Warnings: Mentions of suicide

“Did you hear about that kid in Class 3-1 who killed himself last night?” are the first words that Luhan’s closest friend, Kris, greets him with when he takes his seat in the back of the classroom.

“Good morning to you too,” Luhan mutters. “And no, I didn’t hear about that.”

Kris lets out a heavy sigh as if he can’t believe how uninformed Luhan is. “Do you live under a rock or something? It was all over the news this morning and everyone was talking about it online.”

Shrugging, Luhan sets his books on his desk half-heartedly and shoots Kris a look that says, “Does it look like I care?” Kris shakes his head but quickly loses interest in Luhan when he sees his crush of four years walk into the classroom.

“Yixing!” Kris calls out and waves. The blush on his cheeks is plain as day when Yixing smiles at him, dimples and all, and Luhan snorts with laughter. It earns him an elbow to the ribs from his much taller companion.

“Ow, geez,” Luhan grumbles. He rubs his now sore ribcage and glowers at Kris who ignores him completely, his full attention on his conversation with Yixing. Knowing that there’s no way to gain Kris’ attention again, Luhan sulks and rests his forehead on his books.

“Tired?” a warm voice asks from right beside him, their breath tickling Luhan’s ear.

Startling from his trance, Luhan flushes pink and tries to hide his face behind a curtain of hair, but fails because his hair isn’t long enough. His hand plops onto the desk after giving up on his desperate attempts to maintain some sort of cool semblance. The other person’s aura is dominating his thought process and he can’t help tilting his chin up to glance at the young, bright face smiling down at him.

“N-no. Well, just a little,” Luhan manages to stammer at least a bit coherently.

“Were you staying up to study for that math test today? I know I was. I swear, if I fail this one my mom is going to kill me,” responds the other person, still looking quite cheerful.

“Oh, Sehun! When did you get here?” Kris asks, his attention finally diverted from Yixing.

“Hey Kris,” Sehun answers although he’s staring straight at Luhan.

Luhan wonders if there is something on his face and holds his hands up to block it from Sehun. He can’t stand being under Sehun’s gaze for too long because his heart might not be able to handle it. It’s already pounding against his bruised ribcage and his lungs are gasping for oxygen. Sehun takes his seat at the desk right next to Luhan’s, breaking his gaze to pull his books out and gracelessly drop them on his desk.

Then, he leans on his hand, elbow propped on the desk, and smiles at Luhan. “So? Did you study?” he asks.

For a moment, Luhan is mesmerized by the way Sehun’s lips curl up ever so slightly at the corners in that small smile of his. But soon, he realizes he should probably answer Sehun’s question. “Yeah, I did. Do you want me to go over anything you had trouble on?”

Luhan does his best to remain calm and carry a normal conversation with Sehun where he isn’t hyperventilating and he thinks he is doing a pretty good job so far. An odd, but strangely Luhan finds it cute, look crosses Sehun’s features as he goes slightly cross-eyed and his lips purse together. He seems as if he’s about to say no but then for an unknown reason, decides against it and nods.

“I need help with antiderivatives,” he simply states and tugs his heavy calculus book from the bottom of his book pile. “I got stuck on this problem and I know there’s bound to be one like this on the test.”

Luhan cranes his neck forward to look at the problem that Sehun is referring too but it’s too hard so he squints to see better. He ceases that action when Sehun chuckles softly and gestures for him to move closer.

“Come closer so you can see better,” Sehun gently prods Luhan and even places his hand on the back of Luhan’s chair, curling his fingers around the cool metal and dragging the chair a bit closer.

Luhan really wants to ignore the butterflies tickling his stomach when his chair is right beside Sehun’s and he can smell the cologne mixed with Sehun’s own entrancing aroma but it’s practically impossible so he gives up and lets himself enjoy this moment.

However, he is hit with the fact that there is an important reason as to why he’s sitting so close to Sehun in the first place and he recalls that reason when Sehun taps his finger against the page of his calculus book, saying something that sounds muddled in Luhan’s buzzing ears, the blood pounding in them making his head spin.

“I-I’m sorry, but what did you say?” Luhan stutters like an idiot and curses himself for doing so.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Sehun asks. He gives Luhan this worried look where his eyebrows nearly meet in the middle and his lips are pulled into a thin line. Seeing it makes Luhan swoon a bit because Sehun is directing that look right at him.

“Yeah, I’m fine. So, anyways I can see why you’re having trouble with this problem,” Luhan swiftly moves the conversation away from how he is and turns it back on calculus, hoping Sehun will quit gazing at him and praying that he doesn’t notice how red his ears are.

