Title: The Curse of the Hair

 

Characters: Wooyoung, Donghae

 

Description

 

Wooyoung and Donghae’s precious rivalry, now if only Donghae knew about it...

 

 

Story

 

“Sun is shining, grass is green, my shoes are the coolest things around these parts...all in all, this is a perfect day!” Wooyoung leaned back onto the stone table, sighing in content. “Now if only we came across some really hot babes, that would make this day perfecter!”

 

Donghae made a “hmm” noise and continued to check his answers against the key the professor gave him.

 

“Scores of babes...leagues of babes...so many babes, they block out the sun! You feeling me, man?”

 

“Mmm. Babes. Yep.”

 

“You’re not feeling me.” Wooyoung deflated where he sat, actually pouting and jutting out his lower lip. “And why do you keep checking your freaking test? We all know you did well on it. Perfect Donghae, being a perfect little student with his perfect hands and his perfect manly brow and his stupid, perfect--”

 

With a snap, Donghae opened his bag, raising one of those perfect eyebrows at Wooyoung. “You through yet?” he asked.

 

“NO! But if I keep going on, it’s only going to depress me.”

 

“Keep talking about babes, then, it will keep you happy and keep you from bothering me. Where did I put my wallet...?” Grumbling, he dug around in his bag. He finally found the black square folded piece of leather (of manliness!) and opened it. “Damn, I’m running low on cash. I couldn’t even buy my usual cappuccino with this meager amount...hey, dude, watch my stuff. I’m gonna run to the ATM in the cafeteria real quick.” He dog-earred his textbook and jogged off, waving at the other guys who called out to him as he passed.

 

“Stupid, popular flower boy,” Wooyoung muttered, glaring at his friend’s receding back. “Why’d I ever agree to share my crayons with him seventeen years ago?! I regret that decision...man, Woo, you done screwed up and you were only in kindergarten! Way to go, broski.” He sighed and leaned his head back again. “What does he have that I don’t...?”

 

It took a minute. Actually it took five. Apparently Donghae didn’t really know how to use an ATM, but in the amount of time he was gone, an idea came to Wooyoung, and he sat up straight, snapping his fingers like an anime character. “I GOT IT! WOW, OKAY! I know what he has that I don’t! Great hair! Just look at the way it gently flutters in the breeze, and how it catches the sun at all the right angles! I need good hair. But how to get good hair...hmmm...”

 

It was in the middle of Wooyoung’s contemplation period that he didn’t even notice Donghae coming back with his favourite cappuccino and sub.

 

Donghae sat down, not bothering his friend as he watched from behind, taking a bite out of his sandwich, watching his friend making weird hand gestures as he smirked a couple of times in his own smug little world.

 

It wasn’t until he half laughed evilly when he finally intervened.

 

“Are you...alright?”

 

Wooyoung was brought back to reality (unfortunately). “Whoa, when’d you get back?”

 

“Long enough, the path of life is a rather winding road, but I managed.”

 

“You and your big words.”

 

“Maybe you should try and keep up.”

 

However, Donghae, instead of receiving another reply, he found his friend glaring at him...well, not so much at him. It was something above him that he was staring so intently at. Actually, if he wasn’t so damn polite, he would have made the comment that as squinted as his eyes were now, he was the stereotypical oriental Asian with widescreen vision.

 

“What...are you looking at?”

 

“Dead cells.”

 

“What?”

 

“I CHALLENGE THEE TO ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS! WINNER GETS A FREE DINNER FROM THE LOSER!”

 

Donghae sighed. This was actually a very common occurrence, and he simply brushed off the crowd now looking at them after Wooyoung’s outburst. He raised his hand.

 

“ROCK!”

 

“Paper.”

 

“SCISSORS!”

 

“Shoot.” He deadpanned.

 

Wooyoung - Rock.

 

Donghae - Paper.

 

“WHAT?!”

