Taeyeon. Tiffany. Jessica.

***

"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and oftentimes we call a man cold when he is only sad."

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

***

Taeyeon is bold. Brave beyond her years. Courageous indeed, but not dumb.

...or so she thought.

Honesty has always been her most notable trait. Since she knows no fear, she has always been straight forward towards others. She knows what she wants and strives to achieve it. A natural leader, you might say. She tells everything to her colleagues - her opinions, ideas, critiques - all, except one.

Taeyeon has always been good with saying what she thinks, but was never in telling what she feels. Her hard work and perseverance has gained her numerous awards and recognition that despite her lack of height, people still look up to her. Some cower in fear when they go up against her in a competition. Some see her as a challenge - a wide river to be crossed, a mountain to be climed, lest an opponent that needs to be bested - driving themselves to their limits in hopes of one day being able to stand on the same pedestal as Taeyeon. To be loved by others is one thing and to be hated is no different. At the end of the day, they are merely pawns in life's game, and Taeyeon is amongst them. She does not consider herself superior, she just thinks that whoever is playing the game in which she's in, knows what they're doing and is good at it. Whether it is God, Mother Nature, or simple cosmic forces that's playing, Taeyeon is adapting to the circumstances and is open to face the ordeals this game might bring.

The people around her might say, "What more could she ask for?", but there is so much that Taeyeon wants, even if it means losing everything that she has right now.

Taeyeon has her room filled with awards from different competitions. From singing contests to art competitions, academic recognition to athletics, Taeyeon has them all decorated in her room.

Yet, certificates cannot replace friends, 

..trophies cannot replace family,

..and medals cannot replace love.

At a young age, her parents got separated which traumatized her unripe mind, hence changing her views on relationships. Without any sibling to turn to, Taeyeon fought her battles alone. Living with her mother, she felt the need to be embraced... to be cared for, but her mother had problems of her own, and Taeyeon didn't want to add to that. And so she thought she needed to be strong in order to survive. She strived to excel in everything she does, hoping that it would make her parents happy and bring them back together again. Time has honed Taeyeon to be an indepedent woman. In middle school, Taeyeon met her best friend... and only true friend for that matter. Her friend was jolly and much more feminine than Taeyeon, yet despite these differences, they enjoyed each other's company and Taeyeon felt that this person didn't befriend her in hopes of sharing the limelight with her. If Taeyeon's mother was her inspiration, her best friend was her motivator... her number 1 fan. Taeyeon's best friend was 100% behind her in everythng she does.

A couple years came and went, Taeyeon realized she was living a monotonous life. Waking up today felt like waking up yesterday... or the day before that. There was no thrill in living, whatsoever.

Then one day in school, talks about a new student came buzzing around the campus. This didn't interest Taeyeon of course, but her best friend seemed particularly curious of this student as well. Her best friend told her things like she's "...pretty and talented~" or that she's "...an heir of a famous conglomerate~" and some other irrelevant stuff that Taeyeon didn't bother remembering.

On their first period class, their professor announced that they will be having a new classmate. Everyone got excited of course, knowing that their professor is referring to the only topic in campus since the day started. Their professor called the new student in and immediatey the class fell silent as she went inside the room.

This new student gave a certain glow Taeyeon had not seen in her other classmates. Her white flawless skin radiated like the sun, and her long hair flowed so gracefully like it had a mind of its own and was dancing to an inaudible music.

Lub-dub.

She introduced herself in front of the class and when she spoke, everyone felt the need to listen. Her voice sounded so sweet you could almost fall asleep even when she's just talking. As a singer herself, Taeyeon knew this girl can sing. In fact, Taeyeon thought she met her greatest competitor that day.

Lub-dub. Lub-dub.

After the formalities, their professor instructed the new kid to go to find a seat. She scanned the room for a vacant spot and saw one in front of Taeyeon. As she walked towards her seat, Taeyeon absentmindedly stared at this girl, and the girl looked back. They made eye contact for a moment, then the new kid smiled. Not knowing what to do, Taeyeon broke the contact and pretended to look outside the window. She caught a glimpse of her bestfriend who was seated near the window giggling at her reaction.

Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub.

Taeyeon's heart was beating fast and she started to feel hot on her cheeks. She tried to concentrate on their lesson but all she could think of was the new student's smile.

It was the most beautiful smile Taeyeon has ever seen.

