It was around 11 ‘o clock at night. I fiddled around with the pebbles in my hand. I stood underneath her window and peered upward. The light was still on in her bedroom. I threw one minute pebble at her window. I am about to throw another one but the window opens. There she is; the girl that is my neighbor and my childhood friend.

 

“Hyunwoo? What are you doing here at this hour?” She called down.

“Sooyoung, I need to talk to you.”

“Is everything ok?”

“I need for you to come down here.”

“Oh, okay, I’ll be down in a bit.”

 

She closed her window and turned back into her room. As I waited for her to come down, I thought over and over what I had prepared to say. I heard soft footsteps in the grass and turn to see her approaching me. She was wearing her pajama pants with the ducks on them. I had bought her those for Christmas last year. She covered herself with the shawl she had knitted herself. I remember when she was done; Sooyoung excitedly showed me her creation. Sooyoung stopped before me and pushed back and loose strands of hair behind her ear. She crossed her arms over her chest and said, “So, what did you want to talk about?” Seeing her in the bright moonlight made my heart flutter and palms sweaty.

 

“Sooyoung, I’m going off to college tomorrow…”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I want to give this to you before I go.”

 

I reached into my back pocket and quickly scanned the writing that took me weeks to write. I wrote a poem for her despite my shoddy artistic skills. I wrote about how I’ve loved her for so long but didn’t want to ruin the friendship between us. I gave it to Sooyoung. She received it with a smile that not only brightened the night but my whole world. As I looked at Sooyoung, her smile turned into a straight line. After a long silence she just folded the paper and turned back towards her house. I guess she didn’t have those types of feelings for me. I had been rejected and walked around the bush heartbroken. I left for college the next morning and didn’t receive a farewell from her.

 

Three years, one month, two weeks, and four days had gone by. I had little to no contact with Sooyoung. Mom would call on occasions and inform me about what went on back home. Today Mom called persuading me to come back home for the summer vacation. I was reluctant to go back home because I was reminded about my rejection. I arrived back home the day after vacation started. I parked my car in the driveway. As soon as I got out, I saw her window. I averted my eyes and quickly took out my luggage from the backseat.

 

“Hyunwoo?”

 

I bumped my head on the roof of my car. I looked up to see who it was. The graceful face had shown itself but it wasn’t just graceful anymore; it had become purely beautiful. Sooyoung had grown much in the past years that I hadn’t seen her she’s become enchanting.

 

“Lee Hyunwoo?”

 

Sooyoung ran up to embrace me. She held on for a moment and let go. For the first time in a long time, I felt my heart swell with happiness and excitement. I feel like I did years ago when I walked side by side with Sooyoung in the early mornings and late afternoons to and from school. Sooyoung was supposed to go on a date and needed me to drop her off. When we got there, the guy had ditched her. In his stead, I accompanied Sooyoung around the park. She insisted that we hold hands so we wouldn’t get lost. When we watched her favorite movie at her house, I enjoyed those nights the most. Half way through the movie Sooyoung would fall asleep and her head would be resting on my shoulder.

 

“It’s been too long! How have you been?”

“Okay, I guess.”

 

It’s been three years and out of all the words that I could’ve said, I uttered only three measly words.

 

“Okay?! Your mom told me that you’re top in all of your classes!”

“Did she?”

“Um-hmm.” Sooyoung looked at her wrist watch. “Oh! I’m sorry I have to go! I’ll see you later though right!”

 

I watched Sooyoung run back to her house and disappear. Her personality was always bubbly and cute. I grabbed the rest of my stuff and headed into my own home. Mom invited Sooyoung’s parents along with Sooyoung for dinner. During dinner there was much talk about my classes, what I’m thinking of doing after I’ve graduated, and even if I was seeing anyone.

 

Sooyoung’s mother said, “Bobae, there is something that I have to tell you!” Everyone became quiet and had their ears open to what she had to tell us.

 

“I’m so happy to announce that Sooyoungnie is going to get married!”

“Mom! Don’t tell people yet! It’s not even official!”

 

I lost all appetite. I felt numb. Sooyoung is engaged; getting married soon, an idea I cannot fathom right now.

“So for the wedding I was thinking about doing it in the vineyard….”

 

I didn’t want to hear any more. I excused myself and rose from my seat taking my dirty plate to the kitchen. I threw the uneaten food in the trash and set my plate in the sink. I stepped outside exiting through the backdoor. On the patio was the porch swing Sooyoung and I always sat together to talk about our goals and dreams. I decided to sit in the chair beside it and sat down. I wanted to be alone. I started up into the night sky. The moon shined brightly. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply.

 

“Hyunwoo.” A presence sat next to me but I didn’t stir nor did I look to see who it was. “It’s beautiful tonight.”

“Hmm.” I opened my eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I felt a warm hand on my chin and my head turned to face her. A pair of beautiful brown eyes filled with worry searched my face.

“Something is wrong. Hyunwoo, you and I have been friends since we were in diapers. You can’t hide things from me.”

“You could’ve told me that you were engaged.” I brushed her hand away from my face.

