I’m feeling his breath on me, he’s so close to me right now. I wish he was always so close to me. Even though my eyes are closed I can feel him lean even closer to me, his hands are slowly going through my hair. His lips are slowly touching mine, I could feel him hesitate for a bit, but it didn’t take long before his lips were fully pressed on my lips. He’s trying to act like this is natural,  but he knows that he shouldn’t be doing this. I felt his tongue finding it’s way in my mouth. It was a passionate kiss, and it became a really y kiss when he let out an “mmmhmm”. Our lips aren’t going to part ever again, that’s how this kiss felt to me. A passionate, y never-ending kiss.

“Hyung!” I heard his voice, wait.. where did his lips go? And his hands that where touching my hair?

I slowly opened my eyes, scared to face the reality. His face is right in front of mine, but our lips weren’t pressed against each other, his hands weren’t going through my hair. But his face was here, I looked around to find myself lying in the grass. “Hyung! What are you doing? Get up will you?” Jinyoung said a bit irritated. I looked at his face, it was just a dream heh? But, it felt so real. I guess I’m already in love with him way too much. I’ve been dreaming of him whenever I fall asleep. “Aishh, seriously hyung! Here, drink some water?” He looked at me with a bit of a worried face now. I realized that I haven’t said anything to him yet since I woke up. But well, in my mind I talk to him all the time. Our talks just don’t go so smooth when I need to talk to him for real. “Thanks Jinyoung..” I took the bottle of water, but being in a daze because of the dream I forgot to open my mouth and the water splashed all over my shirt.

“Hyung! Jeez, what’s wrong with you? You even forgot how to drink now?” Jinyoung said while looking at my shirt. I feel uncomfortable when he looks at me like this. He’s the reason I forgot how to drink! There was a light breeze, “Ahhh it’s cold” I shivered. Jinyoung laughed and said “You shouldn’t have poured the water over yourself then!”. Ahh, this laugh, it makes me go crazy, another thing I dream about so much. For the bana’s he’s smiling non stop, but him smiling for just me.. That doesn’t happen a lot, I cherish the moments when he smiles at me. I smiled back forgetting that he was actually just laughing at me because I poured water over myself. “Oh really, what should we do with you?” he said while looking at my wet shirt that was sticking to my skin. I didn’t really dare to look into his eyes right now, I bet it’s better for my mind if I don’t look into his eyes.

He took off his jacket and put it over me, “Is this better?" he asked while his hands were on my shoulders where he just put his jacket. Ah.. this position made me want to hug him..

“Yeah.. thanks Jinyoung” “You’re so out of it, aren’t you? Not even looking at leader when he’s talking to you!”. I laughed, he’s right I shouldn’t be so out of it. I looked at him and said “Let’s go home?” “Yeah, we wouldn’t want you to catch a cold, now do we..” Jinyoung said while walking ahead. I like looking at his back, he won’t notice anything and I can look at him without worrying that he’ll see the way I’m looking at him.

I hate myself for the way I look at him, it would be good if I could stop it, I don’t want to ruin B1A4 or anything with my stupid one sided love.. I looked down at the grass, it’s nice and green, it makes you want to sleep on it..

Suddenly I bumped into Jinyoung, I thought I bumped into his back, but when I looked up I saw that he had turned around.

“What are you doing now? Walking so slow..” he said while grabbing my hand. This is probably why I can’t stop falling for him.. whenever I think of stopping my thoughts about him he comes close to me.. I want to talk more to him..  “Your hand is so cold Jinyoung” “You’re probably feeling colder then me though” he answered while looking in front of him. Then there was this silence again. The silence we have way too much, I’m never sure whether I should be nervous or not. For me it doesn’t feel like an awkward silence, I’m okay with it, but the thought that he might not be okay with this silence always crosses my mind. Somehow I think that, that thought is making me dislike these silences we always have.

I squeezed his hand, just wondering what reaction he would make. He looked at me and said “What is it?” “Nothing..” and the silence continued. That wasn’t really the reaction I wanted. I wanted him to look shy and squeeze back. But I guess that’s too much to ask, since this is my one sided love after all..

It didn’t take long before we entered the dormitory, and our hands that were together the whole time parted. It made me feel sad, but on the other hand it would be weird to hold his hand in the dormitory..

Jinyoung sat down on the couch next to Sun Woo who was watching TV. Channie was playing around on his Ipad and Jung Hwan was in the kitchen preparing dinner like he always does.

I walked towards the kitchen “Hey, how did your jogging go?” “Ehm..” I only joined the jogging session so I could be with Jinyoung, but I actually fell asleep on the grass when I wanted to sit down for a minute..

“He didn’t even run with me! He just fell asleep in the middle of the grass field!” Jinyoung shouted from the couch. I could hear Sun Woo and Channie chuckle about it, they could probably already imagine me sleeping in the middle of the grass field.

“I see, well then Shinwoo, you should help me out in the kitchen then, since you’ve been sleeping this whole time!” Jung Hwan said with a face which was meant to be his mean face, but he’s not very good at being mean. I was planning to help him anyway. “What can I do for you Jung Hwan?” I said while washing my hands. “You can just chop the chicken and the vegetables” “But that’s basically everything that needs to be prepared..” “Yes, so start chopping!” Jung Hwan said in his mean voice, but in the end he also chopped some vegetables and we cooked together.

I looked at Jinyoung as I set up the dishes on the table. He was laughing at something that happened on the TV. He really uses his killer smile everywhere he goes. “It’s time to eat guys!” Jung Hwan shouted from the kitchen.

Jinyoung sat down next to me, our feet touched. I can’t even concentrate on eating like this, I know it’s just our feet touching, but still it is HIS foot that is touching mine. Though he doesn’t even seem to notice it. I decided to move my foot away from his, so I could finally eat all I want without thinking about him.

After dinner we went to the practice room to practice our new dance, everyone was really serious and after 4 hours of practice Jung Hwan, Sun Woo and Channie decided to go back. But Jinyoung still wanted to work on his own composed song, so I followed him and held him company. But of course we had our silence again, after all Jinyoung was busy with composing music. I was lying on the couch and slowly felt my eyes close because of the tiredness. I fell asleep and started dreaming again about our passionate, y never-ending kiss.