 

Once again, Donghae sighed. He seemed to be doing that a lot nowadays. Actually, he probably did it much more frequently in the last 17 years.

 

“You know, you should really stop always picking rock first. I believe I’ve told you that before...on multiple occasions.”

 

“YOU-”

 

“I want lobster tonight, thank you.”

 

“OI! I SAID FREE DINNER! I DIDN’T SAY YOU COULD CHOOSE!”

 

“Fine fine. How about a steak as well?”

 

“YA-”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Wooyoung grumbled an infinite amount of curses as well as many other words that probably did not yet exist in their language (yay for neologism! Note, Wooyoung still thinks this means neopets) under his breath as he turned around.

 

“By the way...what exactly were you staring-”

 

Donghae wasn’t even able to finish his question when he was, once again, being scrutinised to the bone by Wooyoung as he continued to look at this apparently very interesting place...right...above...his...head.

 

“You~” Wooyoung sneered.

 

“Me.”

 

“WHO’S YOUR TAILOR?!”

 

“Huh?” Donghae looked at his shirt. It wasn’t anything special. “I just got this shirt-”

 

“NOT THAT! YOUR HAIR, YOU !”

 

“You mean my barber?”

 

“TECHNICALITIES!”

 

Genuinely worried for his best friend’s mental health, Donghae decided to humor him; he slowly reached up and pat his hair. “Oh. Well, to be honest, I don’t go to a barber. I just do it myself from time to time. Cheap of me, I know, but if it means I get more cappuccinos and mocha lattes...” And for a moment, his eyes took on a faraway look as he stared into the distance, in the general direction of the coffee stall.

 

“WHAT?!” Wooyoung shrieked, eyes widening (which, in reality, they looked like a normal pair of eyes to anyone else). “YOU...YOU DO IT YOURSELF?! YOU...YOU... MUNCH, HOW DARE YOU HAVE SUCH PERFECT DARK LOCKS, I WOULD KILL FOR YOUR HEAD OF HAIR! YOU KNOW WHAT, DONGHAE, YOU CAN JUST--”

 

“Would you look at that.” Donghae glanced down at his watch, frowning. “I’m late to meet my mother. Don’t forget about that dinner, Jang. Tee tee eff en!”

 

“THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?! WISH YOU HAD HAIR LIKE MINE, IS THAT WHAT THAT MEANS?!”

 

“You really should go see my uncle. He’s really great at what he does.” Still frowning, he passed Wooyoung a business card from his pocket. “If you need shock therapy, you gotta get a recommendation, but I’ll put in a good word for you. And it means ta ta for now, you bag of dolts. Bye!” He waved merrily at his best friend before setting off, the sun practically glowing down on his beautiful Korean form.

 

Wooyoung’s fists tightened at his side, and he shook with barely concealed fury. “Lee Donghae. I will come to understand the ways of your ‘do. If it is the last thing I accomplish in my short, wonderful, babe-filled life, I will know the secret of your hair! I BID YOU ADIEU, BEST FRIEND AND ARCHRIVAL!” With a harrumph, he turned and walked toward the building for his next class. Halfway through his stride, he recalled Donghae’s pleasant paced walk and grumbled before moving into something between a prowl and a powerwalk. It was not pretty.

 

//

 

“Pass the bowl--”

 

“ARE YOU THREATENING MY MASCULINITY?”

 

“Wooyoung, I just want some popcorn--”

 

“IT WASN’T ENOUGH YESTERDAY THAT YOU RIDICULED ME IN THE COURTYARD?!”

 

“Oh, for God’s sake--”

 

“DO YOU GAIN ENJOYMENT FROM THIS, DONGHAE-SSHI?”

 

“Forget it.” He turned back to the television screen, rolling his eyes. However, Wooyoung just kept on with the ridiculous...ness.

 

“ART THOU CALLING MY MOTHER A POX-RIDDEN WENCH?!”

 

Now he was becoming slightly worried for his friend.