“What?! I hadn’t talk to you in three years! How was I supposed to keep in touch with you?”

“You could’ve called me!”

“I could have called you? Hyunwoo, you left and didn’t say anything to me. I thought you wanted-” she stopped.

“What would I have wanted?”

“You said you just wanted to stay friends.”

“When have I ever said that?”

“You wrote it in the poem you gave me the night before you left.”

“Oh…” I paused and thought. She mistook my confession as a rejection. I’m such an idiot.

“Hyunwoo…are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” We sat next to each other for a silent minute or two. “What’s his name?”

“Jae. Lee Jae.”

“How old is he?”

“Almost two years older than me. Jae is a good guy. He treats me well.”

“How long has it been you two have been…dating?”

“Since I’ve been dating him? Hmm, I think it’s been about nine or ten months. He proposed to me a month ago. Dad said that it was a bit fast but Mom was ecstatic. Jae loves me a lot and I love him as well. He’s so good to me.”

Sooyoung stood up and was about to go back in but stopped at the door.  “Hyunwoo, you’re coming to my wedding, right?”

“Of course.”I smiled. Conflicted feelings surged inside me. I knew I should be happy for Sooyoung that she’s found someone she loves. I’m just kicking myself in for messing up the chance to be the one she loves.

 

Dinner ended and I headed up to old my room. I opened the door to my old room and flipped the switch to turn on the lights. It was exactly as I had left it except the bed sheets had been changed. My old high school books were organized the same orderly way. I pulled out my chair and sat down at my desk opening the sliding drawer. Staring down on a pile of papers that had scribbles and cross-outs, I picked a page up.

 

“Tch.”

 

~I don’t know how to tell you put say this but I like had liked love you.

Before I had known realized

Whenever I see you  Gazing upon you my heart flutter beats really fast, that was the first clue

 But I don’t want to ruin the friendship between us.

The feelings I have I hope I don’t are still confusing to me

but I have to say I’m even not sure if I really am in love but……~

 

“If only I had confessed properly instead of writing a stupid poem! Damn it!”

 

I crumpled the paper threw it against the wall. It made a soft thump against the wall and plopped on the floor. I spun in my chair and spied the wooden frame on my bedside table. Memories flooded back to me slowly then quickly. The little details about her were simple hints I never caught on. I never realized how Sooyoung would brush against the back of my hand with hers as we walked to and from school. The times she was supposed to be on a date with a guy but I had gone with her instead. Sooyoung must have wanted to go on those dates with me. The times when the movie was done I would try to shift her onto the couch so she would be more comfortable. Sooyoung always wrapped her arms around my arm and snuggle.

 

 I sprang up from the chair and threw open my bedroom door. I bolted downstairs. Mom and Dad were in the living room when I was heading out the front door.

 

“Where are you going?” Mom called out.

“Next door,” I said slamming the door behind me.

 

I snuck through Sooyoung’s gate like I had done years ago. I found some mulch and picked up a few of the heavier ones. I glanced upward. Soft light was streaming from her window. My palms began to feel sweaty as I drew back my arm and threw one piece after another at her window. I ran out of mulch pieces and was about to pick up some more but the window slid open. There she was. Just like how it was, three years ago. Sooyoung looked out her window and spotted me.

 

“Hyunwoo?”

“Hey.”

“What are you doing here? It’s late?”

“I need to tell you something, but I need you to come down here.”

“Okay.”

 

Just like what happened three years ago, on a night like this, I had “confessed” to her. I don’t know exactly what drove me to do this but a voice inside of me was telling me I had to correct my mistake. It kept saying, “This is the last chance that you'll get to fix it and you’re going to do it right this time.”

 

The moon was out and shined brightly. I heard the light footsteps in the grass. Sooyoung stood before me once more and stuffed her hands in her pockets.

 

“What did you want to tell me?”

“Do you still have the poem I gave you before I left?”

“Yeah, why do you ask?”

“What did you think about it?”

“About what?”

“What I wrote in the poem.”

“You mean how you wanted us to stay friends?”

“Was that what you thought?”

“Well…what did you want me to think? I figured you knew I had liked you when you gave me that poem. I guess I was too young then and you just wanted to stay friends.”

“Sooyoung, I-”

“But when you handed me your poem I thought maybe you felt the same. Maybe it wasn’t one-sided like how it was in those the dramas. When I read it, I was heartbroken because you didn’t feel the same way about me.”

 

Sooyoung’s voice started to break up and was crying. Sooyoung used the edge of her sleeves to wipe away her tears. I walked up to her wiped the tears that streamed down her face. I pulled her face up to mine. Staring her straight into her eyes I said, “Is it too late to say that I’ve loved every moment we walked together? Too late to say how much I loved it when you held my hand so we wouldn’t lose each other? How much I loved it when you slept on my shoulder during your favorite movie?”

 

Tears were falling down my face and she brought her delicate hands to wipe them away. I caressed her face and I slowly leaned in. I pressed my lips against hers not caring about the consequences of my actions.