The two of them discuss math for about five minutes until the teacher walks into the room and everyone falls silent as class begins. Luhan subtly shifts his chair back behind his desk, accidentally brushing his hand against Sehun’s arm in the process. He apologizes profusely but Sehun waves it off with a simple smile.

Throughout the entire one hour block, Luhan finds his eyes flickering to his right, picking up tiny glimpses of Sehun’s side profile. His notebook is lying open on his desk but the pages are untouched, blank canvases waiting to be written on. His pencil sits loosely between his fingers and the teacher’s voice is only a quiet buzz in the background. The only thing Luhan can see is Sehun.

The class ends and Luhan watches Sehun all but drop his head onto his desk with a groan. Luhan wants to move closer and lay a comforting hand on his shoulder and tell him that this upcoming calculus test won’t be that bad but their teacher is a certain Shim Changmin who is known for giving the hardest tests. So, anything Luhan might say to cheer up Sehun would be null and void.

However, that doesn’t mean that Luhan is barred from offering an uplifting word to the boy. He scoots towards Sehun, sliding himself to the edge of his chair, and lets his hand hover over Sehun’s collapsed figure.

His fingers barely graze over the smooth fabric of Sehun’s uniform when a much larger hand appears out of nowhere and slaps Luhan’s smack dab on the center of Sehun’s back. Luhan hears the loud slap, some laughter, and Sehun’s unmistakable yelp of pain before he panics and jerks back.

Whipping his head to the side, he spots Kris and Yixing doubling over in laughter and he shoots them a glare that goes by unnoticed. Then, he quickly turns his attention back to his friend he inadvertently slapped because of the mischievous duo beside him. Sehun has his head up now and he’s blinking as if he is puzzled about what just went down.

“Did you hit me on the back?” Sehun asks, not bitterly but curiously.

“W-well, you see. It was Kris’ fault! He smacked my hand onto your back,” Luhan blubbers pathetically.

Sehun nods in understanding because it’s something he can see Kris doing. “But, why was your hand over my back then?”

At a loss, Luhan deadpans and looks at anywhere other than Sehun. The thought of admitting that he was going to pat him on the back or something seems too embarrassing but Luhan can’t come up with an excuse as to why in the world his hand was anywhere near Sehun’s back.

In the end, he opts to tell the truth. “You looked pretty exhausted so I just wanted to give you a pat on the back. You know, for reassurance.”

Luhan is ninety-nine percent sure his face is burning brighter than the sun and he feels the need to run out of the classroom and hide himself in a bathroom stall but their class is about to start soon so there is no escape for him.

He can’t look Sehun in the face and takes a newfound interest in the floor tiles and his shoelaces which are both untied for some reason. Luhan immediately knows it’s Yixing or Kris’ doing and when he bends down to tie them another pair of hands are already there, easily tying his shoes. He probably has a “deer-in-the-headlights” expression that Kris always says he gets when he’s surprised as Luhan shakily lifts his head up to meet Sehun’s smile.

“Thanks.” It should be Luhan saying that but the word leaves Sehun’s lips instead.

“For what?”

“For worrying about me. I think I’ll do alright on the test though. After all, you helped me with that one problem,” Sehun says.

“Don’t worry about it. But, uh, thanks for tying my shoelaces…” Luhan smiles awkwardly and Sehun chuckles with a wave of his hand.

“No problem. I saw Yixing untie them earlier. I would’ve said something but Kris was giving me this look and I was afraid he’d rip my throat out if I told you.”

Luhan wants to say something else, something witty about Yixing or something else, but he is interrupted when Mr. Shim himself enters the room bringing a dark atmosphere. He is smiling though with his large pile of tests in his arms.

“Alright class, shut up and sit down. Time for your test. No cheating or I’ll beat the out of you. Not really, but you will get detention,” their teacher barks as soon as he walks in.

And instantly, the class falls silent, all the students perch at their desks pencils at the ready as Mr. Shim begins passing out the test. Luhan catches movement out of the corner of his eye and twists his head slightly to see Sehun grinning at him and holding both thumbs up. Mouthing the words “Good luck”, Luhan returns the gesture with a fluttery feeling enveloping his heart. Not even the test that just sailed onto his desk can bring him down right now.

But of course, he must push back his feelings for now or risk getting detention for not even glancing at his test. The last thing Luhan wants is to spend more time at school with Mr. Shim glaring him down.

And after a grueling calculus test and two other class periods, it’s time for lunch. Luhan quickly shuts his notebook and throws all of his stuff into his backpack before getting up and following his beckoning friends. Kris rolls his eyes when Luhan approaches them, grumbling something about how Luhan is slow and Yixing snickers. It makes Kris turn shy, his ears a pretty pink color, and he scuffles down the hallway towards the cafeteria with Yixing right beside him.

