"MERRY CHRISTMAS!!"

"Um... Merry Christmas to you too, Kai," Taemin responded with a smile. "But it's not for another week, you know?"

"Well yes," I reasoned, "but this is the last school day before Christmas and since I never seem to be able to get a hold of you when we're not at school, I'm telling you now," I said with a smile, trying to hide my annoyance.

I still really liked Taemin- in fact, I think I'm in love- but it just seems to me that I've been putting far more into this relationship than he is. We'd been dating for months now- it was already the end of the first semester of school- and I have yet to notice Taemin making a significant effort to even see me outside of school. Sure, a couple times, he showed up to my apartment, but nearly every single time, I was either gone or about to leave, so I had to send him away.

I hoped the distance was due to his lack of means of communication- otherwise known as a cell phone. So instead of being angry with him, I chose the route that made me an exemplary boyfriend-

"Yeobo, I got you a present!" I said excitedly, holding out a small expertly wrapped box.

He blushed at the nickname he still hadn't gotten used to, which made me smirk. It bothered me that he still hadn't made a single move on me yet in several months of dating already, so I've been trying to drop as many hints as I could that I wanted to kiss him. This was just too long to make any guy wait.

"U-Um thanks... Kai... But..." he started stuttering, refusing to make eye contact with me or accept the gift I was handing him. "But I.. couldn't get anything for you..." he whispered, ashamed, and so quietly that I almost didn't hear him over the usual morning hallway chatter.

"That's okay, Taemin!" I said sincerely, smiling at him to make him feel at ease. At this point, I knew for a fact that Taemin and his family were incredibly poor. I had noticed how he hardly had any clothes and often had to wear the same thing for days at a time, how he never had a lunch to bring. I didn't mind, of course; it just reinforced my willingness to do things for him even if he couldn't pay me back.

My mom and I had money. We may not live in the best place, but my umma got a very good deal out of the divorce and now that she's back on her feet and working again, things are going well money-wise.

"Please take it, Taemin, I like spoiling you," I said with an encouraging grin, hoping he would accept the gift. I smiled wider as he didn't reject it when I literally shoved it into his hands. "Open it before I see you at lunch!" I said, winking mischievously before scampering off to my first class. I couldn't wait to see his reaction, but I wanted there to be suspense for him. I didn't want him to be able to confront me about it right away.

"Good morning, Kai!" Sehun said happily when I went to sit beside him in our first period class.

"Morning Sehun. Looking forward to winter break?"

"Of course! Are you doing anything for it?"

"Me? No, no. I'm going to stay home with my mom. I think she could use someone right about now... so I'm going to be pretty much spending most of my time with her." Wrong. My mom is fine, I'm planning on spending fun time with Taemin... Why the hell did I say that? "What about you?" I continued quickly.

Sehun gave me a sad smile. "I'll just be around... I have some family travelling here, but I'm not going anywhere. Is your mom alright? Things going wrong again?"

"I guess." Wrong. Things are fine. "She'll probably be okay again, I don't think it'll turn out like last time." I know it won't. She's perfectly fine. "But enough about my depressing life," that's not actually depressing at all. "Class is about to start." My own self-judging thoughts broke up my sentences, but I didn't dare say my inner thoughts aloud. There was no problem with eliciting just a little sympathy. It's not like he was going to pity me, and it's not like he was going to go out of his way for me or anything. It just... slipped out.

But it doesn't matter. Things will be fine; it's not like I'm getting bad again. Things like this had been happening a lot lately, where I would let little things slip- not anything that would make anyone think twice, but enough for people to believe my life wasn't ing perfect. In reality, it wasn't exactly perfect anyway, but it's better than I was making it out to be.

I knew I'd be able to keep it under control though. I've gone several months without saying anything really bad, so I know how to control myself now. Plus, I don't want to be the old me again, so I'd do anything to prevent it.

"Okay, but if you want to come over sometime or just hang out, call me, 'kay?" Sehun asked happily, closing the conversation as the teacher walked into the room to start class.

The time between the morning and lunch period was the longest it had ever been for me as I waited impatiently to see Taemin again and see what he thought of my Christmas present to him. By the time the bell rang signalling it was time to head to the cafeteria, I was the first out the door, leaving a laughing Sehun struggling to keep up with me.

"Kai, slow down for Christ's sake," he said embarrassedly once he'd caught up and shyly avoided all the people looking at us two who had just been literally running through the hallways. I mean, people were normally excited for a break from class, but not enough to be sprinting to get away...

"Fine, but I'm just so excited. I can't wait for the break because-"

"Kai, I hope you realize I didn't understand a single word that just came out of your mouth. You're talking way too fast!" Sehun whined, causing me to laugh at his silliness... along with my own. "Shut up," I said playfully, ignoring his further complaints as I pulled him along with me at a quick pace- but not quite running again.

