Jongdae knows he has a crush on Junmyeon, and he knows he’s been half-infatuated since their trainee days.

Jongdae had been an awkward trainee, with undeniable talent but placed on a Chinese team and not quite molded into handsome yet. Somewhere between vocal training and attempts to dance, he met Junmyeon. Jongdae still isn’t quite sure how it happened, but the smiling man somehow became his acquaintance (then again, Junmyeon knew everyone. You don’t let go seven years as a trainee got to waste by not making valuable connections). Somewhere between discouraging Mandarin sessions and awkward group meetings conducted in Korean but always murmurings of Chinese underneath and not pretty enough‘s and not good enough‘s, Junmyeon found Jongdae crying in the restroom and gave a comforting pat on the back and when that wasn’t enough, a hug and promises of it will get better (Jongdae knows he’s selfish- Junmyeon has lived through more of this and at least Jongdae’s never had to deal with whispers of failure. Every trainee goes through periods of self-doubt and hatred when hope is worn so thin that offhanded criticism is enough the snap it. He just wants Junmyeon to help him stich those parts back together). Somewhere between sharing water bottles and gimbap, he figures is when this crush began.

So the problem is that he’s not sure when Junmyeon became Suho and how much of what he likes is guardian Suho and how much is just Junmyeon.

The thing is that Jongdae knows how he fits with Suho (Chen knows how he fits with Suho). But Chen is all sharp angles and cutting words and he’s not sure where that fits with Junmyeon.

He knows Suho is the one who tolerates his sarcasm and makes sure that Kris checks so he doesn’t exhaust his vocal chords. And Junmyeon is the one who laughs along with him and once made a hilarious, jabbed insult at the duizhang’s dancing that left Jongdae doubling over in laughter and breathless.

The thing is Jongdae knows how he fits with Junmyeon on those rare occasions where Chen and Suho are both gone. It’s Junmyeon who Jongdae has to convince that taking pills isn’t a death sentence. And it’s Junmyeon who Jongdae had pulled out of the trainee dorms and into the streets for a day of shopping and mindless wandering. And it’s Junmyeon who always cuts his apples into pieces and peels them because he knows Jongdae likes fruit but can’t tolerate their skins. It’s Junmyeon, who isn’t always a perfect, angelic leader, and it’s Jongdae who likes attention and hates it at the same time, and both of them are masters at creating personas that are close enough to reality to never shatter but sometimes get very wearisome to hold.

For now at least, he’s content. Because as much as Chen juts out and is the imperfect puzzle piece for Junmyeon’s angles and crooks, Jongdae thinks the parts where Chen fades away and Jongdae falls into those nooks and crannies and unnoticed corners is a perfect fit.