Chapter 1: Ya! Unnie,
Your storyline's great. But, please,
• make it more descriptive
• tagging>> make use of em!
• character, introduce them more. {{personality, looks etc.}}
• details needed.
• no usage of short cuts! Especially mins [Am I an ?] {{ numbers? No! 12,13... Wat [its what, not wat]}}
Great planning though:>
Despite your common errors, {{grammar, vocabulary, etc.}}
It's a beautiful story with a good storyline. It's commonly used for live stories though.
Make your story slightly more special?
Don't give author's notes in the middle of nowhere..
Take your time with your story. Make sure every chapter is almost, ALMOST, flawless.
Since its one of your first time, it's great:3
Fighting!
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