 

“Did you really memorise--”

 

“ART TH--”

 

“WOOYOUNG!”

 

It was a truly baffling moment, actually. Wooyoung seldom ever heard Donghae speak anything above conversational volume, so his eyes widened to...normal size...again.

 

“Dear whatever your omnipotent being is, what in the world is wrong with you?”

 

“YOUR HAIR!”

 

Donghae began twirling one of the strands along his bangs. “You think it doesn’t suit me? Maybe I should start investing in at least one barber...”

 

“IT’S TOO DAMN PERFECT!”

 

“Huh?”

 

“WHAT THE IS UP WITH YOU?! HOW IN THE WORLD DO YOU CUT YOUR OWN HAIR, AND HOW IN THE WORLD DOES IT TURN OUT AS WAVY AND FRESH LIKE A GODDESS, AND HOW IN THE WORLD IS IT SO DAMN SYMMETRICAL LIKE--”

 

“I worry about you sometimes...”

 

“DAMN HELL YOU SHOULD! YOU AND YOUR PERFECT...NESS AND PUTTIN’ ME IN THE SHADOWS!”

 

Donghae shook his head as he tried to pay attention to the screen in front of him.

 

“They’re taking the hobbits to Isengard!”

 

“OI! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?! ESCUCHAME POR FAVOR!”

 

“I don’t know whether to be more shocked by the fact that you can actually speak Spanish with a perfect accent, or the fact that you can’t get over my hair...my hair? Seriously?”

 

“GIMME YOUR HAIR!” He began to pull Donghae’s locks.

 

“OW! OW OW OW OW!” Donghae attempted to remove himself from the younger one’s grasp, but it was a losing battle as Wooyoung began his attempts as to biting it off.

 

“RAWWWWWWR!” Or at least that’s how it...kinda sounded like.

 

//

 

Luckily, the next day, Donghae did not suffer from nightmares after he had been unnecessarily attacked. Surprisingly as well, his hair was stronger than he thought, and he didn’t have to remedy it in any way whatsoever other than take another shower and redo it all.

 

But.

 

Wooyoung was there, sitting at their usual spot right outside the cafe, clearly glaring at his friend once more (and to those around him, they thought he was sleeping in a rather awkward position with his eyes closed).

 

Donghae was debating on whether to cross the street at all, but he figured that he managed to survive the last 17 years, another day wouldn’t be so bad, so he went. Ordering before he sat down, he reminded himself of the school work that he still needed to do, but he wasn’t even able to take a proper sip out of his cappuccino before Wooyoung began his rant.

 

“Did you know hair grows an average of five feet in two years?”

 

“No, I didn’t, that’s inter--”

 

“Of course, no one actually lets it grow that long, because it would be stupid and a waste, they trim it. How do you trim your hair, Donghae?” He squinted even more, attempting to send the mal ojo his way. “Do you use scissors or a razor? What shampoo do you use? Is it a generic or name brand? Did you know that a thirty minute walk a day keeps your hair fresh and shiny?”

 

Donghae nearly spat out his drink. “Okay, wherever you heard that, I’m sure it’s utter bullsh--”

 

“WHY WON’T YOU DIVULGE YOUR BEAUTY SECRETS TO ME?!” In what was a completely over-the-top moment, even by Wooyoung’s standards, he slid from the bench onto the ground, falling on his knees and palms. “You have...no idea...the pain and suffering I have to deal with every day...living in the shadow of your beautiful BROWN tresses...knowing that my ugly platinum head of weeds will never shine as glossy as your hair...” He looked up, tears in his eyes. “Donghae-yah...don’t you understand what I go through because you’re my best friend?”

 

“Wooyoung.” Said best friend gave him a very level stare. “You screamed at me while we were watching one of my favourite movies and then proceeded to bite my head, trying to take strands of my hair. Do you really have to ask why I won’t tell you my...what’d you call it...inner secret beauty or something?”

 

“DO YOU EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO ANYTHING I SAY ANYMORE?”