Sehun chuckles while watching them disappear then turns to Luhan. “You ready for lunch? I know I am! Mr. Shim’s test was so hard that I wasted all my energy on it.”

Luhan laughs and nods. “Me too,” he says.

The two walk side by side to the cafeteria, striking up a conversation about math and their teachers, soccer, homework, video games, and anything else in between. It’s all simple conversation, all easy-going, all natural. Luhan enjoys it though and he thinks Sehun does too so he keeps the talking comfortable.

They continue conversing even while waiting in line to get their lunches but something feels off to Luhan as he carries his tray whilst the lunch staffs scoop food onto it. He squints at the faces of the women serving them food and they smile softly at him but Luhan still thinks there is something missing. Or maybe there’s a new worker? That must be it, he concludes in the end because he does catch sight of a face he isn’t familiar with.

“Hey, Luhan are you listening to me?” Sehun’s voice penetrates Luhan’s thoughts and he blinks back into reality.

“Sorry, I had an off moment,” Luhan replies, lips curling up in an odd fashion. Sehun ponders for a moment, staring right into Luhan’s eyes, before he shrugs it off and begins talking again. It doesn’t take long for Luhan to forget about the unsettling feeling tugging at his gut and to be lost in moments with Sehun.

The two of them go and sit at a table with Kris, Yixing, and a few of their other friends for lunch. However, he’s reminded of his early queasiness when their friend Baekhyun mentions the new worker.

“I see they already replaced that one kid who always worked in the kitchen during lunch,” Baekhyun points out nonchalantly. It’s harmless, what he is saying, and it’s really just a random conversation topic for them to mull over aimlessly. But, Luhan almost wretches because of it though he has no clue what kid they are talking about.

“Kid? What kid?” he asks.

“You don’t know? Well, I guess he never could make an impression on you no matter how hard he tried,” Baekhyun sighs wistfully.

Luhan’s eyebrows draw together and he waits for Baekhyun to elaborate. “So? Just tell me who you’re talking about?”

“That kid Minhyuk! The one who committed suicide last night,” their other friend, Jongin, offers.

“No, his name wasn’t Minhyuk, was it?” Kris adds skeptically.

“Yeah, wasn’t it Minsoo?” says Yixing.

“I thought it was Minwoo,” mutters Tao, their other friend who happens to look extremely uninterested in the conversation despite putting in his own word.

Sighing from exasperation, Luhan glares at all of them one by one, except for Sehun of course. “Does his name really matter right now? Explain to me why he worked in the cafeteria instead of eating lunch.”

“I’m not too sure but I heard his family was having financial problems so the school let him work in the cafeteria for free meals and some extra money,” Baekhyun answers. He happens to be the gossiper in their close-knit group of friends so Luhan decides that at least a fraction of what Baekhyun is telling him is true. Baekhyun has ways of obtaining information and circulating it in a matter of minutes.

“I see…” Luhan can’t think of another response to that so he shuts his mouth, or rather starts shoveling food into it. The others drop the topic with no problem and move on to arguing about what’s more important on a girl, s or . Luhan ignores it and he can see Kris grimacing a bit to see Yixing engrossed in the conversation with the others.  Baekhyun and Jongin insist on s while Tao and Yixing stay steady in their opinions on . Luhan feels like throwing up into his rice.

“They get into this argument every day, I swear,” Sehun mutters directly to Luhan, leaning over so he can whisper it in his ear.

Growing uncomfortably warm, Luhan inches away just a bit and nods rapidly. “Y-yeah. They’re such pigs, right?” he chuckles nervously.

“I know,” Sehun states. He rolls his eyes and lifts his shoulders up and Luhan laughs in response.

Luhan falls into that comfortable flow of conversation that is only possible with Sehun for a good part of the lunch period. There is one time where they cease to speak because Baekhyun just has to tell Sehun something leaving Luhan to silently finish his lunch. His eyes wander the rest of the room, not taking in any details, just glossing over blank faces. That is, until he spots someone from across the room gazing at him intensely.

Nearly choking on his last bite of food, Luhan shakes his head to clear it and to see if he is imagining things. He quickly realizes that he isn’t and that there is indeed a guy shooting him nasty looks from the other side of the room. The fringe of his dark brown hair just barely reaches his eyebrows which are knitted together in…anger. Yes, Luhan can see a sort of quiet malevolence glimmering in the guy’s eyes and it is directed straight at Luhan.

