It’s been 8 years since then.

And the hospital is still looking for the brunette boy with the shattered heart.

Park Seonghyun used all his connections; Jessica and Taeyoon made sure no one ever checked into their angel’s room.

The staff often walks by the room and either tear up or smile as they remembered the only resident who ever checked into that room.

 

& Park Chanyeol?

 

Park Chanyeol grew up to be tall, handsome, and with the voice that could charm an army. Puberty was kind to him… but life was not.

Word had spread that he was the one who told Baekhyun of his father’s passing and-of course- rejection and bitterness was sent his way. No one ever listened to what he had to say but his Father, and a couple others.

His father gave him a more than a well-deserved slap.

Jessica had burst into tears.

Taeyoon decked him in the face.

Kris was ready to strangle his brother and Jongin had to restrain himself and Kris at the same time when they heard of the ordeal; they had been studying in China for a while and weren’t there when it happened.

But they did understand.

 

Chanyeol’s family had lost his mother to a car accident during the time and he just wanted to vent. But no one would listen. It was always something else, or Baekhyun.

No one let him cry into their shoulder. No one told him that it would be okay.

No one LIED to him.

He received the cold, hard, truth.

So in his bitter mind he felt Baekhyun deserved the same.

What he didn’t know was that Baekhyun was fragile. That the boy’s lifeline was connected to the hope of his returning father so when he blatantly revealed the truth he basically killed him.

Him. Park Chanyeol. Killed the hospital’s appointed Angel.

 

And he still hates himself for it.

After he saw Baekhyun break, he wanted nothing more than to run to the small boy and hold him. To apologize over and over again until his regret was embedded into the brunette’s mind.

He loved Baekhyun.

 He could never walk up and greet him like he did the other patients, but he did slip in every now and then and watch from behind the door when Baekhyun was distracted by something outside.

The boy made his heart happy.

He felt a natural fondness towards the brunette, and that fondness grew even more when he found out that Baekhyun was watching him whenever he was playing in the courtyard with the other kids.

Baekhyun was everything.

 

And then he literally became everything. The source of his love soon became the source of his unjustified hate. He wanted someone to blame for being alone. For his lack of sympathy when his mother died.

 It was unfair that Baekhyun un-allegedly stole all the sympathy, but it was cruel what Chanyeol did in retaliation.

 He was fighting a one sided war.. and he won.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So here he is, at his university, on a Sunday.

No one around to hear him pitch a fit as his guilt and thoughts ate through his body.

As his physical and mental state slowly crumbled.

 

As his mind was filled with no one but Byun Baekhyun.

The boy with the sad smile but the eyes that enchanted the world.

The boy whose voice helped him breathe.

The boy who he’s been in love with for the past 14 years.

The boy who haunted his thoughts and suffocated his soul.

The boy who vanished.

 

Memories of what he heard as he walked out of the hospital earlier that morning came crashing back.

He had gone to pick up the medicine his father forcefully prescribed to him after he saw the gashes.

Yes. Gashes. Not Cuts.

A bloody nightmare so deep that Satan would jump out of his seat.

There was one laceration for every year Baekhyun’s had been gone that Chanyeol inflicted himself. He felt it was the most he could do; a well-deserved punishment on his behalf.

 

"he killed our angel"

"how cruel"

"he won't ever understand what he's done"

I know, I know. And I DO ING UNDERSTAND.

"BUT WHO THE ARE YOU PEOPLE TO JUDGE ME," his screams slipping from his mind and echoing from the top of the school building, "WHY THE DO YOU CARE ABOUT MY LIFE SO MUCH. WHY FOCUS ON ME. WHY!?"

why? he thought as struggled to hold himself up on the railing; his mental and physical state finally shutting down. 

 

just let it stop. he begged, forcing it into the ears of any deity that  might have happened to pass his miserable state.

 

Please.

 

He found himself glaring at the sky when he received no answer. He felt the anger crashing back into his body; his knuckles turning white from gripping the railing so tightly. 

 

"Fine. I'll do this myself," he angrily spat out. 

 

Blinking back hot tears he jumped over the railing right before a pair of small hands could reach his jacket; missing it by a second. 

 

Too late

                                                                                       

“NO!”