By the time I reached the lunchroom though, I had fully expected to be the first one to be at the two tables that were practically reserved at this point by my group of friends and Taemin's right beside it. However, I was susprised to see Taemin already there, silently fuming as he watched the entrace the cafeteria with a hawk's eye, spotting me immediately.

"You!" the older of the two shouted, shooting up from his seat to point accusingly at me and not caring at all about the stares he was getting for having yelled across the room. I smirked, knowing the cause of this reaction, but he waited until I was close enough to him to continue the conversation. Only when I sat myself beside him, at the connector of our two tables, did he speak again.

"Kai, how could you?!" he accused, sounding hurt. Not angry, but guilty. "This is so expensive, you can't possibly believe that I would accept something like this!" 

Sehun sat on my other side and tried to lean over to see what Taemin was holding in his hands so he had some clue of what the hell we were talking about, and I noticed his eyes widening when he saw the brand new cell phone that was still in the box and only half-unwrapped.

"Kai, say something," he demanded.

I smiled widely. "I don't think there's anything needed to be said. It's a cell phone, silly! Pre-paid, too. You don't have to do a single thing!" I cheered, mentally patting myself on the back for that great idea he had for this present.

"I- Kai, you know I can't accept this," he said defeatedly, looking down as he tried to hand the box back to me, seemingly ashamed. Haven't I taught him to be okay around me? Not to be ashamed of anything? To accept my attempts to spoil him?

"Taeminnie," I whined, looking at him with puppy eyes. I reached forward to grab his chin to force him to look at my eyes in hopes that it would guilt him into accepting my gift, but he flinched away from my hand and refused to look at me.

"I'm sorry, Kai," he said, noticeably quieter. "I can't keep this."

I frowned at that, giving up on all other tactics. "Pleeaase, hyung? It's so that I can keep in touch with you. I want to be able to see you this winter break- I want to be able to talk to you when you're not there with me. Is that too much to ask for?"

I saw him bite his lip and hoped that I'd hit home. If he was accepting it for me  then it would be alright... right? He seemed to have something against doing selfish things, so if it was for the good of the one he loved, then it would be hard for him to refuse. "K-Kai, it's just.. this is so much. I mean, if you had caught me a messenger pigeon or something-"

He didn't even get to finish that sentence before I burst into laughter. Leave it to him to get me worried about him feeling morally ashamed and following it up with something as ridiculous as this. It's moments like these that remind me why I love being around him all the time. He's so unpredictable that it's endearing (and endlessly entertaining).

"Seriously, come on hyung. It's a present. It's Christmas. Just take the damn phone and be happy about it!" I said in a tone of finality while winking at him. "You can pay me back by texting every day, got it?" I added, knowing he was still feeling bad about not being able to give me anything in return. And when I said I didn't mind, I meant it. It made absolutely no difference to me whether or not he gave me fancy, expensive gifts.

It was at that moment that the others started arriving at their tables, and pretty soon, both groups were present and chatting amongst one another. I didn't fail to notice the ever-watchful looks that I still received from Taemin's friends, but we had at least reached a point past that of forced civil conversation and could now joke around with each other. But that didn't stop them from being wary when Taemin looked as hesitant as he did now around me.

Jeez, I give the guy a cell phone for God's sake, and they're still eyeing my like that....

Eventually, I managed to talk Taemin into keeping the present- for a while at least. He said he would return it immediately and without a second thought if the cost of it ever became an issue to me. I was flattered with how much he cared, but it shouldn't have taken that long to convince him to accept a gift from his boyfriend for Christmas.

"S-So Kai.. What are you doing on Christmas day?" Taemin asked hopefully.

"I'm having dinner with my mom that night. We might get some other distant family members over, but I'll be spending Christmas with her." I answered truthfully.

"Oh," he responded hesitantly, and I knew he was trying to hide his disappointment.

"Would you like to come over for Christmas dinner?" I asked, hoping to get that thinly-veiled crestfallen look off of his face. It worked, and he smiled at me, his posture improving as he looked happier again. But then I got to thinking- he'd met my mother, so why haven't I met his parents? "You can bring your family too," I added quickly.

That seemed to just deflate him again. "Th-that's okay, Kai... Thanks for the offer though. I'll just... stay at home... with my family..." he said, poking at the food that Onew had slid over to him.

"I mean..." I continued. "You don't have to bring your family. It was just a suggestion, you know."

I saw that smile again- but now it was the fake one. I could differentiate between the two so well at this point in our relationship- he couldn't fool me. "It's alright, Kai. My, uh- my family would probably prefer it if I stay home with.. them.. You know? Christmas and all..."