Even when Luhan stares back at him, the guy’s fierce gaze doesn’t waver in the slightest. It chills Luhan, making him tremble silently in the midst of this guy’s frightening hatred. There is something almost primal in the guy’s stare, like he’s stalking Luhan in hopes to catch him unaware and bring him to a gruesome death. Luhan shudders again, more noticeably this time and Sehun turns his attention on him again.

“You okay?” the taller boy asks. His hand falls naturally onto Luhan’s shoulder and squeezes it gently. Right before Luhan looks away from the stranger, he notices the rage reflected in his eyes grow bigger, more prominent, when Sehun touches Luhan’s shoulder. It is odd to say the least, and unnerving.

“Luhan?” Sehun says again, worry seeping into his tone. “Who are you staring at?”

“N-nothing. I-it’s nothing,” Luhan says quickly, drawing Sehun’s attention away from the stranger. “Sorry, I just got a chill. But, it’s nothing serious.”

“Ooh, Luhan’s getting tingly from sitting next to Sehun. You better take care of that for him, Sehun,” Jongin suddenly wedges into the conversation, a smirk on his face.

Sehun becomes flustered and Luhan’s jaw drops, his cheeks red with embarrassment. “Shut up Jongin!” Luhan snaps.

“Don’t deny it Luhan, we know you like Sehun,” Baekhyun teases.

“I-I, just shut up, okay!” Luhan growls. He doesn’t dare to look at Sehun now and wishes he could bury his face into his empty food tray somehow. The rest of his friends are laughing loudly and Luhan notices that Sehun isn’t making any sort of reaction. Chancing a peek at the boy, Luhan finds him staring intently at Luhan with the tips of his ears pink.

“Is that true?” Sehun asks. “Do you like me?”

“They’re just joking around. They’re idiots!” Luhan shouts unnecessarily loud and a couple people from neighboring tables turn to see what the commotion is about before losing interest quickly.

“Oh, I see.”

Is it a trick of the mind or does Sehun sound a bit disappointed? Luhan wishes he could ask or stop saying stupid things but his annoying friends are around and it’s not exactly a good time to bring up emotions and whatnot in front of them.

The bell rings and lunch is over in a second, leaving Luhan confused about several different things.

The rest of Luhan’s school day passes by uneventfully with all his classes being utterly dreary but at least it’s Friday. He took notes when his mind wanted to, but other than that he daydreamed and wondered about the guy who had been staring at him during lunch and also about Sehun.

Now, Luhan trudges out the school gates with Kris because Yixing and Sehun both are part of the dance club as well as Jongin. Baekhyun and Tao live in the opposite direction so they say goodbye at the gates and head home themselves. Kris babbles on to Luhan about how he thinks Yixing likes him back a little because he smiled differently at him today but Luhan’s not really listening.

He realizes he hasn’t taken in a word of what Kris was saying when he bids him goodbye at the front of his home. Kris shouts something back and Luhan just gives him a thumbs up which seems to be a good response because Kris grins before swiveling around and continuing on his journey home.

Luhan shrugs and opens the gates that lead into his front yard, shutting them behind him. There’s an object on the doorstep, a medium-sized brown box that sits there ominously. Luhan peers curiously at it until he’s able to read who it is addressed to. Surprisingly, it’s for him.

He isn’t expecting a package from anyone. His birthday isn’t coming up soon, he didn’t order anything online, and so Luhan is positively stumped as to why there is a package for him. There’s no return address either.

Picking up the package, Luhan goes inside the house, taking off his shoes before bounding up the stairs and into his room. He throws his backpack onto his bed, setting the box on it as well, before changing out of his school uniform.

Once that’s done, Luhan returns to the mysterious package. Fumbling around the room for a pair of scissors, he cuts the tape and pries the flaps open.

“What the-?” Luhan gawks at the contents of the box. Reaching in, he pulls out a small note and a lone, tawny feather. He places the feather on his bed and reads the note.

Dearest Luhan,

Follow these feathers and learn the truth of a foolish man's unrequited love.

“Who is this from?” Luhan flips the note over but there is no name written anywhere, no indication of who could’ve sent him this. He stares at the note and then picks up the feather again. “Hmm, ‘feathers’? But, there’s only one.”

“Why did they send this to me?” Luhan questions. He would like to figure out this mystery but his phone rings with a text from Baekhyun, asking if he wants to meet up with the guys at their usual hangout in an hour.

The box, the note, and the feather, are forgotten when Luhan carelessly shoves them into a corner of his room and heads downstairs to grab a bite to eat before preparing to go out. He will piece things together later, he thinks, and pushes the unsettling feeling creeping into his stomach out of him.