 

Baekhyun?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next time he woke up he was in a hospital room, the sounds of machines being the only source of noise in the room.

He was alone again.

“of course,” he chuckled as he brought his arms to cover his face. He didn’t have to look to know that it was basically split open.

“Why can’t I just..”

“Die?” He lurched forwards and met the eyes of the boy he’s been longing to see for 8 years.  

 

Byun Baekhyun.

 

“So you’re awake now Park Chanyeol?” That sad smile. It’s still there.

 

“… you’re.. back?” 

Baekhyun seemed to scan over the head damage before answering with a small smile.

“Yeah.”

Chanyeol’s eyes followed Baekhyun’s movement until the latter was seated on the bed.

His hair was a blonde now. He was still small but he was toned, and he looked gorgeous in that v-neck and skinny jeans.

Baekhyun was still beautiful.

And Chanyeol felt inferior.

The angel had returned and seems to have decided to sit with its reaper, the one who ripped his soul out and crushed it into pieces in front of him before leaving him to drown in despair.

 

Why are you here Byun Baekhyun?

 

“Why?” Chanyeol finally asked.

“Because I figured out the truth.”  

 

Chanyeol found himself moving further away from the image of perfection and looked anywhere but the other’s eyes.

“My dad killed himself.”

And Chanyeol froze.

So Baekhyun still does hate him. Well who doesn’t hate him? Everyone hates something about him. Baekhyun, however, didn’t seem to notice the younger’s distress and continued.

“It was a shot to the head.”

Chanyeol’s face darkened and his fists clenched the bed sheets.

I didn’t need to know.

“And it was because he thought I died.”

Didn’t see that coming.

Chanyeol’s face shot up and stared at the older boy’s expression that seemed absolutely relaxed with the glints of sorrow that never left.

“During the surgery… my heart apparently gave out and when they told my dad the news… he pulled out a pistol and shot himself... the Head Surgeon was able to bring me back, but they were too late to stop him.”

“.. The pistol?” How did that get through hospital security?

“Dad was an ex- marine. He always carried a gun around, even when I was suffering from the tumor. Even though I could never see, I heard him check for it whenever we weren’t at home.”

Chanyeol slowly nodded his head before speaking again.  

“W-why did you tell me this?”

“Because you told me the truth…. but you didn’t know the whole truth.”

“….”

“So I found it. I went and found the truth.” Chanyeol waited to see if the boy was done before scuffing loudly and looking back out the window.

“So what, you called the ambulance when I jumped off the building, in hopes I would survive, just so you could tell me the truth? Congratulations on what you found during your little scavenger hunt but sorry to disappoint you princess, the fact I hate myself is already in play and if you’re trying to trigger guilt then you’re late.”

Baekhyun stayed silent as he stared back at the taller boy whose anger began seeping out.

“I know you hate me. Despise me. I basically destroyed you 8 years ago in that room.”

Baekhyun just continued staring back at him with that relaxed face and Chanyeol felt himself getting angrier at the lack of response he was getting.

“And I hated myself for it. I revealed something that wasn’t any of my business and I crushed your world in a matter of seconds.”

“It’s okay now..” Baekhyun started before Chanyeol cut him off.

“I made your life ing because I decided I didn’t want to be alone. They always said, “misery loves company” but I didn’t want to destroy you in the process of dragging you down with me. No one understood when my mother died. Yeah dad was upset but she was my MOM. Kris and Jongin were the sons of my father’s first wife; no one mourned my mother’s death like I did.”

“I said it’s okay-”

“NO IT’S NOT OKAY BYUN BAEKHYUN.” Slowly falling towards insanity, Chanyeol gripped onto the smaller boy’s shoulder as if it was his only way of staying sane.

 

“You vanished.. for 8 years. I’ve made my father overwork himself in hopes of finding you, I added fire to Taeyoon’s rage and I’ve made Jessica sick with worry over you… because I decided I was going to be the world’s biggest ing in the world.”

“Chanyeol..”

 “You need to hate me.”

“What-”

“Baekhyun. I deserve to be hated.” His voice was breaking by this point and Baekhyun began to panic.

This boy. This boy who was once so happy, was now a victim of his inner demons.

