this is like flash back..but i used present tense...its easier for me and i dont have to think much on tenses..>< follow the timeline  in yixing's diary k ..and that will be the current time thought this is actually in the past. .language is just not my field... :( enjoy :D

PROLUGUE I

To: wufan

Baby when will you be at home tonight ? 3.03pm

To: wufan

Baby are you there ?? do you have a surgery or you have a lot of patients ? 4.30pm

To: wufan

Its ok. but I hope u will be at home early tonight. I will cook your favorite dish :D I will wait for u and lets have a dinner together >< . love u baby <3 5.07pm

“what should I cook huhh ?” yixing mumbles to himself as he walks to the kitchen and takes all the things from the fridge.

Yixing then starts his job as he decides what he will cook for his fiancé. He chops all the ingredient carefully , so that it will be in a nice shape and of course will be delicious and tasty.

“yeahhhh.. all of it look so delicious.. I hope wufan will happy with this. Where is him hhuhh? Its already  8pm.” Yixing maunders to himself.

Yixing walks to the glass wall of their apartment, looking for the car owns by his beloved. The road is fulled with car but none of its belongs to his beloved. Yixing release a deep sigh and he walks to the couch. He rests his body there.

Why am I feeling weird hhuhh ? it is so obvious that he has changed  lately. Luhan said that there is no serious cases at hospital now. but why he always come back late at night…. Don’t tell me..

Yixing's eyes feel very heavy and tired.he has fall asleep on the couch while the tv is on. Yixing doesn’t like to be alone at night, but lately wufan always will be at home after 10pm. Almost every night and yixing doesn’t know why. He did asked wufan, but wufan will always said about the patient  and patient. It has been a month including this week. They also have rarely spent their time together. However yixing doesn’t dare enough to argue about that and also his body  feels very lethargic lately.

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“so baby where do you want to have a dinner tonight ?” baekhyun said to the guy beside him.

“whenever that you want.” Wufan says as he gives a gummy smile to the petite boy while wrapping his arm to his shoulder and brings the tiny body closer to him.

Baekhyun smiles sheepishly by the older’s act. He loves wufan. He is very grateful that he can meet wufan and he is grateful that he has been changed to work at seoul hospital. If not he will never met wufan.

Wufan drives baekhyun to his favorite place. It is near Han River. There are a lot of couples there sharing their kiss, under the dark sky but full with star whichi is beautifuly sparkling making the place becomes more romantic. Baekhyun feels a little bit awkward since every one there are snogging with their mate and all, except them.

“are you ok ?” wufan asks.

Baekhyun jolts a little. “owhhh its just I feels a little bit uncomfortable. Yeah peoples around us….”

“owhhhh… yeah there are a lot of couples here. Don’t worry. Just be yourself.. or do you want me to kiss you here now ?” wufan teases the younger.

“aiiiishhh~ no no… its ok. im not ready yet for that.” Baekhyun said with a slight tint on his cheeks.

Wufan just smile and watches to the tranquil scenery of the night of seoul. It is so peaceful, calm and relaxing. The last time he has been here is last month with yixing. this is one of their favorite place.

Wufan’s hand then rummage into his pocket to grab his phone. There are six unread massages and all of its were from yixing. wufan knew yixing has sent  massages to him but he just don’t want to read it. he don’t know why but he has no any feeling for yixing now. Its happened after he met baekhyun. Byun baekhyun  is different and he has a lot of common interest with him that they can share together. Its not that he doesn’t have any common interest with yixing but. Maybe because baekhyun is a nurse there and wufan is a doctor. So they almost spent almost more than half of the day together. They discuss about the patients and the problem of the patients. It makes wufan to start to have feeling towards baekhyun. and yixing loves to dance. wufan thinks dancing is just something more like a hobby. its not a career.

Its 9.30pm now. wufan and his new boyfriend just start to have their dinner. Wufan turn off his phone and put it back into his pocket to enjoy the dinner with baekhyun. Well wufan is a guy who doesn’t like being disturb by stranger during meal. His meal time is very precious especially when he with his lover like now.

