December has passed quickly. It’s January 5th Monday. I’m still using my coat and thick scarf. I’m sitting on the benches near in the train corridor. I’m waiting for my train. Two hours have passed and I’m still here. I don’t know what is going on why my heart telling me to wait here. I shrugged my shoulder, closing my eyes, putting my hands in my pocket coat then lean my body and head against the wall behind me. Winter almost gone but I hope it is still winter and always winter.

I take my phone from my t-shirt. A picture of me and someone I love appear on it. I let out a bitter smile. Hurt. Pain. Sweet. I don’t know what it feels. It’s just I can’t smile heartedly. I didn’t know what smile was before. I didn’t know what pain was before. And also, I didn’t know what love was before. We met during our summer in school. I was in second grade back then. The first meeting was awkward.


FLASHBACK


I am standing near my chair in the class. I have no idea why the hell I’m still here. Class is over about ten minutes ago. Everyone has gone back to their own home maybe. I keep on standing here while seeing white board that full of formula. My math is . I know. That’s why I keep on seeing it.

But it doesn’t take long until I hear few knocks on the door. I title my head to see who that it. There, standing a boy with short body but you can’t call him small because he has build body not tall. He has cute smile, milky skin on his face and the more interesting is his lips. Those tempting lips make me want to try it. Back to sense Youngwoon!

I see he looks at me with mall smile and sit next to my seat. I see him takes out his note book and pink pen from his back pack. Oh my! He’s a pinky boy. All of his stuffs are pink. I can see those even thought not long.

“Um… where’s Mr. Han?” he asks me. Gosh! His voice!

“Ah, I don’t know. He said he will come back soon. Why are you here?”

“Oh, my name is Lee Sungmin. Nice to meet you.” He hands me his hand. I take it then pull it again. His skin is smooth. I can feel it. “My math isn’t good. I failed on my first test. Mr. Hand wants to make me rise my grade again.” He pouts.

He pouts? Gosh I have to leave this place as soon as he comes. But, where’s he right now? I take my first step to sit next to him. We are alone here. He is busy with his pink note while I am trying to open the conversation. “Uh, by the way… Where classes are you from?”

He looks at me with shiny eyes. “Me? Oh! I’m from class 2nd B. you must never seen me before.”

“I see.” There, silent again. We wait for ten more minutes until Mr. Han arrives then we start our lesson.

Oh. I’m forgetting to introduce myself. My name is Kim Youngwoon. I’m 2nd grade in Paran School. I’m not that smart, that’s why I always failed in my math, but thank to my good teacher Mr. Han who always be patient for teaching me until I can pass one of his tests. I’m not a socialize person. I always study alone. I realize my friends are only two of my dongsaeng from 1st grade, Kim Ryeowook and his boyfriend Cho Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun is good in math, but I always end up piss off if I ask his to teach me. He’s really annoying. But I love both of them.

My lesson with this person is over. We can go home. Mr. Han gave us some tasks about our subject this evening to be finished in the next meeting. I want to take backside to short cut my home when he calls me not too loudly.

“Kim Youngwoon?”

I turn around to see he’s running towards me with funny movements. “Yes? Can I help you?”

“Ah… can I go home with you? My house is also this way. I hope you don’t mind.” He chuckle a bit.

I frown a bit. He’s cute though. “Okay.” I let out small smile.

This summer is perfect I think. It’s the first time I walk home with stranger. Except for the sticky KyuWook I always walk home with, this person is good to with. He’s not that pinky though. He has brown hair. His uniform is also same as me, black. His lips. Oh my. Why do I always see his lips? His lips are not pink it’s like pale but so tempting. I can feel his aura is pulling me to ouch his hair then his lips. But my sense is stronger. It stops me.

“Ah, Sungmin… my house is there.” I realize I have already reached my house. I point a small build in front of me. He stares at me with disappointed look.

“Oh, well… see you later, then.” He looks so gloomy.

The only thing I know is I am not in front of my own house, but in his house. His big house. I sigh. Again and again. I didn’t know why I did it again. My brain is blank. He reaches my hand and ask me to enter his house. I nod. Even though my hand is a bit sweaty he doesn’t let go of it. What’s this feeling?

“Here’s…” He hands me a cup of water. I mouth a thank you to him. He sits next to me with weird noise. “Um… sorry for bothering you.” His voice is a bit shake.

“No… No problem. But, I have to go. Thanks for the drink.” I stand up and want to open the door but an embrace from behind stops me. I look at a pair hands around my body. His hands. “Sungmin?”