“You’ve been through enough-”

Chanyeol quickly let go of Baekhyun before gripping onto his hair.

“No, no. YOU’VE been through enough. You survived a brain tumor, you gained your sight back just to become an orphan, you LOST your father, and I was so cruel that in a moment of rage I made you leave this hospital. This place you use to call Home. So to say I’ve been through enough isn’t fair to you. It’s just not!”

Baekhyun opened his mouth to say something but closed it quickly while reaching forward and pulling the other’s arm toward him. Finally noticing the devilish cuts that decorated the other boy’s arms.  

“What is this?” he asked softly as his fingers traced of them; he felt the other tense up and flinch every time he softly pressed on them.

“Nothing.” Chanyeol replied, stubbornness clearly laced in his voice.

“Chanyeol.” Baekhyun’s voice was tense now, his face contorted in an unknown expression. An expression that was more than foreign to him.

Who is that expression meant for Byun Baekhyun?

 “It’s none of your concern.”

“Yes it is.”

And Chanyeol snapped again.

“How is it it any of your concern Baekhyun. Tell Me. You leave for 8 ing years, come back, save my sorry -which I still don’t understand why- and now I have ing cuts on my arms and you automatically assume it’s got to do with you. How more egotistical can you get.”

Oh my god, shut up, shut up shut up. He’s just come back and now I’m doing it again. Making him feel like . Great defense mechanism Chanyeol.

How to be an , a book by me. God I’m an idiot. He probably hates me more than usual now.

 

“Chanyeol.”

“What.”

“Shut up.” And Chanyeol couldn’t do anything but clamp his mouth shut.

Baekhyun met his gaze with determination in his eyes before taking a deep breath.

“Listen, I didn’t just come back after 8 years to reveal to you that what you said to me years ago led me on a journey of self-discovery, because it’s not. Yeah, you were a complete and total that day 8 years ago but it doesn’t ing matter because the past is the past. It’s over, it’s gone, and it’s never coming back. That’s what makes it the past. So I got over it. It took a lot of self-counseling but I put myself back together.”

Chanyeol physically and internally cringed from the thoughts of a broken Baekhyun.

You didn’t deserve to go through that.

 “But I was missing something. I was minus one piece and that was something you took from me. I went looking for you today just to find you jump off a ing building. Why the would you do that is something you’re going to tell me in a few minutes but I didn’t call 911 and slowed down the bleeding just so you could wake up and tell me it’s none of my concern. Because it ing is.”

“Uh-”

“I saw how you looked 8 years ago. I know now that it was about your mother and you DID have my sympathy. Even after you pulled that stunt I remembered you for last couple years, not only as the who mentally crushed me but the who decided to take my heart with him.”

Chanyeol choked on his saliva at this part and mentally slapped himself.

“So Mr. It’s None of My Concern, you can shove it. Because I managed to fix myself and still love you. Lord knows how ed up that is but it’s true and I’m going to fix you.”

Chanyeol found himself gaping at the other as his words began to sink in and gulped before finding the courage to speak again.

“… and how do you intend to do that?” he squeaked.

And then Baekhyun smiled.

Not that sad permanent smile Chanyeol had grown to remember, but a smile that had nothing but absolute adoration in it.

He gently grabbed his face and leaned in; leaving a long kiss on the taller boy's head.

“I’ll forgive you,” he softly whispered, and smiled when he felt the tear’s rolling down the latter’s cheeks.

 

“I’ll forgive you Park Chanyeol.”

 

 

 

“Hey Dad”

“Hmm, what is it Baekhyun”

“Tell me that story”

“Which one Bacon?”

“Tell me the story about how the sun loved the moon so much he died every night to let her breathe”

                                                                                                                                                                                        

 [A/N: /DEEP BREATH So let me explain.

Chanyeol was only mean to Baekhyun because he was angry and Baekhyun looked over it after so many years. And the Quote I found on tumblr and it was absolutely lovely. And I felt it would relate to the story because Baekhyun killed his anger towards Chanyeol because he knew how guilty Channie must have felt for what he did all those years ago. So in a way he died so Chanyeol could forgive himself, ergo, breathe.

 

if that didn't make sense well it made sense in my head so lol oops.]