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“thanks for the dinner baby. Night .” Baekhyun says to the older beside him.

 Wufan nods and just gives a smile to the younger boy. However there is something that wufan doesn’t feel right. Yeah it has been a month since they spent their time like this but there is something that wufan still doesn’t satisfied yet with this relationship.

Wufan’s  hand then reach out the younger’s wrist who are trying to get out from the car but was stopped by the strong clench at his wrist. Baekhyun then shift his eyes to the older, giving a perplexed look. Without saying anything wufan just presses  his lips with the other's lips. baekhyun's eyes pop ou with the sudden kiss given by wufan. well this is their first kiss. baekhyun then slowly closes his eyes.

Wufan breaks the kiss later. He just stares to the blushing boy in front of him now.

“I love your lips. Goodnight” wufan says while grinning.

Baekhyun’s eyes straight to his lap, don’t have enough dare to look at wufan now. his face is blushing hard. he just nod and gets off from the car hastily without turning back.

Wufan just smile with the act of his boyfriend and presses the pedal to go home. There is someone who are waiting for him wth full of patience at home. However wufan never think about that. What he always think whe he wants to go home is bed, bed and bed.

Its already 11pm he must be asleep.

wufan arrives at his place around 11.30pm. Only the light from the living room is on and with tv showing the show..

What is he doing?

Wufan paces to his bedroom but was stopped when he saw a silhouette of puny body lying on the  couch. His eyes loom to that body. Wufan release a deep sigh then he walks to the couch. He shakes the shoulder mildly to awake the younger.

“yixing, yixing wake up” wufan calls

Yixing then opens his eyes slowly after being called by his lover.

“owhhh you are back.” Yixing says with his hoarse voice and gest up.. “do you want to eat ? let me heat it first k. wait here” yixing says worryingly while getting off on his feets and heads to the kitchen.

His head feels a little bit dizzy and his vision blurry. Thanks to wufan who suddenly grabs his arm. At least he can support his body with strong grip.

“stop it yixing. how many time did I told you to not to wait for me. Im not hungry.” Wufan says sounds a little bit serious.

Yixing who is back facing wufan astonished with what he just heard. Wufan has getting weirder and weirder. he though wufan holds him to support his body but actually just to stop him from preparing food. 

“but I have texted you about our dinner tonight.” yixing asks without looking to wufan.

He doesn’t want to look at wufan. He doesn’t want to see the expression that wufan will give to him. The expression like he is trying to run away from him. Yixing just hate that. He knows that wufan is hiding something from him. but yixing just wait. just wait for wufan to tell explain everything for that.

“im tired xing.” Wufan simply replied and walks to his bedroom.

The way that wufan always use to escape from yixing's further question  Wufan doesn’t feel to tell yixing yet about baekhyun. He knows yixing cant accept this and yixing have no one now and wufan the only person that yxing have  his mama died last year.

Yixing can feel his heart piercing with wufan’s act lately. But yixing still hold himself and walks to the kitchen. He stares to all the dishes that he made special for wufan but wufan doesn’t even taste it nor look at it.

Yixing swallows all the pain and he starts eating. He puts a mouthful of rice in his mouth then follow by the dishes. He cant deny he is really good in cooking. The food taste good and tasty. It will feel tastier if it’s a little bit warm and if if wufan is there with him savouring the food together. Tears drop on the pale cheek when thinking about his fiancé who starts to avoid him. Yixing doesn’t know and doesn’t understand why. Wufan wouldn’t do this if he loves him. Tears has inundated the cheeks and fall onto his lap drop by drop. Yixing doest like crying, but who can hold theirselves when someone that we love start to avoid us.

Wufan goes straight to his bed after finish taking a bath without even going out looking for yixing. its like there is no more yixing in wufan's head. he never think about yixing. yixing is like an invisible man in his house. 

Yixing throws all the dishes and clean all the plates. He hates himself now. what has he done till wufan acts this way towards him.