“I like you.”


END OF FLASHBACK



I feel like something is cutting my pain. Remember about him makes me feel the pain. I love him. He’s the one who told me he liked me. But now, why am I alone here? I miss him honestly. I want to be with him right now. I want to hold him. Lee Sungmin.

It’s been 4 years after we graduated from school. I still remember about our bickering that he wanted me to enter art in university but I insisted to enter law department. It’s such a childish argument. But I still entered law department. He entered his art university. I got lonely instantly. He refused to meet me and even he didn’t answer my calls at that time. I know I was still feeling the top in our relationship but I love him.

That’s not our problem anymore since after that I was caught by him with another man that I myself didn’t know who he was. He wanted to apologize with me but he decided to break up. I called it misunderstanding between us. We broke up, I got even more lonely, stressed and I ever wanted to kill myself, but the guy who was being caught with me in my home was the one who telling me that I should be strong because maybe he can come back to me again.

Finally, my train arrives. I stand up and sigh. It’s been a long time since I went back to my home. I miss being there. Soon I will leave in my hometown again. I hope I won’t meet him there as soon as I arrive. I don’t know what to do in front of him.

I am sitting near the entrance. It makes me easier to come out later until I hear, “Uh, sir, can I sit here?” I look up the voice that I almost could recognize it. There, one person I still can’t erase or forget from my head and my heart is standing next to me waiting for my agreement. His face is pale when he sees me is here.

“Yeah.” It’s the first word I can say to him for such a long time.

He sits carefully next to me. His body is not that close to me. I know he’s trying to sit comfortably, but he’s with me, the man that he wants to stay away. I press and lean my body to the window so he can feel comfort. Also, I look at the outside don’t wanting to see his hatred face toward me.

“Hi~” What’s that? He spoke to me? okay, calm down Youngwoon, maybe he’s talking with someone else, or with his phone. I decided to ignore him. “Young- Youngwoon?”

I turn my head slowly, shock is in my face. He talks to me? “Yeah?”

“How are you?” he smiles a bit but his eyes on the floor. I feel the train slowly move forward. “It’s been a long time we didn’t meet. It’s seems like you are now success with your education.

I try to collect my voice. “Good, thank you. I graduated 2 months ago.” I look at his face intently.

“Uh, me too. I entered a company for singer. I want to come back to get my stuff.”

It’s awkward. I just nod and look outside again. I can feel he’s trying to gain my voice again. But, swear, I miss him so much that I want to hug him and never let him go, but I don’t know what makes me like this. It’s not like me after all. I stay calm and just waiting for my eyes to slowly close. Until I feel my head is leaning against the window and fell warm.


Sungmin’s POV

It’s socking me. I meet him again after years we broke up and being apart. I miss him, God. But why he’s so silent like this? I want to take his hand and kiss it, but what makes me even more shocking is I see his finger is lingered a nice silver ring. It can see his name is craved there. ‘Kim YoungWoon’. Such a beautiful name I ever heard. I can’t see his face. Maybe when I see his face he will show me his hatred one because I decided to break up with him.

God, I still love him. I still want to take him into my hug and never let him go, but he’s so cool. Is he taken already? That ring is an engaged ring? Well I can be it. I’m sure. But, does he still have a place for me? I want him again. I want him? Deos he wants me?

I see he’s sleeping soundly. He face is still like a baby. The change in his is just his body is bigger than before. I want to feel that chubby cheeks again and then kiss them. Okay, it’s nonsense. He hates me now even talking to me was hard for him. I silently let out my tears from my eyes and wipe it with my sleeve. I can’t show him that I am still a crybaby.

It’s almost time to arrive. He is still sleeping. I shake his arm and say his name nervously. “Youngwoon…”

“Umm?” he slowly opens his eyes and stares at me with his sleepy face. I can’t stand to chuckle. He’s cute. He still stares at me though.

I know I’m in right place to laugh or anything, but he’s the light that could make smile for the first time after we parted. “Oh, arrive?” I shake my head, still holding my laughter. “What’s funny? Drooling?” he ask me with panic style. He wipes his side lips that he thought there’s sign of drooling.

“No, we haven’t arrive yet. It’s almost.”

He stop then nod. “Oh…”

“Um, can I ask you something?” I dare myself to ask him.

“Go ahead.” He looks at in front of him.

“Nice ring. You and him are still happy, right?”

