thunder lightning crash bam boom!

Changmin’s eyes flash open, breathing heaving, limbs all tangled in the sheets around him. The room is pitch-black, except for the now-and-then crackles of electricity outside his window. The sound of rain pours down onto the rooftops, his sweat pools at his collarbone as he lies back in the one-man bed, fingers clenched into the mattress.

He doesn’t know what’s triggered these sleepless nights. Even without the rain, he still couldn’t find a peace of mind at night. He’d sometimes resort to pills, but even then, he had a feeling that at least one of his hyungs knew.

But what could he do? What else could he do?

What?

“Changmin?” a voice comes from the door. “You should be sleeping.”

His head snaps to the side. “Jaejoong?”

The eldest pads in softly, and says, “Having trouble sleeping?”

Changmin turns to the window, burying his nose into the pillow. “No,” he mumbles, and he can feel Jaejoong’s weight on one end of the mattress. 

“You’re such a terrible liar, you know that?” Jaejoong reaches over to thread his fingers through Changmin’s hair gently. “You, you. You grew up way too fast.”

“Is that a bad thing?” whispers Changmin, and he can almost feel the tiny shake that Jaejoong gives, almost feel the smile that presents itself on his hyung’s lips. A quirk and one-half. 

“Not to me.” Jaejoong slides in and Changmin can feel warmth on his back, a hand curling over his waist. “You turned out pretty, Shim Changmin,” murmurs Jaejoong around the shell of Changmin’s ear, and Changmin laughs softly.

“Says the face of the group.” Changmin reaches behind him to find Jaejoong’s fingers, to twist, to twine, to grasp whatever fear he’s still holding onto with the last threads of his heart. “Hyung?”

“Yes?”

Changmin breathes for seven beats, hooks his ankle over Jaejoong’s knee and says, “Never leave.” (me. never leave me.)

“I won’t.” Jaejoong presses his lips to Changmin’s jaw. “I promise.”

promises were made to be broken. laws were made to be trampled on. hearts were created to be shattered.

changmin was created to hold love and maybe be loved in return.

-

it’s four months and a limitless number of sleepless nights before tvxq becomes two and three move on.

changmin watches as junsu accidentally takes his laugh with him, yoochun unknowingly pull the music out of his fingers, jaejoong snap the last bits of whatever was binding them together in the first place.

he shouldn’t have taped his heart to his sleeve. tape would never hold.

(but jaejoong knew how to sew. changmin was too afraid to ask.)