(2nd PART)
I think you can try working more on Taeteuk dialogue -which, while it's cute to have some occasional bantering, I think the dialogues still need some 'reality' more. I may be applying a higher standard to you, because I believe you have the capacity for this. I view that the lovers' conversation lacks the real chemistry. I’d suggest to read more fanfics in LJ, because I think they’re really good in portraying realistic romance that can still be fluffy altogether.
Now here goes the compliment: I think I’ve indicated how much I think your first few paragraphs completely nail it. There’s an honest contemplation by Leeteuk when he describes Taeyeon, and I love how through Leeteuk, you pinpoint the little thing of Taeyeon. I think your narrative-writing-skill is much better than your dialogue-writing-skill, so I think you can really focus on the narrative one, because they’re very, very good. Another thing that I love that I think set this fic apart from the other similar fic, is your courage to portray Leeteuk and Taeyeon as older couples. This makes the whole concept of their love to be more heartwarming and touching. Maybe not all kpop fans can appreciate their idols getting older, but I really salute you for portraying them as 60 years old couple. I like how you appreciate love not only in the “best youth form” but to actually take the beauty in their old times. I also think that your closing scene was sweet, with Leeteuk sitting there alone and reminiscing everything. I advise you to add more contemplative thoughts there, because I honestly think you are good in making contemplative narrative part. So you should really utilize what you’re really good at. Your title “First Time” also ties well with the concept and with the way Leeteuk recalls every of his “first time” with Taeyeon. For a one-shot, I think the flow is fine enough. Could have been elaborated more, but the flow is sufficient enough with the word restrains of a one-shot. So, kudos for you!
(FIRST PART)
Hello! So finally i get around to read this Taeteuk oneshot! Which, though Taeteuk had once been my ultimate OTP, I only now remember that this might be only the 3rd Taeteuk fanfic I've ever read. Yeah, this is irrelevant, but I just want to reminisce my Taeteuk-shipping old time ^^
Anyway on the fic. I'll start out on the downside first: While I understand that this is portrayed from Jung Soo's POV (3rd person still), I think it will be equally as important to show more through gestures how Taeyeon actually feels. I mean, we get to know that Taeyeon loves Teukie until the end, through the dialogues that she said in Teukie's flashback. The thing is, since Teukie's description/memories of Taeyeon was very elaborated, Taeyeon's side seems to be rather "unbalanced" in comparison. Again, I understand that making it in Teukie's POV might be your aim, but I think a trick to make Taeyeon not as 'bland' would be to show more Taeyeon's reaction to Teukie in Teukie's words. I think you're close at that in the first few paragraphs. Personally, I think the approach in the first few paragraph could be utilized more. This still relates to my first comment: your story depends heavily on flashback. Nothing is wrong with that, that's perfectly legit. The only thing that I can suggest on is that since your story depends on flashback, I think you need to 'enrich' the flashback with something more than dialogues. I think a couple of continuous dialogues are fine, but maybe in some sequence, you can add more than dialogues.
Chapter 1: Reading the word 'remembers' made me easy. I've guessed what will happen next and it's true.
Tbh I'm not in the mood of reading sad story but somehow something in this story keep my eyes on the screen, like telling me to finish reading it and I did :) like I said, I'm not that fond of Taeteuk but hey I'm not saying I'm not fond of love story so here I'm! Hehe.
This is beautiful, I like the way how Leeteuk described her (or you since you're the author, kk) and how they still being a couple even until her 60th birthday. She must be happy :)
Good job author!
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