PENPAL LOVE ♥

Description

Main characters: Himchan, you (Hana)

Other characters: Daehyun, Yong guk, Jong up, Young jae, Zelo, others~(Will be revealed as we go along! :> )

 

 

 

 

 

Himchan, 23, loves cheese burgers.

 

 

Hana, 21, dislikes cheeseburgers.

 

 

 

Foreword

Hana has always longed for a penpal, preferably a guy, whom she could share her thoughts, feelings, life experiences and thinkings with. She is a girl who does not like very girly stuff, but not too tomboyish either. She loves to draw, sing and dance. Though respectful, kind and honest, she has an attitude of her own, rather attractive than peculiar. She is an original, and doesn't like copying others or following after people.

A very socialable and pretty girl-next-door, but tend to keep to herself recently as past experiences couldn't leave her. Once bitten twice shy, she would now rather only have one person to talk to, a penpal.

One cold, cozy morning, you your macbook as you sat on your floral-patterned bed. You reached across your bed towards your table for the nice warm cup of hot chocolate you made for yourself earlier this morning. The sun rays found its way into your room as you paused to close your eyes, and breathe in the fresh air flowing through your opened windows, from the beautiful world outside, Seoul.

 

 

 
 
" A penpal. I'm gonna get one. "
 
 
 
 
How will Himchan and Hana meet? Tune in and subscribe to be updated soon in the next chapter. Thankyou!!^^
 
(Pictures/GIFs are from tumblr, does not belong to me otherwise stated.)
 
I suddenly thought of this story of a penpal because I actually want one myself haha! This story is originally thought of by me! I do not and will never copy other's works! And one more thing, this girl's personality is actually... same like me hehe. 
 
 
This is my first time writing a fanfic! My bias from BAP is Himchan that's why I decided to use him^^ And omg I'm so nervous and I'm so afraid of making mistakes T___T I'm I'm super new here too! Do guide me along! And so I actually do not really know how some of the things here work... But anyway I don't care! Because I really like making people happy and contented and I hope I can through this fanfic! 
Enjoy!
 
Thankyou once again xx
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Yeapyi #1
Ayo guys! I'm working on a one shot right now hehe!

But I do not know who to assign as the main characters:( My story is already done so I just have to change the names! So.. I would like to have everyone's opinions on who I should use in the one shot. There would only be two people in it, a guy and a girl. And their relationship? Its a secret hehe:3

The title of my One Shot is 'Help' and of course, you can expect some sparks of love between the two characters;) This story is slightly more different than other usual love stories and if you guys like it, I may even add on chapters! Then it wouldnt be a one shot anymore hehe.

Therefore I hope you guys would recommend me who I should use for my One Shot! The guy should be pretty cool yet cute heheh. And the girl? Someone who acts tough, well she is hahahah. Comment or reply to voice out your opinions thankyou!! <3 xx
leejaesun #2
Chapter 8: Another thing, is that the relationship itself was a bit too hurried in my opinion. You have to focus on making the story match what you advertised.

What I mean is that the title of this story is called PenPal Love. You never mentioned previous messeges they might have sent to each other (unless I missed that, in which case I apologize profusely) or any form of communication between the two, save for him helping her with her bloody problem. xD (I giggled at this part to be quite honest)

Since your title is what's generally used to people into your story, you should give everyone what they bargained for, correct? Hana and Himchan could have talked previously maybe so the title would make more sense and then perhaps the relationship wouldn't have felt so rushed. And for her to get her first french kiss on basically the first day of them truly knowing each other? Woah there! XD

Ok, another thing I have to mention is how carefree Hana got towards the end. I really like it. Her character change is drastic but I have to admit that I do enjoy it. She went from being so nervous and shy, to almost ghetto sounding at the end of chapter 8.

"Er, honey, leggo"

I flew off my bed. LOL

Anyway, you have me as a new subbie & if you'd like, I'll keep giving you criticism but if you don't want me to anymore, that's fine. Let me know if you have any English related questions (or any questions at all) and I'll try my best to answer them for you.

Yeapyi hwaiting! :D
leejaesun #3
Chapter 8: Hahahahah omg ok let's start the review:


First of all, I really like how Hana is cutesy and adorable, but towards the last chapters she gets more open and more trusting of others. While I did enjoy that, I have to say that there are times when I felt the story moved a bit too fast for my taste. In example: "You held on to your shoulder, it hurts alot. Your head suddenly felt heavy, and you looked at your hands. It was spinning, like mad. White spots started to appear within your vision. You dropped to the ground." Here I felt that we were being TOLD what was going on. You have to remember that you're the writer AND the reader. You can't just tell us what's going on, you have to SHOW us. Instead of just saying "you dropped to the ground," you could have threw in a few details about the fall, i.e., was it painful, did she hit anything on the way down, what was the last thing she saw, etc.

Writing is a form of art, but a tricky one. Because instead of showing our art to other people, we tell them about it and let them paint the picture themselves.
Moving on, I also felt that you should be more careful with your punctuation. Double check for unneeded commas and exclamation points. I know I made these grammar mistakes myself in the beginning of my story, but I have since learned. Commas and exclamation points should only be used when necessary. Instead of 4 exclamation points, just use one because it gets the point across the same way. Also, don't use asterisks (which are these *), to tell us what's going on. Grammatically speaking, an asterisk is used to refer to something else. For example, if I wrote an article and said that "the tenacity* of the boy was truly remarkable," then somewhere at the bottom of the article I would have to have the definition of tenacity (which is persistent determination). Let me know if I'm confusing you.

[continued in part 2]
Binniee #4
Chapter 4: Hahaha xD this is really interesting! And funny too of course.
Well written piece!
MsYhai #5
Chapter 4: Hello! I love this storryy, because himchan is my bias too.
Please update soon. ^^
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