He stares at his finger then plays with the ring. “Nope, we broke up before I give this ring to him.” I can hear sadness in his tone. Well, I guess he’s still love him.

“You miss him?”

“Who?”

“Your ex.”

“God, yes. I still miss him and even still love him.”

“Where’s is he now?” okay, too much question Sungmin. “Ah, don’t tell me if you don’t want. It’s okay.”

He stays silent until he looks at me that I myself realize is staring at his pain face. “He’s still in Korea, Sungmin.”

His voice, can I hear my name again with that voice? “Ah okay.”

“We broke up. He decided to separate from me. That day, I wanted to take him to his lovely face near park and I wanted to propose my love to marry him after I graduated from my university with this ring. But something bad happened to us, more exactly to me. He saw me with another man in my house. Someone enter the wrong house because he’s new there. I wanted to say I still love him and didn’t want him to leave me, but I was too late. He has been with another man. I saw him with another man in her university with intertwine finger. Well, that’s a long time ago. I also left the twin of this ring on the floor of his house. Because I thought he still need this thing.” He explain with teary eyes but doesn’t look at me with his teary eyes.

“Sorry for asking you…” I feel pang in my heart. I asked him to break with him and his got the same treatment with his another ex. I want to cry also but he must think that I am weird.

“I assume he still didn’t know that I left his the ring. After long times no see him, I still hasn’t see the ring in his finger. He must really hate me until now. Well no one can blame him. After that I decided not to take another relationship. I still love him though. I hope he does too.” He chuckles himself. He sniffs the look me into my eyes.  I can feel my face is warm. His eyes… I miss him, God. “How about you?”

“Well, umm… I’m still free. I just can feel that he still loves me, but looks like I was wrong. Well, that’s the past.”

The train stops carefully and slowly. We arrive at the destination. We collect our stuffs then out one by one. I learn that he’s taller than before. His coat make his body look like bigger. I want to hug him from behind. But I stop and letting him go again. Before that he stops and turns around to look at me before smile.

“Have you opened the letter I gave you back then?” I shake my head. “Well, that’s the answer of my question.” He turns around again and slowly takes steps forward. I see he’s waving to someone. No, there are Kyuhyun and Ryeowook waiting for him.

“Youngwoon! What’s the content of the letter?” I run to him and stop in front of him. Though I run with my stuff but it’s not the problem. “What’s that?” I ask again.

“Hyung!” I hear Kyuhyun and Ryewook approach us. “We miss you.” Kyuhyun speaks and take his stuff. He looks at me weirdly, but I ignore him. I just wait for Youngwoon’s answer.

“Even though it’s too long but I think it’s not important again, Sungmin. At least, thank for keeping it in the envelope, if you haven’t throw it away yet. Its twin can wait longer than we thought. Bye, nice to see you again.”

With that he leaves me with his best friends. I stare at his back. I take my stuff again, but I see a paper on the floor. Maybe it’s his. I take it. It’s not an original paper. It’s and photo. There are him and his lo- ver, me? Wait. It’s me. I remember this photo. Wait. He? His lover? That ring? Its twin? But, there’s nothing on the floor in front of my house.

“Youngwoon!” with tears are running down from my eyes, I run towards him again but this time without my stuff. I clenched the photo and hug him from behind. “Youngwoon… Sorry…”

“Sungmin? What’s wrong?”

“Is- is the ring in the envelope? There’s no letter? But it’s not in front of my house. He gave me.”

“Oh, your lover?”

I am shocked when he mention my lover. He thought that…

“I saw he took it and give it to you.”

“Pabo! You stupid!” I hit him with all my power. I hit him until he faces me and can see I’m crying in front of him. He’s crying along with me. “He’s not my love. He’s my cousin, Henry. He lives with us until now. We are family, pabo!” I scold him.

I can see the surrounding of us is staring at s like a movie on the television. Include KyuWook are staring at me while Ryeowook is crying and Kyuhyun is trying to sue him. I don’t care! The one that my mind still wants to work is kissing his lips deeply. Deeper and deeper. I kiss him again.

“We are pabo, then.” He claims after we part. “We are so immature. So childish.” I nod and hug him tightly. Now, I know the right one. He loves me and I love him. We just have misunderstanding. Stupid misunderstanding…

“Youngwoon?”

“Umm?”

“Marry me, please.”

“Now?”

“Of course not! After I can get properly enter my trainee in the company to be singer.

“Mwo?” he shouts.