Help.. please...

Silent Cries

 

Hoon has always believed that he is extremely good at hiding his pain. He has never really been the type to spill his personal concerns, fears or sadness onto others. Why would he? He'd only be putting more stress and worries onto the other members and if that meant that the whole group had to suffer than forget it; Hoon would just have to deal with his stupid excuses for depression on his own. But Hoon, however much he wanted to deny it he can't. He can't deny the fact that however deep within his heart, he secretly wishes that someone would hear his silent cries of pain. Anyone, anyone would do..please. Except, that would be selfish. He doesn't deserve another person's time and efforts on him. He's just not worth it.
 

It has always been easier to fake a smile than to show you my tears.
But when I fall and can't get back up..
Will you be there to help me?
'you'. I wonder who you are.
I wonder if you've always been there.
I wonder if. . .
You can truly see my pain.
.
.


Hoon jumped in shock when he felt someone's hand on his shoulder, breaking him from his blank thoughts into space. He quickly turned his head around to see Kevin. That kind, warm, angel that you couldn't help but just adore.
"Hey Hoon, we're all done packing up. We can head back to the dorm now." Kevin giggled, obviously amused at Hoon's over reaction to when Kevin had brought him back to Earth. Hoon looked around to see that everyone was indeed heading out of their dance studio and hastily stuffed everything into his gym bag before heading out the door as well with Kevin. Hoon had always knew he was quite perceptive. Not that he is bragging, but he was always able to see through forced smiles hiding pained eyes easily. And just looking at Kevin just then, he knew that he had to help. Even if it meant another personal burden on him, it is okay. Because if it meant helping another person and the performance of the group as a whole. Then it's ok. It's ok if he was the only one that had to hurt a little more.

Handing Kevin a cup of hot chocolate, the two sat in silence at their dorm's dinner table. Hoon was hurt. He was in pain because he could see that Kevin was in a lot. He wanted to do everything he could to lessen the pain for him. A private conversation with warm drinks should help.
"If there's anything wrong, let me know if I can help." Hoon started looking straight into Kevin's eyes.
"I.. Well it's nothing really, just the stress." Kevin started in a whisper. "And I just really wanted to win first with Standing Still." Hoon could see the tears start b in Kevin's eyes as he took a break to take a sip of the sweet concoction.
"We worked so hard-- a-and I know that Kissmes around the world were doing their best to ch-cheer for us." The angel started stuttering, unable to contain his tears for much longer. The night dragged on like this. Simply just with a bunny listening sincerely to the troubles the other had boiled inside. Taking them in, so that the angel wouldn't be as sad after this. It was easy to take in this time. All of Kevin's current sufferings. Because Hoon could relate. He related Kevin's thoughts with his that he held deep inside, creating a boiling pot of pain, suffering and depression. But he couldn't let that pot overflow. That's the last thing that he wanted. He was in U-Kiss to store everyone's pains, not for them to worry about his.
With a final blow of his nose and a couple of tissues, the brunette had finally calmed down and returned to his room not forgetting to deeply thank the blonde for listening to him. Hoon stared at the mugs that were now in the sink before heaving a sigh and returning to his room.

Curled up under his blankets, Hoon replayed the conversation in his head, silently smiling at the fact that he was able to help the angel out. Yes, he was happy. That's right. I am happy.......I am happy that I helped him out. Happy..... Hoon's vision blurred as he quickly wiped away the wet liquid. Tears? That's right. This is normal. I just have to wait till it ends like normal. No big deal. Yes. He was used to this. This daily routine of crying himself to sleep every night. Of him silently weeping from the ache in his heart, it was all too familiar. He just had to deal with it like always; he just had to wait it out. Depression. Yeah.. that's right... He is in depression. 'Self harm', Hoon has contemplated this idea before, but he wasn't an idiot. He had spent enough hours in school learning the terrible side effects of self harm. That, and he was scared. He was scared about the pain it would bring. He was scared, scared about the judgement of others it would bring.

Leaning his back against the corner of his room, where the head of the bed meets the wall - Hoon huddle closely with his pillow, hiding his face and tears into it, silently crying into it. The tears tonight wouldn't stop. Why? Why won't they stop? ... I wonder. Do 'you' see me like this? Are 'you' laughing at me?... or are you going to save me..... please....help me.
Hoon, who was too distressed about his tears not stopping didn't hear the soft creak of his bedroom door opening. Neither did he hear the muffled sounds of feet silently treading across his room closer to his bed with every step. But Hoon did however, feel the bed bend shape as another body weighed it down. The bunny's head snapped up from his pillow to figure out who had found him crying. Soohyun, he should have known. Ukiss' leader was something else, his soft hair, his powerful vocal's his dorkiness, everything. The leader was everything Hoon looked up to, everything he cherished, everything he loved. And now having that same person find him out was even worse, the salty rivers got heavier and Hoon hastily tried to hide his face again. But Soohyun wouldn't allow that. He wouldn't allow the man he'd been watching so closely try to shy himself away. Soohyun had always admired how Hoon harboured everyone's pain; even his own. He loved how cute the little bunny could be, how fluffy his hair could be.. and how well he could hide his own silent cries for help. But Soohyun knew. After all, he had always been watching Hoon. Soohyun tucked his thumb under Hoon's chin, forcing the bunny to look at him straight in the eyes.

"You are worth it." Soohyun whispered calmly as he kissed a tear away, startling the crying bunny opening his eyes in shock.
"You are worth every tear" Kissing another
"You are worth every smile you force on" And another , smiling when he saw that the blonde had temporarily stopped crying.
"You are worth everything" Finally placing a soft meaningful kiss on Hoon's lips. Putting everything he had into the kiss. All the feelings he has deep down, all the emotions he stored, he let them all out through the kiss. Everything. Their lips parted slowly as the leader pulled the bunny into a tight hug, erasing all the space that was left between them.
"It's ok to cry you know." Soohyun hummed into Hoon's ear.
"It's ok to let other's share your pain. It's ok for you not to harbour everyone's pain. It's ok... it's ok." Soohyun rubbed his hand in a small circle on Hoon's back causing the blonde to cry another wave of tears into the leader's chest as Soohyun slowly pulled them both down into a comfortable laying position. Soohyun merely comforted the bunny as he cries himself to sleep, the exhaustion taking over his body and his hiccups becoming more and more muffled.

Thank you. So you have always been there. Thank you.
Thank you for seeing my pain.
Thank you for helping me back up.
.
.
Thank you, for seeing through my forced smiles. 

 

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Sorry if there were any mistakes. I didn't have the time to go back and check everything ;;>3> 
Hope you guys like it though~ my first ever fanfic---

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Comments

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Mandm33
#1
Chapter 1: Loved it:)
ellyemilyn
#2
Chapter 1: please write more fanfics. this one is so... uh maybe because hoon is my bias :)

cute and sweet ^^
neon_fighter #3
Chapter 1: That was really cute!! I cried a little at the end, amazing fanfic!!! <3<3<3
SweetKissMe
#4
Chapter 1: So cute...I loved it~!!!
CLJongin #5
Chapter 1: It's so cute! ^_^
iamanonymous #6
Chapter 1: That was very sweet. Between Hoon and Soohyun no one needs to cry alone. :)