She reached for her alarm and turns it off. Slides her feet off the bed and wore her pink fluffy slippers. A present from a certain someone for their anniversary 5 years ago. She looks at the reflection on the mirror.  How long has it been since she changed the colour of her hair? Better yet, her hairstyle? Why does it matter anyways, everybody she knows is just going to look at her in pity. Pity for her loss.

She slowly got back to her senses when she caught a whiff of coffee, the one that she had made earlier. “Hey babe,  your coffee is on the table. Have a good day at work. Got to go, see you later.” That was it. She never saw her fiancé after she walked out the door. She could almost feel their last kiss that they shared. Hmm… strawberry lip gloss. Taeyeon had purposely put it on because she knew how much Tiffany loves the taste of strawberry.

Taeyeon. All she could think of that day was Taeyeon. How Taeyeon looked like on the last day she saw her. Clad in her usual denim shirt and worned out khakis. Tiffany remembered that one day when she came back from the mall. “Tae, look, I bought you a pair of jeans!”, and that was the only pair of jeans that Taeyeon ever owned.  It’s still hanging in the closet, along with all of Taeyeon’s denims and khakis. The only clothing different than the rest.

She’s thinking of Taeyeon today more than she should, and she knows why. Just a few more minutes, or hours before the phone will ring. Mostly calls from family and close friends. She doesn’t know why they even bother calling, it’s just going to be the usual empty “how are you’s” and small talks. And all she’s going to tell them are lies, lies, and more lies. What is she supposed to do? Tell them the truth, that she still waits for Taeyeon to magically appear with a bouquet  of flowers at the  door step, and apologise for being late for dinner? Is that it? Is she supposd to tell them how she’s angry at Taeyeon because she insisted on celebrating their anniversary? Stupid dumb anniversary. If it wasn’t for their anniversary, Taeyeon would still be here and not six feet under the ground.

She ran her fingers over her lovers face. So beautiful. So cold, lying on the metal table. Dead. The last time Tiffany ever saw Taeyeon.

Tiffany was adding the finishing touches, preparing for dinner when the police officers appeared. How heavy her heart felt, how every syllable that came out of the officer’s mouth hung over her head, how the world was spinning and the walls were crashing down on her. An accident they said. The driver was drunk.

She wish she knew how to make it all go away. She wish she could fill the empty void inside of her which was eating her up alive. She wish someone would tell her what to do. She wish…. She wish Taeyeon was here.  She wish Taeyeon would tell her everything’s okay, just like how she used to.

Ringing. The phone was ringing. “Hey Tiffany, it’s me.” Jessica. She misses Jessica as well. She misses her stupid jokes and how she always came over with Yuri. “Hey, Jess. What’s up?” “I know you’re going to say no, like always, but I’m not going to let you do that again. We’re all worried about you and you’re not alone in this ,Tiffany. You’re not. We loved her too, and we love you. So, please, let me accompany you today, okay? Please?” Tiffany felt tired out of a sudden. Jessica was right. All her friends loved Taeyeon too. She realised she was being selfish, thinking that she’s the only one who has the rights to grieve. Taeyeon wouldn’t like seeing her caged up while life slips away.  “Okay, see you then. Bring Yuri, and chips.. lot’s of chips.” Before she knew it, she found herself in the middle of two of her best friends, laughing at their silly jokes. Not bad for starters. Baby steps.