Web of Lies

Prologue

“Your parents will always love you and provide you with nothing but the best for you, no matter what.”

That quote is the sole reason why I hadn’t run away from home years ago.

A bit crazy of me to start of my story with something as depressing as this huh? Yeah, well if I’m not a tad crazy in the head, then I’m not Dilla Syahdin.

Yes, Dilla Syahdin is my name. I am currently a 17-year-old high school student enrolled in a Finishing School for Socialite Ladies. I’m not the kind of person that likes to dwell on the past, but this is an exception. No, I’m not going to jump into a sob story of my pitiful life and how my parents abused me, no, none of that.

Well, maybe a little… But it’s not going to be that bad, I promise.

Ever since I could remember, I have been trying my best for my parents’ sake. Everything I do is for the sake of making my parents proud of me. All I wanted to see was a smile on their faces, instead of the usual scowl they give me.

When I was in my toddler years, my parents would always cheer for me. Everything I did always brought a smile to their faces, and I was glad. I would always try my best to make them proud. But as I grew older, my best wasn’tever enough. My parents would ask for so much more from me, but I could never meet their expectations, disappointing them time and again.  

“Why can’t you be more like your brother?”

“You’re such a disappointment.”

“You used to be so smart back in the old days, why are you so stupid now?”

“We didn’t raise you to become a loser like this.”

Such are the words of ‘encouragement’ that I grew up with.

I was so envious of my brother, and soon that envy turned into hate. Why can’t he ever let mebask in the spotlight for once? It’s not like I wanted to be the black sheep of the family. It’s just that he’s too perfect. He excels in everything that I’ve done.

And worst of all, he knows. He knows how much I needed to win against him to make our parents proud of me. But he would never give in, not even if his life depended on it. Every time he exceeds in something that I’ve done, he would flash that infuriating smirk in my direction. I hate him and his entire existence for that reason alone.

If my parents wanted the toddler version of me so badly, then why don’t they bear another child and just like what they did to me; force and push it to excel in every single field it would dabble in? Maybe it’ll turn out even better. They’re practically saying that if they’d have to pick between someone who’s just like me in my toddler days and me, they wouldn’t even hesitate to push me away, to get rid of me from their lives.

Honestly, it hurts.

Why can’t I ever be enough?

What do I have to do to make you proud? What do I have to do to make you stop scowling at me as if you regretted having me as a child, to have given birth to such a useless excuse for a daughter?

With such a depressing home, you’d think that my life at school is much better right? Well, you’re not exactly wrong, but not entirely correct either.

I don’t socialize much, and I’d like to think of myself as an introvert. During events at school, I’d be the one who stays back and watch the view from the sides. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have any friends. Of course I have friends.

It’s just that I don’t know if they think of me as a friend too.

At school, I pretend to be oblivious to everything that was going on, because I don’t want to be too caught up. But my friends are using that fact to talk about me behind my back.

I feel so frustrated, and yet, I felt like I should’ve known this would happen. Now that I thought about it, it was as clear as daylight; how much they—no, she loathed me. I had been her last resort as of late. And whenever we’re together it would feel awkward—like she didn’t even want to be near me.

I wasn’t blind to her unfriendly actions, but I decided to ignore them, all for the sake of our friendship. I thought that she really meant it when she uttered those words; “We’re all best friends, aren’t we?”. But now that I thought about it, that’s what everybody always say when they have a favor.

She is spreading false rumors about me behind my back, but what hurts me the most wasn’t her actions; it was the fact that those whom I considered to be my friends actually believed in said rumors so easily).

I’d like to shout in their faces that they’re not worthy of being my friends, oh I’d like that very much. But then again who should I spend my time at school with? It’s almost the end of my final year in high school, and I couldn’t just intrude upon the other cliques around me on my whims and fancies.

I don’t have anybody to depend upon at home, and I can’t afford to lose my friends at school. At least there’s still something to laugh about at school. There’s only 3 months left anyway. Soon I’ll be out of school and I could start my life anew.

Enrollingin a university far away from home, make friends, keep said friends close, and just live my life.

That, is of course my first plan. But the more I think about it, the more stupid it sounded, even to myself.

Why do I have to wait to start my life? Isn’t this my own life? What control do other people have over it? It’s supposed to be about me. Why can’t I be remotely happy in the life that is supposed to be no one else’s but my own?

Of course, hearing all of this, you must think of me as a headstrong figure. Someone who’s not afraid to take chances, someone who speaks their mind without hesitation, someone to idolize… Truthfully, I’m far from that. I’m a coward and a hypocrite. I think about things thoroughly in my head before having the courage to do it. I tell other people to stand up for themselves, but in reality, I have never done so myself.

But I just can’t take it anymore!

Sometimes I wished that I could somehow forget about everything and start over from scratch.

That’s why I’m doing this. And I know this might sound even crazier, but please don’t think of me as being irresponsible by doing this. All I wanted was a fresh start.

It’s not too much to ask for, is it? If the others could be given second chances at life, then why shouldn’t I be entitled to get one too?

Hm, I suppose I’ve been speaking in circles. After all, I haven’t exactly mentioned what I have done yet. It’s nothing big really; all I did was just run away from home and faked amnesia.

It's nothing much...right?

Prologue/END

Author's Note:

I'm a newbie here in asianfanfics.com, so I'm apologizing now for the mistakes that I'm bound to make sooner or later. This fanfiction was originally posted in fanfiction.net, under my username. It's beta-ed (edited) by eternalsnow