Kyungsoo shuffled into the house, and threw the mail onto the table. It landed with a much heavier “plop.” He turned his attention to it, and noticed a white envelope sitting at the top of the pile. He stared at it, hard, as if that could make it disappear. It stared back at him with the same amount of force. It was mocking him.

The words “To: Do Kyungsoo” scribbled across the paper was all too familiar to him. It made his heart jump a little, and he tried to force it to stop.

The envelope somehow managed to make its way into his hands. His fingers shook a little as he fidgeted with the opening. He carefully tore it open to reveal a stiff, prefect white card embellished with flower bordering.

In the center, it said:

You have been invited to Jongin Kim and Xi Luhan’s wedding!

The names bolded like it didn’t cause him enough pain already.

How he wanted to tear it.

*~~~~~~~*

White chairs were aligned into perfect rows. An aisle was made in the middle by an arrangement of colorful flower petals for the groom to walk down. People chattered amongst themselves and Kyungsoo was the only one standing alone, feeling awkward in his suit that was a little too big for him.

He fixed his tie, checking for the one hundredth time to make sure it wasn’t wrinkled.

His eyes scanned the room and he recognized faces- Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Tao, and Kris. They huddled together happily, and the arm slipped around Baekhyun’s waist told him that Chanyeol and he were more than friends.

He was the only one alone.

He would always be the only one alone.

A little more scanning, and his eyes landed on the most beautiful creature on the planet- Jongin. Their eyes met and a smile formed on his best friend’s face, innocent and happy.  The same smile that always sent butterflies flying in his stomach, made his heart flutter, and made him smile naturally as well.

The same smile that now created a black hole in the pit of his stomach, made his heart crumble into pieces, and caused an unnatural smile to be plastered upon his face. Everything about this smile felt wrong. But he did it.  Kyungsoo would always put on a smile for him and say that he’s okay. Because he was Jongin.

The wedding soon began and everyone took their seat. Kyungsoo took his next to Baekhyun, which probably wasn’t a good idea because for one, it was in the front and two, his head was nuzzled into Chanyeol’s neck, with Chanyeol’s arm still around him. They were impossible to separate, and it reminded Kyungsoo of all the happiness he couldn’t have.

The music started playing. It sounded like a death march ringing in Kyungsoo’s ears.  The groom walked in through the doors. Luhan.  The smile on his face made it evident that he was very happy to be marrying Jongin. He should be. Kyungsoo would have been.

He walked down the aisle and all eyes were on him. The two then met at the center, underneath the pavilion with their hands connected. Kyungsoo saw Jongin’s mouth move, probably saying something like “You look beautiful.” And then he saw Luhan giggle, probably returning the compliment. It hurt to watch, but he had to.

The speech started, and the only thing heard was the booming voice of the priest along with the breathing of the crowd.

And when the priest said, “If there is anyone who objects to this union, please speak now or forever hold your peace,” Kyungsoo wanted more than anything to stand up and scream. He wanted it all to stop, wanted to be selfish because his heart could no longer take this aching.

But the voice wouldn’t come to him. He remained silent and seated. The only thing giving away his distress was the shaking of his legs. Baekhyun noticed, and looked at him sympathetically.

His hand flew up to rub his neck as if looking for the missing voice.

Thirsty. He was thirsty.

“Will you, Kim Jongin, take Luhan to be your husband, your partner in life and your one true love? Will you cherish his friendship and love him today, tomorrow, and forever? Will you trust and honor him, laugh with him and cry with him? Will you be faithful through the good times and the bad, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?” No.

“I do,” Jongin replied. Another piece of his heart fell into blackness.

“Will you,  Xi Luhan, take Jongin to be your husband, your partner in life and your one true love? Will you cherish his friend ship and love him today, tomorrow, and forever? Will you trust and honor him, laugh with him and cry with him? Will you be faithful through the good times and bad, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?” Please. Don’t.

His silent pleas were ignored.

“I do,” Luhan stated, eyes never leaving Jongin’s.

“I declare you husband and husband. You may now kiss,” the priest announced with a smile. The two stared at each other. Kyungsoo’s mind screamed for his eyes to shut close.

They wouldn’t. They wouldn’t look at anywhere but them.

The newly wedded smiled lovingly at each other as their lips locked together. The image burned a hole into Kyungsoo’s mind, and he finally managed to force his eyes to tear away from it, but it was too late.

Applause and cheers rang through the crowd. Kyungsoo’s hands came together automatically, his knees straightening out to stand, a smile placed on his face like the rest of them.

But he felt lifeless. His heart was beating, but he could no longer feel it.

Cold. He was cold.

*~~~~*

The crowd now moved inside for the wedding reception. Round tables covered in white and topped off with two roses in a crystal clear jar was seen everywhere. The lights gave the place a golden color.

Kyungsoo sat with the faces he had recognized earlier, and he noticed that Tao and Kris had been murmuring things to each other that made Tao’s face flush and giggle. He tried to laugh with them, but he felt out of place.

Baekhyun noticed. He’s noticed for a while. He patted his back, and Kyungsoo just looked at him with surprised eyes. “Go Kyungsoo-ah, I’ll cover for you,” and smiled. He felt like breaking right then, and all he could do was nod.

“Thanks, hyung,” he managed to say before sliding out of his chair. From the corner of his eye, he saw Jongin walk over to the table and question about the leaving Kyungsoo. And Baekhyun really was dependable, because he gave an answer that made Jongin believe he was okay.

He hid his face in his arm as he nearly broke out into a run. But he didn’t want to be suspicious, and his knees were already trembling from walking.

Weak. He felt weak.

He slammed his car door shut and banged his head against the steering wheel. His hands clung onto it so hard that his knuckles turned white. Tears fell from his eyes and ugly sobs formed from his throat, breaking the silence as the realization sank in:

Jongin was no longer his.

Jongin was never his.