Soledad, it’s a keeping for the lonely

Since the day that you were gone

Why did you leave me, Soledad?

In my heart you were the only,

and your memory lives on

He can still hear her voice inside his head. He can still hear her footsteps echoing their now empty three-room apartment. He can still smell her sweet perfume scent lingering around the space. He can still feel her warmness embracing him throughout the long, cold lonely nights. He can still feel her presence, even though she is long gone.

You’re a loss I can’t replace

His dull, listless eyes stare at the pair of badge and gun thrown carelessly on the coffee table in front of him. Next to them, a half-empty liquor bottle (its cap already lost somewhere beneath the sofa) stands tall and inviting. He couldn’t care less though. Despite his already drunken self – and also the fact that cans of vodka were already strewn across the hallway, he still scoops up the bottle and takes another big swig of it; downing it all the way to the last drop.

If only you could see the tears

In the world you left behind

He stands up, and staggers his way toward their dark and silent bedroom. He doesn’t even bother with the lights (why should he, when his whole life is already gloomy and doomed) and drops himself onto the bed, facedown. He stays frozen in that position for a few minutes long, before slowly moving up and reaches out for the pillow – her pillow.

He may be drunk, but his subconscious mind is still very much awake and kicking sense. He knows what he’s doing and he’s aware of every one of his pathetic actions.

So, he can actually feel the tears b in his eyes as he takes one long sniff of her untainted white pillow, inhaling the strong scent of her favourite perfume – the one he bought for her 21^st birthday. He can feel them welling up even before they start to drench the soft material, even before he choked out the tears soundlessly.

‘Cause I can’t steal the voice inside of me

that is calling out your name

“Stop,” she had begged him countless times.

“This job is too dangerous for you,” she used to say all the time.

“It might get you killed,” her love for him kept on reminding.

“I don’t want to lose you,” she would whisper into his ear every other night she thought he had already fallen asleep.

But he was the one who lost her.

Even when I close my eyes

there’s an image of your face

“Seyong...”

He stops. The loud, breaking sobs come to a halt.

He thought he heard her...

“Seyong...”

There it is again – that voice, her voice which he misses so much.

A moment later, he feels a soft touch caressing his cheek tenderly. The is gentle and loving, full of care and concern. Just like how he will always remember her.

He knows that he must be dreaming – that this is all part of his wishful thinking, but he’d take it nonetheless. He’d take it, because he wants her back that bad.

“Eunyoung...” he breathes, rising up slowly to a sitting position as his hand scrambles for nothing in particular. Her hand, her hair, her face perhaps. Anything – just anything.

“I’m in a better place now,” she tells him kindly. “You should be moving on too.”

“I’m sorry,” he bursts into tears once again. He grits his teeth, shakes his head and hangs it dejectedly. His two shoulders jerk uncontrollably as the guilt weighs down once again. “I am so sorry, Eunyoung...”

“Shh...” the voice soothes him. “Stop crying. Stop blaming yourself.”

“I was selfish,” he continues on as though he hadn’t heard her. “If I had listened to you and quit before it actually got worst...maybe...maybe you wouldn’t have been – “ but he can’t bring himself to choke the word out. It sounded so final and deafening – like this isn’t reality enough already.

“That’s not fair,” she says gently. “You love me, but you love your job too. And I don’t hold that against you.”

“Eunyoung...”

“Seyong, I love you,” she cuts him off abruptly. “And if you love me too, if you still do, please stop torturing yourself like this.”

“I can’t live without you.”

“Don’t even think about it.”

“But – “

“I’m serious, Seyong. Don’t.”

Silence engulfs them as the conversation stops just as sudden as it started. He thinks, and he’s afraid that she might’ve left him for the second time without saying goodbye.

“You know I’m always here,” she speaks up finally, vanquishing his scary thoughts away. “I will always be.”

“I know,” he says quietly, believing her every word. Because it’s true, as long as his -

“...your heart is beating, I will always be with you,” she finishes his thought, just like how she always did.

“Joo Eunyoung...” he laughs bitterly. “You bad person.”

She chuckles. Or at least, he’d like to think she did.

“I know,” she smiles, and even though he can’t see it – he’s able to feel it. “I learnt from the best.”

“’Cause you did.”

Once again, silence bestows upon them.

“Please don’t leave me,” he breaks it first.

“As long as you don’t leave yourself.”

He pauses for a moment, before quietly promising, “I won’t.”

“Okay.”

He closes his eyes, just as her cold, soft lips touch his tear-stained cheek – pressing them in the gentlest manner he had ever felt her kissed him. In that moment; the clock stop ticking, the water stop running, the wind stop blowing, the leaves stop rustling, the stars stop twinkling, the clouds stop moving, the Earth stop rotating – his entire world stop living.

And when he open his eyes once again, the presence becomes an absence, the silence is more deafening & loud than ever and the emptiness is colder and lonelier than he had remembered it.

But yet, that void in his heart – is once again filled.