I noticed how he tried covering his tracks, but without saying anything else for fear of making things more awkward, I pushed the food he was playing around with closer to him in a silent order for him to eat. He gave a sad smile, still staring at the table, and obeyed. I knew better at this point than to push the family thing. Maybe his parents didn't know that he had a boyfriend, and they were overprotective or something.

When he finished his lunch, he stood and said he had to go to the restroom before leaving the table, leaving me a bit confused about what was going on in his head.

"Key-hyung," I called the guy that had been sitting on Taemin's other side.

"Hm?" he acknowledged, looking up from his food to face me.

"Um... You've known Taemin for a lot longer than I have... Why doesn't he want me to meet his parents?"

Key choked a bit on the water he was drinking. "Oh, honey..." he said sadly. "Tae doesn't have parents..." Though he had said it rather quietly, everyone in both of our groups stopped to look at us. Taemin's group of friends looked on sadly while mine stared in shock. They'd all taken quite a liking to Taemin, but these bad news came as quite a surprise to all of us.

Especially me.

"Wh... Key, wh-what are you talking about...? Don't you think he would have told me something that important? Here I've been mentioning his family and his parents for months and he hasn't said anything!"

This just.... It explained so much.

"Well... I mean... It's not like he lives alone. He has his mother's brother to take care of him. Even all of our families were willing to take him in if he hadn't anywhere to go," Key continued, gesturing at himself, Minho, Jonghyun, and Onew, who all nodded their heads. "But his uncle flew in from Japan just to be his guardian since he was the only family Taemin had at that point. He had moved all the way here instead of just bringing him to Japan so that Taemin wouldn't have to switch schools and find new friends. Tae must think that he's burdened the man with all of that, but I don't think his uncle feels that way about Taemin. He's a nice man, really. He cares for the kid a lot," Key asid with a smile on his face.

It was great and all that he had someone to take care of him, but that didn't really answer my question. "But why wouldn't he have told me he didn't have parents?"

"Taemin doesn't like pity, and he doesn't like attention," Minho answered that time.

"Honestly," Jonghyun in. "I don't think he would have even told us had we not been there when he was going through the whole thing to see it firsthand."

I frowned and sank down into my seat a bit, feeling like . Here I was playing up what had been going on with my mom to him when he didn't even have a mom. Which makes me think... "What happened to his real parents?" I asked, almost afraid of the answer.

Onew was the one to answer, since everyone else had averted their gaze at that question. "They're... dead. His father died in an accident, and his mother killed herself days later from grief."

I gasped and tried (and failed) to keep my eyes from tearing up. Just by looking around the table, I saw others' eyes getting misty as well- namely Key, Jonghyun, Sehun, and D.O. I couldn't even believe what I'd just heard. I had been talking to Taemin, pretending that my mom was still suicidal... I can't even comprehend how painful that must have been for him to hear me complain about when I still had my mother, whereas he didn't. He comforted me. He comforted me.

"H-How long ago...?" I choked out, not trusting my voice for fear that it would crack and make me submit to my tears. So far I had been able to keep them in my eyes and off my face, but who knows how long that would last.

"Two years."

No one said anything for several seconds after that, letting the information sink in slowly, until we heard Onew give a humourless chuckle. "You know, this is funny," he said unconvincingly. "Well, more ironic. I've never once seen Taemin cry in all the years I've known him. Not once. And here we all are, doing that for him."

Everyone gave a sad smile at that, and began fixing themselves to make it look like they hadn't been crying at all. I was the only one that just... couldn't move. I didn't bother wiping my eyes, and I didn't even care when one single tear made its way down my cheek.

"Oh my god, are you crying?" I heard Taemin's voice as I noticed him sitting back down in his seat. "Kai, what's wrong?" he asked worriedly, grabbing my face in his hands and wiping that one tear away with his cold fingers.

"It's nothing, Tae," I said in a slightly wavering voice, smiling big for him.

He sighed and released his hold on my head but kept facing me. "You know you can tell me, right?" he said quietly so I was the only one who heard. "I've made it perfectly clear that you can talk to me, right? I'm here for you, Kai," he said, grinning encouragingly at me.

He had gone through something so horrible, yet here he was, wiping my tears (that I'd shed for his sake) and trying to make me feel better. I didn't know what to say, so I just kissed his forehead, making him blush horribly.

Lee Taemin...

"You're an angel."

True, but what I really wanted to say was-

You're my inspiration.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Author's Note:

Hey guys, random update- hope you liked it. Kai gets a bit of sense smacked into him, so maybe this is what he needs to truly be better, right? (: We will have to just wait and find out, I suppose (just kidding, I already know what happens :P ).

Stay tuned, another update shall be up when it is up (; I won't make you wait long though so don't worry.

Comments, please?(:

Thanks for reading~

Bisous! :-**