I allow the painful memories to flood my head because it's the only memories of us I have. The feeling of loneliness that enters me and leaves me feeling....small? I feel like I'm in a room that has no walls or people in it. All besides me; but am I human still? Or have I become what some call me? Have I become a monster that chose the incorrect card to play? Someone who gave up that precious faith long ago? That one person in the movies that screws everything up. Am I that one? The real life one? Is that me? Have I really become that way? Everyone changes due to occurrences; but I fear mine is deadly. My changes can kill; psychotic thought right? No, it's perfectly sane if you went through what I did. When your mind is completely flipped upside down and you don't know which direction is the right one.

These thoughts of breaking; thoughts of wanting everything to stop. Wanting everything to grow into a muting silence. Their laughter haunts me that much. Laughter from the ones who want nothing more then for us to fall and crumble. How are we supposed to get over you like they say? How can we forget about someone who was there from the start?

Sometimes I feel like they're right. I feel as if we can't go on without you three. Pain that's too much to suffer through; we take it. Standing there while we are hounded with hateful threats, curses, put downs,etc. I'm beginning to think I can't take this anymore. All this guilt...this...this torture that Changmin and I endure. Why was we trying to please them? They do own my heart but this is too much. What would you three do...what are you doing now to get past this? Do they think we can do this alone forever? Pinned against the wall by force of the higher ups. The rulers of our world. How strong do they think we are? Are they testing us?

I'm dissolving, just leave to finish me, please. Do I want you to leave? That's easy; no. I never want you to leave. But the better question is can you come back?

Unceasing pain that I can't touch to cure. But you can; can't you? You three are the cure? Are you really even running away from us? Or are they deceiving our eyes; making it seem as if you are the betrayer? Whispering poison like lies in our ears; closing off everyone’s input. I want to be a warrior though. I want to fight for you all; for the rest of my life. Stop running away; that's what it seems like to us. It seems as if you're running. We can't do much here. We've become controlled robots that are monitored every day.

Jaejoong; if you looked into my eyes? You'd be able to see I'm speaking the truth. All I ever wanted was to be with my members. This isn't working; trying to be someone else. Nothing seems to change now. This present me...seems to be who I was....am. Could it be that they're brainwashing my thoughts? It's time to find myself; time to fight for my chance as a leader.

Leader of world idol, Asia's stars, Rising Gods of the East...DBSK. I'm the leader; I guide you. The small amount of confidence I had to even hold such though, slipped out the window and into the air. After all this suffering, pain, anger, hatred, sadness and hurt; I found myself. Someone not worthy of living; a monster as they've been calling. Fine, if I have to go. You be the ones to do it. I trust no one else......

Just bury me and hide the shovel in a far away world so no one will know I even existed.

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(A/N: Herm, like I said it's very short. But predictions and guesses of how Yunho feels was running through my head and I felt a heavy burden on my chest until I wrote this down. Honestly, I don't care what others say. All 5 of them are deeply hurting for this; it's just U-Know isn't the type to cry or show his emotions. And I understand him for that. Plus, I support both sides and want them to be happy but they don't look happy a lot while they're apart. No hate comments! Also, leave a comment if you liked it and what you think of it, subscribe, vote up which I still don't completely understand but eh, I'll get it later so BYEZ ~SHINeeWorld2 ^._~