Falling.

Falling.

Falling.

A blur of colors, mainly browns and yellows, force themselves in my vision. 

I landed, or I must have as the colors stopped moving and there was no feeling of falling anymore, but I don’t remember the impact of the ground or any hard collision that would have signaled the end.

Where am I? Where is he? He promised that he would never leave my side, that he would stay with me till the end. I looked around frantic, praying that he would pop out from behind a tree, and laugh away my fears. I heard laughter but not his and it did nothing to sooth my fears. I didn’t see him either.

Instead laying before me were three bodies, badly burned, yet I still knew who they were, what they were. The ones who had been smart enough, brave enough, to get out of this cage that they call fame. The ones that had left, even when he said he would stay. The ones that abandoned me and him.

But they weren’t really here, this wasn’t really them. Just who they had been. The other things they had abandoned, along with me, and him. They had left them here as a message to me, mocking my imprisonment while they flew free.

What if he had seen them? What if he broke his promise to me? Was he leaving me too?

The laughter came back, taking joy in my pain and reveling in my fear.

I don’t want to be alone. He said he wouldn’t leave me. On the day they left, he promised he wasn’t going anywhere.

My search for him intensified, but I couldn’t leave the three burned images behind. Yet the laughter was closing in on me, my almost non-existent flight response kicked in.

Run.

So I ran. My eyes watching every movement, looking in every shadow. I had to find him. I had to get away. To me they were one in the same. Getting away was finding him. Finding him was getting away. But I didn’t really care if I got caught, as long as he was by my side, it didn’t matter. I just needed him.

The trees sneered at my search, closing ranks as if to hide him from me and to ensure that I was caught before I found him. Or he found me. I could feel their judging eyes on me, telling me I should have left when I had the chance, now I was trapped with nowhere to go.

I ran faster. To get away from the laughter, the judging forest, the mere memory of them. But I still had to find him. Was he running from me? Did he not want to be found? Why was he not right beside me as he always is? He is the one who takes the sneers, the judging glances, the condescending tone, and turns it into something else. Something that can be ignored, or very least tolerated. He would whisper in my ear, drowning out all other voices. Command me to look at him and only him, blocking all the stares. Hold me and wipe away everything that got past his defenses.

I grasped onto the feeling, the memory of him and used it to hold back the tears. I won’t let them see that they have won, that they have broken me. I can’t let him down.

As that thought left me, I opened my eyes unaware that I had closed them. The trees had left, leaving me alone in a grassy meadow. But they were still there, watching me from the sidelines, waiting for me to mess up. Yet there at the edge of the meadow, right before the intimidating wall of trees, was a figure. Please be him.

The laughter was gone. Silence prevailed in the meadow, as though it knew a hunter was close by and ready for the kill.

Seizing my chance, I called out his name, only to have a blast of wind veer it away from its course. I tried again, only to have it happen again, and again. The wind was like a gale, pushing and pulling at me. Trying to get me to go one way then changing it mind and forcing me another way. I fought to move forward, only to have the wind push me back.

The wind howled by me, pushing me to the ground, taking my line of sight, and stealing my voice. Yet still I screamed out his name, hoping that he would hear me. That he would turn around and see me fighting against the wind alone, and come help me.

As though to torment me some more, the wind decided to carry my voice, not to my intended destination, but to the trees. Where it turned around and brought back with it the sound of their laughter at my distress, my dependency. They knew they hadn’t broken me yet, but they knew they were close.

I wanted to cry and scream in frustration, but I couldn’t. Not with the trees still watching, still waiting, their laughter still ringing in my ears. I bite my lip, and pushed forward. I’ll show them that I can do this. That I’m strong enough, that I can stand on my own.

But, I’ve never really been alone. He was always there, standing right next to me, ready to grab me should I fall. I need him. And before him, they had been there. Don’t make me do this on my own.

Still I moved on. I needed to get to him, needed to tell him things that only he would understand, things that only he would be able to sooth the hurt. I needed him. Please, I need my strength.

Keep moving. Don’t stop. Don’t let them get you, don’t let the laughter steal away who you are.

The wind, furious at my attempt, blew even harder, pushing me onto my hands and knees. It whispered lies into my ears, trying to get me to break.

You are weak. A nothing.

I may need him, but I’m not weak. I refuse to be weak.

You only bring him down. He could be so much more without you.

We even each other out. Song and dance. Yin and yang. Love and war.

You never even wanted to be an idol. You stole his dream.

It became my dream. Standing beside him, seeing how his eyes would shine in front of the stars, it made me want the same thing. I wanted to receive the same light, I wanted to be blessed and protected by the stars. Our stars.

Your stars? The same stars that left you and abandoned you when the others did? They never loved you, only the idea of you.

Some left, and some said things that will forever be scarred on my heart. But others stayed. Others wrote to us, saying that they will love us no matter the cause. For them, I will sing. For them, I will stand.

The wind had no answer for that. In that brief moment, I believed that I would prevail, that I would leave the forest and meadow behind. I gathered strength with thoughts of him and our stars, our Cassiopeia, and I lurched forward, racing toward tree line. To where he was waiting for me.

As I ran I called to him with all the power that was in my lungs. I saw him turn, and I saw him run towards me. I had found him, he had found me. It didn’t matter what happened now, what the wind blew at us, or what the trees say, he was by my side.

When he came into view, I saw something that made me pause. His eyes were full of the same pain that I had felt, and the same relief that I was now feeling. He clung to me, just as tightly as I to him. In that second, I knew that he needed me just as much as I needed him.

“Changmin, where did you go? I couldn’t find you.”

I relaxed in his embrace. Letting his voice and presence wash away the fear that had almost taken over me, had almost taken away who I was.

“Was just about to ask you the same thing. But it doesn’t matter now.”

Cause it really doesn’t. The trees will talk and the wind will blow, nothing will stop that. But as long as we’re by each other’s side, they won’t touch us.

AN: Really wish my dream had a similar ending. Hope you enjoyed/tolerated my first attempt at a one shot.