave a small nod, not too sure if Taeyeon would notice it from where she was.

 

“Auntie told me you fell silent. She said she never heard you sing after that.”

 

Jonghyun didn't know what to do. He felt uncomfortable with all these people looking at him and yet he couldn't find the courage to leave.

 

“Don't you think it's time for you to leave that jail of silence grandpa locked you in?”

 

Whispers rose among the crowd of fans.

 

“Please daddy,” Taeyeon went on. “can you sing the last song you wrote for me?”

 

Jonghyun opened his mouth to speak but nothing came, and even if he had something to say he wouldn't be heard. Already, fans were cheering for him to sing.

 

He eyed the crowd, panic striking him. Suddenly, a hand was laid on his shoulder and he looked up at his brother-in-law who was smiling at him.

 

“You can't keep silent forever Jjong.” Jinki said, holding a microphone out for him. “let the world hear you.”

 

“Please daddy,” Taeyeon asked, her voice trembling. “just for tonight, can't you become the dreamy boy you were before and sing for me?”

 

Jonghyun didn't even know if he was still able to do that. It had been so long...

 

However, the crowd didn't seem like they would accept any other response then a yes, nor did Taeyeon or the staff.

 

As first notes of his last-composed song filled the air, his heart raced and his breathe hitched.

 

“Hyeya, mianhandan mareun malya

Eonjenga aju meon geuddae...”

 

Taeyeon started off, looking at him intently. Begging him to sing with her.

 

Gathering up all his courage, he brought the microphone close to his mouth, everything he had learned in the past coming back to him.

 

“Majimakye majimake haji anheullae

Geuraeya jigeum i apeun shigando...”

 

Taeyeon smiled, a single tear rolling down her cheek as she heard her father's beautiful voice for, what she considered, the first time.

 

Finally after years, Kim Jonghyun was heard. Not the influential businessman he had become, but the censored talented artist he had always been. 

 

____________________

The song, for anyone who doesn't know : here. 

Thanks for reading ^^