Yixing then walks to their bedroom. The light is off already and he can see wufan’s body on the under the duvet. Wufan really has changed. Normally they will lay on the bed together, at least said goodnight and a night kiss. Yixing’s eyes swollen a little, thanks to the dark room now. so wufan wouldn’t know that he just cried. Wufan hate to see him crying, but now he is crying because of wufan. Yixing lays next to wufan. He can see wufan’s sturdy chest going up and down in a steady rhythm.  Wufan looks so handsome. Yixing will never get tired of watching wufan all day night. It gives him a satisfaction.Yixing then moves his body closer to wufan and drapes his arm to wufan’s waist but what he get is just a bland rejection by wufan.

Yixing don’t know what he has to do now. what has happened to his world now. why ? why with wufan? why wufan pushes him and turns on the other side when yixing want to wraps his arm around wufan? after a month of avoiding himself, now wufan doesnt want yixing to touch him.

What have I done to you ? why are you acting like this to me ?

Yixing turns his body on the other side. His eyes glistening with tears which is already pooling in his eyes now.

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Yixing goes to the hospital today for the monthly check up about his cancer. It is at the same hospital with where wufan works. The process takes a lot of time so it ends almost 1pm. So yixing decided to meet wufan and have a lunch together.

Yixing hates hospital, place where a lot of peoples die everyday. A place where we know that we have a disease that can kill us at any time, and there is a doctor who can predict when our life will end. Yixing has faced that and its hurt so much. it feels so bad and incredulous when a group of people said to him that he has a brain cancer and he only has not more that three months to live. Nonetheless everything changed when he met with wufan. he made yixing to love hospital cause hospital is the place where they met and the place where he can see wufan everyday in a white coat and stethoscope around his neck. also the place where they fall in love.

Wufan’s room is a little bit secluded, there are not so many people there. Yixing didn’t knock to make a surprise for his fiancé. So he just opens the door with a big smile plastered on his face. However the smile doesn’t last long on his face. Yixing can feel his heart shattered. Its true. No doubt. It is his fiance who are kissing the other man in a nurse uniform. Yixing can see the terrified face of them. Yixing  doesn’t know who kiss his fiancé but yixing cant stay still when someone else just stole wufan's kiss. wufan only can kiss him, his fiance. even yixing didnt get thek iss from wufan for almost a month now and how that stranger can kiss his fiance easily.

Yixing gather all his strength and walks to both of them. He can see the other two men faces starts to blanch.

Baekhyun can feel a stung pain landed on his cheek and the sound reverberates through out of the room. His eyes widen and straight to yixing.

“whats wrong with you huhh? Don’t you know that he already engaged? Cant you find any other guy out there ? why must him???? “

Baekhyun just silence. He has no words to answer all the questions. Wufan also cant do anything. He never saw yixing like this before. Yixing is the timid type of guy. he never attact anyone since wufan met with yixing.

“yixing stop--“ wufan speaks at last but was cut by his fiancé.

“so you are the reason why wufan has changed lately? The reason why he always come home late at night and the reason why he keep avoiding me ?” yixing continues again.

Baekhyun who cant take anymore runs out from the room.  he is not the reasons why of all what yixing said. Its not him. Its wufan who made this. Now why yixing must blame him for wufan's wrongdoing. wufan on his own told him that he is no longer love yixing and he wants to break it. thats the reason why baekhyun accept wufan, but if he knew this thing will turn to be like this, he will never accept wufan before.

Tears drop on the pale cheek after all things that has been suppress in his heart has been burst out. but still eventhough he just burst out all his feeling, he still didnt get any explanation for wufan's change. he hopes wufan will speak now.

“see what have you done zhang yixing !! ” wufan says in angry tone and run after after baekhyun.

Yixing laughs a little with tears overrun on his face. “and now you are defending him.” Yixing whispers to himself.

Wufan grabs baekhyun’s wrist and pulls him into a hug. He the younger’s back to sooth him.