 

“No not really, it all sounds like the trash they publish in a magazine like Cosmopolitan...” Donghae shot him a quick look. “Oh god, please tell me you don’t read that trash. Wooyoung, I swear if you start reciting advice to me, I may just turn into an ostrich and bury my head in sand...”

 

“WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOUR HAIR?!?!?!?!?!”

 

“Forget it. Just. Forget it.” Donghae closed his eyes and sighed. Again. “Can we just move on?”

 

“NO!” In a flash, Wooyoung was back on his feet, glaring at his friend and pointing a threatening finger in his face. “I cannot forget. I am surrounded by you all freaking day long. How can I forget about your hair, Lee?! GIVE ME A WEEK!” he bellowed suddenly, and everyone in the courtyard looked around at him in confusion. “I WILL LEARN YOUR SECRET, LEE DONGHAE! MAKE NO MISTAKE OF THAT!”

Not for the first time in his twenty-two years, Donghae seriously regretted that damn crayon business.

 

//

 

The rest of the week was hell--for Donghae himself and for his head and hair.

 

Everywhere he went, there was Wooyoung ready with a pair of tweezers and some damned microscope he had talked out of a poor professor from the Science department. If it wasn’t him, it was a lackey he paid regularly with fried pickles and ranch sauce (they were really good, for being cafeteria food). His best friend was prepared to study a strand of hair extensively under a lens for hours, if need be, just to figure out what the secret was.

 

He seriously worried about Wooyoung’s sanity.

 

And a little bit for his own as well, for some point nearing the end of the week, Wooyoung had finally managed to snag a single strand of his hair.

 

//

 

It was the following Wednesday when Donghae finally saw Wooyoung again. Apparently Wooyoung had spent the entirety of both the weekend and the following two days experimenting (hopefully NOT with volatile chemicals) with his hair to finally uncover the secrets that laid behind its perfection.

 

However, Donghae almost gasped out loud when he finally saw Wooyoung, hairstyle almost exactly like his with bangs draped over his eyes, light-brown colour, swaying lightly with the calm breeze. The only thing (well, two things) that differed the two of them was the fact that Wooyoung still looked like the stereotypical Asian with eyes far too small for his face, and the fact that Wooyoung was smiling evilly at his friend. No literally, there must have been some form of a demonic aura around him.

 

Everyone (like, no lie) in the vicinity was staring at them, half staring lovingly at their beloved Donghae oppa, and half staring at the face (and hair) of pure evil.

 

“How--” Donghae struggled for the correct words.

 

“You like, dear brother?” He sounded like a woman too, adding to the fright factor.

 

However, in the middle of Donghae’s gaping, a girl finally walked up to the two of them.

 

“O-Oppa-de-deul...” She stared at both of them with wide-eyes.

 

Since it was apparent that Donghae was not going to say anything in the next few seconds, Wooyoung took this opportunity for himself.

 

“Why hello there~” He said in an extremely suave manner (I guess divulging hair secrets also came with divulging his charming secrets...something like that). “And what’s a fine maiden like you doing out here by yourself?”

 

Not the most appropriate approach, but it worked.

 

Donghae finally managed to regain his composure as he looked at his friend smiling lovingly at the girl. Now if only the girl did not look so terrified, he would have been happy for them, but the girl stared at him for some form of assistance.

 

He smiled weakly at her. “Hi.”

 

The girl began to melt...like the wicked witch. Actually, that just happened in Wooyoung’s mind; in reality, she fainted as both men stared at her form descend to the asphalt.

 

Wooyoung...began fuming. Quite literally, smoke may have started to stream out of his ears. He glared at Donghae, who was looking at him in shock...again.

 

“LEE DONGHAE! THIS IS FAR FROM OVER!”

 

And he stomped off, needing to experiment more to unravel more secrets as to why no one ever paid attention to him and only his best friend.

 

Apparently it was more than just the hair.

 

The End.