That night, Taeyeon couldn't sleep for all she thought of was the new girl. Things got pretty awkward for Taeyeon the next day. Her lack of sleep made Taeyeon a little bit disoriented because she wasn't used to staying up late. Her healthy lifestyle required her to sleep 8 hours a day, and apparently she only got 2 hours the previous night. During Science class, Taeyeon and her best friend had always been lab partners, but her best friend called her that morning telling her she has to go see her sick grandfather in the hospital that day so she has to be absent, leaving Taeyeon partnerless. Of course, Taeyeon without a partner plus a new student in class, naturally, they were paired.

Well played, Taeyeon thought to herself. Again she thought this was a game and she was simply being played. I just have to play along.

But no, Taeyeon wasn't able to play along. Sometime during the class, the new girl's hand brushed on Taeyeon's hand and she felt a tingle, like she was electrified, which caused her to drop a test tube and shatter it to pieces. Everyone seemed so surprised because it was unlikely for someone like Taeyeon to be clumsy. Hey I'm a human being too, you know, she thought to herself as she was cleaning the mess she made, avoiding everyone's glaring looks. After that incident, her lab partner asked if she was okay. Taeyeon thought it would be rude not to answer, but she was too shy to look at her directly. In an instant, Taeyeon gave a small nod without facing her partner. She saw her smile through her peripharal vision though, then Taeyeon felt the hotness on her cheeks again. Throughout the entire class, Taeyeon wasn't herself. She kept mixing the wrong chemicals, missing out the answers to their professor's questions and drifted during the lectures. Taeyeon blamed her lack of sleep for all that has happened.

Then again that night, Taeyeon couldn't sleep. Something kept bothering her and this was an unfamiliar feeling to Taeyeon. This was something she never learned in school... or did she miss this lesson?

Days passed and she felt the need to tell someone, hoping she might find the answers to her questions. And by someone of course, she meant her best friend. The only anyone that there is. Taeyeon seemed hesitant of this idea. She doesn't know why but she can't seem to bring herself to discuss her feelings to anyone. She feels like sharing what you feel is like implanting a portion of yourself to another person, and piece by piece you never know that that person might already have a hold of your existence, eventually taking over of your life, and it is up to that person whether he or she would cherish it, or use it to his or her advantage. A sign of weakness. A threat. Taeyeon knows this... for she has seen her mother break under the clutches of her father. Her mother who gave her all to the man that she loved, but was never reciprocated. Taeyeon doesn't want to experience the same mistake her mother made. Exposing herself to others would strip off her control over her life.

Taeyeon trusted her best friend of course. But she thought that it's best to keep what she feels a secret.

Yes. Secrets are good. Gives you a sense of privacy. Mystery. And mysteries sets you apart from others... an intagible tool that grips others driving them nuts as they want to know that part of you that is hidden in the shadows. As long as they have a blank in your life they haven't filled in, you are in control.

Yes, Taeyeon was bored of her repetitive life... but she didn't ask for it to get complicated. Repetitive is fine. At least, it's easy. But then this has already happened. The new kid already came and messed things up.

Well then, I might just have to avoid that new kid. Taeyeon thought. she didn't know that it was a lot easier said than done.

***

The long hallway streched on one fine afternoon in school. Taeyeon has strided this path many times already she could almost point out anything that can be seen in this hallway without even looking, for nothing has changed since the first time she passed by this route. Boring. The way to the principal's office was a road less travelled, mostly because students fear this part of the school. The principal isn't really a scary person, but he has dominion over this school and that fact alone is enough to earn the respect of the students. Another reason was that this is the path students rowdy enough to be considered juvenile deliquents take and determine their fate, whether they receive detention, suspension, or expulsion.

But Taeyeon knew better. Not to boast, but being summoned to the principal's office meant something she has to be congratulated about. 

Taeyeon knocked twice on the office door and the secretary called her in. Ms. Lee had a sweet smile as always. She has always treated Taeyeon with such kindness and she probably grew fond of her due to her constant visits. Taeyeon was told to proceed directly to Mr. Choi who was behind another door. 

Taeyeon stepped inside Mr. Choi's office and saw that the principal was not alone. What surprised her was that Mr. Choi was talking to someone... someone she has been advertently trying to avoid.

Mr. Choi stood from his seat and said his usual welcoming words. Taeyeon did not bother paying attention to it because one, she has memorized all of it and two, her chest was beating loudly like it was about to explode. All that Taeyeon made out from Mr. Choi's words were something about being "...on the same class with the guest" and inviting her to "...have a seat."

All of a sudden, Mr. Choi's indistinct mumblings stopped and was replaced by a warm, soothing voice...

"Actually, Mr. Choi, we have been lab partners but I believe we haven't formally introduced ourselves. Hi, I'm Tiffany. Nice to meet you!"

Taeyeon knew she won't be sleeping again tonight.