“sorry baby. He doesn’t mean to say that. .” Wufan whisper to the boy at his back.

Baekhyun just stay silent. He hate when yixing said that he is the one the main course why wufan has been acting weird lately. He knew wufan is engaged but wufan chose him instead of yixing.

“please tell me that what he just said is wrong wufan. please.” Baekhyun cries in the older’s neck.

“yeah he is wrong baby. Its not your fault. Im the one who choose this. Please stop crying baby.” Wufan tries to cool down his boyfriend.

Yixing only able to watch all the scenario if front of his eyes. And hear wufan defending the other guy instead of him, his fiancé. What has he done to wufan until wufan acts like this to him.

if he knew this thing will turn out to be like he would prefer to not to fall in love and die two years ago.

Wufan’s eyes catch the tiny body who are watching him with his boyfriend. He can see tears rolling down on yixing’s cheek. He doesn’t like to see yixing cries but now, he thinks baekhyun needs him more. His eyes to yixing while he is hugging baekhyun. 

His heart shattered seeing all the tears that fall from yixing’s eyes. Its hurt his heart so much. He don’t know why he chose baekhyun instead of yixing. 

Wufan breaks the hug and wraps his arm to the younger’s shoulder. they walk away from yixing, the opposite way from where yixing stands.

Yixing just watches. And that’s all that he can do now. he watches his fiancé is walking closely with the other guy while comforting him and  leaving him there alone. Now no one is here to sooth him out. There is no one. Yixing is all alone. Wufan has left him. Wufan choses other guy instead of him.yixing only has himself to cool himself down.

March  3^rd 2013

What have I done? Why are you kissing other guy wufan? am I not good enough?

Is he better than me ???? and where are you now ? why you didn’t reply my text?

its almost 1am and you are still not here yet. we are supposed to sleep now wufan.

im waiting for you here, the food is still on the table and its almost cold.

march 10^th 2013

its has been a week. Im just tired and sleepy like for all the time. 

Wufan hasn’t been at home yet. where is him? where did he slept?

Is he still angry with me?? Cause I just insulted his friend

Maybe its my fault. No it is my fault.

I should apologize to him later. Wufan I want to eat with you.

March 20^th 2013

Where are you wufan. I went to hospital this morning. They said you take your day off.

Where did you go ??? did I hurt you so much?

Please wufan, come home. Im not feeling well lately. My head is always hurt.

I need you by my side baby.

March 25^th 2013

Wufan why are you doing this to me?

Next week is our anniversary. Do you still remember?

Please come home on that day at least.

If you doesn’t want to sleep here, at least show me your face.

I want to see you even for a second. Please.

March 29^th 2013

I got wufan’s number. It’s a new number. Luhan gave it to me.

Wufan said to him to not to let me know. but why?

I will call him the night before our anniversary day and make him come home.

Another two days and we will meet.

Yxing has finished cook all the dish and the cake. He arranges it on the table neatly . he smiles to himself. He hopes wufan will be happy with this. Yixing has lost some weight and his face is pale and looks tired. But he will try his best to put the best and sweetest smile ever when wufan comes home. The clock shows to 10pm already, so yixing decide to call wufan using another number.

   “hello.”

Yixing feels so happy after hearing the voice. the deep voice that he miss soo much.

   “wufan. its yixing.”

   “what?????”

   “wufan its our anniversary in two hours. I have cooked. Please come home. I miss y---“

beep beep~~

“wufan. wufan.” yixing calls again and again after wufan has ended the call.

The tears run all over the pale cheeks. yixing miss wufan. so much. its more than enough even if he can see him just for a second. He just want to see wufan’s smile again. The deep voice who always . He miss that so much. Why wufan hates him?? Yixing keeps on blaming himself. but he is grateful now. at least he can hear wufan's voice.

Yixing gets on his feet and walks to the kitchen, hand phone still in his hand. He stands at the dining table and look over it. the tears on his cheeks has dried.

“what has happened to my happy life ? what have I done ???” yixing whispers to himself then he walks to his bedroom to get his diary.

However the vision of his becomes blurry and all spinning around. everything in yixing's eyes are moving around and his head  hurt so much. The last time he has this kind of headache is last two years but this one is worsen. Yixing holds to the wall for support. He cant see anything clear . He clench his hand to his head. Droplet of sweat can be seen on his forhead. His face getting more paler as the pain getting stronger and stronger.

“wu---wu faann” yixing calls weakly.wufan will the first person who will come and help him. but there is no wufan now. yixing is all alone.

The stung pain makes yixing to shout in pain and cry. the pain is just too much for a human being to handle. Yixing rummage his hand into his pocket to grab his phone. He just dialed any number that comes out. Thanks to god someone that he just dialed answers yixing's call.

“hel—help me. M-my heeaadd” yixing stammers and he drops the phone.

His hands clench to his head again to hold the pain. He feels like his head will explode in a second. Yixing just sit there, against the wall waiting for anyone to help him. The clock on the wall shows to 11.40pm and wufan really didn’t come home.

----------------------------------------------------

“yixing! yixing !”

Yixing can hear a voice is calling him. But he has no energy to answer it. the voice is so familiar , then he smiles to himself. Its wufan. wufan is here.

“wufannn” yixing calls in a hoarse voice.

Wufan finally found yixing sprawles on the floor. Yixing can see wufan’s worry face as he walks to him. Suddenly a recorder has surprised wufan.

“surprised~~~~ happy 2^nd anniversary wu yifan. I love you!”  yixing’s voice can be heard from the recorder.

Its yixing who set that when the clock is sharp at 12am. But he is happy wufan heard that. At least wufan know that he is trying his best.

“did you just lie to me ?” wufan asks with frowning face.

Yixing didn’t understand wufan’s question, but he has no suffiecient energy to answer and explai it.so he just wait.

“did you know I rush to come here from out there, afraid that if anything happened to you. did you know that ?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” wufan shouts.

Yixing’s eye widen. he cant let wufan misunderstood this thing. He holds to the wall and gets on his feet. he knee shakes a little.

“did I dialled you before?”

“stop acting zhang yixing !!!!!!!! what is ing wrong with you huuhhh ???!!!!”

“i just dialled any number that comes out cause my head is hurt before. Like two year ago. I didn’t lie wufan.” yixing says in weak voice.

“shut up yixing.!!!!!! stop using that reason. there are no more cancer cell in you.”

“but——“ yixing lost his words after he saw baekhyun at his living room. his eyes straight to baekhyun.

“why are you bringing him with you wufan?? its our anniversary today.” Yixing asks wufan, dismay with what he just saw.

“its none of your business anymore and never ever be.!”

“of course it is. You are my fiancé wufan. why are you bringing him home !!!!!!” yixing cant hold it anymore

Baekhyun just watches. he didnt dare to say anything with yixing looks so aggresive right now..

“he didn’t deserve to be in our house. he is the one right. what I said is all right. He is the reason why right. right wu yifan?!” yixing shouts again with tearsoll  on his cheeks again.

A slap sound radiate off the wufan’s apartment. Yixing can feel a stung pain on his cheek. Wufan just slapped him. Yixing’s eyes widen. what has he done until wufan just slapped him. is it protecting their love and their happy life is wrong. Anything that yixing did to clarify their relationship is all wrong in wufan;s eyes. there is nothing is right.

“why wufann??” yixing coos.

“listen here zhang yixing. I really can take it any longer. He is my friend and you have to respect him!!!! And know what this is my house. I can bring anyone to come home. you should be lucky i let you stay here! .”

Yixing just remains silence.

 “I don’t think that I still love you. lets just cut it off” wufan says again and walks out from the house, pulling baekhyun with him and slams the door hard.

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it has been two weeks. yixing went to the hospital everyday to meet with wufan. but there will always be a reason that will stop him from meeting with wufan. yixing will wait until his body gets tired and he will go home by himself.

today he is there again. standing while waiting for his fiance. wufan is not there yet. yixing just stand on the outside of wufan’s room. he waits and waits there. He is tired but he has to rectify their relationship back. he knows wufan love him and this thing is just not right. Yixing waits there almost for three hours then wufan shown up.

“wufan” yixing calls in low voice and weak.

Wufan face frowning after he saw yixing.

“what are you doing here. Go home!”

“wufan im sorry please. Wufan. please” yixing apologizes again and again as he hold to wufan's arm.

“im sorry yixing but I just cant continue our relationship anymore.” wufan says without even looking to yixing.

“no we can. I will change myself and I will stop dancing. I know you doesn’t like me to dance right. im sorry I wouldn’t do that anymore . I will respect your friends and to baekhyun. If you you want me to kneel..i will---"

"enough yixing !! How many time do I have to tell you ??? our relationship will go nowhere. i didnt love you anymore. just go home !” wufan says with his eyes to yixing..

“no im not.going anywhere until you says that you love me. “ yixing shakes his head. “Please. Lets go home now.ok. we will settle this at home.” yixing cries.

“no im not yixing. please”

“its your house wufan. you have to go home.” Yixing still didn’t give up.

Wufan closes his eyes. He is sick with yixing now. he release a deep breath “I will come home once you leave my house. understand ???? ” wufan says and leaves yixing alone.

Yixing is frozen in his feet. his heart. Its hurt. More than the headache that ever feels. Why wufan did this to him. He has no one in this world. Where all the promises. To live together. His heart shattered. Yixing would prefer to live with cancer cell in his body rather than being hurt like this. Yixing never feels like this before.. no matter how hurt the cancer cell has made him, but the words that just escaped from wufan’s mouth is much much more painful.so its true wufan doesnt love him anymore. 

-TBC-

symptoms of brain tumor

·         Headaches

·         Seizures (especially in older adults)

·         Weakness in one part of the body

·         Changes in the person's mental functions

Headaches caused by brain tumors may:

·         Be worse when the person wakes up in the morning, and clear up in a few hours

·         Occur during sleep

·         Be accompanied by vomiting, confusion, double vision, weakness, or numbness

·         Get worse with coughing or exercise, or with a change in body position

Other symptoms may include:

·         Change in alertness (including sleepiness, unconsciousness, and coma)

·         Changes in hearing

·         Changes in taste or smell

·         Changes that affect touch and the ability to feel pain, pressure, different temperatures, or other stimuli

·         Clumsiness

·         Confusion or memory loss

·         Difficulty swallowing

·         Difficulty writing or reading

·         Dizziness or abnormal sensation of movement (vertigo)

·         Eye abnormalities

o    Eyelid drooping

o    Pupils different sizes

o    Uncontrollable movements

·         Hand tremor

·         Lack of control over the bladder or bowels

·         Loss of balance

·         Loss of coordination

·         Muscle weakness in the face, arm, or leg (usually on just one side)

·         Numbness or tingling on one side of the body

·         Personality, mood, behavioral, or emotional changes

·         Problems with eyesight, including decreased vision, double vision, or total loss of vision

·         Trouble speaking or understanding others who are speaking

·         Trouble walking

Other symptoms that may occur with a pituitary tumor:

·         Abnormal discharge

·         Absent menstruation (periods)

·         development in men

·         Enlarged hands, feet

·         Excessive body hair

·         Facial changes

·         Low blood pressure

·         Obesity

·         Sensitivity to heat or cold

p/s: seriously..i feels like this fic is not like beautiful disaster...sobs ...TT___TT but its ok...for those who subscribe me...i will update the last entry for you guys...>< next update ..dont know yet.. i hope you like it.... please tell me how do you feel....if you have any idea...do share it with me k...do comments and and subscribe :D 

I have listed all the symptops up there..so eveything will be based on that. im not taking medic... and i hate bio..so please forgive me if there are any wronng facts

thx for reading and luv u bb ~~